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Description, Dialogue, & Action
 Jessica Barnes
- So, you’ve got the perfect story: a great
character, your basic plot, a world, and hey – maybe you’ve even sketched
out a few scenes. But there’s just a few things missing – maybe the dialogue
just doesn’t seem to work, or your action scenes don’t seem realistic. So
for all of you out there who just need a few quick pointers, I hope this helps.
Disclaimer: I am not, and do not pretend to be, a published
author. You can take my advice or leave it, and you’re fully entitled to your
opinions as to its helpfulness.
The Description
When
having trouble writing description, try blocking out the scene in very general
terms. What are you trying to convey? Is it hot? How many people are there? What
kind of floor are your characters standing on? You don’t need to get into the
really fine details, but your audience is going to want a mental picture. I
normally stick to three main characteristics: atmosphere, the general placement
of objects or people, and what the main character is doing or what he/she looks
like.
“The
town was bright and bustling; nary a breeze ran through the crowded city
streets. The sweltering midday sun was as hot as midsummer, though the seasons
still claimed the day as spring. The abundant light flashed and reflected off
metal armor and shining trinkets in the various stalls of Travelers’ Square. A
young guard wiped his forehead with the back of his tanned hand at his post in
the corner of the Square as he surveyed the ever-changing scene. Merchants
bartered and haggled, shouting across the busy cobblestones as they advertised
their wares. A few roadside performers practiced their acts, gaining the
attention and coin of several passersby with their prowess. Old Alchnet the
wizard scowled as he caught the guard’s stare, and the youth quickly
redirected his gaze. He looked down, carefully refastening the cuff on the
stiffened jacket of his cobalt uniform.”
Atmosphere: Hot & crowded – not a very personal or quiet place.
Placement
of objects/ people: There
are stalls to either side of the road, backed by merchants, and travelers line
the cobblestones.
Main
Character: A
young guard on duty, wearing a blue uniform.
Words like ‘sweltering midday sun’ give
both the time of day and the temperature – effective in concisely describing
the scene and giving the reader a feel of the heat before the scene has even
truly begun. The guard’s tanned hand shows that this kind of day isn’t so
unusual – Traveler’s Square is a temperate place. The roadside performers,
merchants, and the stalls themselves all add a certain sense of reality, in
addition to making the Square seem crowded.
Granted, this example would be best used for
an introduction to a chapter or story – it sets the scene with minute details,
but very little action takes place. Scenes like this one are good to introduce
new settings, but can be easily overused, making the story long and drawn out.
Descriptions don’t have to be long – in fact, most character
descriptions won’t be. A sentence or two is enough to give a basic
understanding of a character, which can be built upon later – in the meantime,
the action can continue. (Some character descriptions take place during an
action scene already in motion. See Erin M Evans’ ”
The
Deception of Description” for more
on writing in-action descriptions of characters.) For quick character
descriptions, focus on the most obvious attributes. If the character towers over
everyone in the room and has ornate tattoos all across his bald head, don’t
tell us about his dainty nose. Remember: not everyone is perfect. Some
characters should have physical flaws – don’t forget to describe them.
And last: add little details about the nonentities – that is, the
characters who don’t particularly have a big part – or give more depth to
your character by referencing their past. Both give a sense to the reader that
this world isn’t being created – it’s being viewed.
Adjectives are your friend, and details make the story. Use your imagination!
The Dialogue
Many
of the steps for good dialogue are similar to those for a good description.
Dialogue is a great opportunity to sneak in details about the characters –
what they’re wearing, their personalities, or their current mood. The tone of
a voice, or the action of a character speaking expresses a lot to the reader. In
this first example, notice Alchnet’s temperament – he’s just been robbed,
and he isn’t too happy with the guards who are on duty. (Note: the elf
mentioned is stationed on a roof nearby, listening to the conversation,
unbeknownst to the guards.)
“If
I may, sir,” interjected the second guard, “what did the thief look like?”
The wizard immediately grumped, “Tall. Elven.”
“Tall,
sir?” The elf gave a slow smile at the guard’s questioning tone. “Aren’t
elves short, sir?”
The
wizard hissed in exasperation, then said in a patronizing tone, “Most, yes.
But this ‘un was tall, sir.” The elf almost laughed. No one knew as
well as Alchnet how to rankle a guard.
The
first guard, Marik, quickly asked, “What was his hair like, sir?”
Glaring,
Alchnet snapped, “Silver.”
To
indicate Alchnet’s anger, I used the words ‘grumped’, ‘snapped’,
‘glaring’, and other similar phrases. If you were a happy-go-lucky halfling
who’d just won a bet, you wouldn’t be ‘snapping’, now, would you? Also,
notice how many times the word ‘said’ is used: once. ‘Said’ is boring.
It doesn’t say anything about the character, what they’re feeling – it
simply sets the stage for dialogue. No more.
Note,
also, that this is another way to describe a character: through dialogue, we now
know that this elf is tall, elven, and has silver hair. Not the most poetic way
of describing, but, in some cases, it is effective. Be careful not to use this
technique often , however – having your characters described this way is
memorable, and it gets impractical very quickly.
The
next example is multi-purpose: it describes the character, gives insight to his
personality, and - as an added
bonus – shows the benefit of dialect. A thief growing up on the streets
doesn’t have the education of a high-elven noble – one of the ways to
demonstrate this is through his language.
“Ye’ve got a fertile imagination on ye, taka. Don’ even try yer dagger.”
The stranger’s eyes glinted, and Marik dropped his hand. His captor was a
black-haired youth, obviously of Lowertown. At his waist was a belt strapped
with at least seven daggers; his left arm boasted a worn leather band with
another. “Ye look like ye’ve been ‘ere awhile. Ye should know th’
rules… Unless ye’re just thick-‘eaded.” The youth let Marik fall, and
leaned against the opposite wall of the narrow alley. He took out a dagger and
tested its point. “What’re ye doin’ ‘ere?”
The
most important thing to remember when using dialect is not to overdo it.
Dropping out half the letters in a word and replacing them with an apostrophe
isn’t going to sound real. And even in a fantasy story, the reader seldom
enjoys a tale that isn’t believable. (To an extent, at any rate.) Secondly,
make sure the character is consistent in his dialect. If he drops all the
‘h’s and never says ‘you’, only ‘ye’, remember that. Make a note
somewhere – readers often remember such quirks better than the author. (And
they aren’t going to hesitate to point out an error.)
Notice
that certain characters speak different ways. A dwarf has more of a tendency to
speak roughly, while an elf might use words such as ‘thee’ or ‘thy’. One
of your characters might call everyone ‘mate’, while another would be
disgusted by such comradie. How much a character speaks also develops their
personality. If a seer only speaks once in three pages, while her companions
have been conversing the entire time, she might come across as shy, or perhaps
wise. (Depending on what she says.) In the same way, someone who always speaks
in riddles and rhymes will probably sound a little crazy. It all depends on what
you want to convey, but a great deal of personality can fit between the
quotation marks.
Action!
Here, balance is the key. As said by S.
B. Hulsey (“Writing
Action Scenes”), too much
description can slow down the action. Still, some is not a bad idea – it helps
to form a picture of the scene in the reader’s mind.
Of
course, my first suggestion isn’t description – it’s choreography. In a
battle scene, the placement of characters can be confusing, and the descriptions
of their actions are often lacking. I suggest going over your scene mentally…
Then getting up and trying it yourself. If you’re really dedicated, get a
friend or family member to be the other characters. Position them as you imagine
the scene, then run through it – is it possible? I’ll use my own scene as an
example:
"Easily
parrying her first advance, the youth darted under her defenses, scoring a light
blow on the ribs. As he came out, Krishena slammed the hilt of her dagger
against his forehead, and he rolled to the side, blood welling in the wound.
Unflinching, he got to his feet in a single fluid movement, seemingly unharmed,
though blood ran down the contours of his face. Dropping one of his blades as
she threw hers, he grabbed the oncoming missile by the base of the blade, its
edge cutting into his hand. Reversing the grip, he circled warily, searching for
an opening."
Krishena,
the woman, attacked first. The youth, a thief skilled with knives, was able to
parry her blow while ducking under her arm and slashing at her ribs. However, he
made the attack quickly, since he was defenseless for that short period of time
– hence, he only scored a light blow. As he ducked back under her arm,
Krishena brought down her own dagger on his forehead, and he rolled with the
impact. And so on. I tried this scene myself, and I think it’s actually
possible. (Again, you’re entitled to your opinion.)
And
– as I keep saying – little details make it real. If you don’t know much
about battles, use your favorite authors for reference – R.A Salvatore, in
particular, is known for his choreography. Or just try the scene and see how it
works. Rolling to the side to avoid a blow or reversing the grip on a dagger are
both examples of common battle tactics – but it’s not something a barbarian
character would do. Fit the fighting style with the character, and try to
logically reason out their actions, even if you don’t truly know what they
would do.
Remember,
not all action scenes have to contain a battle. A Court debate can contain a
great deal of excitement, even if the characters aren’t fighting. Conflict
makes action, but conflict can be emotional as well as physical. Even simple
games, in some cases, could be considered action. A game of throwing knives, for
example, doesn’t have to turn violent to be fast paced – tension, not
violence, defines action.
On
a grammatical basis, both dashes and the length of paragraphs are important to
the feel of a piece. Dashes bring attention to the second clause of the sentence
– almost like an extended comma, or a semi-colon. I usually use them to speed
up action; two sentences take far longer to read than just one. With a dash the
ideas stay linked, but less formally than with a semi-colon or period.
It
stuck true, less than a finger’s width from the exact center, drawing looks of
surprise from the others of the group. The woman was only one who seemed to not
notice.
It
stuck true, less than a finger’s width from the exact center, drawing looks of
surprise from the others of the group – save the woman.
Shortened
sentence style and fast dialogue also help to spice up a scene, but don’t
overdo it. If the sentences get too short, the piece sounds choppy and
overdramatic.
A Combination
It’s a combination of action, dialogue, and
description that ties any story together. Without action, the story drags on,
and the plot never continues; without description, the setting is nothing more
than a blank wall. Dialogue shows the characters’ personalities, and
complements both action and description at the same time. To learn to meld them
all takes time, and practice. So start writing!
FARP Article Guestbook
| Date | Name | Comment | | | 24 May 2007 |  Alyssa Gibson | Very nice article, thank you for taking the time to write it. I have a particularly hard time creating fight or action scenes, this article has some very good advice (and yes, i am trying blocking my scenes now...very helpful) Again, THANKS! | |
| 21 Oct 2007 | Anon. | Based on personal experience I would say that 'said' is not invisible and, in fact, quite boring. Another way to avoid it, is to simply leave it out altogether when there's no explicit need to state it. In the case of mr Wellington's example:
"You are such a clumsy oaf!" "Next time, why don't you watch what you're doing?"
"Sorry," | |
| 23 Oct 2007 |  Ashley Camo Motter | Overall I enjoyed this guide. I found it both descriptive and helpful. As to the discussion about using the word said, I just felt that I had to put my two sense in.
I agree that said does get boring if used repeatedly, as does any word. Overusing anything in a composition is not good- it makes the work seem dull. It does not hurt top use said every once in a while, but switching it with replied, commented, asked, etc. keeps things interesting.
And, yes, I agree that leaving those words out works well, especially if there is a lot of dialogue in one particular section. But, just leaving them out without somehow making it clear as to what person is speaking would get very confusing. For Example, using both Wellington's and WN's examples:
'The boy walked through the hall, his eyes focused on the floor. He didn't see the girl standing directly in front of him, did not even bring his attention away from the spotted tile. He walked right into the girl- causing all of her books to tumble from her arms.
"You are such a clumsy oaf! Next time why don't you watch where you are going!"
"Sorry."'
Of course, I am just stating my opinions here, and I do believe that everyone should write in whatever style best suits them. | |
| 5 Jan 2008 | LotusMegami | Your purpose in writing is to communicate, not to show off your vocabulary. If a speech tag does not communicate anything useful, leave it out. If a speech tag other than said does not communicate anything useful, then put away the thesaurus already.
A lot of very good authors suffer from "said-bookism." That doesn't make it any less distracting when your characters retort, pontificate, and snarl their lines.
The dialogue should be able to speak for itself - with perhaps a few harmless "said"s to identify the speaker. | |
| 24 Feb 2008 | Marlon | Yeah~! at last someone who agrees that said is boring as hell ! | |
| 2 Apr 2008 | SKYLER | THIS SITE SUCKS MONKEY BALLS
| |
| 2 Apr 2008 | PAYTON | I’M WEITH YA THIS SITE SUCKS ASS | |
| 2 Apr 2008 | Taija | @!#$ you you !@#$%&@ #@! holes | |
| 2 Apr 2008 | Dylan | hey guys
I MUST KILL LOIS thats my impression of stewie | |
| 12 Apr 2008 | Kain Aldar | Wow, not only is this guide descriptive and useful, it tells the truth about many elements that are needed for storytelling. I believe that putting together a good story with all of these elements fitted in perfectly could be one of the most challenging things, it all takes a lot of work and dedication. But now, thanks to this guide, I am one step closer.
Thank you,
Kain Aldar | |
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