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'Aphallion: The Frozen Sphere: Prologue'


 
 

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SciFi and Fantasy Stories: Aphallion: The Frozen Sphere: Prologue

This is the prologue to a story I'm working on about a tundra-like realm, and two opposing human groups that inhabit it. The name, Aphallion, is one I made up, and is actually a manipulation of the word 'aphelion,' which is the technical name for the point at which a planet is farthest from the sun.

This story, I kid you not, has been locked inside my brain for five years! I have so much to write to create this world, that I fear I will run things together. So, I think I'm going to need some help on this piece, as it seems everyone in my family is having a hard time understanding what's going on. This means one of two things: 1) My family just doesn't get it, because it's over their heads (they don't like to read anyway) or 2) It really doesn't make sense, because I've left too much out (or crammed too much in), even though I understand it.

Criticism welcome! Any and all input would be greatly respected and appreciated. Thanks!

Pronunciation:

Aphallion: A-fal-lee-on
Yhathor: Yeah-thor
Bavvy: like savvy, but with a 'B'
Bavyte: Bav-ight
Macret: Ma-cray

Definitions

Aphallion: The name of the realm in which the two human groups live. Its name means 'far from the sun.'
Macret Beast: A type of warm-blooded avian, with mammalian properties, adjusted to live in extreme cold. Bred for fur and food.

    Main Category: [Science Fiction]
    Sub-categories: [Other Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters] [Royalty, Kings, Princes, Princesses, etc] [Warfare, Battles]

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Aphallion: The Frozen Sphere: Prologue
Jennifer Kurz

"'A fortress of stone and flesh', is what they call it. It's ruling quarters, built high upon one of the great remaining plateaus of the old world, has been the heart of the city for over three hundred years." Mada Shuri projected her voice over the small crowd of students, as she reached the crest of the hill. She placed her thickly sleeved arms on the cold broken ruble before her, leaning over to draw in a long, replenishing breath. The Bavyte youngsters huddled together in a circular pack to preserve the warmth.

It was morning in Aphallion. Normal as any could be, despite the direction from which the daylight came could never be distinguished. Light simply grew and was in a sky of constant white, except for when it dwindled to the darkest gray at night. The unchanging air was crisp and biting, turning the ears and noses of the herd of preteens a cheery pink. They paid no mind to the cold. It was an element of their lives that had been in place before the formation of the Bavvy colony. Their focus instead was upon the Mada Elder, and the lesson at hand.

The Elder stepped aside to reveal their destination. Each of the children awed as their portion of the group surmounted the steep grade, and beheld what Shuri had brought them to see.

"The very center of Aphallion," She bellowed. "It is the reason our world is as it is! I give you The Yhathor Empire!"

Before them was a city of both grandiose beauty, and architectural hazard. A fortified habitation of impressive stone structures and razor sharp rock intertwined, sweeping down into a crater-like valley. The stunning angular houses gleamed with a stale reflection of glass and stretched to the visible horizon, giving the valley the appearance of a frozen lake. In the center of the incredible population, a flat island of cliff resided. It's wide surface protruded with harsh stone buildings, like sharp teeth in the open mouth of a macret beast, to the colorless atmosphere. The encompassing city of Yhathor was placid, almost dead looking, save for the small dispersed columns of smoke rising from distant dwellings.

"It is deceptively peaceful for the toil and sweat, and the incessant collection it masks." Shuri thought aloud. She longed to rest; age and unceasing cold had begun to wreak havoc on her lithe body. Hers was a body bred for perfection. That was when she was still young, and bound by the standards of the Yhathor empire. She could have outrun, or beatup any of these Bavyte boys at their age. The Bavyte men could never compare in strength to the "Children of Ema." All of the empire's inhabitants were trained to be at their physical best, including women. Ema would expect no less.

Ema. Shuri grimmaced. What a crock!

She looked ahead to the manmade gouge in the gravelly earth just a few feet away from where she stood. The line of the Yhathor energy wall loomed there inconspicuously. The energy field itself was not readily visible. In fact it barely reflected light. All of the empire could be seen quite clearly through it. To the foolish or untrained eye, it would appear one could simply walk into the city. Certainly the children couldn't see what Shuri picked up right away- the guard towers positioned on the inside of the shield, camouflaged to look like splinters of eroded cliff. Only a slightly off glimmer of unnatural light revealed the truth of life within the shards. Shuri knew the Yhathor guards would be watching their group. She did not fear them, for they would never dare cross into this wild land.

After a moment of reverent silence, the Mada casually remarked, "Oh yes. I forgot to mention. We wish to destroy this empire."

Some of the school aged children turned to her inquisitively. One brown haired boy, who looked to be younger than most of the lot, spoke up.

"Mada, Shuri. Why does Bavvy not send in an army?"

The middle-aged woman laughed. This was the sixth year she had been responsible for introducing the enemy to the children coming of age. All talk of the Yhathorians had to be shielded from the young, so as not to impart fear. Knowledge was important, yes, but the Bavytes were not at want for time. All would know when their age was right. The strategy was effective, but the naivety of this certain question irked Shuri.

"Why not simply attack, you ask? Because we have not the strength to thwart such a foe!" The Elder bent down to pick up a stone, her long curly locks of ebony and silver grazing the frozen earth. She squinted her left eye lining up the shot with her opposite hand. "And because of this: The Great Yhathor Barrier!" she continued, lopping the rock like a ballista in the direction of the city. The small pebble flew surprisingly true as if it were to go straight to the towers themselves. Then suddenly it stopped in mid air. Where it froze, small scenic waves rippled outward, revealing the barrier's existence, and bringing the capacious scale of it to realization.

The children wowed in unison.

"Ha!" Shuri scoffed. "Wow, indeed." The Barrier was little more than a containment shell that merely held all that dwelled within the city stable. It was more akin to a prodigious bubble- not a shield that possessed deflective properties. This was a fact unbeknownst to the new students. It was a small piece of information Shuri liked to save for the very end. Although she became more fragile by the year, she rather liked making the climb to the boundary, and being the first one to impart a real dose of Yhathor fear upon the Bavvy pupils.

She faced her back to the group, casting her eyes to the tall stone spires at the heart of the Yhathor domain. She remembered her own parents had been energy harvesters within the very bounds when she was about the age of these urchins. The memory of living in the city brought back a mixture of emotions to the Elder. It was almost better for her when she followed blindly their ways. She knew the truth was often painful, but freeing. After the city claimed her parents, her only saving refuge would be the Bavyte colony. Yhathor held nothing for her now. It was no more than a fancy cage of beautiful, dying creatures. Times had not changed much since the day she was smuggled out. There was a different emperor then, but the Yhathorians had always been driven by the same purpose.

The Mada walked up to where the stone hung suspended in the energy field and plucked it from where it spun in place.

The children spoke up at once, some squealing or giggling, some whispering. Others asked questions aloud, forming a jumbled mess of competing sounds.

"SHUSH!" Shuri yelled. She gave a hawk-eyed scowl to the last of the boys to settle, then cleared her throat. "You think this is neat, eh? You think this force is some sort of magic? There's nothing mystical or romantic behind the power that drives this shield."

A low train of muffled words sounded somewhere behind Shuri. She turned abruptly to catch a brassy haired girl in the midst of whispering to another pigtailed student.

"Is there a question you'd like to ask, missy?

The girl paused, looking about at all her classmates.

"Well? Speak up!" Shuri prodded.

The girl sent a nervous glance to her friend, then replied. "Why do we care about what these people do inside their own city? They don't do anything to us."

"Ah, ha! That is where you are wrong my dear." Shuri retorted, pointing her finger in the child's abashed face.

"Have they not abandoned us? When they capture our people in their cities, do they not kill us?" The Mada paced about throwing her hands up wildly for emphasis. Her hood had come off, and her unruly hair bounced around her, offsetting the bright pink that had now flushed her face.

"Do they not blindly serve the memory of a goddess who has viewed each of them not as the perfectly lost individuals they are, but as a reinforcement of a vast and mighty number?..."

Mouths could be seen gapping amongst the crowd of youngsters. No one dared to make so much as a peep.

"Are we not constantly reminded, everyday those pillars stand, of the loved ones we have lost; the blood shed for that 'so called deity?'" Shuri suddenly dropped her shoulders, and turned solemn-faced towards the awe struck crowd.

"And yet...they are our brothers."

Finished with her rant, the exhausted Bavyte Elder gracefully seated herself upon one of the ancient boulders. She directed the children to place their macret fur mats on the tundra's surface, and to do the same. Noticing their hesitation, she said, "Come now, I won't bite. This part of the shield is safe anyhow. Besides, I may be old, but I've got some kick left in me."

None of them doubted the last statement.

The woman motioned the adolescents closer, gathering them in with her hands. She brushed a tendril of hair away from her gray eyes, and called for attention as the group adjusted itself.

"I know your parents have not told you much about Yhathor. Certainly, not all that I have just said." She looked the wide-eyed clutch over, giving an uncharacteristically warm smile.

"Give me a show of hands, how many of you have heard the story of Farna?"

The entire body raised them up enthusiastically.

"Well, I can undeniably guarantee you, the version you heard was wrong!"

Feeling as if they'd been tricked, the children slowly lowered their arms. Shuri continued.

"We were once one of the Yhathorians. We are their children, parents, grandparents, and siblings; cousins, spouses, nieces and nephews. All of us are estranged. So was Farna. She was Yhathor's brightest light, until she was caught helping us. She is dead now. Branded a traitor, she was. We regard her as a hero, for she made a brave sacrifice for our kind. But there is far more to this woman than what your fresh minds have been led to believe. I'm going to start from the very beginning."

"She was daughter to the late Emperor Uquar and Lady Hoa of Yhathor. Farna Isane Eaverly was her full, birth-given name..."

 
 

©Jennifer L. Kurz. All rights reserved!

DateNameComment 
30 Sep 2006:-) Ryan 'Saint' Stringer
Hey Johni! Finally read your new story here and I found it quite intriguing actually! The concept is good (at least inasmuch as I have seen thus far), and you've written the dialogue (well, monologue mostly, I guess) in a realistic and believable way and kept the pace fairly brisk - always a good thing!

I thought everything basically made sense, though there were a few things that I thought could made a little more clear:

The first thing was the way introduced the "empire" and then described a single city. It was never clear to me whether there was actually more to the Empire than that one city or whether all of it was just crammed into that one area, in which case the term "Empire" wouldn't seem to make a lot of sense. I would also question the usage of "Empire" based on what you've described as the political climate of this colony - technically and politically speaking, an empire is a group of nations or states under the control (generally by way of military conquest) of an Emperor or Empress, rather than simply a single nation, state, city, etc. From the description given by the Elder I didn't see any indication of other nations or colonies being conquered or annexed by Yhathor, so the "empire" title may not really fit here.

I also wondered how it is that the Bavvy can wander around right outside of the barrier plotting the empire's downfall without reprisal from the guards in the tower or whatever. Seems a little weird that enemies of the Empire can just do walk around unmolested in sight of the city.

Also, you seemed to be trying to get at something about the mechanics of the barrier shield, mentioning that it wasn't a deflective barrier or something, and then the demonstration with the rock being stuck in the field (I think that's what happened). I wasn't exactly sure what the significance of this was.

Anyway, I didn't feel like you crammed too much in or necessarily left too much out, just a little clarification would go a long way. I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the story though, it looks like a good one!

:-) Jennifer L. Kurz replies: "Hey, Ryan! Thanks for taking time to read and comment! I sort of had some anxiety about this one (ie: frustrated some of my family didn't get it), so I appreciate the criticism. :0) About the Empire thing: I want to ask you about it. I don't want to give too much away yet, but I will say before the realm of Aphallion became to be named so, and before it was frozen, (ah crap, now I'm giving stuff away), it was made up of various kingdoms, that fell into war.... to make a long story short, when the realm began to freeze over, all peoples remaining were gathered (some came of their own accord, some forcefully brought) to the (presently anonymous) Kingdom that would later be renamed Yhathor. I guess I call it a city because of the fact that dwellings are so close together, and are contained within the boundaries of the barrier. I also call it an Empire because of the previously mentioned reasons and that the ruling power is placed under one man who enforces the laws of their "deity," supplies and victuals are rationed, there is no tolerance for deviation, and because the area is considerably extensive. Maybe neither "city" or "Empire" fits? What do you think?Now that you've pointed it out, I can see where I need to clarify some things. For instance I should probably mention that the barrier keeps a certain "atmosphere" around the Empire, but I don't know if I should reveal that in the prologue, or later on. Thanks again, Ryan! Chapter 1 is 3/4 the way done, and chapters 2, 3, and 4 have already been started. I'm really excited about this story! I'm always appreciative and open to suggestions, so feel free to comment anytime. :0) "
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