SciFi and Fantasy Stories
Printer Version
    

'Drafain Saga Bk1 prologue'


 
 

WritingsProfileFavorites
Click For MoreDocument 1 out of 23 by Gardner 'Jameal' Williams.

SciFi and Fantasy Stories: Drafain Saga Bk1 prologue

The beggining of a legend is at home

    Main Category: [High Fantasy]
    Sub-categories: [Dragons] [Fairy, Fay, Faeries] [/Magic] [Magic and Sorcery]

Tag As FavoriteComment  Add Bookmark

 
 

The Drafain Saga

Book one: Kay-Ree

By: Gardner Williams

 

Prologue:

            The night was dark, this was good, the night was moonless, also good, the night was cloudy, very good, and his father and mother were out on a trip to the southern area of the realm with their entourage of guards leaving only token defenders on the walls. This was going to be too easy. Jameal slipped out of his bedroom with a satchel of food, clothing, and money slung over his back. Wearing padded night shoes he slipped into the armory and grabbed a knife, a staff, and three metallic spheres that seemed to writhe on their inside like things alive, One about twice the size of a full grown dragon born’s hand, one slightly smaller, and one smaller still, also he grabbed a handful of smaller spheres from a box, these about the size of large marbles. And pouches for everything but the staff. He crept out and up a flight of stairs to a door with an ornately carved handle and opened it to reveal a large bedchamber.

            Syra awoke slowly; aware someone else was in her room. There, by the door a small crouching figure with a staff and a satchel slung across its back. Slowly it crept forward until about halfway to the bed where the figure stopped and she heard it whisper.

            “G’dbye sis.” And the figure left, just as Syra sprang up and quickly tied a belt around her nightgown to follow. Quickly she went down the stairs to the ground floor, taking the steps three at a time she rushed down and saw the figure creeping toward the door she cried.

“JAAAMMMIIEEE, get back here you can’t leave.”

At his sisters cry he sprang for the door and was knocked aside as a guard rushed in. Quickly regaining balance he rushed toward the kitchen for the larder entrance, or for his purposes, exit. He ran and swerved around a corner with one of the house guards who had figured out what was going on yelling after him.

 “Young master Jameal get back here, stop, your father will be very angry at this!” as he sprinted after the young boy.

As he went around another corner he ran full tilt into a cook, and his assistant heading back after finishing the cleaning of the kitchen. They collided in a large mass but Jameal quickly sprang to his feet and rushed down the hall opened the kitchen door, through the larder entrance and out the back door, his older sister close on his heels with the guard temporarily delayed at the scene of the collision.

He looked back and saw his sister gaining; he regretted going to tell her good bye but couldn’t have left with out it. And then he put on an extra burst of speed as she almost caught him by his satchel, looking forward he realized his mistake, he would get to the side gate before his sister but she would be able to catch him as he undid the locks. Seeing no alternative he put out his hands and stopped himself on the door and started with the locks just as his sister caught him by the arm.

“What are you doing? Father would kill you if he knew you had left while he was gone.” She asked urgently.

“That’s why I don’t plan on coming back for a long time, I need to get out of here, I want to see the world not just learn about it in between politics and war lessons, I want to be a doer not a thinker or ruler, I want to live not be stuffed in a castle while things are being done, lemme go, I’m trying to undo these locks.” As she looked into his eyes she realized he was right, her little brother wasn’t born to be a ruler but a warrior, a battle mage, and quite possibly, a legend.

“Leoth.” She spoke one word quietly and the gate unlocked by magic, a magic she had only recently discovered in old books about the construction of the castle from the first inhabitant.

“What?!?” cried Jameal as she shoved him out the open side gate.

“Your right, now go before the guard gets here.” She said and turned her face to hide the tears in her eyes, her beloved younger brother was leaving.

 
 

©Gardner 'Jameal' Williams. All rights reserved!

DateNameComment 
23 Dec 2002:-) Alexander 'Fanglock' Brown
(Ahem.) Who Da Heck Puts A Friggin' Knife Into A Pouch?!?!!?!?!?!!???! (Ever Heard Of A Sheath!?!)

:-) Gardner 'Jameal' Williams replies: "its mercurial steal and therefore reverts to a sphere when not in use (like the sword and other weapons)"
27 Dec 200245 Alana Westwood
Good ideas but I advise that you watch run-on sentences, you have a grotesquely huge amount of them. Don't get mad at me, I'm the Queen of Constructive Criticism 1. Great ideas though.

:-) Gardner 'Jameal' Williams replies: "thanks, (see! see xander NOT condecending)"
27 Dec 2002:-) Alexander 'Fanglock' Brown
So by that description, it was therefore in use when he took it. (Razes entire "Drafain Saga" to make way for his own epic.)

:-) Gardner 'Jameal' Williams replies: "when he took it? what the heck are you talkin bout, the only way to gain possesion of a Phoenix blade is to reach a level of magical skill and precision that you can bring your will to bear in such a way as to create a Phoenix blade, you cant take one and he never did Epic? you couldn't write poetry worth vogons (if you haven't read all four books in the hitchikers guide to the galaxy trilogy (yes a trilogy with four books) get over yourself and read it)and your stories would make the ravenous bugblatter of traal choke (see above)btw what ARE you talking about?."
28 Dec 2002:-) Alexander 'Fanglock' Brown
I, The Mage of Run-On Sentences, BANISH YE!

:-) Gardner 'Jameal' Williams replies: "  you cant do that, im not a run on sentence you have no power here. BTW i dubb thee the bad comment pixie (your only power is leaving bad comments, you cant even leave decent or god forbid good ones, only bad ones"
18 Jan 200345 S D "zapcowboy" Williams
Good stuff! Interesting weapons.

:-) Gardner 'Jameal' Williams replies: "why thank you"
19 Feb 2003:-) Dylan F. Cline
It's good. Well, not bad anyway. You do have a problem with run on sentences, but all in all, it's pretty cool. It's a neat idea you've got there. The weapons really interest me. Where did you come up with such an idea? Really, get some help with the sentencing structure though. You need it. If, for some reason you can not find anyone to help you with the sentences and stuff, you can e-mail me. I would be happy to help you with your work.

:-) Gardner 'Jameal' Williams replies: "Thanx! the weapons? I just kinda thunk them up. and the sentences! Repitition will get you no where and I've been told many times before, working on it tho.glad u enjoy {1"
20 Feb 2003:-) Dylan F. Cline
Sorry about the sentencing thing. I have a problem with not reading what is before my comments, and so I thought that it was just me that had noticed it. Good story though, sometime here I'm going to make some time and read the rest of the stuff you have uploaded.

:-) Gardner 'Jameal' Williams replies: "NP I have the same problem"
21 Feb 2003:-) Michael G. Keith
I enjoyed the story. The mental image it creates is almost like Legend of Zelda - The N64 version. You know when Link is talking to the Princess after sneaking in through the back. Well... it was like that but your character was leaving instead of going in. Yes?

I like how it sets up a great story, one of a warrior prince who travels the country aiding the meek until he has a higher calling. I enjoy those kinds of stories. I love Epics.

I have not yet read any of the others in this book yet, nor any of the comments following this entry; I like to comment with a pure heart. But I'd wager that this story shall kick some serious glutemous maximius.

:-) Gardner 'Jameal' Williams replies: "Wow thanx, hope you like the rest as much as this part"
19 Jul 200345 Elizabeth K. Cook
*pokes* Me like. This story was short... too short. *glares* Almost as short as mine. *sticks out tongue* I am still the queen of two-paragraph stories. And don't you forget it! *nuuuuuuuhhh*

Sugar makes me haappy... Um... yes. This story was quite good, though methinks it does need to be polished up a bit. *nods* I'm off to read the rest, provided my computer behaves. *smacks computer*

4 Gardner 'Jameal' Williams replies: "yes well its only the prologue"
23 Oct 2004:-) Andrew Burfield
Hi, firstly, you left a comment at my page some time ago when I had Book 2 and no Book 1 up, so thought it polite to tell you the new drafts of the beginning of Book (act) One are on my page now.

Now... I leapt in and read your prologue. It's good in that it establishes a lot of factors which aren't completely revealed thus inciting the reader to press on in the hope of discovering more. This is always good for a prologue - create more questions than you answer. The only obvious thing I'd say is maybe the line where his sister knows he'll be a great warrior or mage rather than a ruler could be changed... it kind of gives away too much right at the beginning... it feels a bit unreal how she so easily just lets him go. Perhaps he can get angry, lash out, push her away? Just a thought.

:-) Gardner 'Jameal' Williams replies: "ya, i see where you're coming from but it kindof shows a bit about the dragon born as a people and specificaly the beluviens as the ruling family of the dragon born. it also sets up for a bit later in the series which wouldn't make any sense otherwise, but thats three or for books down the line"
Page: [1] 2
Not signed in, Add an anonymous comment to this guestbook...    

Your Name: Your Mail:

   Private message? (Info)




Do a search for similar items! (Regarding theme, technique and inspirations)
  • All Rights ReservedAll rights are reserved for the work 'Drafain Saga Bk1 prologue' by Gardner 'Jameal' Williams under Elfwoods all rights reserved copyright policy License.
  • All material posted at Elfwood is covered by the Elfwood Rules. If this page break any rule(s), help us out, and report it to the ERB by clicking here!

  •  
    We think Elfwood works
    best with Firefox:
    Elfwood™ is a site for Fantasy and Science Fiction art and stories. It is created by Thomas Abrahamsson and helpful assistants, managed by the Elfwood corporation.
    Need to contact us? Click here.... Our Cookie Policy is here.
    You are visitor 68 to this page since October 2007.