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'Crimson (chapter 2) - The Council'


 
 

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Click For MoreDocument 3 out of 22 by Samuel V. R. Joseph.

SciFi and Fantasy Stories: Crimson (chapter 2) - The Council

The continuation of the Crimson saga. I've been working on this for quite a while, but I'm still not happy with it, so all comments are most welcome. Onward!

    Main Category: [High Fantasy]
    Sub-categories: [/Magic] [Warfare, Battles] [Warrior, Fighter, Mercenary, Knights, Paladins] [Wizards, Priests, Druids, Sorcerers, Spellcasters] [Magic and Sorcery]

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There is light. I am the light. There is heat. I am the heat. There is silence, and I dwell in it. There is anger, and it dwells in me.

It has been two years since I was reborn, two years since I became Crimson. I did not expect this. I did not expect the silence, for I did not know that Crimson cannot hear; they can only feel vibrations in the air and interpret those as sounds. I did not expect the anger, for I did not know it was the fuel upon which the Crimson feed. Fire needs fuel, after all. In these two years this fire has consumed me, and I have lost who I once was. I am Crimson now. Nothing else.

I open my eyes to a new morning. Sleep does not come easily to me, for I rarely welcome him. He is a stranger, not to be trusted, except when I have no choice. A thin sheen of cloud obscures the sky, lit from below by the rising sun, a river of fire across the heavens. I leave the cave, heading west, toward my destination: the Burning Mountain. The Crimson have called a Council, and all of us are compelled to attend. I pause for a moment after exiting the cave, surveying the path before me. I must descend to the valley below, passing by the village nestled there, before continuing through the woods beyond and over the next hill. From there it will be but a short trek across the barren plain to the Mountain.

The path down the hill is steep, and strewn with gravel. The loose stones shift under my bare feet. As I walk I wonder what the Council will be about. Lately there have been rumours growing, about a dark power stirring in the east. Increasingly, I have heard whispers of an ancient evil rising again, and there have been strange reports from the eastern border posts of the empire, sightings of fearsome beasts. What does it all mean? I vaguely remember that day, two years ago, when I followed the Crimson and witnessed him being attacked by a band of people. Lately such attacks have become more and more common. Crimson have always been feared, but hated? This council is long overdue.

It is nearly noon by the time I reach the village. The sun is hidden now by a large bank of cloud, grey and heavy with the promise of rain. A group of children play in the streets, but they stop when they notice me. I see a range of emotions arrayed across their faces, mostly fear, but also curiousity and... something else I cannot quite identify. They scamper off as I approach, and suddenly the streets are empty. At first I think the villagers are indoors because of the coming rain, but then I notice curtains twitching, faces peering from the windows. They have seen me, I realise, and they are afraid, but it is more than that. The hostility is almost palpable. Something hits me in the back, and I whirl -- there. A man leans out of a window, his face contorted with anger and fear.

"Get out! Your kind are not welcome here!"

I feel a familiar flash of rage, but quickly control it. These people are not my enemies. Though they hate me, I am sworn to protect them. I hasten my steps. The Mountain is calling.

By evening I have passed the sparse woods, and it looms before me across the barren plain. The red glow of sunset merges with that of the Burning Mountain, painting the sky in swathes of blood. This is the beacon: the sunset will last for an hour, and by then all the Crimson will have gathered, and the Council will begin. Even now, as I make my way across the plain, I can see others converging on the Mountain.

The history of our world has always been dominated by the four seats of power: the Burning Mountain in the west; the Warlocks' Tower in the east; the Sky Caves in the north; and the Hunters' Forest in the south. In the centre of these lie the humans, in their villages and towns and cities, weak and vulnerable. Hardly worth mentioning, and yet somehow our battles seem to revolve around them.

I join the rest of the Crimson on a broad plateau. The ground is soothingly hot on my bare feet; the stones seem to dance with a dull glow. Off to one side, however, I spot a group of creatures standing alone. They are tall, hulking, covered with orange fur... Hunters, from the south. Why are they here? This new development makes me uneasy, and I turn my eyes away from them.

In front of us a flat rock juts out from the mountainside, and as the sun fades over the horizon one of the Elders steps out onto it. He is old, white of hair and wrinkled, but his eyes burn as brightly as those of a young man, fresh, his anger undimmed. For a long moment he says nothing, painting the silence dark with his gaze.

"It has been a thousand years," he begins at last, "since the Crimson defeated the Warlocks. I was there. I fought in that great war to end all wars. Even after we tore down the walls of their tower, the fighting continued to rage for two full days."

I remember this tale, passed down through the years. According to the history, the decisive battle was fought at the summit of the Tower, where the Red King confronted the High Warlord in a clash that sundered the sky. The air bled fire, and the ground shook with thunder, but eventually the Red King emerged victorious, and for a thousand years there was peace in the world...

"But now it seems they have risen from the ashes to once again threaten the humans, whom we are sworn to protect." The Elder pauses for a moment, and I realize suddenly that I do not know eaxactly why Crimson are sworn guardians of the humans. It is something I have never had cause to question, until now. The Elder continues, "Many of you will have heard the rumours that they are gathering a large fighting force. It appears they have also somehow managed to stir up the humans against us. Now, we march to the eastern border once more, to destroy the Warlocks once and for all. They represent a threat that we cannot allow to persist. The Hunters have agreed to assist us in this, and they have sent the representatives you see here as proof of their commitment. The rest of their strength will join us en route to the eastern border. Come first light we will begin our march, but for now rest and meditate on the Mountain."

*

I dream. It is an exceedingly rare experience, and one I do not cherish. I stand on the barren plain under a lightless sky, the Mountain looming red before me. The smell of brimstone fills the air. Suddenly the Mountain explodes in a brilliant flash of light, sending huge chunks of rock flying in all directions. Slowly the glare fades, and suddenly I find the ground has turned to blood, and I am sinking...

I flounder helplessly, until the blood congeals around me, a thick, viscous prison. Only my head protrudes above the ground. In the distance I hear a faint thumping sound, growing louder by the moment, until I see a dark figure sandwiched between two wings of pure white. They shine so brilliantly in the darkness that it hurts my eyes, but I cannot turn away. I watch in despair as the winged creature begins to devour the remains of the Mountain, rock by rock, stone by stone...

*

Sunrise. Things are moving quickly now. We march in silence through the day and through the night that follows. The Red King himself leads us. He is an imposing figure, tall and stately. The air around him fairly shimmers with power. He drives us forward, fast and hard. There is no time for sleep, but the unsettling feeling inspired by that dream has not left me. Could the winged creature I saw be a Skyvian? Skyvians were flying creatures from the Sky Caves in the north, but for the most part they kept to themselves. If they had joined their strength to the Warlocks... but I cannot bring myself to speak of the dream. Crimson rarely sleep, let alone dream, and never so vividly. And yet I cannot deny what I myself have experienced. Still, I am loath to give voice to it. No. Perhaps if I do not speak of it, do not think of it, then nothing will come of it.

At noon, two days after the council, we reach the eastern Wall. By now the Hunters have joined us, and together with them our army is more than a thousand strong. Seven hundred Crimson, and five hundred Hunters. The wall was erected after the great battle a thousand years ago, to protect the rest of the world from any further attacks by remnants of the Warlocks, but it was never built to withstand a concerted attack by a large number of enemies. We cannot count on it to hold. We must venture past it, and take the fight to the heart of the enemy lands, to the Tower itself.

 
 

©Samuel V. R. Joseph. All rights reserved!

DateNameComment 
31 Dec 2005:-) Jessica Warner
Great second chapter. Carries the tone and atmosphere of the first, while changing the narrator's personality and filling in a lot of detail. Not as descriptive as the previous chapters, I was curious to learn more about what the hunters look like - although I expect I'll just have to be patient, and you're saving it.

Small question - the crimson called a council. How, exactly?

Also, I found the idea that the crimson couldn't hear intriguing, but difficult to understand. You said "they can only feel vibrations in the air and interpret those as sounds." Isn't that all hearing is, or am I missing something?

Definitely looking forward to the next chapter of this, and the skyvians, they sound like fun...

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Hm. They kind of spread the word? Those Crimson who don't hear of it will see the "beacon", and come... And about the hearing thing, I meant they don't get affected by sounds like we do... as in they have no real concept of "loud" or "soft" or "high-pitched", and so on... it's just sound... heh it was a bit hard for me to explain it. =P Anyway I'm glad you liked it... I've already finished the next chapter; I'm quite happy with it, so I hope you like it... and there's more of the Skyvians too... =D"
3 Jan 2006:-) Anne M. Leath
Yes, want to hear more about the Hunters too. Also, I kinda pictured the sound/vibration reception thing like almost an echo-location type thing, well not-exactly, more like they felt he vibration and shaped it into a picture or vision of something. Am I totally off? Am having a hard time explaining that. More like bats? Anyhow, I am thoroughly looking forward to more. How did they get sworn to protect the people that hate them?

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Yup, I think you got the sound thingy right =) There's another chapter that I've just submitted, which rounds off the first part of the story. As for the Hunters and your other questions about the Crimson, they will be answered... in time... =D The next chapter (after the one I've just submitted) will be from a different perspective, and it will probably take me a while to write. Anyway, thanks for the comment!"
10 Jan 2006:-) Rachel A Pears
Hi Sam - I can't believe how busy you've been!!! You industrious bloke you. I'm well pleased you visited my shelf and the comments were excellent (very helpful). No matter how many times you proof read your own stuff - typos still linger - why is that!! Although, saying that I didn't spot any here (must be your eagle eyes or something?). Ok - the story - a decent second chapter which moves the story on. Our crimson is now involved in something big and exciting - yipee! Moving onto the critique. 1) I concur with the previous commenters - the crimson hearing mechanism needs more clarification - as it stands I'm not sure if they are deaf or whatever. 2) I took a dislike to one of your sentences (probably irrational) it was where our crimson was thinking about the council 'would be about' - I would prefer something like 'would discuss or debate'. 3) Due to confusion over hearing - I was unsure how the crimson's would pick up on rumours - I see you have explained the beacon concept to a previous commenters - recommend adding this into the narrative. 4) I took a dislike to another of your sentences (sorry) - on one hand our crimson states that 'he is sworn to protect humans (although he doesn't know why)' and on the other hand he states that 'they are hardly worth mentioning' - this just seems a little inconsistent. 5) Afraid I don't have a poetic soul so didn't get the 'stones dance with a dull glow' description - only a suggestion but would something like 'the stones on which they stood glowed like smouldering embers'?? Not sure it's much of an improvement?? 6) What is the deal with the 'red king' - is he a crimson? If he is why not call him the crimson king (it has a nice ring to it). 7) Lastly, as the hunters are human - how can the crimson trust them. My mind shouted treachery and betrayal. You might want to put some dialogue in about why they can be trusted. To round off I like it and will read chap 3 (when I get chance). My comments are meant kindly - feel free to ignore them. Regards - R

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Wow... someone else has been busy, I see! Thanks for the detailed comment, Rachel =) I guess I managed to pick up on my own typos because most of the time I actually write this stuff out on paper (when I've got some free time at work or whatever), then type it out on my com later, so I'm actually doing it twice. I guess that helps... anyway, on to your comments. I agree with you and the others about the Crimson hearing thing... it's something I definitely have to work on. I'll work on your suggestions for betting wording and clearing up the beacon concept, as well. As to your 4th point, well I'm hoping to explain that later on. Basically, what he meant was that Crimson are sworn to protect the humans, even though they are "hardly worth mentioning" in terms of their power, and in terms of the control they have over the events that occur in the world. Your 5th point - basically it's just a reference to the effect of the flickering light =P Personally, I quite like it actually, so I'll probably keep it as it is... but thanks for pointing it out. 6th point - Yup, he's a Crimson... I chose Red King because I thought it sounded less obvious, subtler, and, well... cooler. Heh. I'll think about changing it, but I have to say I probably won't... but again, thanks for pointing it out! Readers' opinion is always very important! 7th point -- Whoops! The Hunters aren't human at all... I admit I didn't describe them very well. I wanted to describe it more like it was from the narrator's point of view, and he knows what they look like, so he wouldn't dwell on it very often. I was thinking of bringing in a fuller description of the Hunters and their background later in the story, but I'll consider providing a fuller description here as well, on the basis of your feedback. Ok -- at this point I'm wondering whether there's a limit to the word count of my reply; I'll probably find out soon! Anyway, thanks again for the great comment... I hope you'll like chapter 3, when you get the chance to read it!"
11 Jan 200645 Brian Rich
Hey the profile says you aren't too happy with this story. I can't understand why. I think the thing this story has going for it is its originality. You aren't going to find these types of characters in other stories. They all seem to be original creations. Like the Skyvians; at least I've never heard of them so I assume you created them. Most fantasy stories are variations on the same themes. Dragons, wizards and warriors. I like how the world had been dominated by four seats of power. I would be interested in knowing more details of those powers. I'll have to come back in a day or two for the next part. Keep up the great writing, Sam.

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Thanks for the comment =) What I didn't like about this part was mostly that it was, firstly, less descriptive than the first one, mainly because I was trying to explain a lot of things. Also, some of it seemed a little contrived to me. It's probably just that I'm a little over-critical of my own work =P Other than that, I quite like where it seems to be going. Anyway, I'm glad you liked it! "
23 Jan 2006:-) Jess Hyslop
Hey there! I made it at last! This was a good chapter, but there was definitely less of a sense of character here, as it was more about the epic situation than what he was actually feeling. I can understand how that happened - you were probably focussed on getting across to us all the history and political bits, but I think you should work on his character a little more in this one. The beginning was good for that, but then it petered out... Unless becoming a Crimson has made him more neutral to everything?

Um... Oh yeh - 'a dark power stirring in the east' reminded me uncomfortably of a line from Lord of the Rings. Also, I wouldn't use 'Crimson King' if I were you (but I'm not, so do what you think) because that's a character from Stephen King's Dark Tower series (and Insomnia). In fact, I assumed you'd read them and weren't using it for that reason. I mean, you could use that name, but you'd probably get more grumbles from people who've read the Dark Tower books. Silly, really. Meh.

One part I think you could definitely put more description is when he arrives at the council. You say something like 'I joined the other Crimsons', but maybe you could set the scene a little more before you say that?

Ooh, something I really liked: the imagery throughout this chapter constantly had me thinking of fire and blood and, well, all things Crimson! You created a really effective atmosphere.

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Hello! Yeah, I get what you mean about the lack of "character". It's not really because of him becoming Crimson, it's just that as you say I was concentrating (perhaps too much) on setting out the history and background . So you're right, I'll have to work on that =) And about that line from Lord of the Rings... well, I've never actually read it haha *hides* Nor have I read the Dark Tower series. I actually don't read all that much fantasy, strangely... Anyway, thanks for the suggestions; they're very helpful! And I'm glad you enjoyed the atmosphere; it's what I was going for, so it's good to know it worked =) Thanks again for the comment!"
30 Jan 2006:-) Bloodhawk
What's not to like Sam? You did brilliantly here!

Quick nit-pick:

* I noticed an inconsistency in your use of capital letters when stating the names of places - some said locations looked as if they could do with a capital letter or two, but lacked it, where as others didn't. (For example: 'Oak Hill' has capitals where as 'green valley' doesn't - something however, tells me it should...its differences like these that I refer to...) Whether the variation in use of capitals was intentional or not I don't know, nor is it my place to point out what names do and do not need them - they're yours - but perhaps you should revise this situation...?

* '"It has been a thousand years," he begins at last, "since the Crimson defeated the Warlocks. I was there. I fought in that great war to end all wars. Even after we tore down the walls of their tower, the fighting continued to rage for two full days."' -- A description of how his voice sounds would be nice here...I imagine it as deep, but it would be great if you could share how it’s ‘supposed’ to sound with the reader! Sounds like a paragraph with a lot of potential with that in mind…

* 'painting the silence dark with his gaze.' -- Did you not mean 'dark silence', or 'silent dark' here?

Okay. I'm done there...

'painting the silence dark with his gaze', never the less, sounded lovely! You've a wonderful way with words Sam, a vast vocabulary, and you've really shown it with this piece! I really enjoyed it - you've got a lovely fluent style. Though looking up at Ms Pears' comment it seems enjoyment of style can depend a lot on personal preference - cool - I've been considering that fact for a while now...You may like the structure/fragmentation of a sentence where as another may not...It's interesting.

And...By what people seem to have been saying...Perhaps it is a little vague...I...Don't agree though...I think this is just a chapter that's one of those far more informative lengths which, a lot of the time, happen to be quite necessary in building a strong narrative for your story. They'll pop up in literature often I think, for the pure purposes of establishment, if anything.

Either way, great job! Nice one Sam, well done!

:-) Samuel V. R. Joseph replies: "Thanks, Emma! I'll have to look at that capital thing. And his voice! Hm, how could I forget about that? =P Yeah... a lot of it is a matter of taste. Thanks again for the comment!"
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