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'Desert Rose Chapter 1'


 
 

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Click For MoreDocument 5 out of 28 by Liz Verde.

SciFi and Fantasy Stories: Desert Rose Chapter 1

Desert Rose


Journey to the Haluri Desert Oasis with Etain, Rhiannon, and Epona, who are about to have an adventure of self discovery. Opening night of the Samhain festival comes and goes but it isn't until later during the celebrations that the prophecy takes a turn for the worse, and the three women are tossed into a series of events that will twist their lives upside-down and test their strength. This celtic/arabic rendition of Sleeping Beauty is dedicated to Naomi who is a great encourager and I believe, someone who is secretly in love with Timo, Steph Schauer for all of her help editing which I'm just starting to post up now, and Angela Perry for her positive pokes to keep writing this.

For Etain, being a healer was her greatest goal. Being a Daughter of the Tribe, her prospects for marriage seem to have dimmed and being useful is her only option. Tired of being refused and turned away, she has one last opportunity to achieve her goal.

Updated Nov 2007 - I decided that I like this one as chapter 1 better as it gives more immediate background to the setting than what I have now deemed the second chapter. I have finally got around to editing this and putting it up with lots of help from Steph S! WARNING! I have only put up the edited versions of chapter 1 and 2, I still haven't managed to get around to chapter 3/4/5, so those are worse in the grammar department but I have edited them ... it's just a matter of typing them out on the computer.

    Main Category: [High Fantasy]
    Sub-categories: [Royalty, Kings, Princes, Princesses, etc] [Celtic] [Magic and Sorcery]

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Chapter One
Desert Rose
_____________________________



A lone woman stood with her back to the breeze as it carried sand from her dune out over the sprawling tent city below. A wolfhound sat regally by her side and a bareback black horse stood patiently behind her. The sun was just beginning to show its face in its ascent into the sky, warming the earth and bringing with it the fragrant smell of cooking fires and the day's first meal.


She wore a loose white robe belted at the waist with a red sash. Turning, she squinted her eyes against the sun, barely catching a glimpse of the sacred mountain on the distant horizon behind her. Everywhere she looked, golden desert sands met her eyes, but this didn't deceive her. She knew that to the west lay the towering Delgoa Mountains and to the south was the lush beauty of the Haluri Desert Oasis.


Sighing, Etain's shoulders slumped a bit as butterflies danced in her stomach. She had her meeting with the tribal council in a few hours. What was she getting herself into?


Oisin must've felt her turmoil as he trotted over and nudged her limp hand. He gave solace in the only way he knew how: craving attention.


A smile lifted the corners of her mouth as she turned and gave his ears a good rub before walking over to Iceni. Swinging herself up she whistled for Oisin to follow as they made their way down toward camp.


Passing the guards on duty, Etain waved as Iceni trotted amidst the tents. It was still early morning and people were just beginning to sit down to breakfast. She passed Suki's family tent and Suki's father, Arthak, looked up from their breakfast fire long enough to wave. Suki, one of Etain's oldest childhood friends, lived with her father and older brother Zane. Her mother had passed into the hands of Tchekichaun, God of the Dead, when Suki was only three.


Now that she was in the heart of the camp, the smell of bread-porridge assaulted her from all sides, making her mouth water. She could see the tent she shared with Rhiannon and her family up ahead.


Etain had lived in their tent for as far back she could remember and was considered one of their family. She, Rhiannon, and Setana shared a close sisterly bond. Timo, and here in her thoughts she blushed, only thought of her like a brother should, but she dared to hope that one day he might consider her more.


Both Etain and Rhiannon were tall, but Rhiannon had the desired thin figure while Etain was curvier. Rhiannon's straight black hair and green eyes were Etain's one envy since the Gods saw fit to stick her with wavy black hair that she could never do a thing with, and the most unromantic grey eyes.


Both Etain and Rhiannon were Daughters of the Tribe, a term used for girls and women in the Anjinu tribe whose fathers were unknown. If they reached six years of age and still went unclaimed by a line, their upbringing became the responsibility of the tribe.


Today the tribal council would decide whether or not Etain would begin her training as a healer. If they remained unmarried, the Tribal Daughters were disciplined in some form that would benefit the welfare of the tribe. Etain's choice had been to become a healer.


Thoughts of the council meeting had Etain sitting back, causing Iceni to slow to a walk. One thing Rhiannon and Etain did have in common was their reluctance to put themselves in public situations.


Etain dismounted in front of the tent and fetched a pail of mash for Iceni and some scraps of meat for Oisin before hading in to break her fast. Everyone was already seated on the rug in the center of the tent, awaiting her arrival. She took her seat without further ado and bowed her head as Alori, Rhiannon's mother, gave thanks to the Gods for the meal.


"You were out early this morning. Thinking about your meeting with the elders today?" Alori inquired as she filled and passed around bowls of the bread-porridge.


"Yes, I hope they will finally allow me to begin my training." And they can no longer hide behind the excuse of my not being old enough, since it doesn't look like I will be getting married anytime soon.


Since the last trainee had married a man from the neighboring Hitana tribe, the Anjinu tribe had been without an apt replacement for Princess Delane. Delane was no longer in the first bloom of youth and grew weary of being up at all hours of the night.


Etain was one of those girls who would've loved nothing better than to get married and raise a family, but it seemed that wasn't the Gods' wish for her. Many times Etain had prayed to Eitana, the Goddess of Love, but to no avail.


"Well, look on the bright side, nobody has died from one of these meetings in," Timo screwed up his face in a mockery of thought, "hundreds of years. And she only died because she'd angered the Gods. Done anything to anger the Gods lately?"


Etain just glared at him through narrowed eyes, trying not to smile. But when Alori smacked him across the back of the head as she walked past, Etain couldn't help laughing at his injured look.


After they had finished the meal and put away the dishes, Rhiannon helped Etain to pick an appropriate outfit for the meeting. Etain shimmied out of her riding clothes of that morning and into the clothes Rhiannon handed her. Rhiannon had selected white billowing pants, called pilah, with a sky blue robe to follow overtop. This robe, called a sutah, was longer in length, falling almost all the way to the top of Etain's feet, and was too narrow for anything but walking. Gold embroidery graced the hemline, neck, and sleeves.


Rhiannon braided Etain's hair and set a gold circlet upon her forehead. The final touch was the taren. Rhiannon had picked out a dark blue to complement the blue of her sutah. The taren was a long rectangular piece of cloth that wrapped around the head and lower face so that only the eyes and a bit of the cheeks were showing. The end was wrapped over the right shoulder and across the chest to the left hip where it wrapped around back before fanning out across the skirt of the sutah and was secured with a brooch. It was a formal outfit, one women wore when attending tribal meetings or in dealings with outsiders. Generally, most women wore only a pilah with a sutah overtop, and a gold or silver circlet, attire more suited to the daily chores.


The only other time women had to cover their faces were if they were wearing their riding clothes, which were considered men's attire. Women were required to wear a burnoose to cover their face and head. It worked out well, since it prevented the choking sand their horses kicked up from assailing their faces.


Etain set out across the sands toward the council's tent, Oisin shadowing her. At the entrance to the tent Oisin sat in the shade to wait for her as the guard pulled aside the door flap. He would probably get bored and go chase a bug after a few minutes. She just hoped he didn't run through someone's clean laundry again.


Etain squinted at the shadows of the council members in the dimness inside the tent. The men were sitting on pillows arranged in a semicircle on the carpet. Halek, the head member and leader of their tribe, sat in the middle of the semi-circle, and it was before him that Etain stopped. She knelt, touching her forehead to the floor in a show of respect and his seniority of rank. In acknowledgement of this, each council member brought their hand from their chest to their lips and flicked outward.


"So, you have come here to meet with the council in order to be granted permission to train as a healer, this is correct?" Halek questioned as Etain took her seat.


A simple yes was her only answer. Six men of the tribe walked in bearing small boxes, which they lined up in front of the council. Looking closely at the men, Etain noticed Zane among them. When he caught her eye he winked and gave a small smile, causing the tightness in her chest and throat to loosen a little.


From the boxes were removed six golden bracelets. The first three, engraved with the sword and shield of a warrior in training, the staff of a shaman, and the makou fig leaf, were the hardest to attain. They each had four or more tests that had to be completed. The other three, the linnet of a bard, orb of a mystic, and the sun shadowed by the crescent moon or a priest, were easier to attain because they had less trials.


As one the council members lifted their hands to the Heavens as their voices blended in the age-old chant asking the Gods, Sordan and Dijuin, for guidance and light. At first nothing happened and Etain swallowed nervously, but as she watched a ball of light coalesced above their heads. Their chant finished, the tribal members all watched as the ball of light drifted down and disappeared into the bracelet engraved with the makou leaf, causing it to glow.


"The Gods have spoken," the eldest of the tribe member's announced as the light dimmed and went out. He picked up the healers bracelet and placed it on her outstretched arm. With that the breath whooshed out of her chest in a sigh of relief and the band constricting her heart dissolved.


"The first of the trials has been passed; tomorrow you will start your training."


Etain was dismissed and she exited the tent full of wonder and disbelief. She'd actually done it; she had passed the first trial!


Etain fairly skipped back on her way to the tent to change. Oisin, who was usually calm and sedate, jumped at her hands as she moved along, barking for everyone to hear.


When she came abreast of the Armindo family tent, Annie came hurrying out. Her dark brown hair was unbound, telling Etain that she'd been working in the tent for some time. Annie could never stand having her hair pulled up for long.


With eyes sparkling excitement and a smile on her face, Annie offered her congratulations as she enveloped Etain in a hug.


Aster, Annie's younger sister and one of Setana's best friends, came out as Etain was stepping back, and soon the entire family had emerged to congratulate her. Many other members of the tribe stopped as they passed by to find out how she did and offer smiles and hugs.


It was another half an hour before she blew into her tent and told the news to her family. Alori insisted on making a special treat for them after dinner to celebrate.


The mood was definitely festive as they prepared that evenings meal. Setana had been sent out to invite the Ihpac, William, Arthak, and Armindo families to join their campfire for the meal.


There was much laughter and conversation during the meal and afterwards they set aside the dishes and sang.


Etain was covertly watching Timo, who sat across the campfire talking with Aldin, when Zane appeared in front of her, asking her to join him in a song. As Zane sang the first opening notes, everyone hushed to listen. The song was of the Fairy King Midir and his search for his lost love. At its conclusion, a sigh whispered around the campfire and they received many compliments on their singing.


The twins, Kelten and Estan, four years younger than Etain, were the next to stand up and sing, followed by Etain's friend Mercy and her sister, Yasemin. After everyone around the campfire had stood up to sing at least once, William leaned forward to ask, "Rhiannon, won't you sing another before I'm off to bed?"


Rhiannon's accompaniment had been much sought after this evening. Hers was the type of voice that enriched the voice of anyone who sang alongside her.


As the hauntingly lyrical cadence of her voice wove with the brilliance of the stars, Etain felt her gaze drift over the sleeping form of Aster, curled into her mother Juanita's arms. Mercy's mother, Mhairi, sat with her head resting on William's shoulder, eyes closed with a smile gracing her lips. Watching her, Etain felt an answering smile flit across her face as her brain drowsily began processing the day's major events. It had been a good day.


With the conclusion of Rhiannon's song everyone began to stir, collecting dirty dishes and blankets, heading off into the darkness accompanied by the sighing wind as they sought their tents.

 
 

DateNameComment 
14 Aug 2006:-) Beth Alice O´Leary
Hello m’dear! I’m currently in a nitpicky mood so beware – long comment approaching! 1 Yay, love long comments! 1

‘He was taller than Epona’s short five feet by a foot and a half, with short dark hair that currently had sand in it and aqua eyes.’ – right. This is a little muddled for my liking: I know, I'd been trying to fix that sentence, and I couldn't, for the life of me, figure out how to fix it! So thank you SO VERY MUCH for your suggestions! *big huggle*
1) you used short twice *tuts*sheepish grin* 10 so I’d say you don’t really need the first one in the sentence.
2) maybe try ‘with short dark hair, currently speckled with sand’ or something (I like the way he has sand in his hair, that’s cute ^.^)heeheee, me too!
3) it seems like it’s his hair that has aqua eyes at the moment :-/ So adding in my no.2 bit should help that!

‘Her blond hair,’ – I think it’s usually ‘blonde’ with girls.. warg! oops

‘… or are you just standing there to annoy me?” – awww she’s a meany! And you know what I do to meanies.. *cracks knuckles and summons hybrids* lol, yes, that was a particularly evil moment for her wasn't it? But she can be like that sometimes. 1

‘she dropped it on the rug in front of Corin and landed on a plop.’ – lol, what does landing on a plop involve??WAHAHAHAHA!*falls off chair while laughing but doesn't notice and continues to laugh until the very brink of pant peeing.

‘Epona caused her arched her back until a small pop could be heard,’ – does that make sense? Whoa! Erm....*sheepish look* I don't even know what that sentence was supposed to be. I'll have to go back and check my writing (I write out my stories in notebooks and then transfer them to the computer....that's why there's usually so many spelling/grammatical mistakes)

‘holding his breath ans listening for movement.’ – should be ‘and’.

Such a wonderful, sad story about her sister! And such a good start for a story to be written by you! ;-) But it seemed a bit too easy that her sister was already discovered.. I think I might explain a bit later why it was so easy for them to find her sister....and this is only the beginning....many more chapters to go, don't worry, they both find their fair share of trouble! 1 I’m sure you know best though, of course!

Continued...

:-) Liz ´the'leasel´ Verde replies: "yay for continueness!"
7 Sep 2006:-) Ryan 'Saint' Stringer
An interesting start to the story and gets us set up for this meeting of sorts that must inevitably take place between Epona and her sister. You've done a fairly good job of introducing Epona's personality to us by way of dialogue and other actions we see her do (the way she plops onto the pillow, etc), as well as Matin, actually. We don't see him a lot but his character was well introduced. It will be interesting to see where it goes from here.

I could have used a little more description as to where exactly these people are and possibly WHO they are - not a lot, perhaps, but enough to give a little more context to their tribe, etc. Of course I have the bad habit of always over-writing these things, so a happy medium would be a good thing 2Ah yes. My problem, and the reason this chapter still seems so weird, is that it was originally the second half of the first chapter ... which is now the second chapter ...if that makes any sense, lemme know. 1 But so many people suggested that I make them two separate chapters with Epona's part first, I tried it, and now some pertinent information that you get in Etain's chapter, such as it being a desert and such, was missing. But hopefully with these latest additions to the chapter (which will be in the cue in a few days) it will all be cleared up. Thanks for dropping by! 1 Have some cookies before you go!
3 Oct 200645 Kage E. Murphy
Hello newest member of the Wyvern’s Projects! I enjoyed this story’s beginnings and look forward to reading the next chapter. Terrific descriptions through out, by the way!

:-) Liz ´the'leasel´ Verde replies: "*mauls* thank you for visiting and for the welcome! 1"
27 Dec 2006:-) Angela Perry
This sounds so familiar to me...how could I have read it and not left comments? Bad, bad editor. But, we’ll fix that now ;-) (I generally don’t comment on grammar and such; I hope that’s okay.)

I think your descriptions are fantastic! Your characters are interesting too. I was quite curious about the dynamic between Epona and Matin. Why doesn’t Epona like him? He sounds cute enough to me ;-)

Also, I was quite interested in the fact that Epona has no magic, while everyone else does. How does that affect her? Do people treat her as less of a person? How does she cope with daily magic activities that everyone else takes for granted?

On to the next chapter! Onward ho! [brandishes cutlass]

:-) Liz ´the'leasel´ Verde replies: "Don’t worry, I have a habit of doing that as well. And you may have read this back when it was one chapter instead of broken into two. That’s perfect! My grammer needs work, but at this point I’m more interested in content, what works and doesn’t, what needs more elaboration, etc.

He’s more of an annoying brother figure for her .. I think because he’s a bit too submissive for her and she likes a more fiery type of guy

Hmmm... I hadn’t previously given this a lot of thought. In Epona’s gypsy band, they aren’t really based on magic, whereas the five tribes are (you find out a bit about in the second chapter). So all of the gypsies are in the same boat as Epona.

Hopefully this will become (and I’ll try and make it become) more apparrent when in chapter three, four, and five. [wipes hand across forehead] whew, I almost gave some of the story away there! I’d forgotten that I was commenting on the first chapter and not the fourth, eep!"
28 Mar 2007:-) Sarah-amy haley
Lovely! Quick paced and left me wanting more, good job!


:-) Liz ´the'leasel´ Verde replies: "Thank you *hands out cookies*"
12 Apr 2007:-) Amanda Nikese
I’m liking the premise of the story so far. The plot is interesting, if a *little* cliched- matching pendants to indicate family. But who am I to talk I am the QUEEN of cliches. But whateva, I’m gonna go read some more your stories 1

:-) Liz ´the'leasel´ Verde replies: "Nononono, I’m the Queen of cliches! You can be the court jester ^_^

Thanks for visiting and leaving comments! *hands over a kiwi and some chocolate* I don’t recommend both at the same time ... O_o"
2 May 2007:-) Linda M. Billson
Beutiful story. love your characters and sense of scenery.,.
Thank you.

:-) Liz ´the'leasel´ Verde replies: "Thanks for coming and leaving a comment, I’m glad you enjoyed it!"
31 Jul 2007:-) Sarvat Hasin
Beutiful story. love your characters and sense of scenery.,.
Thank you.

:-) Liz ´the'leasel´ Verde replies: "Thanks for coming and leaving a comment, I’m glad you enjoyed it!"
28 Jan 2008:-) Glo 'the Bug' Bowden
Beautiful. I love the culture you’ve created! Did you do research into other cultures to create this? I’m curious as to the inspiration. I mean, you had it down to the name of each article of clothing. I especially loved the sense of community, the idea of the title "Daughter of the Tribe", and the extra cool names!

The writing is beautiful and descriptive. It’s a bit hard to keep track of all the characters that you’ve introduced, though. I don’t know what to suggest. I wouldn’t have you change it, since introducing all these people immediately throws us into the everyday life of the village as seen through the eyes of Etain, and makes her more real.

:-) Liz ´the'leasel´ Verde replies: "Nope, I didn’t end up doing any research, just created the entire culture from my head. This was made while working at Minter Gardens over the Christmas break two years ago, selling tickets for the train ride and the lights show ... there were many a slow night with nothing to do and so this was born. ^_^ This was originally a submission for one of the Wyvern Projects, where the theme was community ... that’s why the sense of community in the story had to be so developed.

Yeah, I’ve got to do quite a bit of work on this piece to make it easier on the reader, but I still love it ^_^."
9 May 200845 Linda
hmm.....for some reason it’s telling me that I wrote that comment up there (same as Sarvat Hasin’s) and I’m all weirded out. Crazy as I am, I don’t think I would’ve done that. Some Elfwood glitches, eh? 2

I am so looking forward to next Friday. *Chanting* May 16th! May 16th! Caspian! Caspian! Narnia! Narnia! (I’m excited, no?)

:-) Liz ´the'leasel´ Verde replies: "Yep, blame that one on the glitch team! heh heh

YAY Prince Caspian! SOOO looking forward to that one! *dances* who you going to see it with?"
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