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Three knocks sounded upon the small wooden door, followed by a pause and
then four knocks more, followed by two scratches, one whistle, another
pause, and then finally a cat's meow. Murphy opened the door, because that
was the proper secret door knock to the secret meeting place. Three elves,
Sebastian, Elmo, and Bud, entered and greeted Murphy, their fellow elf,
with the secret handshake - a slight rub of the other's nose with the right
thumb, accompanying two winks of the left eye.
After all the pleasantries, Murphy hurried them inside, peering outside
for any signs they were followed, before closing the door. Click, click,
slide, click click, thunk; Murphy locked all the locks, bolted the bolt,
and secured the drop bar for good measure. Then together they descended
into the depths of the old oak, following the passage to the war room,
the place where they held all their secret meetings, and planned all their
secret plans.
That night was especially special, because that night was the night they
chose to execute their special mission. From a leather scroll case, Sebastian
unfurled the plans and carefully scrutinized it one last time. With all
seriousness, he went over each elf’s duties, outlining the plan of events
and the overall objective. With nods from Murphy, grunts from Elmo, and
the occasional giggle from Bud, each elf acknowledged his responsibility.
Satisfied, Sebastian, who was hunched over the parchment, stood up and
grabbed a goblet full of sweet Evenberry wine. “To victory!,” he exclaimed
with his tiny elf voice.
“To victory!” the others responded, each grabbing a goblet and taking a
modest drink...all except for Bud who gulped down the entire contents of
his goblet.
Pouring another goblet full, Bud again cried, “To victory!” and downed
it all again.
Surprised, but following Bud in his cheer nonetheless, the others cried,
“To victory!” and once again took another drink.
“To victory!” Bud cried a third time, but by now the others were on to
his act and quickly snatched his goblet away from him before he could fill
it with more wine. Showing disappointment, Sebastian grabbed one of Bud’s
long pointy elf ears and tugged hard. Yelping in pain, Bud stumbled after
Sebatian as he head out of the room, followed by the other two marching
in stride and giggling at Bud’s torment.
The four of them followed the twisting passage through the old oak to the
store room, the place where they keep all their secret equipment. Upon
arriving, Sebastian let go of Bud’s ear and started assigning various elven
equipment to each elf. Rubbing his ear gingerly, Bud mumbled a few choice
words but Sebastian ignored him and reached into a cabinet to pull out
four Elf-Eyes 2000 night goggles. Glowing with anticipation, Elmo
and Murphy each accepted his goggles and promptly put them on, waving to
each other and giggling as they made goofy faces. Bud, a bit tipsy, took
a while to find the on-switch, mostly because he had put his goggles on
upside-down.
After the goggles, each received a thin purple rope with an accompanying
silver grappling hook, a utility belt stocked with various handy things
including fairy dust and dog biscuits, little black eleven boots of sneaking,
and finally a suite of black special elf-operations clothing. With everyone
all geared up and ready to roll, Sebastian led the way to the exit and
out into the cool summer night.
The city park wasn’t very big, but to a wee little elf, it was a forest.
After ducking and dodging their way through the bushes, avoiding a curious
duck they decided to name Mr. Farkle, and crawling through a drainage pipe
that led up to a storm drain, the intrepid quartet now had the daunting
task of crossing a busy roadway, and scaling the fence to the warehouse
across the street.
Surveying the land through his night goggles, Sebastian pointed to a lamppost
fifteen feet down the sidewalk. With a bit of group planning beforehand,
the band waited for a break in the foot traffic before scurrying out of
the storm drain and toward the lamppost.
In the darkness, a person can’t normally see an elf unless he is looking
for one, or if the elf wants to be seen. However, a person can hear the
pitter-patter of tiny elven feet and the squeaking of tiny elven voices,
and a person can also feel an elf brush up against his leg and can accidentally
crush one under his foot if the elf is not careful. So, with the help of
their sneaky boots and their natural elven adroitness, the quartet quietly
made their way through the night-life foot traffic and to the lamppost
without being noticed or crushed...all except for Bud, who was busy eying
a nearby hot dog stand and didn’t notice the other three jump out of the
drain without him.
Reaching the lamppost, the other three began calculating its height before
Elmo noticed Bud was missing. Turning back to look for him, Elmo caught
a glimpse of Bud’s slight elven figure darting for the hot dog stand. Turning
back to the other two in worry, Elmo nudged Murphy, but he and Sebastian
were just too busy discussing the intricacies of Pythagoras’ formula and
measuring the angle of the lamp to the post’s base. So as any elf of the
Secret Order of the Secret Elven Brotherhood of Northeast Central Park
would do, Elmo valiantly dashed toward the hot dog stand to save his errant
brother from pending disaster, not to mention a swift kick in the pants
from the Secret Order of the Secret Elven Brotherhood of Northeast Central
Park Grand Planner, Sebastian!
Hopping amongst the unknowing humans, Elmo hurried, wanting to catch Bud
before he climbed the hot dog stand and exposed himself by trying to steal
a hot dog, but because Elmo sacrificed his sneakiness for speed, he attracted
the attention of a nearby dancing monkey who found the elf to be quite
interesting. Ignoring its owner, the monkey stopped dancing to the frolicking
wails of an accordion, and dashed toward Elmo in curiosity, followed by
its owner who stopped playing to chase after his monkey. In turn Elmo dashed
toward Bud who had climbed halfway up the hot dog stand, and grabbed his
legs just as he was reaching the top.
Feeling a tugging at his legs, Bud looked down to see Elmo glaring at him
angrily when suddenly the monkey tackled Elmo, climbing to his head and
joyously pulling and biting on his tiny elven ears. Then hearing a commotion
from the crowd on the sidewalk, Bud looked up to see the monkey’s owner
chasing after his monkey quite angrily. Yelling in terror at the fat man
with a large pointy moustache approaching hastily, Bud leaped from the
hot dog stand and ran out into the road, startling a horse drawing a carriage
with his panicked cries for help. The horse stirred, jerking the carriage
into oncoming traffic. An automobile swerved to miss hitting the horse
and ended up losing control and bouncing over the curb and toward the lamppost.
Sensing the sudden illumination of headlights upon themselves, Murphy and
Sebastian caught a glimpse of the oncoming automobile before yelling in
terror and jumping back into some bushes. With a loud crash, the automobile
came to a halt, followed by the flickering of the lamp before its light
went out. But that wasn’t the end of the sounds they heard while hiding
in the bushes, they heard another crash from across the street, and the
screeching of more tires. Once all the commotion was over, Sebastian peeked
out from within the bushes to see that the automobile had knocked the lamppost
over and onto the very fence across the street they needed to climb over.
Without wasting the moment, Sebastian ordered his comrades to follow him,
and he darted out of the bushes and onto the leaning lamppost, making his
way across the street and to the fence on the other side.
Murphy turned back to the other two who were now standing next to him -
Elmo panting and Bud happily chewing a mouth full of something - and he
shrugged, motioning for them to follow before more humans gathered around.
He darted off after Sebastian, and Elmo followed, grabbing Bud by the arm
and dragging him as he swallowed the last of his stolen hot dog with a
burp.
Reaching the fence on the other side of the street, Sebastian dropped down
quietly, surveying the warehouse parking lot for trouble. When all was
clear, he motioned for the rest to follow, and one by one, each elf jumped
down quietly...all except for Bud who lost his balance and fell. He didn’t
hit the ground, however, because somehow he snagged his utility belt on
the lamp. He dangled there, wide eyed and screaming for help while the
others tried to calm him down so he wouldn’t attract the guard dogs, but
they were too late. His screams coming to a sudden halt, Bud looked up
and pointed into the darkness. The others turned to see one burly guard
dog racing toward them, and each in his own special way screamed in sheer
terror, and began racing up the chain link fence to get away from the dog.
There was nothing Bud could do but to dangle there and scream with fright
as the dog raced up to him and jumped up, snapping his teeth. The others
watched helplessly as the dog persisted, jumping up at Bud over and over
again, and snapping at him. Fortunately the dog couldn’t reach him, but
Bud was getting tired, because each time the dog jumped and snapped, he
had to lift his legs, head, and arms away, or they would be torn off.
Sebastian refused to let one of his own fall in the line of duty, so he
climbed up to the top of the fence and over to the spot where the lamp
rested. Carefully he climbed onto the lamppost and slowly walked out toward
Bud. It was hard because the post was bobbing up and down each time Bud
raised and lowered his extremities. Elmo and Murphy tried to distract the
beast by throwing dog biscuits as far away as they could, but it was no
use, for the dog wanted the tasty morsel Bud offered instead. Having reached
Bud, Sebastian kneeled carefully. He couldn’t straddle the post or his
toes may fall victim to the dog’s vicious bite.
Slowly Sebastian began reaching into his backpack but then there was a
sudden jerk of the lamppost, somebody on the street must have been trying
to move it, and Sebastian fell to the ground, landing flat on his back
and knocking the breath out of him. Knowing the little elf had no chance,
the burly dog growled, slowly moving over Sebastian’s trembling form. The
others gasped in horror as the dog’s drool plopped upon Sebastian’s head.
It was then that Bud snapped; he wasn’t about to allow his leader and friend
die at the hands of some mangy mongrel. With a sudden burst of courage,
Bud unlatched his utility belt and dropped down upon the dog, tackling
it by its neck. With all his might he wrapped his legs around the surprised
dog, yelling “To victory!” Then he grabbed one of the burly dog’s eyelids
in each hand and yanked with all the ferocity he could muster! The dog
yelped loudly, jumping back from Sebastian.
Murphy and Elmo’s jaws dropped, utterly shocked at the heroism displayed
by their brother, but they also felt invigorated by Bud’s attack, and jumped
off the fence and charged at the beast, each yelling mightily with their
tiny elf voices, “To victory!” Elmo grabbed hold of the dog’s whiskers
and yanked as hard as Bud did upon its eyelids. Again it thrashed, trying
to scratch off the two elves, and that is when Murphy grabbed hold of its
tail, and bit it, gnashing his teeth into the furry thing.
The dog jumped, and spun around. Being beaten all over, it rolled onto
its back to rid itself of Bud, but he adeptly let go of its eyelids and
jumped out of the way before being crushed. Thrashing again, the dog got
back onto its feet. It whipped Elmo off its whiskers but not without Elmo
removing a couple along the way. Yelping in fright, the dog turned and
ran, with Murphy still dangling on its tail. When he realized his friends
were no longer with him, Murphy released his clench and fell to the ground
behind the fleeing dog.
The other two ran to Murphy and picked him up as he spit out dog fur, and
then the three of them hurried back to Sebastian who was still lying prone
on the ground. Dazed, Sebastian lied there, wide eyed and still. It wasn’t
until when the three faces of his comrades peered down upon him, that he
blinked in confusion. Coming to his senses he sat up, catching a glimpse
of the dog fleeing in terror. With some semblance of a smile, something
Sebastian never did, he stood up and wiped the drool off himself. Then
he led the other three across the parking lot undisturbed.
Their main objective was the old brick building across the road on the
far end of the warehouse parking lot. They had infiltrated the stronghold
many times and completed many missions there in the past, so once they
got to its doors, slipping in was almost routine for the quartet. They
sprinkled fairy dust upon themselves so that they could become invisible
to the secuirty cameras and sneak in through the back entrance. When inside,
they sprinkled some more fairy dust into the coffee mugs of the guards
in the guard room, so that the guards would slip into a haze that would
allow them to head up the stairwell undetected. However, they didn’t head
upstairs until picking out the perfect raspberry jelly donut from the fresh
selection in the guard room. Without the perfect raspberry jelly donut,
the mission couldn’t be completed!
Diligently they climbed the large steps to the fourth floor, and cracked
open the stairwell door to peer out into a dimmed hallway lined with doors
on either side. With all four heads stacked upon each other peering through
the crack, they faithfully watched for the clock to reach nine o’clock,
the time for the night crew to take a break. At that time, all but one
of the building’s night crew made their way to the elevator to go downstairs
to the break room. The last one remained at her station, taking care of
paperwork.
The quartet then slipped into the hallway, trying to hold in the delight
rising inside. The single night worker, an older woman in white, stopped
what she was doing after hearing the pitter-patter of tiny elven feet,
and the giggling of tiny elven voices. With a knowing smile, she clasped
her hands and sat back in her chair, watching the edge of her desk, expectantly.
The pitter-patter came to a stop at her desk, and the giggles died down
with a hush. Slowly, a raspberry jelly donut rose up to the edge of her
desk and then was gently slid onto it.
“Oh my!” the lady stated aloud, sounding rehearsed. “A jelly donut. What
a pleasant surprise.” She lifted the donut off her desk and took a bite.
“And a raspberry jelly donut too! I just love raspberry jelly donuts. I
am just going to have to sit back and enjoy my raspberry jelly donut.”
Giving themselves thumbs-up and high-fives, the quartet then moved on to
a nearby door. It was cracked open slightly, and very dark inside. Putting
on their night goggles, they quietly stepped in, giggling to themselves.
Slowly they walked, passing by the feet of many beds, all with various
pictures and charts and human writing hanging from them. They came to a
stop in the middle of the room and then Murphy pulled out a large black
sheet from his backpack and covered them all with it.
There came a rustling underneath as each elf wrestled with each other under
the sheet, trying get done what they needed without attracting any attention.
Arms poked out randomly, and then someone’s breeches flew out, only to
have an arm reach out and search for it. A light or two could be seen glowing
through the dark sheet, much like a flashlight under a bed sheet. Then
after a minute of rustling, all went dark, and all went quiet. The room
was peaceful; only the sleeping breath of those in the beds filled the
room.
Suddenly there was a flash of light followed by a small explosion and other
colored pyrotechnics. All the children in their beds were awoke by the
ruckus and saw the four little elves, dressed in wild colors, marching
up and down the room, merrily playing musical instruments. The band was
led by Sebastian throwing his baton into the air, followed by Murphy blowing
on the trumpet gleefully, Elmo playing the flute happily, and Bud bringing
up the rear banging on his big drum. The children laughed as the quartet
tripped up and fell into a pile, and cheered when they all sprang up with
toy rapiers and capes and chased each other throughout the room, swinging
on the privacy curtains between each bed, and performing acrobatic stunts
off of various hospital equipment.
The children danced in their beds with the quartet as they led the room
in the Macarena, and gasped when Bud, wearing a coffee pot on his head
and wielding a plunger, told Murphy, who was lying on the floor with one
hand tucked into his sleeve, that he was Murphy's father. They sang when
the quartet sang, and laughed when they told jokes. And for a few short
moments, the children forgot the terminal illnesses that had brought them
to the children’s hospital, and simply enjoyed themselves as carefree children.
When it was all over, and the children were fast asleep with smiles on
their precious faces, the quartet packed up their things, and quietly shuffled
out of the room, their hearts filled with delight that they were able to
bring some happiness to these otherwise sad children.
Sweaty and tired, they slipped down the hall, toward the stairwell, and
passed the jelly donut lady along the way. She was humming to herself,
purposely ignoring the plate of oatmeal raisin cookies she left on the
floor, and doing her paperwork. With a clatter of the plate, she knew the
little elves had accepted her gift, and continued on with her paperwork,
smiling to herself.
The quartet left the building just as the guards were coming out of their
fairy dust haze, and headed into the early morning city, worry free. With
a cookie each, and a swig from the Evenberry wine Bud sneaked in his pack
earlier, they walked home to the old oak side-by-side, together yelling
one last time, “To victory!”
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Caitlin May Waggoner
