You know those annoying salespeople that always call at dinnertime? Well my friends, I have for you the ultimate weapon against such evil!
For only $19.95 (plus $5.98 shipping and handling) you can have your very own Attack Turtle!(R) Yes, for this low introductory price, you get your very own saliva-dripping, anger-ridden zoned-out Attack Turtle!(R)
How does it work, might you ask? All you have to do is introduce Attack Turtle!(R) to the phone and allow him to breathe into the phone, growl and possibly snarl. While you have your salesperson temporarily stunned, issue the line 'He'll kill your children.' Give it no time and soon enough you'll have peaceful nights at the dinnertable once again!
Ballpoint Pen. 8/6/03