'Revenge of the Mon-Cal Sith,' Colored. (Re-Submitted)

Sci fi/Fantasy image by

Paul Doyle

I forgot to crop the left side of this image, on first submission attempt. Fixed! :PPPPPP Colored version. Yuck.Uniform is now a hybrid between Sith uniform, Imperial oficer uniform (think of Admiral Piett from "Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi"), and a standard Mon Calamari military uniform.What really, truly angers a goody two-shoes Mon Calamari who has turned to evil---one who is not only a very high-ranking Imperial officer, but also a heretofore unknown Dark Lord of the Sith subservient only to Darth Vader and Emperor Palpatine? Seafood. Calamari squid . . . all you can eat "Mon" Calamari as a luncheon special? He'll spare Muftak the Talz, of course, because he's everyone's favorite low-tech Mos Eisley cantina critter. And he'll also spare perplexed, confuzzled Pauly the Anthro-Dragon, because he is the only living creature not eating seafood . . . Mn-Cal Sith's fatal error. Pauly the anthro-Dragon is eating a Bacon Bantha Burger, which has been specially rigged by Imperial Forces (notice the probot and bounty hunter IG-88 peering through the window of the restaurant), with its beacon transmitting directly to the Emperor's Throne Room on the Death Star. The Mon Calamari Sith Lord is using the Force to direct uncooked crabs against the patrons. The double-edged Darth Maul-style Sith lightsaber will quickly follow. Yet Pauly the Anthro-Dragon will rise up, and in a surprise maneuver, give in to hatred and cook the Mon-Cal sith in his shell with his fiery anthro-dragon breath . . . and thus, Darth Paranoia shall be born, at least on weekends and holidays. After all, Pauly the Anthro-Dragon has a reputation to upkeep. He's sort of goofy and confuzzled like Jar Jar, but not overbearingly so. He's definitely far more competent and skilled than JarJar could ever hope to be . . . and so, he takes the ownership of the Red Lobster ripoff.I forgot to give the Mon-Cal Sith guy those oversized Mon Calamari forearms . . . and for someone with no butt, he sure can jump :PElfwood Fanquarter Technical Stuff, in case everyone has been asleep since the original Star Wars film came out in 1977---Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine, IG-88, Imperial Probe Droid, Galactic Senate Building, Muftak the Talz (four-eyes scratching his head), Wookie, Jawa, Gungan, R2 unit, Death Star, Star Destroyer, TIE fighters, planet Coruscant, Mon Calamari all (c) Lucasfilm and to THE MAN, George Lucas himself.Pauly the Anthro-Dragon, who will soon (in this aspect) become Darth Paranoia (at the expense of the Mon-Cal Sith) and also the new owner of this imperiled restaurant, is (c) to me, Paul J. Doyle. Without copyrighted Star Wars characters, he will be in my SF/F gallery with a wooden spoon, a bumbling apprentice, and nothing but orange in the background :PMay/June 2005  

Published More than a year ago

Category Fan art

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More by Paul Doyle

'Classical Dragon's Lament'

This is a poem about a typical, damsel-eating 'classic' dragon who finds himself besmitten with his virgin sacrifice, and therefore in a big dilemma.


I decided to break out of a rut, and try something completely different. So I got into a little challenge with Elfwood writer Leigh Erickson: If she could write about something OTHER than death, I would write a death poem! So here it is, about a fictitious Egyptian pharaoh named Chepankhtep (yes; I chickened out trying to come up with rhymes, so I left his name out of the poem! I hope it's exciting and fun . . . and has a twist. The Mexican mummies mentioned are no longer literally hanging around; they are in museums now. If you've ever seen the original 'Faces of Death', you've seen some of the Mexican mummies mentioned here. This is the very first attempt I've made at something this dark.

Santa Claus: Medieval Secret Undercover Agent---Episode Four, Slimetrail Skulks SantaVille

---This story is for Elfwood writer Che Franz Joseph Monro, who has been an excellent reader/critic, and is a fantastic writer in his own right--- I admit, I like Episode Three even though it's strange and not for the easily offended. However, there seems to be a lot in it saying 'this story sequence is doomed to imminent lameness after this installment.' It took me a long time to get back to this story, because a great number of things happening in my real life, like moving, getting eye muscle surgery for my son, getting into a couple minor auto accidents, and the holidays---and, of course, getting my Elfwood art gallery up. I'm glad I took a while coming back to this story, because this turned out way better (and way longer) than originally planned.Quick recap: Part One introduces the insanity and wins Mod's Choice despite a flawed story. Part Two focuses on adventure and some cheesy music. Part Three points out the strangeness of a certain religion, and winds up being bizarre (and gets the fewest 'hits') because I was willing to take risks. Part Four also takes risks. It doesn't take place on the border of Orcaporka on the planet Terradum, but at Santa's Village at the North Pole of our very own Earth. If you ever wondered what labor relations were like at the North Pole, here ya go. I believe this is the best one yet. I have scaled back the insane wackiness and taken a more mild, relaxed approach. Slimetrail the Imp has his moment of glory in this story. Brian Claus (the real brains behind Santa's Village) is unveiled in all his zitty, nerdy yet strangely cool glory. When you're done reading, please let me know if I should continue this story or not. I'd sooner discontinue it, rather than let it get staler and triter than your average made-for-TV 'Heartwarming Emotional Family Christmas Reunion Mushiness.' Or, as Neil Young sang so many years ago, 'It's better to burn out than it is to rust.'

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