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Madame Million's Horoscopes
By Madame Million
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
Back up your files this month; a computer crash is in your near future. The weather will frustrate you. Don't let snippy remarks discourage you from being creative; some people will always spout off about nothing. Carry something comforting with you: it will be more useful than you can foresee.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Your sense of humor will go unappreciated this month. Try to keep it from being too biting. Your creativity will be at an all-time high during the middle of the month. You might want to see about cleaning out that junk drawer; you'll find a tool you needed last month.
Aries (March 21 - April 20)
Although you will feel ineffectual throughout the month, you will be impressed with your accomplishments when you look back from the end of the month. Don't give up! You will have a pile of scanner or computer frustrations to deal with, but remember the adage: reboot, restart, resist (throwing the computer out the window).
Taurus (April 21 - May 20)
Someone you said something to last month will have misunderstood, but you won't find out until this month. There will be a relationship to patch up, which will reward you with lots of creative material. Avoid changing your hairstyle this month. Outlook is not good.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
This month marks a new high in communication, but a distressing low on accomplishments. Remember to look for quality as well as quantity. Don't underestimate someone you've got a so-so opinion of; they will surprise you. Don't bother with any lottery tickets or raffles this month.
Cancer (June 21 - July 20)
Money will be an issue this month, but some will come in due, perhaps indirectly, to some of your creative work, leaving you feeling pretty darn good. Don't get a swelled head about it or slack off; this is the time to push your talents to the limit, and the payback will be excellent in the long run. Music will be a great comfort to you in dark times.
Leo (July 21 - August 21)
This is a good month for changing your look to reflect a change in attitude. Go ahead! (But if your mother wants someone to blame for your new body art, don't tell her I said so.) Creativity will be spurred by someone close to you who will be suffering this month. They will appreciate your concern, but go easy on the comfort or they will feel stifled. Consider adding peas to your diet.
Virgo (August 22 - September 22)
Yeah! This is a rocking month for accomplishing things. Don't schedule the rest of your year based on this month, however, or you'll be drowning in unfinished projects. Your creative energy will answer your call nearly every time that you sit down to use it. Telemarketers will seem particularly irritating this month!
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
Consider ethnic foods this month. In fact, you may try incorporating a number of other cultures and races into your creative pursuits this month; you'll be pleased with the results. Avoid too much salt, and if you chew on pens too much, you will end up with a mouthful of ink.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 22)
This month will seem creatively productive, but when you get to the end and look back, you will wonder what you accomplished. Don't worry, you will have laid the groundwork for getting things finished in the coming months, and you will be very glad you put in the work that you did. Pesky things like jobs and bills will seem particularly irritating this month.
Sagittarius (November 23 - December 20)
Something that you thought was a waste will turn out to be very valuable. Which isn't to say you shouldn't get rid of some of that trash; this is a good time to clean out your files. This would be a good time to think about changing your hairstyle, but don't go overboard. Watch out for bubble gum in bad places.
Capricorn (December 21 - January 19)
The theme of the month for you is pets and familiars, and anything you do with them will turn out well. Draw them, write about them, get bitten by them, breed them, covet them, dream them, or whatever strikes your fancy. Don't be afraid to express your opinions this month; you will get several favorable responses. You will get a record amount of spam this month.
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