This web page is part of a hosted copy of the WoodWorks eZine at Elfwood.  (#797)
The eZine is no longer updated, nor does it have it's own domain left... This also means that it's no use to contact the WoodWorks editors, etc, etc...
 















 This web page is part of a hosted copy of the WoodWorks eZine at Elfwood.  (#797)
The eZine is no longer updated, nor does it have it's own domain left... This also means that it's no use to contact the WoodWorks editors, etc, etc...
 
Klimpen's Corner
by Klimpen

Dear Klimpen,

I am a fairly attractive deity who loves to frolick about Elfwood. My problem is that no one seems to capture my radiance correctly... Its a bit of a downer, you see. Most mortals now have no concept of the glory that is me, and it becomes harder and harder to recruit new acolytes. Can you give me some pointers on how I might be able to remedy this egregious situation?

~Signed "Ostracised Olympian"

Dear Olympian,

In this time and age, even deities cannot expect to get something for nothing. Even I have to work for my keep. Did you ever consider moonlighting as a muse? Muses these days are often negligent of their duties despite the wide market and great demand for them. It's a simple matter of finding an artist or a writer who is inspired by your beauty. Instant convert!


Dear Klimpen,
I am a struggling writer who seems to have lost his muse. Can you direct me to any source of divinity currently seeking a Prophet to spread their Word?

~Signed "Wretched Writer""

Dear Wretched, see above.


Dear Klimpen,
I've been trying for years to take over the world, yet there are constantly all these "heros" coming out of the woodwork (get it? huh?) to foil all my fiendish plots... do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this?

~Signed, Evil Incarnate

Dear Evil,

I would suggest reading the Evil Overlord List, which offers some excellent advice about some basic things busy people such as yourself tend to overlook when planning to take over the world.

PS - If this works for you, can I submit an application to be your token feline companion? I'm sure it pays better than what I'm earning now.


Dear Klimpen,
Why does everyone blame the rain on me? I'm innocent. ;-;

signed~ Rainy

Dear Rainy,

Perhaps it's the name? Humans always need to blame everything on someone else. (Do you have any idea how many people write in asking me if I knew what my name meant? I know what it means, dangit!)


Dear Klimpen,
I'm just a lonely dwarf who has been wandeing through Elfwood in search of a good dwarfette. There seems to be so few of them. I was wondering where the others might have gotten off to. Can you give me any leads?

~Signed, Desperate Dwarf

Dear Desperate Dwarf,

Yes, there are quite a few dwarves in Elfwood. But they all have beards. There are ways to find out if they are women, however.



Thanks go out to Ric, Jonas and Megan for their contributions this month.


Klimpen is rather proud of his fine whiskers. He does not enjoy being sent away to a pet lodge when Thomas and Karin goes on vacation, but you can still to him. Remember to put "Dear Klimpen" in the Subject field or George will eat it.


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