Most flame wars are started with the best intentions. Someone discovers plagiarism, or innocently mentions some controversial issue. Maybe someone wants to start a good, in-depth discussion about gun policies, or whether anime is really art. Perhaps an innocent artist is accused of stealing an idea or a name. Someone stands up in offended defense of an opinion or an accusation, a few harsh words are tossed around, and suddenly hackles start to bristle, there are piles of irate emails, a host of offended posts, and everyone is holding torches.

1. Don't get involved. Put down the pitchfork and step away.

As natural as it may feel to rush to the defense of your friend, or even some random, unknown, beaten-down artist, don't. Taking sides on an issue only adds to the tension and makes the problem larger. It is quite often the case that a flame war was started completely by an accident, or in a passing fit of anger, and the last thing the perpetrator needs is a hoard of people pointing out his mistake and putting him on their defense. Even playing 'peace-maker' often has negative results, because the players in the feud may feel that you are putting your nose where it doesn't belong. Even if it is a friend, analyze the situation and ask yourself, 'do I really belong in this discussion, and will I improve circumstances?' Also ask yourself, 'do I really know all the details behind the situation?' In most cases, only the tiniest pieces of the puzzle are actually public knowledge.

The worst thing you can do is make the problem even bigger. If the flaming is occurring in someone's Elfwood gallery, don't go posting links to the gallery in other public places. Don't recruit your friends to post messages of support, or try to get other people to flame a particular artist. In cases of nasty people looking for attention, you'd only be fueling their power.

If you feel that you cannot sit idly by, there are more useful things to do than join the mob. Comment constructively on an artist's gallery (and only on their gallery) to bolster their spirits, or send them a private note in support or education of an issue. If you feel that the situation needs some resolution, think carefully about who is the most appropriate party to find that resolution. In the case of an Elfwood problem, go directly, and privately, to the Elfwood staff, not to the general Elfwood public. If it's a matter on some other message board or community, go to the moderator, or moderators, of the forum. If it's a case of stolen artwork, go only to the artist in question. No one but an artist and their lawyer can do anything about such a problem, and creating a ruckus about the matter does no good at all.

2. Don't make it personal.

The fastest way to turn a discussion into a flame war is to start naming names. Saying anime is a cheap imitation of art is a lot different than saying than Jane D. is a rip-off no-talent hack. Saying that you support gun control is a perfectly fine opinion, especially if you have some justification to back up your statement. Stating in reply to John Q.'s pro-gun post that John is a crazy, unibomber-style nut for believing that people should have guns is inflammatory and unnecessary.

Remember that past slights and difficulties are going to color how people read your posts. Avoid highlighting specific situations from the past that may bring up ill feelings, and don't use examples that may embarrass or humiliate the subjects, even if you neglect their names. Always treat a public post as something that can and will get back to the person you're speaking of.

If you are in a position where you disagree with an action or statement, make sure that your reply is clear about exactly what you are insulting. Saying 'You are stupid' is inflammatory and rude. Saying 'You have acted stupidly in this case' is still not awfully polite, but it's no longer a personal attack. Sweeping generalities about a person are uncalled for.

3. Don't take it personally.

Not every heated discussion is a flame war. Some topics of discussion are volatile by nature, and opinions often clash. Keep the conversation in perspective. Don't ever assume that someone is attacking you personally. Not everyone will agree with the opinions you present, and you should keep in mind that a rebuttal to your message is not automatically an insult to you. Even when a response to your message is phrased as an attack on yourself and what you wrote, remember that some people simply may have difficulty separating the opinion from the person who presented it.

Even when names are named and insults are hurled, do you really want to put yourself down to their level and return the favor? If you feel inclined to reply to such a statement, diffuse the situation with humor, or logic. Don't get up in arms and reply defensively. If you feel upset, take the time to calm down before you reply.

4. Self-censor.

Give every post some critical consideration, before you actually present it to the public. What are you trying to do with your post? Does your post reflect your opinions accurately? Have you managed that fine balance between wit and cruelty?

Many flame wars are started with simple misunderstandings that aren't resolved until feelings have been hurt, resulting in lurkers and uninvolved onlookers being frightened or disgusted into fleeing. Often just a little more care in the wording of the initial post would have mellowed the situation noticeably.

5. Remember to have fun.

You shouldn't have to wear a bulletproof vest to participate in Elfwood and its satellite communities. Flame wars tend to drain the energy out of the volunteers who keep the community afloat, and sour the experience for other artists, writers and patrons of the arts. With some common sense and patience, hostilities can be diffused before they even begin.