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Brian Buckley

"Austromenock" by Brian Buckley

SciFi/Fantasy text 2 out of 40 by Brian Buckley.      ←Previous - Next→
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Pronounced 'oss-TROM-in-ok,' in case you were wondering. Y'know, considering I could have named this thing anything I wanted, you'd think I would have picked something a little easier to rhyme...
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Too young to fear, though not yet brave
We chanced the arbitrary wave
And scorned alike both home and shore
Disdaining legend’s wiser lore -
That beast of idle sailors’ talk:

The flashing night cascaded grim
On heaven’s flowering diadem;
We watched the sea uncoiling whip
Resurgent bellows past our ship.
Whose visage caused our craft to rock?

Omniscient eye! Serrated claw
And barnacle-encrusted maw!
Unnumbered arms - a panoply
Of suckered limbs beneath the sea
And thickened plates that interlock -

Behold our doom: the waters spoke;
Our hull they splintered at a stroke
And timbers swept like blades of grass
Pursuing that colossal mass
Whose wake released its aftershock:

Now I alone survive to tell
Of how my crew and captain fell;
I heed at last the banshee’s wail;
And if someday you brave the sail,
Remember, ere you leave the dock -

←- Atlantis | The Fading Autumn -→

4 Feb 2006:-) Marijke Mahieu
This is a wonderful poem! It somehow just "fits", if you know what I mean? And yes, I think you were very brave to create such a hard rhyming word 12 This is the first rhyming poem I've read in a long time that I thought sounded just right (nothing forced, clean but definitely not boring rhymes, good rhythm...just perfect!) 2Well done and congratz on your MC! 12

:-) Brian Buckley replies: "Yeah that's a major thing with me, I always make a special effort to get rhymes that sound natural. Thank you!"
4 Feb 200645 Peigan
I rarely have the patience to read poetry on elfwood, but this was amazing! The whole thing flows together so smoothly that halfway through I stopped to read it out loud from the beginning. Have you ever thought about drawing an illustration for it?

2 Brian Buckley replies: "Hm, an illustration...I think I'll leave that to some artist more talented than myself. Thanks for your comment!"
8 Feb 2006:-) Jennifer 'laieanna' Brown
This actually gave me a bit of the willies. I can see the creature and panic upon the ship. You put a little movie in my head now. Great job. I likes it! (Likes was intentional) =)

7 Brian Buckley replies: "Cool! Detail is something I've been trying to work on, so when I hear things like "you put a movie in my head" it's high praise. Thank you!"
17 Oct 2007:-) David Michael
VERY good! You're quite skilled at keeping the rhythm moving, but not overbearing. Your rhymes are beautiful and notable, but not forced or distracting. Your imagery is appropriate at worst, fantastic at best. Very well done.

Just a little thing though. The lines:

"We watched the sea uncoiling whip
Resurgent bellows past our ship."

Either punctuation or grammar is wrong here. The sea could perhaps "uncoil its whip," later "resurging bellows past our ship." Or put a semicolon after "whip." It seems a little too awkward and forced otherwise.

But I the tale is classic, and the imagery spot on. And, importantly also, your pacing is just right. I wish I could write all my poems this good!

:-) Brian Buckley replies: "Thank you very much! About the grammar/punctuation issue:We watched the sea uncoiling whipResurgent bellows past our shipHere "uncoiling" is an adverb modifying the verb "whip," "bellows" is the object of the verb, and "resurgent" is an adjective modifying "bellows." Finally, "past our ship" is a phrase modifying the verb. So I think it all checks out, even if the poetic language makes it confusing. 1"
20 Feb 2008:-) Nathan Cel Medwin
Greta little story..erm...poem..erm...you know what i mean...great job!!, KEEP IT UP!!
16 Apr 200845 James Linde
The third verse is brilliant. "Omniscient eye! Serrated claw/And barnacle encrusted maw!" Genius. And brief. Five verses is exactly the right amount. Only four, and we’d be left hanging. Six and my short attention span would suffer strain. (Even though it is exceptional
16 Apr 200845 James Linde
Alas, I forgot a bracket. And I should probably make it clear that "exceptional" refers to this poem and not my attention span. 1
4 Aug 2008:-) Heidi Hecht
This is the kind of poem I like. A full story told in only a few stanzas. Like James, my attention span regarding poems does tend to wander after the first few verses. "Austromenock" is a cool name for a mythological monster.
5 Aug 2009:-) Fred J. Hu
Full story in a single poem. Very lurid descriptions!
22 Jan 2010:-) Jose G palacios
Very good poem. I liked how it flows from beginning to end.
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 • Created by: :-) Brian Buckley
 • Copyright: ©Brian Buckley. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Austromenock, Monster, Sail, Ship
 • Categories: Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters
Modpick •  Mod Pick at: 2006-02-03 10:00:06
 • Views: 2129

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