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Joanna Curran

"untitled" by Joanna Curran

SF&F Picture 1 out of 2 by Joanna Curran
 
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This is very much a work in progress, so expect a lot of changes and alterations. I'm introducing Caleb Anna and Antonia, i cant really call them friends or allies but rather three people who have come together because they have no one else. Anna needs to exercise her demons literally while Antonia needs to exercise her demons metaphorically and Caleb?  Who knows?


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Anna felt her body go into spasm and lurched forward to the ground, she threw her head back and screamed. The entire wood came to life as the creatures that watched from the shadows scattered and the birds took flight in fear. Never one to miss an opportunity, Caleb  took aim and shot down a healthy pheasant. He grinned at Antonia "dinner!" Antonia rolled her eyes and began looking for firewood.

Anna rolled over and lay on her back, "your concern is overwhelming but i"m fine over here."

"Maybe we could do with a little less drama next time" Antonia replied while she reached for a log, "its not like you don"t know its going to happen".

"Because this is so much fun for me"

"How many is that now?" Caleb asked as he retrived his kill.

"four."

"So what can"t you do?"

Anna walked over to the wood that Antonia had stacked and breathed on it, flames shot from her mouth igniting them. Antonia flinched from it and glared at her:

"Funny!"

Antonia stood up and pushed Anna out of her way and stormed off into the wood. The grin that had begun to spread across Anna"s face was cut short when she saw Caleb look at her. He was clearly angry but there was something else there. Anna looked away and sighed:

"You know there"s no love lost between us."

"Anna that"s hardly an excuse. "

"So she can say what she likes."

" You watch your family burn and then find that funny."

"I didn"t burn her family Caleb, I"m tired of tip-toeing round her." Anna turned to the demon they had just slain. "If she had let that thing use its power instead of doing her own thing again. How can i know which power i've lost if i don't know which one it possess?"

"The hoard that killed her family possess the one you've just used Anna."

Anna couldn't argue. She flew into the trees above him in silence.

Caleb sat and began to strip the feathers off the pheasant. He had had enough of emotional females. They would need to sort it out among themselves. The animosity between anna and antonia or Toni as she prefered to be called,  was showing no signs of resolving itself. It had been like this since they met and  Toni's vengence was so consuming they had no allies left.

When they found Anna she was hiding in the truck of an ancestor oak. She was barely aware of where she was. She was tortured by visions that she couldn"t control and when Toniand Caleb approached she wasn"t sure if they were part of her visions. When she flew up to the trees Toni had tried to shoot her down. Anna vanished and the arrow inbedded in the wood behind where she had stood. Toni and Caleb slowly began to realise that she had more powers than had ever resided in a Marlek before. Furthermore she never attacked. It was not in Marlek nature to run. Caleb convinced Toni to stay her hand and approached Anna. While Anna could sense the confusion coming from him she was so overwhelmed by the hatred eminating from Antonia she backed away.

"Please, i won"t hurt you."

"You might not".

"Antonia will not harm you."

"Dont speak for me Caleb."

"Antonia please."

Antonia looked at Caleb"s worn expression and walked away. He went to Anna and sat down a little away from her. Placing himself purposely in a vulnerable position away from his weapons. Anna watched him warily.

"You know our names, what"s your"s?"

"Anna"

"Where are you from?"

"I don"t know."

"You don"t know."

"Are you real?"

"What?"

Tears began to well in Anna"s eyes as she stepped a little closer to Caleb. "Please, help me. i don"t know who i am. My name is here."  She showed him a scar on her ankle where the name  Anna had been carved with a knife, as scar that proved that she wasn"t a Marlek but a human girl. But how could she hold so many  of their powers and survived. Even one of them would have corrupted her within hours but to have so many,

"What do you remember Anna?"

 

 

 

←- untitled | untitled -→

DateNameComment 
5 Nov 2009:-) Lynn K Hollander
Run-on sentence: Anna felt her body go into spasm and lurched forward to the ground, she threw her head back and screamed. More correctly, it goes something like this: Anna felt her body go into spasm. She lurched forward to the ground and threw her head back and screamed. Or like this: Anna felt her body go into spasm. She lurched forward to the ground and threw her head back as she screamed. Or anything similiar that avoids the dreaded ’comma splice’.

He grinned at Antonia "dinner!" ~~He grinned at Antonia **here you have a choice of verbs and punctuation.** He grinned at Antonia as he said, "Dinner." **In standard grammar, you don’t get a choice about the capital letter beginning what was said.** Or, He grinned at Antonia: "Dinner!"

5 Nov 2009:-) Lynn K Hollander
Anna rolled over and lay on her back, "your concern is overwhelming but i"m fine over here." **Here, again, you need to capitalize the first letter in what was said. A verb --said, snarled, muttered, growled, sighed --whatever you chose, or a full stop, is necessary.** This could read like this: Anna rolled over and lay on her back. "Your concern is overwhelming, but **the first person pronoun is always capitalized in standard prose.** I’m fine over here."

5 Nov 2009:-) Lynn K Hollander
"its not like you don"t know its going to happen". **Capitalize the first letter. Homophones, words that sound alike but have different meanings, are always a problem. It’s and its are easily confused. It’s is the contraction of It is, and the omitted ’i’ is indicated by the apostrophe. It is = It’s: It is a fine day. It’s a fine day. Its is the possessive pronoun: The book had lost its cover. Its cover was lost. To decide between its and it’s, replace the word with ’it is’. If that makes sense, use the contraction. If it doesn’t, use the pronoun. It is cover was lost. This makes no sense, so use the pronoun.** "It is not like you don"t know it is going to happen" makes sense, so you need to use the contraction if you don’t want to use the long form.

:-) Joanna Curran replies: "Thank you Lynn for your help. Be warned though i’m going to keep you busy *leaves a cupcake*"
6 Nov 2009:-) Joanna Curran
Having read and re-read this i am suddenly struck by how contrived it is. Back to the drawing board
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About 'untitled':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Joanna Curran
 • Copyright: ©Joanna Curran. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Quest., Powers
 • Categories: Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc.
 • Submitted: 2009-10-31 13:24:24
 • Views: 62


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