"Untitled II" by Allison Erin Jacobs

Congratulations on getting Writer of the Day!

Okay, so this isn't precisely -nice-, but I'm in an (oddly) generous mood so I'm Critiquing.

this isn't an ego pat. If you're not serious about improving (I mean that nicely- if you don't want your work turned to literary shreds) then don't read this and I won't think less of you.

So.

I think you have good ideas and images, but your main problem is in cadence and rhythm. You don't stick to a specific meter, so your poems sound sort of choppy. I don't know why I chose this poem to comment on, especially, except that the lack of constant meter seems to take away from the feel of the poem.

Using words like "coruscate" makes the poem a little wordy and choppy to read, and most people don't want to run for their dictionaries every time they read an Elfwood piece.

try reading your poetry aloud to yourself after every stanza- I even count the syllables in my lines to make sure they're constant- and I think the vivid images your poems already possess will ring much clearer.

This reminds me a bit of my friends charicters from her songs. Your poem seems to need a name, though… How about "Torrid Darkness."

gosh you have good imagery and mood in the theme
this was written some years ago too ,
so i mus check outie your more recent things