Elfwood is the worlds largest SciFi & Fantasy community.
- 93528 members, 18 online now.
- 59620 site visitors the last 24 hours.

User:		Password:
Not a member yet? Click here to join! (Help)

StartWhat's NewJoin UsPopularSciFi & Fantasy ArtStoriesTutorialsCommunityFindRulesAbout

Stories / Stories / Anne Lee Zimmerman / Text 2 of 22 / Brown-eyed Girl

"Brown-eyed Girl" by Anne Lee Zimmerman

SF&F Picture 2 out of 22 by Anne Lee Zimmerman

This is a story line that has been bouncing around in my head for some time. Astonishingly, I wasn't able to bring it to fruitition until I spent an entire week stumbling around school with less than four hours of sleep per night. I guess that I just work that way. Anyway, back to the story. This is supposed to be a song sung by one of my characters, a musical prodigy named Morgontonesius Charles Chanter, Charlie for short. This is supposed to be his first song that he wrote himself and played with his own harp, sybolizing his passage into Mastery. When he was young his father was considered the greatest bard in the entire land, and so the evil king invited him to come and play in the palace. The song that he played condemned the king's rule and demanded that he be overthrown. He was killed for his treasonous action, but within a week everyone was singing his song and the seed of dissention that he planted eventually lead to an uprising and the overthrow of the king.

My father, a bard,

A hero was he,

A champion

A husband

And a great dad to me,

And his only wish was to live by the sea

With his son and his brown-eyed girl.

My mother, brown-eyed,

Was infamous, true,

Assassin

And fighter

And swordsmaster too.

Death, threats, and trials she all had been through

So he could be with his brown-eyed girl.

The king in his castle

Oppressed the whole land

With taxes

And soldiers

And the heaviest hand.

And Dad made a vow to drive this king from the land

To spare his son and his brown-eyed girl.

He said naught of this vow

Not even to me

As we lived

In our hut

On a bank

By the sea

And we were truly the happiest three

When he sang to his brown-eyed girl.

His chance came at last

To realize his vow

For the king

Heard his song

As we hear it now

How could he do it? He knew very well how.

For the last time he left his brown-eyed girl.

In the palace the bard

Performed on the king’s stage

A sad song

Full of tears

The true words, sounding strange,

Told of crimes of a king and demanded some change

For he sang for his brown-eyed girl.

“Arrest him right now!”

The outraged king cried.

The guards

All fell on him

And he screamed as he died,

But throughout all the land his song echoed and thrived.

He died for his brown-eyed girl.

←- Amazing Grace | The Exploits of the Female Elfish Junior Journalism Society -→

Date	Name	Comment
22 Dec 2003	Miguel Francis Ettema	Loading... I like this poem It lost a little bit of its impact on me through no fault of yours, since I just read a poem the day before called "The Last Wolf of Eire" which followed a very similar pattern, and thus my enthusiasm was funneled away there instead of here Sorry! Keep Writing! Anne Lee Zimmerman replies: "salutes All right. I will!"
22 Dec 2003	D Joelle Duran	Loading... Oooh, that is beautiful and stirring. sniff I like the repeated "brown-eyed girl." Very nice! Anne Lee Zimmerman replies: "Thank you! This was the sort of poem that I sometimes just produce for my own enjoyment. Sorrowfully, they normally are not fantasy themed and so I can't post them up here."
24 Feb 2004	Eloise Bacher	Loading... sniffle sob That is so beautiful. I love it. Do you mind if I take it and show it to my friends? Anne Lee Zimmerman replies: " Sure! just make sure that no one copies it and claims it as their own, though. "
24 Jan 2005	Sesharemme	Loading... Hey Anne this is really cool! sorry i didn't read it sooner but you know how school has been and all so i am making it up to you by reading everything else that i have not yet now.
5 Jun 2005	Aida Vicens	Loading... It's such a beautiful poem with a beautiful story behind its words. Wish every brown-eyed girl had somebody like him by her side... Anne Lee Zimmerman replies: "Don't we all? I would make him sing to me all day long."
15 Jul 2005	Crow	Loading... Interesting, the way it sort of ties into your horror story, showing how music is often used as a vehicle of truth and change. I like the rhythmn; the shorter lines create momentum and help the reader keep the thread of what you're saying. And I agree, the "brown-eyed girl" repetition is very good. It keeps the focus of the story both on the bard and his girl. Rachel's just so proud. Anne Lee Zimmerman replies: "As you may/may not have noticed, I have a thing for music. Growing up, music marked all of my happiest and most significant moments. The family was always singing, and there was always someone who at least knew how to play a harmonica if not a more significant instrument. We used song to signify we were happy, sad, mourning, partying, or basically anything at all. So I have a great belief in the power of music, yes."
8 Dec 2005	Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth	Loading... Well, that's pretty beautiful. I found it odd that the lines are all so short (other poems with that rhythm have longer lines), but the rhythm is still easy to follow. That "brown-eyed girl" line reminds me of "The Sweetest Thing" by U2: "Blue eyed boy meets a brown eyed girl..." But it's quite effective for you to use it. Eventually, the girl begins to remind me of the soil Anne Lee Zimmerman replies: "After I wrote this, I had the song "Brown-eyed girl" stuck in my head for several weeks. I know that the lines are really short, but I wanted for it to be like that, so there would be rapid movement down the page. But what is this thing about the soil?"
10 Dec 2005	Vicki "Kiddalee" Nemeth	Loading... Well, you say that he's doing everything for his brown-eyed girl and it sounds as if she symbolizes the soil and thus the country. Not only is it how much he does for her, but just all that reference to the colour brown makes me think of soil. Anne Lee Zimmerman replies: "OOOH! That sort of indirectly makes sense! But, in reference to the characters involved, that would be a bit more of the attitude of the "brown-eyed girl" than of her husband. She was sort of a vigilante before she setted down with him. She met him while she was out on a mission, came back to the hideout over a year later married and pregnant, and one of the members of the group was so mad at her for leaving that he tried to kill her. Rhiannon defended her, and the woman continued to be semi-involved by providing a safe spot for the members. But after a year of college English, I can see where you would get the other interpretation as well."
12 Jul 2006	Lena	Loading... This is such a beautiful, and sad poem. Very stirring, especially because I myself am a brown-eyed girl. Anne Lee Zimmerman replies: "I'm glad you liked it. "

Not signed in, Add an anonymous comment to this guestbook...

Your Name:
Your Mail:

Private message? (Info)

About 'Brown-eyed Girl':

• Status: OK
• Created by:

Anne Lee Zimmerman
• Copyright: ©Anne Lee Zimmerman. All rights reserved!

• Keywords: Mother, Father, Brown-eyed, Girl, Bard, Song, King, Son, Crimes, Death, Asassin, Vow
• Categories: Fights, Duels, Battles, Royalty, Kings, Princes, Princesses, etc
• Views: 1034

More by 'Anne Lee Zimmerman':

Heart	My Inspiration	Heart, Part 3
Voyager's Hope: Chapter 1	Twelve Pairs of Moccasins: Part 7	Twelve Pairs of Moccasins: Part 3
Heart, Part 2	The Piper, Part two	Seven Days to See

Related Tutorials:

'Acquiring Feedback' by

Rachel sharon edidin

'Character Creation Form' by

Crissy Gottberg

'The Deception of Description'

'Writing a Story, Painting a Masterpiece' by

Jessica Ng

Art Education Finder...

Elfwood™ is a site for Fantasy and Science Fiction art and stories created by Thomas Abrahamsson and helpful assistants and moderators, owned by the Elfwood corporation.

[More...]