"Darkness Consumes" by Alura Raetz

Darkness Consumes
 There are those who say there is nothing darker than black. That the color that absorbs light is the darkest of them all, and nothing could surpass it. Those fools are wrong. The color darker is never seen by the human eye, and never will be, but it's always there. It always will be. You want a word for it? There is none. Not a word that has been spoken can describe the dark of it, but many have tried. That color is known, and not one living creature goes one day without encountering it, but it is never seen. Never. And it never will be. I know this color, and always will. It remains my eternal companion, this darkness darker than dark. Blacker than black. It is my soul. And no light will ever reach it. Never.
    You think it sounds depressing? Pessimistic? Evil? I've heard it all before. And you'd be right. I have no reason to be optimistic... to be... happy. My life, if that's what you could call it, has been shrouded in darkness. Only recently have I found that light even exists. Good is more than just a myth. And it's something I can never have... But you don't want to hear the ravings of a vampire. Perhaps I should never have started this, but then, when I die, who will know my story? Even if no one cares. No one who wants to hear the tale of darkness. But at least I will know I tried. At least I know that someone, even the smallest someone, will hear my story, and pass it on, and learn from my mistakes. To know that what I have done will never be done again... perhaps that will be the only way to find the color beyond. The only way I can ever see light. If only it were that easy. If only...

 I am darkness. I am chaos. I am a vampire. And more than that, I am a 'pure' vampire. I am the first 'pure' vampire. You do not know what a 'pure one' is? I'm not surprised. Not many do. In fact, only a handful or two of the vampire race have even heard of us. Half of them believe they are a myth, and only half of those remaining know how we came to be.
    The 'pure ones' are rare. So rare, in fact, that there have been only ten, maybe twenty in the history of the children of the night. We are born, not 'turned'. If a vampire is lucky enough to live ten thousand years, for only a year every ten thousand, they are able to mate, once, in order to create a child. It is meant for two vampires, but can be done with a human, creating a half-breed. But when done correctly, creates a 'pure one.' I was the first. Dracula? Yeah, he was one as well. We are unique in the dark world. We have every power of the vampire, and few of the flaws. We can walk in the day, though it is painful, and none alive has found a way to kill us that does not take most of the world with them. And those who do don't live long enough to use their knowledge. In fact, I will probably killed for just telling you this. Oh, I did not say that no one knew, I said no one alive knew. You silly humans, think you know it all...
    I was the first. My name is from a language long forgotten. Born in darkness, raised in darkness, taught only evil. I was taught to kill, and nothing more. I did not even know what I was until my father's death. I killed him. Do you think I regret this? Heh, no. It was him or me. He taught me everything he knew. Everything he wanted me to be, I was. Ruthless, guiltless, shameless, with no mercy, not even for my own blood. I enjoyed gutting him, and he died with a smile on his face. He would live forever, because I had forever become his slave. My pride was the only thing that kept me from realizing it.
    I killed. Vampire, human, animal, it mattered not to me. I enjoyed it. I reveled in the kill, the suffering of the lesser beings. Even what some may call my own race were below me. What could they do? I was invincible. I had them all as slaves, as minions. But even my own kind knew what I was. Even they were disgusted by me. What was to be their savior became their worst nightmare. Even they tried to kill me. They failed, of course. Thousands, millions of humans and vampire tried, and died. It was the first time in history that human and vampire united. And the first time that vampire realized that the races could live as one.
    They subdued me. The many as a whole were able to cage me, in a word. They were able to confine me, for good, or so they thought. I don't know how long I was trapped inside those caves, with no escape. No light, no hope. There, I stewed. I wanted only revenge. I did not cry our, I did not yell, I did not frantically search for a way out. I sat, in silence, moving only to assure myself I still could. One thing my father taught me was patience. 'Do not become frustrated,' he would say, 'your time will come, and in the time you have to wait, plan.' And I did. Time meant nothing. It could have been days; I could have been hundreds, even thousands of years. It was all the same to me.
    Then, as what I later found out to be during the Renaissance, a group of my own found their way into the caves. From them I learned of the 'Great Dracula' who brought the vampire into what it had become. He was a 'pure one' like me, and had met with the same downfall, but instead of entrapment, he escaped and went into hiding. No one had seen him in years. And so, a group of young, hopeful children of the night followed the myths and found me. But I would not make the same mistakes I had before. No, this time, I would work in secret. After all that time planning, I thought nothing could stop me. I, again, was wrong. A magician, a human, was my downfall. I was too overconfident, and he was able to banish me to a world of nothingness. A nothing that I could not escape from.
    There is no way I could make anyone understand what I went through. The torment. A world of nothing but evil. A hell of sorts. No up, no down. No light, no dark. To be forever falling, and to be powerless against the nothing. The only companion, memories. Memories of a life gone wrong. Memories of, even lives that were not mine, but could be nothing but. Memories of previous lives where the same mistakes had been made. All I saw for hundreds of years were memories of horror, memories of what I had done wrong, nothing good, I was never shown hope. No one will ever truly know what I had been through, and I truly hope that no one ever will. Any ego, any pride I ever had was gone. I had become an empty shell of darkness and lost hope. I wouldn't even know hope if it slapped me in the face. And indeed, that's just what it did.
    I did not know how long I had been out. Somehow, I had been freed. I was free, but nothing in me would accept it. I was as a beaten child would be in a loving family... humph, if a loving family is what you could call it. His name was Ralichlu and he was a wizard, but nothing like the one who had imprisoned me. He was a wizard of the dark arts. The leader, in fact, of all evil wizardry, and he wanted me.
    It took me years to come out of my daze, my shell, and my shock of the Hell which I had lived. In the beginning, I was a spineless, shy, quiet child. I would never talk, and would shy from any contact with any living thing that brushed my skin. It took months of him giving me old blood in cups before I would feed on my own. First from, ugh, such a disgrace, from animals; rats, dogs, and finally, human. My fierceness had returned, but any rational thought was far from my mind. I was like an animal myself. It took Ralichlu nearly two years before he could get a comprehensible sentence from my mouth. The rehabilitation was slow, and tiring, but in the end, he got what he wanted. Me. I was nearly myself again when he told me why he had freed me.
    I was to be his apprentice, to learn black magic, and to take his place as the Dark Wizard of Chaos.
    I agreed, but, to be a student, when all I ever was was a leader... always higher than the rest. It was a learning experience. I learned to wait, to act, to respect, and to learn, while all the while planning only for myself. Indeed, it was the dark wizards' way for the apprentice to murder the master once all that is needed is known. This I did, and I learned well. I had truly become the world's greatest threat. No one could trap me again. No one could get rid of me as they once had, I was invincible. Or so I thought. Once again, I was wrong.
    I met a being higher than myself. A being that had more power in his fingers than I had in my body. But, instead of kill me, as I had thought he would, he kidnapped me, and brought me to a place I had never seen. A... community do diverse, one might call it a utopia. The people there lived in harmony. It was not the perfect place on might suspect. They had their problems, but all helped in fixing them. And for some reason, they wanted me. Their leader, a woman, told me that she knew me once, in a lifetime before. For a moment, the memories flooded back to me, but only a moment. I wiped them from my mind, and confronted her with no fear. I laughed, I threatened, but she did not even flinch. She was the only being I had ever met who was not afraid of me. I was... impressed, to say the least, and I swore I would make her mine. I would have her, or no one would escape my wrath.
    I worked slowly. I did not force my will on anyone. I played by their rules. She was the only one, it seemed in the community that did not shy from my gaze. The only one who saw me as a being instead of a monster. It was something new. But, as an idiot, I did not realize how special that was until it was too late.
    She had a family; two husbands, and three children. It was her way. She was dedicated to them and did not waver. Her husbands, of course, hated me, but could to nothing to keep her from seeing me. It seemed she wanted to help me. To change me into something new. Something... good. As if she could show a dog a rainbow. It was as of she saw hope in me when all others saw evil, and despair. I laughed at her attempts, taunted her actions. While all the time, I wanted her more, and the memories threatened to destroy what had been worked so hard to restore.
    I knew her from a life, long ago. We had been together then. We had been in love. For the first time, I felt what love was. For the first time, I knew what hope was. For the first time, I remembered happiness. And for the first time, I felt it all ripped from my grasp when I realized I could never have her. She would never love me as she had once, long ago, in a time before time. She was here to save my soul. She wanted the impossible, but did it only because of her foolish kind heart. Love was never a part of the equation.
    I left for a time. I turned to my studies. To my magic. A return to the darkness. As with anything, the good always came with bad. I had felt love, hope and happiness, but with it came, for the first time, shame, guilt, and loneliness. She had something I could never have, and I wanted it. Foolishly, I turned my new feelings into something I knew like my own name; anger. I would have her. She would be MINE!
    I gained an apprentice. He was a 'pure one' as I was. I thought with an apprentice that I could gain an advantage. I thought he would help me in my plans. I did not realize that he could be even more evil than I. I did not know that my place in the world was slowly deteriorating...
    My anger swelled. It swallowed me whole, and I was blinded. I believe I had gone mad. I went back to her. I held nothing back. I used what I learned, I used what trickery I knew, and I seduced her. I took no regard for her family, or her trust. I didn't care that she had grown to care for me. I didn't care that her family would do anything for her. I didn't care that I was on my one year in the 10,000-year cycle. I only thought about my desire, and my revenge. And, as cruel fate would have it, my sanity decided to return when it was all done. I realized what I had done only a moment too late. But a moment was all it took to seal my fate. A moment is all it may take. A moment that lasted forever.
    There was a prophecy; one of many, in fact, that said a half 'pure' vampire would rid the world of the threat of the children of darkness. It was in that moment that I knew I would be the downfall of my own kind. In that moment I knew that I was to blame for the death of all vampires. In an instant, I knew that my son would be the one to kill them. Only a moment. I knew that all I ever wanted was a family, love, hope, and it was something I made sure I could never have. I realize only a moment too late that I had destroyed any chance of happiness. My foolishness, my pride. There is no one but me to blame.
    There are those who think they can still save me. The only love I ever had, even she thinks I can still change. After all I've done, she still has faith in me. I know she is wrong. I have been damned. I have written my own ending to this story, and nothing can erase it. A few may try, but in the end I know they will fail. When my apprentice kills me, there will be Chaos. I know what he is capable of, and I fear he will be worse than I. That will be my fault. And then, my son will be born and will eradicate the 'vampire threat'. That too, will be my fault. You say that the end of all vampires won't be a bad thing? Humph, you humans. Your point of view is fogged. So one-sided. Imagine this; you have the knowledge inside you that you, and you alone, caused, or will cause the destruction of your entire race. See if you can live with that knowledge. I have to. Every second of my days is torture, knowing that I am too weak to stop neither my apprentice, nor my son from being born. Knowing it is all my fault.
    That is what lives inside me. That is the ink that stains my soul. And that is the color that is darker than black. And now, I wait. I wait for the end. I fear death, yet I welcome it. For only in death can I possibly find peace. Maybe then, I can somehow repent. Maybe then I can make up for all I have done. Maybe then I can forgive myself. But not now. I cannot forgive myself for what I have done. No matter how much I want to. I have done too much, killed too many...
    Now you know my story. Now you know what mistakes I have made. You know my warning. Do not ignore the warnings as I did. Do not assume you can control Fate, for she is a cruel mistress, and will prove you wrong. Do not let your soul become black. Perhaps whoever reads this can stop what is already in motion. Perhaps it's not all hopeless. However small a ray of hope, one must always believe that it is attainable, or else life is worth nothing.
    Do not let the darkness consume you...