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Amber Silver

"Bringer Of Nightmares" by Amber Silver

SciFi/Fantasy text 1 out of 10 by Amber Silver.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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This is a story I wrote for a picture titled, 'The Scarred One' drawn by the wonderfully talented Linda Kristoffersson. Thank-you for asking me to write this for you, Linda. I am sorry it took so long, but it was a pleasure.

Moderator's Choice: September 1st/2003

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←- The Warrior and the Old Man | Sanity's Whisper -→

        The sun was setting as Jonathan closed the barndoor and headed towards the farmhouse. Bloody light leaked over the conifers like a plague, sweeping over the farmer's seeded fields, before slowly ebbing away into the forest. Paying no attention to the unusual color display, Jonathan shut the heavy door of his cabin with a hearty thud, and slid the solid bolt lock into place. He was exhausted, but proud of the enormous amount of work he had accomplished during the day. Quickly Jonathan surveyed the tiny, two room cabin and ensured that the fire was burning low in the stone fireplace.  Satisfied, he pulled off his muddy boots at the door and headed towards his bed.
        As he pulled his filthy shirt off over his shoulders, he smiled fondly at the sleeping form of his wife, and watched as her chest rhythmically rose and fell. Then he silently crossed the small expanse of space in the bedroom to gently tousle the hair of his four-year-old son, who slept in a modest bed by the door. He chuckled to himself as he watched the child smack his lips and rub a chubby fist across his chin.
        "Well, lad," Jonathan murmured as pulled his pants off and crawled beneath the covers to collapse beside his wife, "I pray that I may sleep as well as you tonight. I've even more work to finish tomorrow!"

        As the last traces of crimson faded from the evening sky, a heavy blanket of darkness was pulled across the land. When day transformed into night, the forest's silence underwent a similar drastic transformation. All at once, it seemed the forest became alive with the sound of animals; bats chittered through the darkness; a chorus of owls hooted and bleated into the night air; and in the distance, a lone wolf howled. However, just as the symphony was reaching its usual crescendo, the chatter was inexplicably suspended. Silence cut through the night air like an ominous dagger, as though death had suddenly descended on the land. The silence was so severe, that had Jonathan been awake, he would have been terrified.
        Then, from the depths of the forest, there came a stirring. It was not a sound nor a vibration, it was more of an untraceable and undeterminable sensation. The shadows seemed to tremble and then stretched forth with malicious dark talons from the tangle of trees towards the farmhouse. The shadows swept from the treeline and pooled around the house, forming eddies of darkness from which the last traces of moonlight trickled away into nothingness. Then, the last of the shadows drained from the forest and the modest little farmhouse became an impenetrable island, marooned and helpless.
        Inside the farmhouse, Jonathan and his wife slept on unaware that there was an assault occurring on their pleasant homestead. Darkness bubbled up from between the floorboards, while shadows flowed in from the corners and drained down from the roof's slats. Darkness dripped and oozed, leaking its way in streams onto the floor before flowing beneath the baby's cradle and pooling together. Slowly a form began to take shape. The shadows grew, blossoming, and gaining height and depth. It was not long before there was a fourth figure in the small bedroom. The figure was composed of darkness, scarred and demonic, leaning over the sleeping child. But then the child suddenly awoke, for no explicable reason, and fastened his sleep-dusted eyes onto the hazy red orbs above him.

        The sound of a child's terrified screams shattered the silence of the night. The baby screamed and screamed, and the sound was not childlike at all; it was more a sound that was curdled from the depths of a creature in primal fear; the sound of realized nightmares and living terrors. Outside, the pool of shadows marooning the cabin swept together and flowed back to the forest. Once the shadows reached the treeline, they spread out and returned to their respective positions with a shudder. In their wake stood a black stallion, who flicked his tail over his flanks and snorted white steam from his dew-laden nostrils. He briefly craned his neck towards the farmhouse, and his fiery eyes regarded the building without remorse, before they vanished as he returned his gaze to the forest, and galloped into the darkness.
←- The Warrior and the Old Man | Sanity's Whisper -→

DateNameComment 
29 Feb 200445 Dancing Spirit
Hmm, there’s nothing quite like a good nightmare… or a cleverly used double-entendre. Thanks!
25 Mar 2004:-) Jkelley2
Oh, this really is the perfect image of dread 2 bravo Thanks!
22 Sep 2004:-) Lyndsay E. Gilbert aka Liadan
terrifying! Very good 1 Thanks!
7 Dec 2004:-) B. Layne Weaver
That was very chilling indeed! Got goosebumps on me arms!

I've yet to try a horror story for Wyvern's. Stories like yours set the standard at an intimidating height!

2 Amber Silver replies: "Thank-you very kindly... I appreciated that."
1 Feb 2006:-) Rachel 'Thalion' Lawton
Excellent imagery with this phrase "Bloody light leaked over the conifers like a plague..."

"Darkness bubbled up from between the floorboards, while shadows flowed in from the corners and drained down from the roof's slats." Again, such vivid imagery. I can see this quaint little farmhouse just dripping and oozing with this unnatural darkness.

You have a talent for description. Whatever is going on you let your reader know exactly, and through your description, even just word choice, you convey emotion too. As in the first quote I mentioned, you could have used any other words to describe the red of the sky, but 'bloody' and 'plague' have the connotation of fear and foreboding, it really helps set the mood. Wonderful work here; a well-deserved mod's choice.
21 May 200645 L. Shanra Kuepers
Nits first, rest later. ^-~

"Well, lad," Jonathan murmured as pulled his pants <- missing a subject there, I think.

that had Jonathan been awake, <- I *think* you need a comma before 'had' as well, but I'm not 100% sure. Personally, I think commas are plain nasty, but that doesn't really help much. ^-^; Erm, anyway. I also can't explain why the comma needs to be there very well. (I'm such a good English student, I tell you ^-~) But my bet would be on that it's because it's a subclause of the 'that he would' sentence that could as well be tacked on to the end instead of stuffed in the middle. If that makes sense.

It was not a sound nor a vibration, it was more <- semi-colon, a period or a slight rephrasal, but commas can't seperate equal clauses.

around the house, <- farmhouse, the house. Not 100% the same, but if you could rephrase it to get that repetition out, it might run better. It jolted the flow for me here, and it's a shame, because it's been so perfect throughout. You do use the word 'house' in four consequetive sentences here.

And those little things aside... This. Was. GORGEOUS. Absolutely gorgeous. I loved the ending of this. I loved the questions it raised and the open-endedness of it all.

Your descriptions were superb throughout the piece, very rich and vivid. It was extremely easy to picture this unfolding before my eyes; it set the mood brilliantly; and it captivated me marvellously. It was wonderfully balanced with the actions, and the little hint of dialogue (well, monologue ^-~) was wonderful. It really added a lovely homely touch to the piece. It only made the suspense easier to feel.

It's an absolutely wonderful piece. ^-^
1 Aug 2006:-) Elizabeth A. Hefty
Tell you what... This has given me a mortal fear of black stallions. No not really, they'll still be sexy beasts Lol. But seriously this gave me chills. Wonderful story and your descriptions make me envious.
21 May 200745 Wind Poet
only thing, the pic has BLUE EYES NOT RED OR FIERY!!!!
31 Oct 2007:-) Edmund J Schulfer
I enjoyed your story. It had an image about it that was very palpable, and I can see why you got mods' choice. I really enjoyed some of your description, such as your phrase about the horse, "snorted white steam from his dew-laden nostrils." But some of your other description I felt could have been stronger. I speak in regards to your introduction of the shadows coming forth from the forest:
"When day transformed into night, the forest's silence underwent a similar drastic transformation. All at once, it seemed the forest became alive with the sound of animals;"
I felt that you could have been more direct with what you were describing, and by eliminating "similar" and "seemed" it already makes it stronger.
Well hopefully that is of help.
4 Apr 2008:-) Jake Phoenix Beasley
17 I felt my mouth slowly opening wider and wider, until the end where you could have fit a double decker bus in it.
As a side note, the only person to comment for half a year? Feels... different
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'Bringer Of Nightmares':
 • Created by: :-) Amber Silver
 • Copyright: ©Amber Silver. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Demons, Horses, Nightmares
 • Categories: Demons, Imps, Devils, Beholders..., Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc., Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters
Modpick •  Mod Pick at: 2004-02-19 05:47:11
 • Views: 871

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More by 'Amber Silver':
Twilight Falling
Sanity's Whisper
Selona
Dare to dream
Artificial Intelligence

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