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Amber Silver

"The Warrior and the Old Man" by Amber Silver

SciFi/Fantasy text 10 out of 10 by Amber Silver.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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This is an updated story version. If anyone has already read it, I would appreciate knowing if this story is more effective. Thank-you.

Updated: October 17th, 2003 - Stupid spelling mistakes! This is my last updated version, I swear.

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←- Twilight Falling | Bringer Of Nightmares -→
         It was dark in the small log cabin where Thomas had lived for the past seven months, and he was most startled to look up from his dinner one evening to find an old man sitting silently in front of an old, tarnished mirror beside the door. The man was a complete stranger to Thomas; he wore a dirty green sweater, he had long, white matted hair, and his face was unshaven and gouged with age. Yet, when Thomas demanded that the stranger leave, he did not move.
        So Thomas sat, watching this old man who watched back with an unblinking gaze. The stranger would not answer any of Thomas' queries, and this rudeness was endured until the flames began to burn low in the fireplace, and shadows began to creep in from the four corners of the room.
        "Old man," Thomas finally addressed, "Will you not leave my home?  Your rudeness is most disturbing; do you realize who I am?"
        "I know who you are." Quietly replied the old man, with a voice wrinkled with age.  Thomas started, surprised that the ancient creature finally spoke. He had began to fancy the old man a deaf and mute.
        "Then who am I?" He asked, curious for the man's answer.
        "You are Thomas the Great." The old man whispered so quietly that Thomas was forced to lean forward, "You have slain many beasts which threatened the people of your village, and are famous for your fireside tales. You are an unforgettable hero."
        Though he could not be certain, Thomas thought he detected a faint note of sarcasm in the old man's voice. Regardless, he could not resist the swelling pride which blossomed deep within his chest. It was all true, vanity aside. Thomas was the protector and entertainer of his home town. He was skilled in both the quill and the sword, and he was renowned for it. Thomas glanced to the mantel, taking in his sword which hung on two pegs by it's strap; it was polished to brilliance, and shone fiercely in the dim light.
        "Well then, have you come to hear my tales, old man?" Asked Thomas, "Or have you come to me seeking aid?"
        "Neither." Answered the stranger, who sat as Thomas sat, staring back at him without blinking, "I have come to watch you die."
        Thomas froze for a moment before his face slowly spread into a smirk, "Old man, you are a feeble, faceless phantom! How can a ghost like you hope to end the life of a hero such as I?"
        The old man's expression mirrored his own, and he laughed, "It isn't I who shall end your life, poet."
       Thomas stood slowly and the old man stood with him,  "How dare you come in to my home spouting such nonsence?  You are a pitiful old fool!"
        The old man chuckled quietly and smiled, "I know.  I only wish that you could realize how right you are before you died."
        Thomas opened his mouth to demand an explanation when a fierce pain exploded from the left side of his chest.  Clasping a hand to his heart, he gasped feebly for his breath and fell to his knees.  The old man knelt with him.
        "It's just you and I, Thomas." Murmured the old man.  Thomas's vision wavered and he collapsed to the hard floor.  The back of his eyelids burned painfully and he forced his eyes open, only to be greeted with the sight of the old man lying on the floor beside him, returning his gaze.
        "What magic is this?" Thomas whispered as his vision began to fade, "This cannot be the way that my story ends."
        The stranger smiled.
        "Your quill ran dry a long time ago, Thomas. The story that you have written since your ink dried is nothing more then illegible scratches on blank paper that no one shall ever read."
        Thomas tried to force his traitorous tongue to form a curse, but it failed him when he needed it the most.  So Thomas lay there on the floor, staring back into the eyes of the stranger until the rhythm of his heart slowly faded, and his life ended like the closing of a book.

        As Thomas died, the fire which had been struggling to sustain itself died as well. Slowly a shadow spread and enveloped the tiny room; first the rusted, dust covered sword on the mantel was enveloped. Then the tarnished, dirty mirror which stood against the wall next to the door lost its shine and disappeared. Finally, shadow completely swallowed the room, and the form of the old, forgotten man laying dead on the floor vanished into the darkness.
 
 



←- Twilight Falling | Bringer Of Nightmares -→

DateNameComment 
6 Nov 2003:-) 'Princess' Laura Hewett
WOW! I actually got this one!! I wasn't too sure of myself, but I thought that they were both the same guy! oh, I feel special! I didn't catch the whole thing was in a mirror though, I think I read through that too fast. It fits perfectly though. I love it! Brilliant!! Aren't these emoticons just the best? I lurve them. Anyhoo, thanks for the comment! I was really concerned that this story wasn't understandable... but I'm glad that -someone- got it!
20 Nov 2003:-) Emily Grist
This is so depressing... the last paragraph is so strong. I like how you made the connection between the death of Thomas and the death of the fire... Thank-you for the comment, Emily! 17) Im glad that you thought that was effective.
2 Dec 2003:-) Dtauri
Very cool!! I like the meaning and the subtle way it is told (unlike my overt allusions in "Black Things"...) I picked up eventually that he was looking in the mirror but I have to agree that it is a little misleading in the beginning when he is over by the door looking into a mirror? Nevertheless awesome. (a teensy note - there is a "began" in there where it should be "begun" 1 ::laughs:: You are very helpful, thank-you. I appreciate it... AND I appreciate all of these helpful comments! Thank-you so much! 2
8 Dec 200345 Deb
Enjoyed this tale immensely! I can usually sense the twist coming at the end of a story, but this is twice tonight that you have taken my breath away. Take a bow, Lady Amber! You certainly deserve the round of applause you are receiving from my corner of the world! You are too kind with your comments! I am so pleased, honored, touched that you like my work so much!!! Thank-you, Deb.
21 Dec 200345 Fish Sushi
Very, very effective peice of writing. I think your talents are almost wasted at elfwood, you could go further....that doesn't mean stop! /God/! I can't believe you think so! Really? My Lord. That means so much to me; thank-you! Thank-you so much 2
21 Dec 200345 Maisha 'Elenwyn' Foster-O'Neal
that was confusing! good, but confusing! so, did both of them die? i noticed that the old man was mirroring Thomas's actions, but how did he die? the man said he didn't kill him, so what was it, and why? this leaves so many questions! also, one grammer/typo error: 'taking in his sword which hung on two pegs by it's strap;' it's should be its. you knew that. : )
Peace out,
~*Elenwyn*~ Actually, the old man was his reflection! He was talking into a mirror; the old man went senile and believed that he was still in his glory days, instead of being the dried up, forgotten old man that he was.
24 Dec 2003:-) Ben Cameron
So short and yet so compelling. All your stories leave me thinking and wondering - again a good thing. One or two things did confuse me a little, why is he writing a story? And how come he hasn't noticed has no ink...? I do love how he meets himself though. The ink and writing is a metaphor, because he is a forgotten poet.
20 Feb 200445 Anon.
Meaningful writing that isn't preachy; a refreshing change in this day and age. Do keep up the good work... It inspires fools like me to keep trying... Well thank-you very much! I certainly appreciate your praise. And if my advice is anything, keep writing. Always. There is not enough creativity in the world 2
3 Mar 2004:-) Guillermo 'Gwydionn' García
He fought against a mirror and his heart stoped out of rage, age took him. too cool really i loved the twist great job. yeah pretty much!
8 Jun 200645 Anonymous
'It was dark in the small log cabin' isent the best start in the world...switches me off realli quickly. nice try anyway. and at the last part how its suppose to be sad and what not...dont write too much...or it wont be sad. you have to keep it short so the reader dewscription of the last bit would be like 'omg omg im gonna cry' instead of 'i read the book...it was boring....then i drank sum water...then i went home...'
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'The Warrior and the Old Man':
 • Created by: :-) Amber Silver
 • Copyright: ©Amber Silver. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Cabin, Epic, Old man, Poems, Surprise ending, Warrior-poet
 • Categories: Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc., Warrior, Fighter, Mercenary, Knights, Paladins
 • Views: 454

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Bringer Of Nightmares

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