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Amy ´the Ames´ Perkins

"The Orphan Knight" by Amy ´the Ames´ Perkins

SciFi/Fantasy text 15 out of 15 by Amy ´the Ames´ Perkins.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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Again unfinished (like most of my work)though I think that this could stand by itself as a short story. Read and enjoy!
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←- The Beginnings | The Strength of Cassion 1-4 -→

Since my boyhood I’ve aspired to be a knight, always wandering the countryside looking for people to help and dragons to kill. My younger brother and I would pretend to be in Tournaments. We had hobby horses from our father and sticks would be our swords and lances. We would clobber each other and come home with bruises and smiling faces.

That was before the war.

My father was called away to serve our lord of the land. When the war ended he did not return. My mother took sick the next winter and no healing art could help her. She died by the start of summer, leaving my brother and myself alone in the world. So many things changed very quickly that winter. A new king took the throne and my brother and I were left to live alone. We knew enough of our farm to continue to live off of the land. My brother and I lived this way for a year.

It was in the spring of the year that I turned ten and three that a stranger rode to our door, asking for a place to stay for the night. It was stormy, the rain pelting down and trying to force its way through the straw of our roof. The man was wearing a soaking wet cloak and his horse was dripping as well. We let him in, thinking only to show him a kindness. He gratefully accepted our bread and soup. We let him sleep in our parents bed but before settling in for the night he asked us a favor.

"Do not tell any person that I am here. Please, for your safety."

While my brother checked on the man’s horse, I set the fire so it would not die in the night. I heard the door open and my brother called my name.

"Kenneth!" There was fear in his voice so I went to see what was wrong. Brandon was standing in our main room with two men. One had a dagger to Brandon’s neck. The men wanted to know where our stranger was. I told we didn’t know any strangers. We were just two orphans living alone. He cut Brandon’s throat and the two men left. My brother died in my arms.

I was still crying on the floor when the stranger came down.

"That was a hard thing to do boy. Thank you." I could only look at the man.

"My brother died because of you." I leapt up and began hitting him with my fist. He just stood there and let me continue until my rage was spent.

"Are you done?"

I looked at him with tear stained eyes. "I hope your life is worth my brother’s. He is the last of my family. I have no one else."

The stranger looked at me carefully. "What is your name?"

"Kenneth."

"Well Kenneth, the least I can do is take care of you until you are a man. Will you be my squire?"

It was my dream come true. Finally I would realize my dreams of becoming a knight with only the bittersweet trade of my brother’s life. The stranger and I traveled together. He on his bay charger and me on our farm horse, a chunky grey draft. I learned about the life of knights. The stranger I was now bound to was named Hiten. He had discovered that the King he was sworn to serve was corrupted and evil. Hiten forsake his vows to that King and became renegade. For that he was being hunted. From him I learned that sometimes the vows a knight swears before his King must be forgotten if the deeds asked of you violate your vow as a knight. These things I learned. I traveled everywhere with Hiten. We always had to watch for the men from the corrupt King. On these travels we would always stop and help those in need.

Several years later, Hiten and I joined an army and single-handedly developed a strategy to drive off the marauding savages. The King of the small was so grateful he gave Hiten lands and he knighted me. Finally I was a knight. Sir Hiten settled down on his newly acquired property to live out the rest of his life in peace. I took my leave of him and continued traveling, helping where I could.

One fateful day, I got lost. The road I turned on was not on my map and I did not realize this. The forest became dark and the trees grew misshapen and seemed to want to tear at my clothes.

That was when I heard the scream. I had been traveling half the day in the s dark forest. My horse was nervous, despite the battle training he had received. We had just crossed a tepid pool of water when I heard the yell. I charged ahead, racing along the path until I came upon a group of wood savages. They had surrounded a young woman and her horse. She must have been a highborn lady who had gotten lost just as I had. I knew that it was my responsibility to save her. She was afoot, her back pressed against her horse’s side and she held out a dagger. Both she and the horse were circling around, trying to keep an eye on each of the savages that had surrounded them. The horse looked threatening, his ears were flat back and he looked ready to strike. Knowing I had to act quickly I spurred my warhorse onward.

"Begone foul savages. You shall not trouble this Lady any longer!" The lady looked up, surprised. I do not think she had seen me, or even expected help. I charged into the group of savages, scattering them into the woods. When they had gone I turned back to the woman. She was tucking her dagger back into her dress in a most inappropriate place. She looked at me, her green eyes sparkling like emeralds.

"Sir Knight, I thank you for your assistance but I assure you, I was in complete control of the situation."

"M’lady, you were outnumbered ten to one. You needed my help. Permit me to escort you to your destination."

"That is not necessary…" She stared at me as though I couldn’t hear her.

"No, you are a woman. It is my duty to assist you." I dismounted, "Let me help you onto your horse." I offered her my hand and she reached out hesitantly but when our flesh touched, she gasped and stared into my eyes. I was suddenly concerned.

"Are you alright m’lady?" She seemed to shake her head clear of a vision.

"Yes, yes I’m fine. Though I think it is a good idea to travel with you Sir Knight." I smiled with relief as I helped her onto the horse.

"Since we are to be companions, may I ask what your name is?" I hoped I wasn’t being too forward.

She smiled shyly at me. "I am called Tara McCarther by some Sir Knight."

"That is indeed a most noble name Lady Tara. I am Sir Kenneth, the orphan knight. It has always been my mission in life to help those in distress, such as yourself."

She looked over at me and flashed a dazzlingly radiant smile. Her teeth were of a white I’d never thought possible and her golden hair was pulled back in a braid which started at the tip of her forhead and continued down to her midback. She wore a cloak of forest green and beneath it was a finely cut dress of a material I did not recognize.

"I believe I shall enjoy your company orphan knight, though I wonder if you shall enjoy mine. I may cause you more distress than I shall be in myself. Did you know that I wanted to speak to those people you chased off? I had need to speak with their leader about a matter of great import and I had not yet made known my identity to their scouts when you arrived. I still need to seek them out."

"Truly you are not serious Lady Tara!"

"I am very serious, this is a task I must do. Will you see me through it?" Before hearing my answer she turned her mount into the forest, off the path and began racing away. Startled, I urged my own horse after her.

"Lady Tara, I had not yet given my answer!" I called after her. She turned around in her saddle, her horse still charging on, and laughed a most crystalline and pure laugh.

"Sir Knight, you must realize, I will do many things before you agree to them. This will, in fact, become a standard occurrence." She turned back around and slowed her horse, allowing me to catch up.

"Lady, do we have to travel with such speed? My horse has had many charges today, I doubt he is quite ready for a headlong rush through the woods."

"Do you wish me to slow down orphan knight? Very well." With no signal that I could see, she slowed. I wheeled my own mount around only to see that she had stopped.

"Why have you stopped Lady Tara?"

"We are there."

"Where?"

"At the stronghold of the people of the forest."

"I see no such stronghold."

"Then they have hidden it well. Do you never look above yourself Sir Knight?" And I looked. Above me, well into the tops of the trees were houses and bridges stretching across in a lacy network of a city in the air. It was beautiful. Then I noticed a basket being lowered. It had a person inside it.

Tara dismounted and called out to the descending figure. "I am the Web Weaver. I wish to meet with the King. There are matters of importance that I must discuss with him." She spoke again, though this time in a musical language. The figure answered her. She turned to me.

"Leave your horse here, we have an audience with the King of the Forest." She dismounted and walked into the basket that had now reached the ground. "Come Sir Kenneth. It is time to go."

I too dismounted, and taking her hand, stepped into the basket with her. She smiled at me.

"Welcome into my services."

←- The Beginnings | The Strength of Cassion 1-4 -→

DateNameComment 
16 Jan 200545 Gwendolen van der Linde
With your first two stories most of the comments have already been made, that I would have made. I'll add, that I love the name Tara and used it on some of my stories, too, though your Tara fits much better into the name than mine ever did.
I'm looking forward to read more, so inform me, when you've uploaded more, and if you ever find the time, please have a look at my stuff, I would love to hear what you've got to say.
Yours
Gwen

:-) Amy ´the Ames´ Perkins replies: "For some reason the name fits her perfectly. I like to think of her as my alter ego, who I would love to be.

I will send a message to you when my next ticket goes through for sure!"
22 Mar 2006:-) Ryan 'Saint' Stringer
Hey Amy, seeing as how you were kind enough to stop by and leave me a comment, I figured I would return the favour! Not sure what made we choose this story first, although I do have a soft spot in my heart for stories about knights 2

So, about the story then: I can definately see it working as sort of a prologue or introduction to the main character in a longer story. Clearly there must be more to it, as it didn't exactly "end" per se.

I enjoyed how you executed the First Person Perspective. I generally avoid anything written in First Person like the plague as it is extremely rare to find someone who can use it effectively. In your case though, I actually wasn't bothered by it and sort of forgot that I was reading FPP (which for me is a great thing).

I did find the pace to be a little bit eratic, and there were some places (as well as the story in general) that I thought could definately benefit from being more fleshed out. A few places where I found this was particular true - when the bad men kill Kenneth's brother - this scene was very kind of encyclopedic, like I was reading a history book. It needed more drama and tension to really make it effective. You also completely skipped over Kenneth's feelings and reactions during and after the whole affair and to me it came across as though he didn't really care much or give it a second thought. FPP is a great medium for exploring the emotions and thoughts of the character, so you should think about using that a little more.

Another spot was the description (or lack thereof) of Kenneth's time with Hiten. This spanned several years, yet there was basically one paragraph about it, and we never really got a good idea what they were doing or how Kenneth was being trained as a fighter or whatever.

Once Kenneth meets Tara, you zoomed in a lot more and gave it a little flesh, which was very good. I could have used a little more indication of just how far they were traveling, etc, but the level of detail, considering the nature of the story, was good, and Tara was a great character.

Of course a lot of this may be a stylistic difference on my part, I'm sure you'll see that I am very much a "fleshy" author. Anyway, I enjoyed, and will definately be hanging around to read more 2

41 Amy ´the Ames´ Perkins replies: "Thanks again for all of the wonderful comments and I echo what I have said previously. I absolutely agree that I need to explore the characters of Kenneth and Hiten. I think that maybe my problem is that I am intimately familiar with Tara (as she tends to be the main character in most of my stories and her history is fleshed out completely in my head, if not partially on paper) but Hiten and Kenneth are completely new characters for me. I think some brainstorming is in order. Thanks again for all the wonderful comments!!"
10 Jun 2006:-) James 'Jimbo Fett ' Inwood
I find myself agreeing with most of the points raised by Ryan, the lack of description being the most important in my opinion. There were a couple of places in which the sentences became real mouthfuls, I'd advise you to read the whole story out loud to find out whereabouts the commas should go, just to make it seem a bit more natural.

Oh, and a slight technicality, he mentions to Tara that he is an "orphan" I'm not sure how accurate my sources are, but that is the last thing a knight should actually say, since a knight should be of proper birth.

All in all, this looks promising.

62 Amy ´the Ames´ Perkins replies: "Oh ho! Information I have not known! I'll have to work that in somehow. So major consensus is that this needs major revamping before people go "Wow, I loved it!" Gotcha. No problemo. Into the editing pile it goes! Thanks muchly for the tips."
10 Jun 2006:-) Micah A English
Tara's tone seems a bit different in this story than in the others, but I suppose she is addressing a knight so she might want to play the part a bit. It's hard to say whether I like this or not as so very little has happened so far, so the biggest comment I can offer is that the kid's dialogue is a bit weak, I don't feel the emotion in it. And his brother dies awfully fast, and I am awfully callous, so I don't...really...even...care. It's a horrible thing to say, I know, but remember what I said about killing; if you kill a character without breathing life into them, you've only killed a cardboard cut-out.

Zeno: Pssht! Orphen Knight my buttcrack! I'll take him out with one arm tied behind my back, no both arms! Read Zeno Brave: Sephina if you don't think I can do it, I'll bite him to death! *makes biting motions and growls ferociously*

:-) Amy ´the Ames´ Perkins replies: "Tara: Pshht. I've read it. And I could do it with my hands behind my back, blindfolded and...

Tara! What is it with Zeno that makes you so unruly! Don't brag! You'll scare away the guests.
So the general consensus is that I need to flesh out the beginning, develop the family more, then kill them off. *evil plots form* Ok!</font></i>"
23 Jul 200645 Brian Rich
I liked the conversational tone of this. His brother's death did come on rather suddenly but I didn't really mind that. It stayed true to the conversational flow as if he is talking to someone and relaying events that have already happened. Although there wasn't a lot of suspense and drama to the relaying of information it did come across to me as, "whoah, his brother just got killed" so that was good. The only thing that did interrupt the flow for me was his sudden change of emotion towards the knight. He went from being mad at the knight and blaming him for his brother's death to saying, "ok, I'll be your squire, that is my life long dream." Even in a conversational relaying of past events this doesn't flow. People aren't usually thinking about their life ambitions when someone close to them dies.

Tara seemed a little more ladylike in this story. She always struck me as being more independent and maybe even a little rough around the edges. I'm ok with the change as she obviously could use the squire's assistance in her upcoming quest so maybe she was playing up to him.

This read more like a prologue and stage-setting rather than an actual story but apart from my one little nitpick I think it was a good introduction.

62 Amy ´the Ames´ Perkins replies: "Motivation!! My second Nemesis! I shall thwart you eventually!

It's good to see that Tara comes across as a bit more lady-like. She is more mature in this story, but at the same time plans on endlessly teasing the poor knight just because he has these preset views on how Ladies should act. The reason why she accepts his assistance hasn't quite been revealed yet, but when she touched him, she could "feel" that he had a destiny she needed to help him with. That will become more clear in following installments.

But yeah, it's probably a bit more like a prologue than a story."
26 Aug 2006:-) Mandy Burnham
Okay, so I lied. I put off bed to come and read your work instead. Hope you'll forgive me. ^_~ This piece reads like a pretty good beginning to a long and winding tale. I do have to agree that some of the beginning was a little... uhm... choppy? However, I think it works just fine. The knight is obviously remembering (or journalling) and if you're telling a story, well, you're not going to dwell on certain things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I liked the interactions between the two adult characters. Very clever. I too loved the line about daggers put away in inappropriate places. Very nice touch. I like his pre-notions. I'm sure she'll help him out of those nicely. ^_^

62 Amy ´the Ames´ Perkins replies: "I often find myself staying up later then i intended for various reasons. Some of them elfwood related.

I'm still considering going back and revising the beginning. Part of it is more to get down the ideas and background from my very cluttered brain, but when I was writing it I did want it to seem more like a recollection. Someone explaining how they got to where they were that day. I think the tense was going to change once I continued, making this seem more of a prologue, in which case the shortness would be appropriate. Flashbacks could of course be thrown in as necessary."
9 Jan 2007:-) Panu Karjalainen
I was surprised that Kenneth thought that the price of knighthood was "only" the death of his brother. His parents died a year ago and Brandon was the rest of his family. Dreams are thicker than blood, huh?

I liked the tone, it sounds like the story could work very well as a fable. The lack of description, simple action, no psychological musing... if you would change the narrator from Kenneth to an omniscient one, I think it could work very well. It's of good length, too, for a fable, although you'd have to come up with a different ending, of course...That's an interesting take on it... I may do a different version, try out the fable and see. But yes, the ending would definitely have to change were I to do that.
11 May 2007:-) C. 'Liari' Seidel
This has so much potential! I like the story, but once again, dialogue is a bit...too stiff. A child wouldn't be quite that formal, especially while grieving. Tara is quite interesting, isn't she? I'm off to see more!Oh, that's good! Thanks for the tip [jots down the note] I haven't really touched this one in a while, but I can definitely change dialogue.
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'The Orphan Knight':
 • Created by: :-) Amy ´the Ames´ Perkins
 • Copyright: ©Amy ´the Ames´ Perkins. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Boy, Died, Knight, Lady, Man, Mysterious, Orphan, Parents
 • Categories: Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc., Royalty, Kings, Princes, Princesses, etc, Warrior, Fighter, Mercenary, Knights, Paladins
 • Views: 610

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More by 'Amy ´the Ames´ Perkins':
The Strength of Cassion Prologue
Stands of Cypress 01
Freedom
The Beginnings
The Shaggy Man
First Day of a Career of a Lifetime

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