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Amy īthe Amesī Perkins

"The Strength of Cassion Prologue" by Amy īthe Amesī Perkins

SciFi/Fantasy text 11 out of 15 by Amy īthe Amesī Perkins.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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This is the prologue to a story that I have not yet finished. It concerns my main character and actually explains many of her actions in other writings that i've started. It's meant to be cryptic. I've made some of the changes suggested, they're minor, wording issues.

This may also be reworked and rewritten, or I may include an alternate point of view version in a different story/flashback. Haven't quite decided.

I refuse to tell you who these characters are. But you can guess =D
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←- Overlords: Do's and Don't's Part 1 | The Shaggy Man -→

Prologue

"I’m not letting you go in there!"

"I have to go, there’s no other way!"

The girl looked at him, her eyes crystal blue and blazing at him in the dark.

"If you enter that, that thing I’ll, I’ll . . ." the threat went unfinished. She sighed heavily and just stared at him. They were both sitting on the cold floor of the stone chamber. In front of them, an orb of pulsing cold, unfriendly light cast the entire room in a blue haze. The boy couldn’t help but notice how well her features were accentuated in the light. She really was beautiful he realized but despite any feelings for this person, he had to leave to save his world. It was his destiny and he knew it deep down in his heart.

"Listen, my mind is made up. The only way to stop the madness and evil is for one of us to enter the Luxorb. We both know that you can’t so the only logical choice is me." He looked at her and stood up turning to stare into the light, his jaw-line set. When he looked back, she had also risen and tears were streaming down her face.

"Please don’t go," she whispered, "if you fail, I fail. We can find another way to win."

"There isn’t another way to win," he held her as she quietly shook and tenderly kissed her head, "Let me go in. I promise I won’t fail." He pulled away and started walking toward the light.

"Wait!" The girl ran to him and took a chain from around her neck. On it was a diamond shaped piece of silver with a blue stone attached in the center. She placed it around his neck and kissed him. "Be careful my love." she whispered. He turned and kept moving on. She watched him go towards the Luxorb, as the light suddenly grew brighter as if welcoming him. Once he had disappeared, she paused, as if knowing he would never come back, and if he did, he would never be the same person. She would always love him though.

She walked back out of the chamber through the tunnel they had both come down. The only difference was she was now alone. As she stood in the daylight, the wind whipping her hair into her face, she stared up at the dark, imposing fortress knowing full well how she had failed his world. A sharp whistle brought a pretty, bay gelding to her side who nuzzled her in hopes of providing some comfort. A sorrowful smile appeared on her face as she mounted and rode down off the mountain into the brewing storm.

←- Overlords: Do's and Don't's Part 1 | The Shaggy Man -→

DateNameComment 
16 Dec 2004:-) Travis O. Newcomb 'Wolfga'
Hmmm! I really liked this one! I think you did a good job by making this with energy. For me it's a bit harder to make things with a sense of urgency, but I think you got it. I'll be sure to be back and see what you have next.

3 Amy īthe Amesī Perkins replies: "Thanks! That's exactly what I wanted to convey, urgency! HURRAY!!! Hmmm, it seems that you're commenting while I'm adding comments, hehehe."
16 Dec 2004:-) H. 'Cirist' Chute
Oh, yes. You should probably change the 'You' in the second line to 'I'. Unless, of course, there're more than two people talking, but I doubt that.

Write on!

18 Amy īthe Amesī Perkins replies: "Ah yes, I see what you're talking about. I think what would make it more clear is if it stated "You have to let me go" as in he's addressing the girl, but it could also work "I have to go" refering to himself. Ah hah! I have found a solution to clear everything up! "I have to go, there's no other way," will be the change!! Thanks for the tip!"
16 Dec 2004:-) H. 'Cirist' Chute
Very good! You definitely succeeded in making it cryptic, and I want more!

Write on!

1 Amy īthe Amesī Perkins replies: "LOL!! Maybe I'll have to upload the beginning part of the story. About 25 pages of it are written right now, but I don't think Elfwood would appreciate me sending in a 25 page item. I'll break it up for you and send it in pieces, that way, you'll only have to wait the time it takes for a ticket to go through the queue. But I do have more, no worries! hmmm, and two endings as well, but that's another tale."
22 May 2006:-) Andy T Millington
Ment to be a hook, heh. This bit gets the imagination going, for sure. I mean, with all the bits of information you have comming together here, there are so many different things that could lead up to, and come after, this little quip.

Nice. Why thank you 1 It is meant to be a tantalizing teaser, as I believe any good prologue should be.
28 Jun 2006:-) Patricia M. DīAngelo
This is a very intriguing start, quite good at ensnaring and captivating the reader.

I tend to tinker with sentences a lot, never quite finishing, and always rewriting. Actually probably not the best of traits.

I tend to get hung up on the flow of words, so this is more just personal preference and probably best ignored. There are a few sentences that might benefit from a bit of rewording. An example, The one sentence might read: The girl's eyes, crystal blue and blazing glared at him in the dark.

More importantly though, you have a wonderful start to a story, where the reader is enticed to read more. Great job.

24 Amy īthe Amesī Perkins replies: "I completely understand the constant revisions. I carry a printed copy of all my stories in a binder and bring it with me to work and I always read through them red pen in hand to edit. Thanks for the vote of confidence!"
18 Jul 200645 Brian Rich
I'm taking a shot in the dark and guessing that the story continues here. I'm guessing the girl is Tara? If so she is now all grown up. Now I'm wondering if her love is the sword student from the Beginnings? I'm really playing guessing games here and probably have it all wrong. I must continue and find out. We can really feel the deep emotional bond between the two. There is a sense that something cataclysmic is about to occur. You said so much in such a short space. Now I'm eager to read the rest.

28 Amy īthe Amesī Perkins replies: "  Hah! There is a huge time gap between The Beginnings and this prologue. Good lord there is a huge time gap!

But yes, you are spot on with this being Tara. Unfortunately, way off with this guy being the sword student. Aside from both stories having Tara, they really aren't related. But good try!

I'm glad you are eager to read the rest, that's a sign of an awesome prologue =DThanks for commenting!"
21 Sep 200645 Cecily again
Curioser and curiouser...[waits for the end of the world]

62 Amy īthe Amesī Perkins replies: "*waits with Cecily*"
31 Oct 2006:-) Annie Harrington
Heh. No idea who these people are, but I guess I'll find out soon, if I keep on reading. . . right? Hopefully? Well, I suppose it could become obvious eventually...but nothing is mentioned outright to give it away...

Well, it was a nice hook. It draws one into the story instantly. Why thank you!

Moving on. . . Erp...well...at least read the warnings before ripping some things to shreds, I'm doing a winter cleaning of Cassion..which the prologue is a part ofOne of my characters had a run in with Cecily's Azazel and his motives changed around.....
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'The Strength of Cassion Prologue':
 • Created by: :-) Amy īthe Amesī Perkins
 • Copyright: ©Amy īthe Amesī Perkins. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Boy, Fantasy, Girl, Horse, Loss, Magic, Sacrifice
 • Categories: Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc., Romance, Emotion, Love, Royalty, Kings, Princes, Princesses, etc, Wizards, Priests, Druids, Sorcerers...
 • Views: 884

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Strength of Cassion Alternate Ending
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