|15 Jul 2009|| Johnny Williams|
Cool poem. I liked it alot.
For constructive criticism, you have "You have seen with without looking", and there is the "with without" part. Other than that, I don’t see anything wrong with it.
I remember seeing your name somewhere before; do you know Nathaniel Eisner?
Also, if its ok, I would like to recommend a poem of my own, called "Lost and Found". I would really appreciate a fellow Christian’s thoughts on it.
Thanks and nice poem. Raymond W Schlitzkus
replies: "Hello Johnny! Thank you for reading and commenting! Good catch on that; it’s amazing that I missed that in my proof-read (its so short!) But thanks to you it’s fixed.
I believe that God put this on my heart, short and to the point as it is because of the first paragraph. The USA is a country of freedom founded on Christianity and yet so many are not saved. That we are all over but some people see us and think we are just good people, while others see the joy and hope within us but don’t know where it comes from. This is a shout out, I hope more hear!
Yes I know Nathanael, He is my brother in Christ!
I would love to read your poem, I will bounce right over!"
|16 Jul 2009|| Nathanael Herald Eisner|
Good poem! The very fact that it is Christian points a lot of points on it for me! Just one note: the fantasy seems, well, a little forced. It ruins the flow slightly. When you said you put fantasy creatures in here, I was interested to see them (as a reader this is likely what many will think). I read verse 1, then 2, and looked back to see if I missed the fantasy or not. I scanned the last verse, still saw nothing, so I went back to reading it. Of course I found it, but that was the way of it for me. Even something this short seemed like ten minutes with my expectations not being found early on. Just a note to you.
PS – Oh my! I see my reputation preceded me! Raymond W Schlitzkus
replies: "I noticed the lack in the fantasy creatures too , but there used to be a lot more in there. The parts got too long and distracting from the emphasis of the poem, so I had to cut them back. They were in there to set mood: a sense of strength, power, and flight (dragon); breathtaking beauty, and heart-bursting awe(angel). But the descriptions were long and so I decided to let peoples’ imagination do it for me. I think that the mistake was to create expectations as you said, so I took that part out of the description. Thank you for your observations! I may try to modify it more later."
|16 Jul 2009|| Johnny Williams|
^ lol... I knew I didn’t spell your name right,
|17 Jul 2009|| Nathanael Herald Eisner|
It’s okay Johnny! Water off a duck’s back! Many people do! Even official corporations! It only irritates me with a ton of repeated misspellings from one person.
|28 Jul 2009|| Nöelle Aletheia Amaranth|
WOW, i love this!!!
i’m in tears at the moment because of it, it is wonderful, i really like this!!! Raymond W Schlitzkus
replies: "Thank you for that very encouraging comment! I’m glad that it touched you so deeply. I truly hope that this poem provides the opening for God to soften hearts and save more brothers and sisters.
God Bless you Sister! "
|3 Sep 2009|| Nöelle Aletheia Amaranth|
I hope that it does also
it is very well written
|21 Sep 2009|| Tom Draco Noir Taylor|
Nice thoughts Raymond! The hope of God’s Kingdom, the free gift of forgiveness and Salvation through Christ are I believe, the only real hope any of us have. As you mentioned , we live in what is considered a Christian country, yet so many , even our elected officials, are not acting in a Christian manner at all! We do things as a nation that would make Jesus weep. And it is not just the U.S.- many European countries are also nominally Christian, yet many in these countries have lost faith in the Bible(considering it Myth and Fable). Part of this , I believe, lies in the fact that many Churches have let permissive attitudes and morals of the world creep in , along with allowing philosophies and skepticism of men to outweigh the teaching of "God’s Game Plan!" If only all could feel "Our loving Creator’s caress"-how wonderful! And what would they lose by looking into God’s word and seeking Him? It is like a bumper sticker I saw that i thought was funny: "Try Jesus!- If you don’t like Him the Devil will always take you back!" Raymond W Schlitzkus
replies: "Thank you very much Tom! And I do agree with you; Jesus called us as witnesses of His glory and free gift of Salvation, to be in the world but no longer of it. I am very much afraid that many of us (I include myself) forget in our daily lives that we need to be living for Him, to live our lives for the audience of One. Thank you for the comments and God bless you! "
|5 Jul 2012|| Rachael Elizabeth Baker|
A really sweet poem