"Grey" by Laura de Lange

I think this is more commonly called a drabble, but since I didn't count, I can't be sure... Anyway, that's just rambling. ^-^

She stood[,] looking at the swirling grey below her.

And that's all. This is very sad. My only regret is that it's so short. It tells everything the reader really needs to know, but it seems to have such a beautiful story and character...

Kudos on conveying that in so few words! Short, but very powerful. Beautifully done!

Laura de Lange replies: "I'm telling you, I don't deserve such a kind commenter! Thanks! And thanks for pointing out the grammatical error, that is something I am not good at, since I didn't learn the rules at primary school (I learnt Afrikaans grammar rules) so any information is brilliant! Thanks! (again)"

Laura, I agree with the above commenter... the few words you used were engaging and refreshing almost. It's a gift to be able to pack so much into so little. Well done. I think you should considered fleshing out this a little. This would be an excellent "hook" for a longer tale. Brava.

Laura de Lange replies: "Thank you! I think I'm going to keep it short for a while, easy to read etc. But I am definitely thinking of a longer one! Thanks for a lovely, supportinve, informative comment!"

Cute, well-described but because it's so short I can't help feeling there's something I'm not being told. If you ever feel like adding to this I'd love to get the whole story behind the "who and why"'s.

Laura de Lange replies: "The opposite of your comment on Changeling, interesting to note. I understand, this was just an idea that floated into my head. I had necer thought about it until I tried to explain it in the comment above. It just sounded good! "

I hate to say this but... I don't understand! ;_;

The first two sentences are good... (I would disregard the suggestion to include a comma. I'm not sure it's correct)

I do get confused on the third sentence, though... She had to move from where to where because of what?

And the fourth sentence is fine, except I don't understand the 'grey breeze', but she does perhaps need a different past, present and future... or at least a name to invoke pity. Maybe call her 'Hope', then it will be an allegory about how Hope floats above the greyness of existance with coloful wings that shine with the um... optimistic thought that grey is not all there is in life!

It is an inspiring bit of writing... but you should draw it out a little more!

Laura de Lange replies: "Thanks for writing a comment that made me smile! I love the idea about Hope, maybe I'll do that. The third sentence that is confusing you, it was just a interesting sentence that popped into my head. I liked the idea that her world and all those around her had been destroyed and that the greyness is the result of that event. There is nothing in the worlds, thus ... grey nothingness. I'll see if I'll draw it out more, I'm very bad at going back to things."

Wow. deep. it made me think

Laura de Lange replies: "I'm glad you could read something into it! "

Wow. So short but wow...have you done anymore of this yet? I'm very intrigued. If you haven't, go do it now! Loved it, keep up the good work!
Lotsaluv, Em

Laura de Lange replies: "I'm glad you enjoyed it. I had a whole phase of 50 word writings, but most of them were memories and not in the Elfwood genre."

Well, an interesting very short story. I gave me a very lonely, disconnected feeling when I read it. But as a hole very good.

Laura de Lange replies: "He, hello! Nice to see you here! I'm glad the emotion came through, that was the effect I was looking for!"

You should really expand this. It was so well written that I want to know more about the character. Who is she? Why is she surrounded in greyness? I hope to read more in the future, it's very good and so concise.

Laura de Lange replies: "Hee, thanks for the comment. I don't know who she is, really, so maybe I'll write the rest of the story to find out! "

Hmm I think you should clearly write something based on this but leave the short story as it is. Actually it's not a story but a flow of mind. Wonderful, I believe such writings when you just sit down and write whatever you feel are soem of the most beautiful and powerful stories, next time try a longer one.
Any how I love the cryptic nature of it all. What the heck happened here and why?! he he
well gotta go, all the best

Laura de Lange replies: "Thanks for all the wonderful comments. When i'm not sick and it's not late(ish) at night I promise to visit. I love the flow of mind as well. That's what writing is all about!"

Powerful and short... Like the pic!!

Laura de Lange replies: "Glad you like it Anja."