"Welsh Aquatic Dragon (poem)" by Laura de Lange

Truly beautiful. I can't think of anything else to say, but this is truly, truly beautiful.

Laura de Lange replies: "*Bows* Thank you very much!"

Great concept. We all feel "out of our element" sometimes, and this conveys that feeling quite well. Nice work.

Laura de Lange replies: "He he he! Thank you! I would like to know what you think of the style, because this is a very choppy poem and in my opinion doesn't have much rhythm. "

Wow. This is really well described. I feel like I'm being sucked in, like in that poem from english class about the poem sucking the reader in, literally.

Laura de Lange replies: "*Pulls feebly at Nat's leg, trying to get him out of her poem. Gives up, panting and sweating.*I'm glad you liked it! "

I swear I commented on this poem.
Anyway...
It is a "gliding" poem.
It's just so...calm.
I do agree with the first comment, ryhme would have just added that extra OOMF to give it a deeper impact.
Overall, stylish.
Very very stylish.
I must say I need to get INTO the whole fantasy thing...it really doesn't pull me.
Perhaps reading more of it could encourage me.

Laura de Lange replies: "Hello Anonymous! Took me a while to figure out who you were! The stylish gave it away though!

I must admit, rhyme is not something that comes naturally to me. I don't like the way it seems forced sometimes and how ... childish it can make a poem seem. However, if used well is could be brilliant."

Very good....no.....excellent. It projects much feeling and emotion....draws the reader in. Congrats.

Laura de Lange replies: "Wow ... thank you!"

Beautiful poem, I really enjoyed it! Poor old Welsh Aquatic Dragon. As a half-welsh human I feel the Aquatic dragon and I have a lot in common. Excluding the aquamarine feet. And the fact that it's a dragon.

Anyway, the ending is lovely, and really gets the feeling of hopelessness across. Great poem! Come and prod me if I don't read more of your work soon

Laura de Lange replies: "  Thank you! (Prod, prod.)"

WOW, i really like it, bit of a sad ending though. I liked some of the rhyme but i don't think it matters that it doesn't continue throughout the poem, it just slows the pace a bit, which in a way prepares you for the ending!!!
Very good work, love it!!!!

Laura de Lange replies: "Why, thank you! And thank you for visiting!"

hmm, I am by no means a poet myself so my advice might be bad.

With this in mind I must say I really liked the ending but I don't think something should prepare you for it. Acutally I would recomend changing teh rhytm and making the water and sand look even better, more poetic so it contrasts more with teh alst part of the poem. Anyway it's some good stuff, just needs a bit of polishing.
Keep up the good work

Laura de Lange replies: "He he! Thanks for the advice. I probably won't follow it, not cause it's not good, just cause I have no idea how to make it better. It's the best of my abilities at the mo. Maybe I'll feel like changing it one day in the future. Maybe."

This is a lovely poem! What's very interesting is that the rhythm is so smooth to begin with when the dragon's in its element, but then becomes less regular as the poem progresses until it's almost a prose poem with the last stanza. Was this intentional? It's a clever device if so.

In terms of advice, I see you used the word "gliding" twice in the first two stanzas, and the word "pale" twice in the third. I didn't realise you had until the second read through, but subconsciously I picked it up and felt the poem was a little wordy and cluttered, and I think it was only these repetitions which caused it. Other than that I enjoyed the poem and thought your word use was very good.

Laura de Lange replies: "He he, I wish I could take credit for the break down of rhythm as intentional, but that would be lying. Just my subconscience. I'll see what I can do about the repitition."

Hello darling sister!!!
Great poem, bit awkward with rythm but beautiful none the less!

Laura de Lange replies: "Well, Anja. Nice of you to drop in. I didn't know you were an expert in rhythm. Thanks for the comment."