"Charger" by Michelle B. Lackey

The Steed

Quiet. Darkness.

The feel of a bug crawling across the nose.

The wish to breathe, to move freely…

:Charger? Are you awake yet?:

:Yes, Sylvia, I am awake.: A pause. It wasn't often that the others of her section addressed her directly. As lead mare and the largest of E section, Charger normally intimidated the others whether they could see her or not. As the newest member of E-14, she was the unofficial leader. The others had previously agreed on Gunman who was right behind her.

Cool morning air warming in the sun…

:The others are asleep and I have never awoken to such darkness before. What is it?:

The brief memory of running through dark trees…

:It is the night, Sylvia. There is nothing to fear.:

:How do you remember so much from Before? None of us can go back, but you remember some. Why?:

The deep panting of desperate running as black hooves race on…

:I don't know, Sylvia. I think I am different from you somehow, but I don't remember everything.:

:What are you guys talking about?: asked Moonshine's tired voice. :It's too early to be awake.: A moment of confusion. :Why is it so dark?:

:It's-: Sylvia started.

:Carnival time!: interrupted Torque's persistently cheerful voice.

The creaking of park gates as they were opened and gentle carnival music filled the air. Humans move about deck E-14 as they check harnesses and wash off dust or dirt. The others awaken beneath the tender ministrations and gently sigh. The humans speak to one another but they whisper and cannot be understood. Charger pays them no mind.

Suddenly, a gentle hand is beneath her chin and dusting away the dry leaves from the night strong winds. The irritating bug is flicked away and her harness polished. Special care is taken with her nameplate.

The wish to move, to acknowledge, to feel…

"Good morning, Charger," the man says calmly as he wipes her down with a wet rag. "Let's get your black coat pretty, okay?"

:Go ahead,: she thinks at him. Every morning she tries to answer him and every morning the hope that he will understand is rekindled. She doesn't know why, nor does she care, but this morning is no different. He goes on without noticing her voice. Wishing her frozen eyes could follow him, she memorizes the set of his face and light brown eyes. :The dreams came back,: she whispers so no one else will hear. :I was running through the dark place on two of my feet instead of four this time. It was a strange feeling to walk like you, but I tripped and had to gallop. What's even weirder is that I don't even know why I was running. I wish I could talk to you. Maybe you would know what the dreams mean.:

Finally, he leaves her field of vision with the others following him. The lights above them in the roof flicker on as the roller coaster engine is heard roaring to life. Charger sighs as the other members of E-14 quickly talk to one another, thoughts blurred in their excitement.

The need for quiet, to hide…

Children run up the path as the sun breaks out from behind a cloud. Lining up, they cheer in happiness as they recognize the frozen figures before them.

"We want to ride the merry-go-round!" they call. "We want to ride the merry-go-round!" Charger sees the man who cares for her go to the gate and open it. Young children dash in as smiling adults carry the youngest one. She can feel herself grow heavier as one of the children sits on her back gingerly. The little girl is crying and the man is holding her steady.

"This is Charger," says his smooth voice. "She won't let you fall. Just hold the reins and the pole tightly. You'll be fine." The man walks away and disappears into the center of the carousel.

:Oh brother, this kid just rubbed cotton candy in my eye,: Gunman comments sourly to no one in particular.

:Don't worry, mine's got chewing gum,: says Sylvia with disgust.

The carousel starts forward. As the others complain, Charger takes over. Instead of rising and falling the full twelve inches, she shortens it to six. The little girl on her back is scared.

The need to protect, to comfort…

She shortens the rise and fall another inch. Now her passenger is slipping, but no one notices. The adults talk outside the fence, the others are distracted, and her caretaker is operating the carousel. The girl slides a little more. She is barely astride now, wide-eyed and silent in her fear.

:She won't make it. Fine, I'll get someone's blooming attention!:

The red light blinked just as group E came around in front of Steve. He blinked in surprise as he looked out the window to see where the newest black carousel horse should have been dutifully moving up and down. It had stopped a scant three inches from the carousel's planked floor and refused to move. At first, he was angry, but, when he saw the young girl slipping from the plastic back, he was frightened. Running outside the control room, he caught the young girl just as she fell.

"There now, you're safe," he said gently. The moment the child started crying on his arm, the black horse started moving again, going the full height as if nothing had happened. After a short shocked silence, the carousel's timer caused it to stop. Steve handed the young girl off to the waiting arms of her mother before turning to contemplate the black steed. The name 'Charger' shone on the nameplate by the shoulder with the extra care that he had given it. He thought about not letting anyone ride the horse, but another kid mounted before his eyes and proceeded to rub his lollipop all over the arched neck. She would've been beautiful if she hadn't been trapped in a pose that made her look like she was resisting something, eyes angry and her mouth open in a silent neigh.

She? What am I thinking? It's just a carousel horse! he thought viciously. He sighed. That managed to stop by itself on its own and prevent the little girl from falling until I could get to her. Walking past the mare, he patted her nose. For a split second, there was a smile in the carved red eyes. Steve didn't notice.

The day seemed all too short, like so many days past, when the sun began to sink behind the horizon. The gentle clinks of the wind chime by the gate entrance echoes across the fair grounds as the crowd heads home. The carousel goes about one more time before the weight from Charger's back lifts and the small child is led away. Once more, the Humans appear with rags and soothing sounds. Behind her, Gunman basically purrs with delight. The day had been rough on him for every child had had some kind of food which seemed to just have to be smeared all over him.

Unknown want, unknown need…

"There you are, pretty girl," Steve says gently as he appears on the edge of her vision. "Let's get you cleaned up, hmm?" He begins to rub her down, but he pauses over her nameplate, fingering it in a curious manner. "How did you save her?" he asks, his voice blank as if he expects no response or acknowledgement. His hand was resting on the nameplate, a piece of her that held great significance though she had no idea why.

The need to protect, to shelter…

The wish to be prefect, to never fail…

Steve recoiled as he felt some strange echo of emotion shoot up his arm. "Whoa!" He stood shakily for a moment, studying his hand. "That was weird." He shook his head as Charger boiled in frustration.

:For crying out loud, we're alive!: she shouted out loud as an overwhelming need to be free flooded her. :Set us free! Blast it all! We are ALIVE!: The others went silent at her outburst as the sun sank lower behind the hills. After a moment, they began to drift off to sleep with Charger still repeating as if to herself, :I'm alive. I'm here…:

The need to sleep, to rest…

The sound of the wind in the trees…

Quiet. Darkness. Sound. Sight.

The dreams were back.

Charger stood calmly before the great throne and the tall woman bedecked in gold. Her robes were a pale shade while gold was inlaid in intricate patterns by the hem of the skirt and all about the upper torso. A delicate web like headdress sat commandingly atop her red hair, strands of silver hanging like spider's thread from the golden spikes that ran from front to rear. The golden band that kept it all in place shone brightly on the exposed forehead above brilliant green eyes.

"I am glad you are finally here, old friend," the woman said gently in a voice that put honey to shame. Charger knew this woman should be important to her, but she couldn't remember why. "I have missed you. Come." The figure held up a bejeweled hand. "I must hear of your stories."

Charger felt herself hesitate for a moment before approaching. Making herself comfortable was easy on the dozens of pillows that surrounded the golden woman. The woman lifted her hand again, a hand that had spider's silver - yes, that was the name, Charger remembered that - hanging from it, a ruby shining at the base of her middle finger. Placing it on Charger's dark forehead, the woman began to listen and…

Sun pours over the horizon as the humans move about them. This morning there isn't an annoying bug walking across her nose. The one called Steve stands before her…

:No, this is not right,: she forced herself to think. :I have a past. Things do not just happen. If this keeps up, I'll never register anything fast enough to fight again!:

:What are you talking about?: Sylvia asked from somewhere behind her. In her mind, the others distanced themselves. Last time they had spoken so freely with Charger, she'd pounded inside their skulls nearly all day.

At least she was thinking faster now. :I need to think fast enough to fight. If I cannot register everything around me fast enough, the next time I fight, I may die.:

:Whom would you fight?:

:I…: Just as easily as she had remembered fighting, the thought of who she had fought vanished. All that remained in her mind were shadows and birds. :I… don't remember.:

The need to fight, the will to survive…

:What was that?: Sylvia asked in a panic.

:What?:

:It was like you were sending me emotions or something. What was it?:

:I don't remember, Sylvia. I don't remember anything aside from me fighting. I need to fight and I need to be somewhere, but I can't get it straight in my head.: The people were leaving now and the merry-go-round was beginning to move. Charger forced herself to think faster. She wasn't going to allow herself to become stuck in a complacent state of mind. She had to fight it… didn't she?

:What do you remember?: Sylvia asked, a hope blooming in her voice.

:I remember running and being free. I remember being someone that ran at night without fear of falling.: A question appeared in her mind. :Night, remember? The dark place when you woke up yesterday too early.:

:Yesterday? I always wake up when the sun rises. You know that.: Charger gave up as Sylvia backed out of her mind, but she felt the others draw closer to her. They were whispering on the fringes of her mind, fear and want interlaced throughout their hushed thoughts. Continuing for the rest of the day, they talked back and forth until the sun went down and the sleep overcame them again.

The woman sitting upon the throne smiled, her eyes shining as Charger moved closer to her without fear. She was more equine this time, Charger realized. The face was a little longer, the nose a little larger, and the hair atop her head continuing down her spine. A name floated around the edge of her mind, but when she moved to voice a question, no sound came from her mouth.

"Ah, good Charger," the woman answered, the silky voice drifting through the air, "can you remember so little? Do you remember why you were sent to the others?" Charger shook her head. "I cannot call you to me until you can remember why you were sent. Your mission will be incomplete."

The very notion of leaving a mission unfinished boiled in Charger's soul and she drew her head up high in indignation. She would finish her mission and make the golden woman in spider's thread proud. That was her duty, her honor.

"I see you remember something," the woman smiled, noting the defiant flare in Charger's eyes. "Then I shall help you onward." The mare regarded the golden woman carefully for a moment, watching her behind stray wisps of mane. The woman's smile broadened before fading altogether. "The enemy is creeping closer, Charger. They are enslaving our kind as they move. The lucky ones are killed or die of battle wounds, but the others… they are forced into a meager existence at the hands of our enemy. Do you remember the enemy? Do you remember why you fight them so hard? Do you remember why you are needed?"

Charger shook her head. There was something in the woman's words that made her pause to think as she focused idly on a red pillow. A fleeting thought of a defiant black horse standing before an army of other horses, all battle-hardened and scarred from previous fights, surged across her mind before fading away into oblivion. She reached to bring it back, but found something else. Her throat worked.

"Why do I not remember anything?" she asked the woman.

Shocked into answering, "You can talk?"

"So it would seem," Charger snorted.

"Very well, you surprise me yet again, Charger." The woman laughed a little, a delicate sound that Charger decided should be heard more often. "You are remembering what you lost if you can contact me, but there is still more. Telling people what was on your mind - that was something you were never very good at. You'll have to remember what you are and where you went on your own. Most of that was your mission."

In the back of her mind, Charger felt the haze of sleep pulling away as the sun lifted over the horizon in the real world. Already, the woman and her throne room were fading away.

"Don't let me wake up!" she shouted to the woman, closing her eyes as she concentrated on holding the dream. "If I wake up, I'll forget and be mindless plastic!" She stopped. "How did-?"

"You know many things, Charger," the woman answered, her voice a whisper on the breeze as she faded. "I cannot help you, but, now that I know where you are, I can free you."

"Free me?" Charger asked, but then the dream was gone.

PAIN!

Charger's eyes shot open and registered Steve standing awestruck before her. She blinked her eyes - real eyes - and tried to understand what was happening.

PAIN!

The emotion ripped through her as she strained frozen muscles only to feel them respond after a moment's hesitation. The pain urged her on, convincing her not to pause as life came once more to lifeless limbs. The moment her legs pulled free, Charger instinctively began to paw at the carousel flooring beneath her, straining to be free.

The need to run free, to be free of the trap…

The others behind her exclaimed in surprise as she struggled to free herself. Belatedly, she realized that the other Human caretakers had vanished and that Steve was the only one remaining. He reached out to touch her when she paused in her struggles, but she lurched away as the need to free herself pressed forth again, sending her hurtling forward against the wooden pole that confined her to the wooden planking of the carousel. She lunged forward, pulling with all her might. Her hind legs broke from their wooden state and she pushed them against the carousel floor with as much strength as she could muster. With a final heave, she pulled herself free.

Steve watched in shock as she tumbled free of the pole and off the edge of the carousel. Stunned, the black mare collapsed in a pitiful heap where she landed, not even trying to right herself. Cautiously, he jumped from the carousel deck and moved toward the mare. As his footsteps approached, the mare opened a baleful eye and watched him. There was a little fear behind the threatening appearance and Steve acted on it.

"That was quite a fall you had there, pretty lady," he said gently, reaching a hand for her halter since her carousel horse tack was still in place. The simple halter looked more like a trap now but the trailing reins hung limp. He reached for them, caught them, and pulled them toward him gingerly. The black horse stood there, unmoving. Steve stared at the huge draft in amazement. Reaching out, he touched her dark forehead in the fading twilight. "You're quite tall, you know. A draft horse, I would say." Charger regarded the man before her with a gentler though still guarded look. He was kind, but she didn't have a clue as to how she knew.

The need to report, the need to see the golden woman…

Suddenly, Charger reared and started to pull away from him. Steve grasped at the reins, but the black draft was stronger than him. She pulled away easily only to break into a gallop toward the trees. Rushing away from carnival grounds, she reared and bucked as the contraption on her back - the saddle - hindered her movements and was very uncomfortable. Kicking as she ran, Charger soon disappeared among the shadows, lost to the sight of the other horses and Steve, but the man wasn't giving up that easy. Breaking into a run, Steve took off.

"Sorry, little miss," he said to her fleeing form. "I know these woods better than you and I don't intend to let you get away that easily." Cutting off her track, Steve headed for the little hill that would come out over the trail down which Charger ran. Bursting through the trees, he mounted the slight incline easily. Kneeling beside a fallen tree, he watched the ground a scant ten feet below, all the time questioning himself as to why he was doing this. When Charger hurtled around the corner, saddle and trappings flying in the wind, Steve took a deep breath and jumped.

Charger roared in anger and began bucking like a mad tornado the moment Steve touched the saddle. Leaning as far forward as he dared, Steve managed to get his hand on the reins. Shedding sweat as he struggled to get the huge mare under control, he pulled on the reins, pinning the mare's nose to her chest, trying to either ride her out or make her stop by blinding her, but Charger was no ordinary horse. The harder he pulled, the harder she bucked.

Finally, running the risk of losing his arm to her powerful rolling, he let her head come up in the hope that the mare would calm, but it was to no avail. Upon seeing her trek before her, Charger took off at a dead run. She flew over hills, soared over fallen trees, her hooves creating a beating drum of the ground, and her mane flying back in Steve's face as he struggled to just stay in the saddle. If he fell now, he would be trampled to death beneath her racing hooves. He watched the ground fly by before gulping and reaching forward to get a better hold on the mane that whipped furiously before him. To either his amazement or his imagination, Charger slowed a pace as she went and he managed to balance himself in the saddle.

"Where are we going?" he asked her pricked ears. "Where are you trying to go?" There was no answer, just a graceful leap as she soared over a trench. That was when Steve saw the ravine before them. It was nearly six hundred yards across if a foot and twice as deep. He gulped as the ears pinned back and the hooves quickened their pace.

Time seemed to slow down as Charger leapt the last few steps to the edge of the gorge than balled together as she threw herself forward toward the far edge where grass blew in the wind. Steve screamed, but no one heard it as Charger seemed to burst forth as if from a gun barrel, her huge body nearly flying through the air as she stretched out in midair, but there was no fear of not making it. Everything about the mare said she was perfectly confident that she would make it. Her rider grabbed at her mane as they started down, but he blacked out long before they ever landed and he never saw where the mare touched down.