| 29 Aug 2003 | Alice Muffin Girl Smith | Loading...Never mind that first comment. *grins* Guess E and I are on at the same time... that's cool Holly 'bat baby' Davidson replies: "lol ur silly, it can be a first comment tango with E!" | |
| 29 Aug 2003 | Alice Muffin Girl Smith | Loading...~ "That ***i*** heard the starlight softly croon" ~ "And down ***i*** lay in night ***times*** womb" <<< To the second: apostrophe needed ~ "I felt as if i may just cry" ~ "As ***i*** looked into the heavens so high" ~ "They were not bats as ***i*** thought at first glance" ~ "But fairies that flew as **i*** fell in a trance" ^^^ Capitalize your "I"'s. Please.
Hmm... I like the feeling in that line about her holding still as if she's dead so she won't scare them... I can relate to that... *grins wickedly* Ever tried stalking squirrels before? *is sleep-deprived, and dang proud of it*
PS: *first comment solo tango, which is really quite an interesting sight* | |
| 29 Aug 2003 | E. Hanna | Loading...I'd make some technical commentary about counting your syllables and *night's womb* but that's not really my main concern. The emotion and feeling behind these poems is alive and clear, which is one of many ways to write something good. I enjoyed the imagery as well, which was simply and inventively described. I cannot believe your parents would think there was something wrong with you after reading your poems. My dad listens to stranger stuff than that. (Singing softly to himself) "Daggers of moonlight/murder the sheets..." Well done. Holly 'bat baby' Davidson replies: "this wasnt one of the ones my parents were worried about. Necropolis and a bunch of others that arent fantasy they were worried about. these poems are compleetly out of my sunny nature to write. they were just worried. its all good now" | |
| 5 Sep 2003 | Camilla 'Motone' Whitney | Loading...I like that, specifically the first stanza. (helpful comments, i know 9_9) Holly 'bat baby' Davidson replies: "thanks.....wahts a stanza? * walks around uneducated and stupid*" | |
| 11 Sep 2003 | Krissy 'John Marie' Jones | Loading...This was so pretty, and very cute. I loved it very much. It painted such a cool image, almost (at least to me) a portrayal of some sort of African jungle. The meter could use a little work, but I should never be one to criticize that! We all have our problems and that's one of my biggest ones. Anyway, this is lovely! I enjoyed it! | |
| 8 Sep 2007 | Avena | Loading...A stanza is basically a paragraph. I love the poem!!! | |