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Brian ´Dulcet´ Bergstrom

"Battle" by Brian ´Dulcet´ Bergstrom

SF&F Picture 11 out of 17 by Brian ´Dulcet´ Bergstrom
 
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This poem I wrote a long time ago and I've been meaning to put it up. It's a sample battle Barbank once fought (i dunno if I'll put it in the story) in poetic form.
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The battle seemed very near
He knew he wouldn't blow it off with just a spear
He knew he could try

The opponent was nice and ready
His hidden troops were nice and steady
The other had not a chance

The battle started with a jump
The King's landed with a thump
That was what started it all

Barbank swung his great big sword
One that his father had given him
His swing had just missed

The King laughed into Barbank face
He grinned, as he knew...this was his place
He formed a ball of fire into his hands

As the ball formed Barbank readied his sttack
The ball fire, just missing his back
This was getting tough

"You are mighty good." the Kig had said
Barbank aimed an arrow to his head
The shot was a direct hit

"Ahhh!" he screamed in pain
He had a high chance he was to be slain
Blood gushed from his face

Barbank put his weapons away
Though he knew this was still not play
The King was not yet dead

Barbank did not hesitate
He swung again with visions of hate
His true power was emerging

The sword pierced into the heart
He had gotten a bloody start
The heart's blemish was minor

Barbank stood very amazed
They flung at each other
Which was hazed

The King punched Barbank with a pound
He then fell to the ground
Blood carpeted the floor

The battle was just beginning
Even though Barbank was winning
The King had his plans

The King floated into the air
He threw his surge of power, just missing Barbank's hair
It was really heating up

The King flew down at Barbank like a hawk
He nailed him near the eye after his squawk
Barbank was getting afraid

The King grinned as he rose
He then landed on his toes
He then took a big leap

His foot was aimed for Barbank's face
Barbank created a rumble to shake the place
His power was very strong

The King fell to the ground
He was defeated...for this round
Barbank had won
←- Elf | Fire -→

DateNameComment 
28 Feb 2002:-) Christine D. Nadon
Nice poem! It's very rhymey. 2
20 Jun 2002:-) Melanie Köhler 'Mistress of Chaos'
Very nice! It's got a very epic feel to it. Sort of like the Iliad. You describe the battle like a meeting between giants, a mighty warrior and a great king, fighting for... I don't know what.

:-) Brian 'Dulcet' Bergstrom replies: "Yes, I've been DYING for more people to comment on this. It's been up here for months! Heh, I describe it better here than in my story...lol"
21 Jun 200245 M. Bechard
Wow, I just love the rhyming scheme, it works very well with the story being told in it. I might just steal this rhyme scheme for something in the future. Heh, good job.

:-) Brian 'Dulcet' Bergstrom replies: "I'm very proud of this one. I honestly let the pen do all the fighting. It wasm't me, I swear! I wrote this one just to test my battle skills in poetry. I was gonna delete this, but now that I got two great comments, I'm gonna keep it!"
1 Aug 2003:-) Camilla 'Motone' Whitney
Interesting. But, monster that I am, I shall now attack typos.

The *King's* landed with a thump --If this is meant to be possessive, then please specify. If not, then it should probably not even have an s (or ') at all, since there is only one king in the poem.

The King laughed into *Barbank* face --Vaguely, it could work, but in a more real sense, add 's

As the ball formed Barbank readied his *sttack* --easy enough to figure out.

"You are mighty good." the *Kig* had said --same with above.
9 Aug 200345 Topaz
Just why, man? It's sooo.... hokey. Don't quit your day job, Sir Lovelace.
14 Mar 2004:-) Marie 'Jadeanite' Westbrook
Neat poem, I like how you managed to make it so it was both funny and serious at the same time. I couldn't see any mistakes so I don't really have any criticism. The storyline seems neat also, almost something more like a story chapter in poem form, which I don't see that often in poems.
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About 'Battle':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Brian ´Dulcet´ Bergstrom
 • Copyright: ©Brian ´Dulcet´ Bergstrom. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Fighting, Battle, Barbank, King, Poem, Heroic, Thumping poem, Sword, Warrior
 • Categories: Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc.
 • Views: 265


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