| Date | Name | Comment | | | 7 Apr 2001 | Nina Roussakova | Loading...Hmmkay, you have a point there. But I still think the readers should know a little more about his thoughts. And I suddenly realise I don't even know what he looks like. I've always pictured him as a black slihouette, but I don't actually know whether he has blond or black hair or eye color, and if he really is as strong as I picture him. I love your story though, and will be back as soon as you update (drop a note). About that training thing...it's good the way it is now. Blah blah blah... YOU DO A GREAT JOB CAN'T WAIT FOR MORE! *goes off mumbling something about 'terrible' and 'waiting'* Author's Response: I had a pic of him linked on this very page, but then Thomas decided to update the system and screw with my files so it got deleted. Here's the link: Barbank's pic! | |
| 12 Apr 2001 | Joshua Tranter | Loading...Is it just me, or is Barbank a wee bit messianic at times? | |
| 16 Apr 2001 | Janie | Loading...I'm glad you finally got the second chapter up! It was good, better than the first I'd say. I agree with the comment about leaving some more questions unanswered. It makes the reader want to keep reading and leaves them hanging on the edge. Anyway, you don't need me to tell you that. Already looking foward to the 3rd chapter! Get it up here fast! Author's Response: Thanks Janie! But I will say that so far Barbank's not in Chapter 3. And i doubt he'll be in Chapter 4 either....based on the size of Chapter 3 so far. I think Chapter 3 will be my best. I really have caught the knack for writing long chapters now. Though, I admit, my detail still may suck. I plan to put up Chapter 3 this weekend hopefully. | |
| 19 Apr 2001 | Josh N. Petroff | Loading...Did you rush through this one? it doesn't seem as thought up or elborate. It all happens a little to quickly. But it's still pretty good. Author's Response: I gotta agree with you on that. My old version of the story was crappier so I guess this is a bit slower than the first. I think I have a bad habit of doing that: Rushing. | |
| 20 Apr 2001 | AlleneWood | Loading...hmmm...That Kluke guy was cool!! haha..and I like the Roc birdy too, i wanna ride on a roc. Is it pronounced ROCK?...or...i dunno. lol...i'm reading on now! fare thee well until next comment Author's Response: Woohoo!! I was waiting for someone to say stuff about them. Kluke's very cool. I might put up another story that involves him. Sprint would also be in it. Sprint's one of my favorite characters, but in this story, you don't get to see why. | |
| 24 Nov 2001 | Stephanie J. Walls | Loading...I have rocs in my story. They haven't come into the story yet, and won't for a long while. They don't have any personality really, and they're evil rocs, but they started out good. Anyway, about what Nina said. I think you could show us some of his emotions, like confusion, awe etc but showing us his expressions. Like how his eyes open wide when he see's how lovely the light realm is, and his surprise at the statue that turns out to be the Kluke. Thats just a suggestion, and something I sometimes having trouble doing. Its just a matter of preference for the write really, so don't mind me. Anyway, I'll be back. Im gonna go get some rest. | |
| 5 Jan 2002 | Anna R. Priestley | Loading...Hey, this is great ^^ Just barely bette than the 1st chapter, but that's because cha[ter was had sucha good starting. Love it, goin ta chapter 3 soon ^~ | |
| 20 Jun 2002 | M. Bechard | Loading...Very nice chapter. You were right though, it moves kinda slower, but that isn't exactly a bad thing, since it gives time for more description and stuff, y'know the stuff that really matters (also the stuff I omit). I am quite interested in the next few chapters, thanks for keeping me reading, since my attenion span has been rather short for the last little while. Brian 'Dulcet' Bergstrom replies: "Well I'm glad you like it! I personally think it sucks cuz my grammar is the worst on Elfwood, but oh well!" | |
| 22 Jun 2002 | Melanie Köhler 'Mistress of Chaos' | Loading...I agree that Barbank should show some more emotion, even if you just say "Barbank was in total shock, and numbly went along with anything that was told him" that would explain things a bit more. Again, There can never be enough description. Well, okay maybe there can, but I always lean to the overdescriptive side, though it slows down the story, it creates a picture, a lasting impression in the reader's mind, and that is, after all, what we writers are after, right? Brian 'Dulcet' Bergstrom replies: "*leeches onto her* I need you! I need to get detail. That's my major weakpoint!!!!!" | |
| 5 Jul 2003 | Camilla 'Motone' Whitney | Loading...Again, I like your conceptualization. ^_^ But: If the gates were taller than a man could climb, how were they hidden in the bushes? Also: You used the word "site" when it should've been "sight." A "site" is a place, whereas a "sight" is a visual stimulus. Just a bit from the Grammar Guru. ^_^ | |
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