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Joćo M. Oliveira

"Across the sea" by Joćo M. Oliveira

SF&F Picture 1 out of 3 by Joćo M. Oliveira
 
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A poem writen by a man who lost his elven lover
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Across the sea

 

Across the sea there is a land

Where music and joy dance together

And lovers can freely give hands

And love like butterflies and flowers.

Across where the elves inhabit

There is hope in every tree

And the birds sing to strangers

And happiness welcomes them.

 

Ili i-alantar anai i-thenos ank i-meron

Kai i-omethai arai i-mion ak alen ineron

There the flowers are the jewels of the dwarves

And the gnomes give hands in prayer to the stars

 

Across the sea there is a land

Where everyone is a part of the world

And the gods touch every soul

And fill each heart with peace.

Across where the elves inhabit

There is a place for everyone

And fear is kept away with trust

And wounds are healed with care.

 

Ili i-lanto anai i-kuros ank i-homoen

Kai i-lankwen ipo estai lantoen

There love is the money of men

And a shadow can truly love

 

Alai! Amin i-arkhos anai oto uli wenai anê.

 

 

 

 

 

Notes: the first four sentences written in elven are translated below in the poem itself. The last sentence means: “Oh! Across the sea is where I wish to be”. This is a poem written by a human who fell in love by an elven lady who was an emissary of the elves in human lands. The lady then departed to her lands across the sea and the lover wrote this poem a few desperate months later.

 

 

←- Actaeon, the hunted hunter | The Fall of Troy - Helen -→

DateNameComment 
9 Jan 2006:-) Joćo M. Oliveira
Thanks for the feedback, I'm working on another poem right now, hope to finish it soon
9 Jan 2006:-) Laura de Lange
He he he! I liked it!

I didn't notice any mistakes, so if they are there they do not detract from the poem.

A well written poem, my only criticism would be that it might be a little cliche. I would love to see your next poem where you can start to play with sounds, words and rhythm.
31 Jan 200645 L. Shanra Kuepers
*hisses* Formatting! Never, ever, ever, ever use Word to save your poetry (the HTML for stories and poetry is far from complicated). The blank lines in between verses detract because they're not supposed to be there.
Unlike prose, poetry depends heavily on visual cues when you read it. That's why typography is so important and later poets were able to play with it (font size, circles, etc.)

There[,] love is the money of men <- though you can fudge that for the sake of poetic freedom, grammatically, it needs a comma.

a human who fell in love by an elven lady <- with. Fall in love with is how the expression goes. Other than that, quite nice. It's a pity that it doesn't rhyme, since the metre is very nicely done. Flows very easily except for the aforementioned format and inconsistancy of rhyme.

For me, it detracted. I quite liked the feel of the poem overall. It has some really nice imagery and it seems like the conlang is nicely thought out. Curious how to pronounce it though. The English has a nice sing-song quality, so I want to see whether the elven sounds the same. ^-^

Very nice work! ^-^
3 Feb 2006:-) Andreia Diónis
Hi there, love the poem, it“s really beautiful.
You“re Portuguese right?
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About 'Across the sea':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Joćo M. Oliveira
 • Copyright: ©Joćo M. Oliveira. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Elf, Land, Sea, Love, Man
 • Categories: Elf / Elves, Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters, Romance, Emotion, Love, Dwarf, Dwarves
 • Views: 229


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