"Elryn: Chapter 9" by Brian D. Saul

Arymil was sitting nearby, trying her best, and failing, to stifle her laughter. I on other hand sat near the body of my unconscious target, and unlike our host, made no attempts to hide it. My nerves had been so shot the past few days that the laughter really did wonders for them. I did almost feel sorry for the poor guy though, even if he did have it coming. All he had come here to do was see the new mage in town, and instead he wound up so terrified he had fainted.

Gently I felt a small tug on the empty sleeve of my robe. It was Violet trying to get my attention. “Mommy,” her little voice urged. “It’s time again.” It really amazed me how she could suddenly act so serious while the others around here were laughing so hard it hurt. I sighed heavily, after I managed to diminish my laughter to the occasional snicker, and got up.

Dutifully Violet led me into our room, sat me down, and took a seat on the bed next to me. “Must you take this so seriously?” I asked the little girl before things got under way. “We were having fun out there, this could have waited until we were done.” It occurred to me ever so slightly that that really was more akin to something a daughter might say to her mother, not the other way around. Although I suppose given recent events, I was the student here, and she was the teacher.

“Yes mommy,” she said in an overly serious sounding tone, with just a hint of a sigh thrown in for dramatic effect. That alone almost sent me into a fit of giggling, but I managed to hold it in.

Then, as had been routine for the past three days, she began to drill me on various things concerning the past few years of my life. It had not taken me long for the full import of what the dreams meant to hit me. After realizing I had forgotten my own daughter the rest of it just fell into place. It was as though the past years of my life were just completely erased. No, not erased, they were being modified and replaced.

Violet of course didn’t know everything about my past few years, but it seemed she had inherited a lot of little memories here and there. It wasn’t much, but those little reminders gradually worked the real memories out of the fake ones. It was a slow, aggravating process, for both of us.. She was but a child and here she was tutoring me on, of all things, my life.

Those sessions were filled with not only new knowledge, but quite often she would go over things she had gone over the last time. While the new information freed up more which was forgotten or changed, it was necessary to review the old things as well. Now I pride myself on a good memory, but it was almost as though something were trying to prevent me from retaining them. Not but a few hours after finding something, it would slowly begin to fade on me. Worse yet were the memories that would change themselves into something close to the original, but off just enough to keep me off track. A name here, a face there, tiny things that went largely unnoticed, but which in the bigger picture had a major impact. That tactic had arisen just recently. Before the changes were fairly drastic, huge chunks were just removed and altered completely. It was as though the thing keeping my memories at bay was keeping tabs on what worked and what did not.

After a series of familiar questions, my tiny tutor asked something she had never gone anywhere near before. “Who did you make me with Mommy?”

She said it so suddenly I was left unsure how to respond. It had bugged me since I learned she was mine in the first place, but I had hoped as the sessions went I'd recall her father.  I didn’t.  And none of the people I could yet recall from my former home seemed suitable parents, much less someone I loved enough... Again I felt a strange crushing pressure in my chest, the same sort I got when it occurred to me how much I had lost. “Who Violet? I’m afraid I don’t know your father.” It also occurred to me after I said it, that it was completely unnecessary. Among the things forgotten was also the fact she could apparently pluck the thoughts out of ones mind as easily as one might pick flowers. A very useful talent I’ll admit, but it overly complicated certain things. For one it was positively impossible to keep a secret from that girl!

“Who mommy is.” She corrected me.

I tilted my head questioningly. “But I thought I was your mother?” Now things were really beginning to confuse me. As if having my memories torn from me and played with wasn’t bad enough.

“You are!” The little girl shouted defensively and put her arms around me. “But I miss mommy too.”

"Not many children do that," Arymil said from the doorway. She had done that from time to time, just stood around watching our lessons. The aged woman's face had a gentle sort of smile on it, it usually did, and that made it impossible for me to tell her I'd rather she not eavesdrop on those sessions. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t help hear you and the little one. What I mean is, they'll usually call one mommy or daddy, and the other one by their name, or simply assign the missing role to them. When she says her mommy like that, I think she means her other mother.  I’d say she means that both parents are female.”

“Now that’s just silly, I'd never-“

The little girl pulled away and looked up into my eyes. Her pupilless right eye disturbed me a bit still, and I could have kicked myself for that thought as she pulled her gaze away and instead stared down at the bed. “That’s because you didn’t want me.” Her voice faltered slightly. Arymil looked between the two of a moment, and quietly left the room. “Mommy loved me, and thought you did too, but when she showed me to you…” She left it hanging there for a moment, and I recalled my initial reactions to her with a horrible feeling of regret. “You'd have wanted me more if it was Uncle Eryk.” she said with a smile even as her eyes began to tear up. “He’d make a good daddy.”

Pain only slightly described the feeling as an array of memories was torn from the grasp of whatever had them. It felt very much as though something reached in through my eyes and was playing with my brain. Luckily the feeling didn’t last long, and in its place as it fled were several things I felt I should have been aware of earlier.

Violet’s mother for one. A girl around my age I think, with eyes of the purest white. Not the haze that distinguished a blind persons eyes, but a pure, unbroken white. Those very quickly at least gave me a source for Violet’s condition. Although I was sort of unsure why Violet had an iris but no pupil, especially since the lack of one means the other is essentially useless. Her mother however clearly lacked both, which also left me wondering why only one of Violet's eyes was affected. I was aware that she could see perfectly, but it still bugged me terribly. It also very neatly answered the question of where her ability to pick thoughts out of people's heads came from, since surely that was no known M’len trait I was aware of. For a while there I thought maybe it was, and was terribly envious that it had skipped me along the way.

I soon found tears running slowly down my cheeks as the next few memories floated free. The one Violet had called Uncle Eryk. He was just a friend really, although I could instantly see what Violet meant. No...not just a mere friend, he meant a lot more to me then that. Quite suddenly I was aware of that crushing pressure in my chest and very aware of its cause now.

“C-come on Violet.” I told the little girl as I stood up, quickly wiping eyes. “I think we’re done for today.” She looked a bit startled by my tone, and I’ll admit I didn’t mean to sound as firm as I did. It was all just too much too fast, and the headache those last few memories gave me as they pulled free did nothing to help my mood. I wanted to know more, but I just didn’t feel I could absorb anymore and still remain functional. I felt as though one of the few things that actually mattered to me had been forcefully torn from my grasp. What was worse was that I felt on the verge of collapse from sheer emotional exhaustion. I wanted to do nothing but sit in a corner and cry…yell at someone, or maybe break something? Or maybe yell while I broke stuff and cried, that sounded like a rather satisfying solution. A mishmash of emotions I couldn’t make sense of ran rampant through my head, and I had to end things for the day before it all become simply too much for me to process.

“Mommy…” The little girl said meekly.

I wiped my eyes again and knelt down in front of her. “Mommy will be right back, she just needs to take a short walk. You watch over that boy out there with Arymil, okay?” Okay dear? Honey? Little one? …What did my own mother call me when I was this young? I decided to forgo the pet name for now and just embrace the little girl before I walked outside. I was awfully proud of her, she held herself together better then I had at the time.

I took my frustration out on many a small rock as I walked around outside. I might have actually been tempted to scream, but there were people nearby that would hear, and even with the mess of emotions floating around, I didn’t want to add embarrassment to them.

Winter it seemed was approaching fast around here. Already the trees had lost most of their leaves. The air wasn’t exactly cold yet, but instead lingering somewhere in between, all in all it was very comfortable weather.  I sighed as I recalled how bad winters in Alato got, and this little farm was apparently only a few leagues away.

The sun, which was at the time hiding behind a small bank of clouds, was still high in the sky by the time I found myself sitting beneath a raggedy old tree near the edge of one of their fields. Its leaves laid about it, its branches barren and scraggly, yet still it stood there, majestically towering above the fields of plowed dirt which surrounded it. I actually chuckled at that thought, a poet I definitely was not. The poor thing did look terribly lonely there, so I decided to keep it company for a while.

It didn’t talk much, but then I hardly expected it to. It did however listen very well. Gods know what it was that made me do it, but I think I poured my heart out to that lonely little tree. I had done this dozens of times, although of course with a real person and not a tree. I couldn’t even remember her name anymore. Why had Violet waited so long to tell me what she did? I couldn’t help but think it would have hurt less to know from the start than to have it suddenly thrust on me after so much more had been revealed. …No, it wasn’t her fault, she only did what she thought best, and I honestly couldn’t say how I’d have reacted. I didn’t even want to believe I had a daughter at first.

Inevitably I suppose, as it seemed I did at the drop of a hat nowadays, I found myself bawling my eyes out to that scraggly little tree. It listened very well to my blubbering too, although bark makes a terrible handkerchief, but I could hardly fault it for that. The sun slowly plodded its way across the sky and by the end of my little heart to branch talk it seemed quite a lot more time than I expected had passed.

As silly as the whole thing seemed when I thought about it, pouring my heart out to something actually helped my mood considerably. Seeing as I pored over just about everything I could remember in great detail, it hadn’t faded away from me as it usually did by this point in the day. Thanking the tree for its assistance, I slowly made my way back to the house.

The house was oddly quiet when I arrived. Inside still laid the poor unconscious guest, no signs of neither Violet nor Arymil, however, her husband was sitting near the boy. He gave me the glare I had seen every time the two of us met, then turned his attention back to a book he seemed to be reading.

“Whe-“ I started to ask, wondering where my daughter and our hostess had gotten to.

His attention remained on his book, and the tone he spoke in was deep, much like himself it would have sounded almost dignified were it not for the edge it had to it. “She went to show the little one around.” He looked up from his book a moment and glanced at the figure on the couch. “And what did you do to him?”

I hung my robe up near the doorway and went to sit down. The fire which burned in the small hearth nearby gave the air a warm tinge, just enough that the robe was uncomfortable. He seemed to scowl more at my attire, clearly he also did not approve of the little black suit I wore underneath my robes. Okay I'll be the first to admit it didn't leave much to the imagination concerning my figure, but in all fairness there really was not much to my figure to imagine about. “Not a thing.” I told him just a bit defensively. “Just a little joke he took too seriously.”

He grunted and paged further into his book. “What have you against me any way?” I asked after a few minutes of silence. That wasn’t entirely my business I realized, since I had since learned from Arymil he had a deep seated distrust in all trained mages. Although his present comments were aimed at me, and I fully intended to find out why.

“You’re a mage.” He said shortly, thumbing past another page. “All your kind care for is your power.”

Again I probably sounded more defensive then I intended, his comments were a generalization, not necessarily directed at me. I was however the only magely representative present, so I got the full brunt of it. Intended or not I just couldn’t sit there and take that. “That’s hardly true. There’s-“

“How’d ya lose the arm?” He rumbled without even looking up.

I fumbled over that for a moment. While I was the only magely representative handy, at that time I wished I was not. All things said and done, I was a terrible example to use as evidence against his case.

He interpreted the silence as my answer and just grunted again with just a hint of satisfaction to it. “That’s what I thought. You’re no better than the rest of them. I should have left you up there with an arrow between your ribs.”

“And what would you have done with Violet?”

“Raise her as our own, I figure. It would only be fair after taking her mother from her. She’d have gotten over you in time.”

I took a deep breath to help calm myself a little before I spoke, I wanted full control of my tone when I said what I was going to. “She’s a mage herself you know.” I spoke in a perfectly calm voice, which I’m sure threw him off greatly. Clearly he expected anger. “Only a few days old and already she shows incredible talent. Would you so easily put an arrow in her chest too?”

“Don’t be absurd,” he sounded a bit less sure of himself than the previous comments had been. “She’s only a child, I could no sooner shoot her than my own wife.” It was his turn to sound defensive now.

“And if she came back in five, ten years to thank the nice man that helped her mommy,” he looked up from his book but still didn’t face me, his knuckles were white as they gripped the book though. “You’d take it upon yourself to end the life of just one more wretched mage?” I paused a bit but he didn’t immediately show any reaction, I really should have let it go there. “And what if she herself had a child by then? You’d do the little girl a favor by ridding her of the evil mage raising her, and raise her under your own good and true wings?”

He growled and threw his book onto the table. “You could never understand.” Her husband grabbed his cloak from where it hung, and stormed outside.

At that time I think I had hit a deeper nerve then I had intended to. I could have easily guessed what was on his mind, but I chose not to speak at the time. It was something I’d have to take up with Arymil, I got the distinct feeling I had just alienated myself further from him. I sighed heavily and slumped back in the chair I had seated myself on, and now directed my attention to the unconscious boy on the couch.

He wore an old grey robe, which instantly brought to mind the grey robes of the man which took me from Alato…Merk, Mirek, something like that. I was sure that man had told me his name before we reached his home, but I don’t think I paid attention to anything during that trip. I did remember the robes though, not because of their dull colors, but the strange quotes he had trimming them. I thought it the funniest thing I had even seen when I was younger. Even today it's an amusing thought.

The boy, despite his best attempts to look like one, I was fairly sure was not in fact a trained mage. If he were he’d have actually known I couldn’t have turned him into a radish. Permanently at least. He was dressed fairly plainly underneath, brown shirt, a well worn pair of pants and shoes to match. “You can wake up now, I wasn’t really going to turn you into a vegetable.” I told him, more for a lack of anything to do about him than any sense it would actually work. It was about then I wished I hadn’t chased her husband off, or simply that Arymil or Violet were here.

“Y-you won’t?” I heard him say timidly. One eye was open and looking at me, a fair degree of curiosity and fear present in his dark eyes.

“Of course not.” He breathed a noted sigh of relief. “A goat might be more appropriate.” The young man shrank back as far as he could into the cushions, his eyes wild and fearful. I cracked a smile, and he instantly tried in vain to bury himself deeper, it wasn’t even an evil grin, bemused was more like it. I was more annoyed that he had probably heard the entire discussion with her husband than anything.

“Look, I’m not going to turn you into anything, blast you, curse you, disembowel, eviscerate,” he cringed just a little at that one, it meant essentially the same as disembowel, but eviscerate had a nastier ring to it. “behead, or otherwise cause you harm. Nor am I going to do any of a whole array of things to you that won't hurt, but would be wickedly fun. You were fairly insulting earlier though.”

He seemed to relax a little, but his eyes clearly showed he still didn’t entirely trust me. Not that I could blame him, I wouldn’t trust me after what I did to him either. “I-I’m sorry.” He stammered a little when he spoke, and his eyes curiously wandered their way all over me. They didn’t concentrate too long on places they shouldn’t have, so I didn’t immediately hold that against him. I was, after all, the first real mage he had apparently ever seen up close, and female to boot, a fact I’m sure wasn’t lost on him. And not simply because of my tiny, stunningly beautiful, one armed self. …I couldn’t even think that with a straight face, and I think my sudden giggle worried him cause he shivered just a little.

I rested my chin in my hand and leaned forward in the chair. “Let’s start over, okay?” he nodded mutely. “I’m Elryn, now who might you be?”

Arymil and Violet returned to the house an hour or so later. She was carrying Violet in her arms, which immediately set off every motherly alarm I had, and quite a few I was unaware of. Actually I was unaware I had maternal alarms at all, just one of a number of things my body seemed to be keeping from me. “Worry not, she merely fell asleep. She tired herself out while we were out.” Arymil absently ran her hand through the little girl's hair, for a brief moment she looked profoundly sad. “She worries terribly about you, did you know that? And she wonders what her other mother, Adel was it? Is up to right now, she misses her a lot.” Violet stirred in her arms but remained asleep as the elderly woman took her to her room.

“She’s cute.” The young man, Jerin his name was, said. The two of us had talked, if a bit slowly, since he awoke. He was, as to be expected I suppose, awfully timid at first and was reluctant to give anything more then one word answers. He seemed a bit more open now that he was more comfortable around me…and seemed sure I wasn’t going to turn him into a vegetable.

“She's beautiful,” I corrected.

“How old is she?”

“She’s-” I faltered suddenly. When I had thought about it I really didn’t know how old she was. She could act so young, and yet when the need arose so mature. And her height made it impossible to judge on just size, she could be like me and simply short for her age, or she could be the proper height for her age. Six, maybe seven I could guess, but I suppose she could have been as young as five...I managed to even confuse myself with all that uncertainty bouncing around. “She’s old enough to make her mother feel silly at times.” Okay so it wasn’t a very good cop out, but it was true, and his laugh seemed to indicate it worked.

Up until that point he had simply asked about the typical stuff I imagined he would. What’s it like being a mage? What can you cast? Can you really turn someone into a radish? I left that particular question unanswered just for kicks. My arm I knew made him endlessly curious, but he had the manners not to question it, at least not yet. I was sure once he grew more comfortable around me he would. He did inquire about my curious style of dress though. I suppose when it came right down to it I really wasn’t entirely sure why I chose this odd little suit over standard clothing. It just really caught my eye when I saw it hanging on the tailors rack, maybe simply because it was so curious compared to the rest. I didn’t tell him that though, I gave the standard, it was comfortable, plenty modest enough for my tastes, and wasn’t as bulky or hot as normal undergarments would be under a robe, deal. I wasn’t entirely sure if those were enough, but again they seemed to satisfy him.

“Shouldn’t you be heading back soon?” Arymil had asked him once she had finished putting Violet to bed. I naturally had to go in and check on her, but I could still hear them talking from the other room.

His answer seemed to come after some reluctance. “I guess, but…”

“She’ll probably be here for another day or so Jerin, no need to neglect your duties because of it.”

“But…what if, do you think she might-“ He seemed to mumble the last part because I couldn’t hear what he said. Violet fidgeted in her sleep, her little face seemed pained. Everything that had gone on was probably making for many a bad dream, it truly made me wish I could do something for her while she slept. As it was, a gentle kiss to the forehead was about all I could manage. She murmured a little and the fidgeting seemed to slow, just maybe it had helped a tiny bit...

“He’ll have everything loaded shortly.” Arymil said with some insistence as I returned to the room.

“Would you mind if I came with you?” I was almost afraid he was going to pass out again after I asked that. He recovered, albeit slowly, and looked to Arymil almost as if asking for permission.

The elderly woman simply shrugged. “She's just a guest, not a prisoner. She's free to go where she pleases.” He beamed at her and turned to me.

“O-of course you can! Everyone will be thrilled to see you-” Arymil coughed just a bit uncomfortably. “No need to worry, she'll be with me, and they all know me by now.

“But-” I added, doing my best to hold back a yawn. “Might we set out in the morning?”

He gave her a questioning, almost pleading look. Arymil sighed heavily.. “I suppose I'll set another spot at the table tonight. You two are going to clean it all up afterwards though.”

***

The room was dark, but then it always seemed dark here... A voice, the same familiar voice that had haunted my dreams for days now, came again. I instantly knew this was a dream, though why this time when it was so hard the others I was not sure.

“This was not to be your fate, little M'len.” The voice said in an uncharacteristically gentle tone. “Although, it shall be curious to see how your meddlings in something you should not have, have effected the desired results.” Of course the gentleness was temporary, it now sounded more like a scholar going over his experimentation notes. “You were not designed for it, thus the consequences are yet unknown, but the path shall not be smooth, that much is already clear.”

The voice seemed to take a breath before speaking. “Your dreams shall be your own, for a time little M'len...” The voice trailed off into the darkness as slowly the light of the waking world filled the area. For some reason that one left me more unsettled than the others. Fate? Consequences?  What the hells was I not designed for?

It was still dark outside, so of course the first thing that came to mind was to get back to sleep. That idea failed fairly miserably. It wasn't that I was not tired, I was. I simply couldn't get comfortable again, mostly because my damn arm decided to start aching. It had been so nice to me lately, hadn't kept me up as it had done so often before, and now it decided to start doing it again. A sigh escaped me as I sat up and rubbed at what remained of my shoulder. Had someone told me missing limbs still hurt after they were gone, I'd never have believed them. How could something that wasn't there hurt, burn, itch...

Quietly I muttered a few words, and an illusionary replica of my arm took its place. My suit actually lacked a sleeve for my right arm, but the illusion took care of hiding that, and in its place created one for my illusionary arm to fill. Although unlike my left, the right sleeve didn't have a little ring attached to the sleeve to slip over my middle finger. Even before I took off the sleeve only the left arm actually had the ring as a part of it. I stifled a laugh, I could just hear him now. 'You shouldn't delude yourself with those Elryn, it'll only hurt more...' As though he could truly understand what I was going through. All he had done was watch over me like some invalid in the weeks that followed my accident, fawning over me like I was a child. Surely more out of pity than anything, it was painfully ironic how his love for me really didn't start to show until after that incident. He probably thought of me more as a task to perform, than someone who could ever return his lov...

Quickly I shook those thoughts from my head and took a few deep breaths to calm myself. Was this what the thing toying with my mind was trying to do to me now, turn me against those I cared for? I dismissed the illusion with an angry wave of my hand, and dried my eyes. Losing everyone hurt enough, but to now know something was doing everything in its power to alienate me was by far a harsher blow.

Unable to sleep, I quietly crept out of the bedroom I shared with Violet, and took a stroll outside. I didn't go far from the house, just seated by one of the little flower gardens and stared up at the moons.

I think I was in a half sort of doze when a tiny voice startled me fully awake. I turned to see Violet, her eyes shining in the moonlight, brimming with tears she wiped away every now and again. Quietly I gathered the little girl into my lap, where she nestled herself against me. “What's wrong Violet?”

There was a long pause before she answered. “Did it hurt, mommy?” She asked in a tiny voice.

That seemed to come out of nowhere, so it took me a moment to process the question. “Did what hurt?” I said, and then something dawned on me. “You sneaky little, you were awake in there, weren't you?” She just nodded slightly with a guilty look on her face.

“Oh, Violet,” I pulled the little girl closer as I wrapped my arm about her shoulders. “I'm okay now Violet, don't worry.” Her expression told me I still hadn't answered her question, so with a sigh I continued. “It did, yes, it hurt mommy terribly. Other people will say you get used to it, but you never do, you can't... My arm will always hurt, it just does more sometimes than others. You learn to put up with it, but you never really get used to it.” My mouth went off a bit more then I had expected it to there. I suppose it wouldn't have done any good to keep that sort of thing just to my thoughts given my company, but I hope I wasn't going to make that a habit. “Why bring this up now Violet?”

She again laid there quietly for a few moments, her tiny voice full of emotion when she finally spoke up. “I'm sorry Mommy,” the tears in her eyes overflowed and casually rolled free when she blinked. That startled me just a bit, more so because I had no idea what she was apologizing for, but she didn't give me time to question or even comfort her before she continued. “Can you teach me magic like you use?” My daughter blurted out, her look suddenly very resolute. “I miss mommy, and uncle Eryk, and want to help you find them.”

That cut right to the core of things, didn't it, and threw me off balance. It definitely was not what I had expected her to say. Over the course of the next few minutes I tried my best to sway her away from the idea. One handed magic was terribly complicated and a lot touchier than the usual stuff, and unlike me she had a chance to live out her life as a normal mage, with normal magic. You wouldn't believe how jarring it is to hear your own daughter say, “But I'm like you and mommy, I can't be normal.” That about drove me to tears. No mother ever really wants to think of her daughter as being less than a perfect little jewel. We may joke, but deep down...

I completely gave up at that point. Violet quietly went into the house to get me one of my little vials and some water. The gods know I'd have preferred tea, but not wanting to wake anyone else, I didn't really have a say in the matter. So, having choked down a small cup of the stuff, we set out.

We went to my lonely little tree to do our practice. No, I wasn't going to use it for target practice, it was too nice a tree for that. We simply wanted a little privacy, and I really didn't mind him being present. The first tendrils of light began to peak out from behind the mountains on the horizon, painting the sky a myriad of beautiful colors as I began.

“Now, let's start with something simple,” I told Violet as she stood in front of me, clearly impatient to begin. “A simple light should work nicely.” She watched intently as my hands flicked through the movements, and a small ball of light burst into existence. “Did you follow all that?” Violet just sort of looked at me blankly and mutely shook her head. “I did go a bit fast, didn't I?” And so I did it again, as slow as I could this time without botching things. Most spells could be cast as fast as your hands and mouth were able to move, but to slow that same process down complicated things if you went too far. Best I could guess is the magic simply forgot what you were doing by time you moved onto the next part.

It took her a few tries, one of which backfired into a blinding flash of light that left us both seeing spots, but eventually she got it. I was, needless to say, extremely proud of how fast she picked up the basics. Then again, I invented the basics, so I could only assume that even if she was not entirely aware of it, she very likely inherited a fair degree of the knowledge of how to do it from me.

“Your hand has to do the motions of both, so you sort of have to mush them together.” I explained as I cast something a bit more complex this time to demonstrate. “It's a lot of trial and error to be honest, as long as it's all there it'll work, it just takes some doing to figure out how to cram it all together and not kill yourself.” I looked over at her as I let the spell dissipate, a slight wave of dizziness washed over me as the gathered energy left me. Again she stood there starting at me with her good eye closed. “What are you doing?”

“You're cheating,” she accused, her other eye coming open. The very concept seemed to irritate her for some reason. I on the other hand, was just confused.

“What are you talking about?”

“It's not all there,” Violet said, as though I knew exactly what she meant. I didn't of course, and this caused her some exasperation it seemed.  “The motions aren't all there,” she explained. “You said you have to use both of them, but they're not all there.”

“Oh, that,” now I knew what she was talking about, and was sort of at a loss for how to explain it. I suppose it didn't occur to me at first because half the time I didn't even really realize I was doing it. I did in fact leave out certain steps, I tried not to on the smaller ones, but it gets really tough on the more complicated spells to get it all in there and to do it coherently. Magic gets confused easily if you wiggle your fingers at it wrong. Curiously enough, it seems to get the point as long as you know what you want it to do and go through the motions anyways. It wasn't as simple as just having an idea in your head though, you had to really put your all into it. Now how in the hells was I going to put that into words so she could understand it? It didn't really make much sense in the grand scheme of things, and would probably drive several scholars up the wall, since it would almost imply a sort of intelligence to it, but it happened all the same.

Violet went sort of wide eyed at those thoughts, and I could see the gears turning in her head as she rolled it over in her mind. I guess she at least understood the point, that mind reading stuff was handy for something at least. I knew it worked, I knew how it worked, but I'd never be able to tell someone...she just sort of went in, plucked the information from my head, and went on her merry way with it. It would have probably frightened anyone else, but I was used to her doing it by now.

Then, she took my little idea a bit further. She waved her hand and drew maybe three of the necessary symbols, said the proper words, the words seemed more important to the magic then the motions, and a little ball of light popped into being. That just about floored me right there, she very casually cut out a good half of the motions and went right to the good stuff. The little orb shimmered a bit unsteadily, and exploded into hundreds of harmless motes of light. It was quite by accident, didn't hurt any of us, but made a very nice light show. It did however seem to disappoint Violet terribly.

“It didn't work,” she pouted, her voice sounding a bit tired out..

“Didn't work? Violet, that was amazing!” I shouted. “It's a bit rough around the edges, you'll need to work on that, you should use some from the middle and end also, not just the beginning, and stick to small things for now, but gods!” Okay, so I was just a whee bit excited, and was amazed I said all that in one breath.

“Did I do it right?” She asked a bit meekly, clearly she still saw it as a failure. I just ran over, hugged her tight, and kissed her about the face. I believe it was my motherly right to smother her in kisses when she showed such a display.

“Just be careful Violet,” I warned her. “It was a beautiful display, but you did make some mistakes, that's why it didn't hold. Don't try anything too exotic too fast, I've been working on my technique for years and I still haven't worked out all the bugs. I don't want to see you messing up like I did. And don't dare try that with anything too strong. The more you leave to sheer willpower, the more it'll drain from you. That's probably why you feel so tired.” She very clearly got that point, and nodded vigorously in response. I really hoped she meant that and wasn't just humoring me, I'm not sure how I'd handle it of she had done to herself the things I have over the years. The little injuries are one thing, but losing an arm, or worse, was another.

The sun was coming up over the horizon when we started to head back to Arymil's. For now Violet seemed content with the lessons she had received, and I was sure if they kept up at this pace she'd probably be better at it then I was. There was a certain pride and envy to that, it was my casting method, and she would very likely surpass me. Children always seemed to pick things up so much faster then adults, maybe because of how differently they viewed the world. So I told her flat out in no uncertain terms, “If you ever do get better than I do at this Violet, be kind to your dear old mother, and not rub it in, okay?” She just giggled at that and skipped away, prancing about the fields as we went.

I tried to keep out thoughts of just how peculiar a girl she was, but try as I might I couldn't. They were unwanted, but they were there all the same, and I felt terrible for thinking them because I was sure she could hear every word of it. Her age for one bothered me a little, I'm not sure why, but something about not knowing your own child's age really tends to gnaw at ones mind. It really irritated me that she refused to tell me too. She was very mature for her age though, but she had already been through a lot even though she was only a few days old. What more, she probably inherited a lot of her parents' memories, and while I don't know what went on in Adel's mind, I knew what I had been through, and if she remembered even a bit of it... That eye of hers tended to be a little unnerving, Adel's never bothered me, and it amazed me that I actually remembered that, but perhaps it was because Violet was my own that it got to me. Again, just something else that shouldn't have bothered me, I knew she could see perfectly after all. That too confused me, what did she see? She still wouldn't tell me, and I can't help but think that eye of hers sees the world a whole lot differently than I do. ...Perhaps it was partly because I'd occasionally caught her staring at things, and myself, with just that one open.

A sad sort of smile crept across my lips as we walked. All I had really wanted for her was the chance to have a normal childhood. Yet, here she was, with me, stuck only gods know where. I never wanted any of this, and try as I might that thought kept running through my head, unbidden and unwanted. Now that I had it though, it was almost unbearable to think of losing her. I owed her for the memories she's trying to help me keep, and just for being here with me, so the loneliness of losing those I loved for a second time didn't drive me into renewed madness. Grief drove me to it once, I wasn't going to let it claim me again...

* * *

“We could just take the horses if you'd like,” Jerin said to me, that annoying tell tale nervousness still in his voice. One would think he'd have gotten used to me enough by now, I mean really, I was going to start taking it as an insult if he didn't cut it out. “We'll be coming back anyway so no need to take the wagon along too.”

“Uh-” I rested my hand on my abdomen. “Let's not. I'm really in no hurry, and my stomachs been just a bit delicate lately.” Admittedly the stuff I took earlier did its job well as usual, but I was sure bouncing around was going to take its toll on me one way or the other, and figured the less bouncing the better.

“Your daughter?”

“She's still sleeping. Arymil said she doesn't really mind, and I trust Violet enough to stay out of trouble while I'm not around.” It was what I had said, but it wasn't entirely what I meant. I did not entirely like the idea of leaving her anywhere. From our short talk I surmised the people in this area did not take kindly to unknown mages, and I would rather Violet not be around while thoughts of malice hung in the air. “Can we hurry up please?” He nodded and scurried off. I sighed heavily, he was going to be impossible to deal with if he didn't get this nervousness of his.

There was not really any room up in the front with him to sit, unfortunately the drivers seat was really only large enough to accommodate the driver. The wagon itself was pretty basic, only really designed for carrying materials and not people. So as I had suspected, I would end up saddled in the back perched on a few sacks of grain...It was either that or the potatoes, and potatoes are were much akin to rocks when it came to having to sit or lay on them.

The first leg of the trip was quiet, maddeningly so. He scarcely said more then two words to me, although in his defense I probably looked about as miserable as I felt. While the cart didn't bounce nearly as much as a horse would have, it was still more then enough. I was sitting in a little ball, with my legs scrunched tightly against me and my head buried between my knees when I felt the cart slow to a stop.

“Are you okay back there?”

“I... I'm fine.” It didn't come out very loudly, nor convincingly.

I felt a hand on my shoulder a moment later and looked up to see him offering me a cup of water. Clearly he hadn't believed my words any more than I had. Needless to say I accepted his hospitality without any hesitation. “Really,” I told him between sips. “There's no need to worry. Delicate stomach, that's all, it will just take some getting used to.”

The young man eyed me skeptically, which I took quite insultingly since for a change I was actually being completely honest, and that was what I got?

“If you're not-” he started to say

“I told you I'm fine!” I snapped, and I think I actually bit at his arm to get him to remove his hand from my shoulder. No I did not really bite him, just went through the motions.

It was not long before the wagon was moving again. Were it any consolation, I did feel rather bad about it. He was just trying to be helpful, and all I did was snap at him, rather literally too. Maybe it was because the only person who seemed to worry over me like that was someone whom caused me pain just thinking about.

I just shook my head a little, and crawled to the front of the wagon. My stomach angrily protested the movement as we went over a series of small bumps, but it would just have to live with it. Would skittering away from me not have run the risk of falling off the wagon completely, I'm rather sure he would have. Just when I was getting him to treat me like a normal human, I went and botched it.

“I'm sorry,” I told him with honest sincerity, then continued before he could apologize for bothering me. One didn't need to read minds as well as Violet to know that was his intent. “It's just that I've been through a lot lately, very little of it pleasant, and none of which is making any sense at all. And it really doesn't help that I've been so sick lately, and that I hurt...” A heavy sigh escaped me as I finished. “I've just been terribly out of sorts lately and rather feel like I’m losing my mind, I'm usually not like this.”

I was relieved to see him smile, and he no longer looked ready to fly apart at the first loud noise. “Where is it you're from any way?” he inquired after a short distance. “Your accent sounds so familiar, but you don't really look like you're from around here...and local accents are all I'd really recognize.” That was a pretty long winded way of simply saying he's never left the region for long, if at all.

“Alato,” I answered without a thought. “N-no, that's not right,” I muttered to myself. It hurt a lot to try and think about the subject much, which was a sure sign that what I said was not entirely true anymore.

“Alato?” It was really more a statement then a question, he seemed to pay my correction no heed. “Why that's only a few leagues from here.” He seemed to contemplate that more, all the while staring intently at me. His eyes suddenly went very wide, and not because he nearly ran us into a ditch while his attention was on me. “You're her, aren't you?” His voice was full of wonder.

All I could do was blink, seeing as he had suddenly confused me greatly.

“The missing Mellon girl!” I winced at his mispronunciation of my name.

“It's M'len,” I corrected.

“Exactly! Your parents were the ones that slew, um...” he thought a moment, apparently having forgotten the name. “Anyway, Alato's holding its first festival celebrating their courage. They even just recently unveiled a statue of them, you were included in it too. Although it's definitely of a younger you...” he studied me a moment. “although the statue does have both arms, wonder if that was a mistake,” he muttered to himself, clearly letting himself think things aloud I'm fairly sure under normal circumstances he wouldn't.

“I lost it after I left.” I said a bit absently, still on what he told me a moment ago. It brought up a very familiar sense of deja-vu for some reason. My laugh was more then a little bitter though. “Courage certainly wasn't what they called it back then. They never said it to me directly, but I recall hearing many a people talking about how they had doomed them all.” Again I think my smile spooked him just a bit, probably because the tone I used made a smile look horrifically wrong. “I doubt any of them has ever really spoken of what happened honestly.”

“I-I'm not s-sure. The stories just say your parents died fighting the ruling magelord at the time, and that you disappeared while in the towns care some years later.”

“Care?” I laughed. “They were kind enough not to run me over with a wagon as I wandered the streets, but it ended there.” My voice trailed off as my mind wandered. What in the hells was I doing? No, it was all wrong, I had put that behind me, I know I had. And yet...

“Can we not talk about this anymore?” I said a bit wearily. “I feel as though I've been depressed all week, and it's really not a feeling I enjoy.” All of it had been put behind me, of that I was now sure...the headache if nothing else was a good indication. Yet my mind had been arranging my memories as though I had just left. Time had done what it could to heal those wounds, and now whatever was toying with my head had just neatly come along and torn them open again. It still hurt, I recalled that much. All they ever really thought about was the safety of their families. Until just recently I could have condemned them for such a selfish act without a second thought. Yet now things had changed for me, now I had Violet to care for... I found myself unable to think just what my limits would be when it came to her safety.

* * *

I expected the worst as the wagon slowly trundled its way into the town. Or, more accurately, what was left. “What... What happened here?” It didn't help matters that Jerin showed no outward signs of surprise or horror at the sight of the ruins around us. The poor guy was probably scared silly.

“What do you mean?” He asked in such an offhand way I almost wondered if his mind had gone.

“T-the town of course, what happened here?”

Jerin very casually looked around as though he was trying to see something wrong with the scene. Come to think of it, the ruins aside, there was something wrong. The air smelled fresh, flowery, definitely not what one would expect given the sight at hand. “Oh, you mean the ruins?” I stared at him blankly, of course I meant the ruins! Then he laughed. It wasn't insane laughter, wasn't bitter, shocked, nor anything else I expected. It was real, honest to goodness, as though I had just said the funniest thing in the world, laughter.

“This is just the outskirts, the town is still a ways,” he said chuckling a bit. “These ruins have been here for years now.”

I was, needless to say, at a complete loss for words. The ruins around us looked fresh. No new overgrowth, no moss, no sense anyone had even tried to clean the place up...the gutted ruins of countless homes all looked exactly as I’m sure they did on the day they were destroyed. It all seemed just a bit wrong to me given how close it was to an inhabited town. My nerves had been on edge all day, really, what did he expect me to do when I looked outside and saw fresh looking wreckage around us? At that time I did my best to bury myself in the back of the wagon in embarrassment. What the hood of my robe couldn't hide, maybe the potatoes could.

“It's an honest mistake Elryn,” he at least had the courtesy not to laugh, although his voice still had that tell tale mirth to it. “The ruins are kept in good condition,” he paused a moment, probably aware of how silly that sounded. “Well you know what I mean. This entire place is a sort of memorial. The real town is about a mile down the road yet, the town was relocated there after the destruction here.”

Okay I could understand relocated after something destroyed the original, but only a mile away usually defeated the purpose for a relocation in the first place, and that was to hide. Secondly, who in the hells had ever heard of cleaning ruins? That sort of went against the entire concept of a ruin in the first place. “That is the craziest thing I've heard in a while Jerin.”

He smiled again and snickered. I suppose despite the fact it was at my expense, it was nice to actually see some normal humanity out of him. “You wouldn't be the first to tell us that. But then, the entire Palthaen continent is a bit strange, aren't we...”

All I could really do was shrug and smirk. “Life is always more interesting if you keep it on its toes.”

The real town was even more carefully tended to than the ruins were, which if nothing else was a good sign. It would be hard to put much faith in a town that kept better care of its wreckage than itself. It had a quaint sort of feel, also it had a terribly familiar sort of feeling to it. Farmland surrounded it, and other farms like Arymil's bordered even further out. Its buildings were solidly constructed of tight fitting stone blocks, its streets were cobbled, all in all it felt very homey.

Being the guest, and an unwanted one at that, I stayed mostly out of sight as he drove through the streets. Immediately it was clear he was either a resident here, or frequented it enough that I heard many a people call greetings to him, most of them by name. “Okay, we're here.” He called back to me as the wagon slowed to a halt. “It will take me a few minutes to unhitch the horses and get everything taken care of, but if you want to go in without me...” Jerin motioned to the inn just across the way from the stables, The Feisty Wench it was named.

“Colorful,” I commented dryly as I spied the old sign, inwardly I hoped it wasn't a sign of things to come.

“Hm? Oh, yes, that,” he shook his head and laughed. “I guess he won this time. Give it a day or so and his wife will win back her sign. Those two have been at it for years. She wanted something more traditional, the Boars Head I think she named the place. Her husband wanted...well, that.” A look of confusion fell across my face. “They gamble against one another,” Jerin explained, “winner gets to use their sign. They've been doing it so long I think it's only for fun anymore, it's hardly fair either, both cheat outrageously. I think they get as much fun out of catching one another cheating than they do playing the game itself.”

I laughed, probably a bit louder then I intended to given I was trying to stay out of sight for now. I really couldn't help myself, it was so positively ridiculous, and yet sounded so fun at the same time. I grinned inwardly, the town was such a familiar sight, so quiet and peaceful, and likely a very close knit community. ...Which probably meant every rumor mill in town had already picked up word of a young woman's laughter coming from the stables Jerin had just entered. Rumors had the amazing ability to travel faster than those carrying them should be able to move.

“I don't suppose,” he started to say a bit nervously. “That is to say, you'll be more accepted here as long as I'm around, but those eyes stand out a bit. Can't you just, you know,” he wiggled his fingers at me, the universal, albeit silly looking, sign for magic.

The comment came a bit suddenly, so I was still trying to get my giggling under control when he asked. “Nope,” I answered simply, getting right to the point.

“Oh, I see,” he said. “...but, why?” Clearly, he didn't see after all.

I sighed, apparently he wasn't going to take a simple no as an acceptable explanation. “An illusion is really the only way to do it. Had I a mirror I could technically make them look another color...but illusions by nature aren't designed to be seen through, which would effectively blind me. You see the problem, right?” I explained to him, he nodded as I went, and I rather hoped he was getting the point fully.

“Oh,” he answered a bit disappointed sounding. “Can't you, you know, change them? Like turning yourself into a cat...just, only the eyes?”

“Gods, no!” I said just a bit too loudly, shuddering at the memory of a particularly bad experience. “A change should be complete, no leaving out things...just like one shouldn't change one aspect about themselves. It's hard to change just one thing, and even if you do, the change usually just doesn't take right.” He listened intently, his eyes just a bit wide as I went. I think my horrified tone was what put a bit more emphasize on the point I was making. “Just...just don't do it, okay? It's practically impossible to undo, so you have to wait for the spell to run its course.”

Jerin was still working on unhitching the horses from the wagon as I slowly walked out of the stables. He hadn't said anything more to me since my little outburst. Transformation magic was strange in so many respects I didn't like even toying with it. Changing one aspect was nearly impossible to do correctly, since they required almost complete understanding of what was being changed, and the results were usually very unpleasant if done improperly. Actually, even if done right they didn't always come out as expected, nor desired. A complete body change however, seemed to break all the rules. Simply seeing the thing you wanted to become I was usually all that was needed for a perfect change. I never was able to see what it actually did to me the first time I tried changing my eye color so many years ago. While it probably did not actually turn my eyes inside out, it certainly felt like it. Either way, the pain was horrible, and I was blinded for hours. That was, needless to say, more than enough to convince me never to play with that sort of magic again.

A few people eyed me curiously from a ways down the street, but otherwise I was the only one immediately around. At least, that was what I thought. As I went to open the inn door, a small boy ran out and quite successfully bowled me over. The one behind him hit him in the back of the head, stepped around us, and ran a ways down the street. The one presently on top of me rolled off and was about to take off after his assailant, but turned to look at me, his eyes wide. “You, are you? You are! Oh, wow, wait until the others hear about-” his words ended as quickly as they started and a thoughtful expression fell across the little boys face. I took the opportunity to pick myself up off the ground and dust myself off. “Can you,” he resumed, “you know,” then he wiggled his fingers strangely.

I couldn't really do much except giggle, then wiggled my own fingers just a little, and handed him a small glowing ball. Light spells were so handy. He very carefully reached out and poked at it, then prodded again, then, when he was content it wasn't going to hurt, he grabbed it and ran off laughing. I had just stepped inside when I heard a boy's voice shout, very loudly at that, “Boom!” Leave it up to a boy to turn a harmless ball of light into an imaginary fiery ball of death.

I faltered just a bit when I turned to look at the people inside, and they all turned to look at me. Tense didn't quite fit the atmosphere, no, it was worse than that. More than one of them averted their gaze as I met it, but that was hardly unexpected. They still stared at me, just not into my eyes, okay so bright purple eyes were good for one thing at least. All that was left to do was to take a deep breath, and finish walking through the door.

It was a very quaint little inn, and I could tell immediately it served the locals a lot more than any sort of stranger. It just didn't have the right kind of air about it the way well traveled public inns and taverns did. This too was terribly familiar, and as I approached the bar I half expected the innkeeper to make some lewd remark in my general direction.

The gruff voice of the innkeeper smashed that illusion. “We don't serve your kind here.”

“Humph, my dog's taller than her, and shes just a woman, what harm could she do?” intoned someone off to the side, the owner of that voice was very lucky I was trying to stay on their good side right now.

Someone else spoke up at that point. “You'd best not let Lillia hear that,” The voice said with a laugh, soon joined by various others. “Female or not, she's a mage, that's all that matters. We have no use for their like around here.” A few murmurs of agreement crept through the crowd present.

A hush fell over the crowd as the door opened again, “Ain't that right Jerin?” One of them yelled merrily to him as he stepped inside.

“Probably not, you're likely full of it as usual old man.” I turned just in time to see him pat some elderly man on the back before heading my way. “Ahh, I see you've met my guest.”

The innkeeper nearly dropped the glass he had been cleaning when he heard that bit of news. Again a wave of murmurs ran through the room. Ooh yeah, the rumor mills were going to be working overtime on this one.

“No need to get so worked up about it, this is the girl Arymil told us about.” He walked up to be, took my hand, and actually bowed. “I present to you all,” he intoned very formally with a sweep of his hand. “The fair lady, Elryn M'len.” I pulled my hand away before he could bring his theatrics to a close by kissing it. Who the hells was this, and what had he done with that bundle of nerves that brought me to this place? On top of it all I think the bastard actually had me blushing, I'd get him for that somehow...

“M'len?” The old man Jerin had spoke with on the way in said. “I seem to remember someone by that name passed through here some years back. Pretty little thing, not much taller than yourself lass. I only remember 'cause of them eyes.”

“Ya old fool,” another one of the older men shouted. “Ya only remember 'cause she socked ya for touchin her behind.”

“Quite a punch that one had...” he muttered and rubbed his nose, which had clearly been broken at some point. That elicited more than a few laughs from the handful of people present, even from myself. I wasn't very old when my parents were killed, and the memories inherited from them were fuzzy at best, so there were large holes in what I knew about either of them.

“Ya related to her, ain't ya lass? I can see it in yer eyes.” One of the younger fellas asked with a wry grin. All in all there were only about a half dozen people present, most of them older men. The sort that probably whiled away their days sitting around, sharing stories about the good ol days.

I smirked just a bit about his comment on the eyes. “Yes, she was my mother.”

“Was?” The one with the crooked nose asked.

Jerin jumped in at that point, surely aware that I'd really rather not talk about what happened if at all possible. “Her parents are the ones that killed, um...” He faltered again, trying to remember the name. “Alland? Yeah, that's it.” That immediately got everyone's attention, and they looked at me with just a bit more curiosity in their eyes. He then went on to describe basically what I did, the real story, not that which the people of Alato would like to believe. Wisely, he left out the part about what happened to me afterwards, that really was not any of their business.

“Would ya like something to drink lass?” the innkeeper asked me as Jerin was telling the others what happened. I did not even really tell him all that much, but the way he went on you'd think I spent the entire day recounting every last detail. ...I'd have to have a talk with him about that. I liked a dramatic story as much as anyone, but it had a different feel when you were at the center of the original one.

“Hm? Oh, well...” Something strong, and very unhealthy sounded good right about then. There had been a lot that had happened I'd rather have forgotten, and a good strong drink would do wonders in aiding that process. “Actually yes, the stronger the better-” a small wave of nausea ran through me, nothing serious, but it was an unpleasant reminder that that foul tasting stuff didn't take care of the entire problem. “On second thought,” I replied in a sick little voice, as much as I’d have liked I don’t think I could have stomached it. “Just some water...”

“Looks like we're in your debt then little lady.” One of the others said as Jerin finished up his story. “Not long before going after your folks, he came here. Ya seen the ruins, didn't ya?”

“Aye, that one took many of us that day. It ain't nothin personal lass, he was the only mage in the area, and he was nothing but trouble. Didn’t like no one else to even consider using magic. I'm sure ya can understand that, what wit losing your parents to him and all.”

It did explain an awful lot, didn't it. Were the only contact I ever had with another trained mage hostile, my opinion of them as a whole would likely be equally as poor. I suppose I couldn't really blame them for the cold reception I got. At least they warmed up fast, but of course that was all Jerin's doing, were it not for him they'd have probably picked me up and tossed me out of town personally. “What of Arymil and her husband?” It was perhaps a bit sudden, but if I was told what I was pretty sure I was going to be, it would explain a lot. ...It would also mean I'd owe her husband a very large apology.

The few men present exchanged looks a moment, and it was the one with the crooked nose who answered me. “Ya don't speak a word of this to her, ya hear?” All I could really do was nod, though something about his tone gave me the chills. “She lost her son and daughter that day.” Something along those lines was what I was afraid they’d say, yes, I owe him a huge apology after my outburst earlier. “She weren't too right in the head after that, she still ain't. Usually she's okay, but sometimes...” He just left it hanging there, and the others had their heads lowered somberly.

“Enough of that now,” the innkeeper boomed over the others present. “I believe we can gather up the others, and have ourselves a little celebration here. Can't let those folk in Alato have all the fun.” There were a few snickers and nods of approval. I of course, immediately didn't like where this was going. Very likely it would simply take the same course as those idiots in Alato did...

“I'm sure the lil lady here won't object to a toast honoring the courage of her parents.” Actually I was about to object even as he continued his speech. “For while they may not have intended it, they saved us that day. And if not heroes, then damn fine parents, who made the ultimate sacrifice for the sake of their daughter.” My objection caught in my throat as that simple phrase beat me in the head. It took nearly everything I had to maintain my composure. The wording was a bit crude, but 'damn fine parents' was about as accurate as one could get. I'd have joined, but my hand was shaking just a bit too much to hold the cup steadily.

The toast pretty much ended the celebration for the time being, which was fine with me. The thought of any kind of celebration over the matter made me more than a bit uneasy, although I'll admit his little toast was probably the best anyone could have accomplished. The innkeeper was nice enough to wait until I wasn't about to go into hysterics before he began to nose a bit more about me. The others had by that point gone back to what they were doing, the excitement of a newcomer had apparently worn off for the time being. Jerin I think had mentioned somewhere in there that it would probably be good to head back to Arymil's soon, and I was amazed by how much time had passed since we arrived.

“How'd ya lose the arm anyway lass? And why all the trouble to hide it?” The innkeeper asked me. I rather think innkeepers around the world are naturally a nosey lot.

“Hide?” I questioned him as I looked over at said missing arm. I suppose he was right in that respect, the robe was bulky enough that unless you actually paid attention, you probably wouldn't notice that what was supposed to be there, wasn't. Jerin hadn't the first time, after all... “I guess you're right, though I don't really know. Maybe I'm just a bit delusional yet. If I can't tell it's not there, maybe it isn't. It was my own fault really, a spell gone wild destroyed it.”

He smiled at me, which brought up a headache and a few familiar types of memories having something or another to do with an inn somewhere. “And you can still?” He left the question hanging a moment. “Intresting... So, what brings ya here?”

“Oh yes, I was sort of hoping someone might be able to help me find my way somewhere.” The sheer vagueness of what I said escaped me until I went back and really thought about it.

“Hmm... Where to lass? A few of us have done some traveling in our younger years.”

I smiled, wonderful, maybe this wasn't going to take as long as I thought after all. “I kind of need help getting to...” my voice trailed off, and I looked about, trying to find the word I was looking for. “To, um... home, it's a... small town somewhere. An island, I think.” The more I thought about it, the more my head hurt, and the less progress I seemed to make. As vague as those details were, they were the best I could even manage at this point. Dammit! Come all this way to try and find help getting home, and I can't even remember my way back to Alat...no, to home, my proper home, and to make matters worse I couldn't even remember what the name of home was!

“So you're not on your way to Alato after all?”

I started to answer yes, but quickly corrected myself. Why did my mind seem so hell bent on remembering Alato as home? “I don't think I have any choice by this point, but I most definitely don't plan on staying. ...I just want to go home, wherever that may be.” I hopped down from the bench I had been seated. “Thank you for trying though, but I think we'd best be off again. Violet probably misses me terribly by now.” I gave him a warm little smile before leaving. “It may not have been much, but I think that was the best celebration to my parents anyone could have made. Thank you.”

Word as I had expected seemed to have traveled fast, and the looks as we went back to the stables were much different than those when I first arrived. Jerin's nervousness on the other hand seemed to have returned in force on the way back to Arymil's. Not that I minded too much at that point, but it struck me as odd.

“What happened to the theatrical you?” He kept himself facing forward, intent on his driving, probably trying to ignore the question. “The fair lady M’len wisheth to know.” I was pretty sure wisheth was not actually a word, but it fit the silly archaic accent he used when he introduced me to everyone.

“Oh, right, that,” he said quietly, still not turning to look at me. “I, um…do better in crowds than with individuals.” Jerin looked back with a slightly sheepish expression on his face. “Silly, isn’t it? I can deliver a speech before a crowded room, b-but can hardly talk to you here alone.” I was sort of surprised he actually finished that entire sentence with only stuttering once, so I suppose he seemed to be telling the truth, as odd as that sounded.

I decided not to harass him any further that trip, I got the answer I wanted, and pushing him would only probably make him even worse around me. Gods know I didn’t want that, he was bad enough as it was.

A light was still on in the house when the two of us arrived. We exchanged glances as we approached and heard shouting from within, that also immediately set off various alarms in me, so I immediately picked up the pace.

“Oh my, oh my oh my oh my...” I heard Arymil saying over and over again as I opened the door. She halted her pacing and immediately turned to the door, only to look away crestfallen a moment later, and resume her pacing. Her husband stood off to the side quietly, actually managing to look worried. He scarcely even paid me much attention when I entered, that really wasn't like him.

“Where's Violet?” Were the first words out of my mouth. I managed to ask nice and calmly too, despite the general sense of dread welling up inside me. Arymil would never be that loud were Violet anywhere immediately nearby, more so since given the time of night, Violet should have been asleep.

“Gone,” Arymil said a bit loudly in a nearly hysterical voice. “I-I looked away for a moment, and she just wasn't there. She's just gone, lost, forever, I'll never see her again.”

Her husband walked over to me and harshly grabbed my shoulder, pulling me outside even as I heard Arymil return to her repetitive muttering and pacing. I looked at him just a bit wide eyed, many kinds of horror probably visible on my face. “I...I leave her here for a few hours, and she's gone when I get back? Where'd she go? How did this happen?” I demanded of him, likely sounding no less hysterical than Arymil did right than. The only thing I had left in the world, it couldn't be so cruel as to take her from me now too.

“She ran off shortly after you left. It looked like she went down that way,” he pointed off in the direction the two of us had trained earlier that morning, for some reason that seemed to calm me considerably. The fact that he had seen where she went and that she didn't just up and vanish on me I was sure helped the feeling quite a lot as well. “I haven't had time to look. ...I don't much care to either, to be honest, I've got my wife to take care of.” I couldn't quite tell whether he was being totally honest about that last part, but no matter what, I was sure Arymil took priority in anything he did. His voice had an unfamiliar sort of gentleness to it I hadn't heard before, very likely because he was speaking of his wife this time.

“Thank you.” I hastily turned to leave, then remembered something, and stopped him before he could walk back inside. “... And I'm sorry, I didn't know. We'll be going tomorrow morning, I don't want to worsen matters more than I already have.” He looked just a bit surprised by that, but his only reaction was a grunt and the sound of the door closing behind him.

“Where are we going?” Jerin asked as he did his best to keep up with me. Despite how strange I had felt as of late, it was good to know I wasn't as out of shape as I had thought.

“My tree. He was very nice to me yesterday, and if she's anything like I was when I was younger, she's probably having a long conversation with him.” Until I had been to wherever I used to call home these past few years, it was common practice for me to find a nice inanimate object to talk to. I wasn’t quite sure what started it really, perhaps for lack of anyone else to talk to, and to help keep myself just a bit more sane…although there would be many arguments that would state talking to a barrel or a tree meant one was anything but sane. Naturally, somewhere inside my mind was throwing together worst cast scenarios, but for the time being I refused to let that part of my mind get to me. I've spent too much time lately worried out of my head.

“Violet!” I shouted as I stood near my tree, for a moment pondering wether to ask it if it had seen her lately. I waited a minute, with no response, and screamed again with as much as I could muster. Again, no answer, save the echo around the valley. I resorted to pacing around the tree at that moment, trying yet again to yell for her, still to no avail. After a few minutes, and a sore throat, I just let myself slump against the tree in general exhaustion, emotional, physical, all of it was just intent on beating me into submission lately.

It wasn't really panic, because I still had all my sense about me, but I was sure I wasn't okay either. Lost, I think, fit better...just because at the time, I just didn't know what to do.

“We'll find her Elryn...” I heard Jerins voice through the fog in my head. “Say, what's that?” He asked, but I wasn't much up to responding, I had no idea what he meant anyways. “Elryn?” Another sharp jostle to my shoulder got my attention, at least some of it. “Violet's eyes, they're the same as yours, right?” I nodded mutely, what sort of question was that? “And, she's blind in the one eye, right?”

“The right one, but she's not blind.”

“Really? Oh, how odd. So, um... What do you make of that?” He asked a bit timidly as he pointed up into the trees branches.

Sitting there, perched on one of the lower branches, was a small brown furred kitten. “She'd love a kitten, you know that?” I managed with a strange little smile.

“No, Elryn, pay attention.” He said just a bit more forceably, bringing my mind fully back to the tree, instead of it wandering around the countryside trying to figure where else Violet might have been hiding on me. I knew she couldn't have just run off, she had more sense than that. At least I hoped. “Look at the face...”

I looked at him like he was nuts, like I had any room to speak at the time. There on the branch the little kitten just stared down at the two of us, and I got a good look at exactly what he wanted me to see. Were I not already on the ground I'd have collapsed at that point. “V-Violet?” My shocked voice asked the bright purple eyed kitten. She didn't say much, just meowed a few things at me. Apparently she wasn't aware while it sounded normal to her, I heard nothing but mewing.

“G-get down here right this instant young lady!” I shouted up to her. “Violet!” I shouted up again, again receiving a few mreows of protest from the little kitten. “Violet M'len, get down here right now! You know how worried you've had me? Are you purposefully trying to give me heart failure?” I further bantered my now feline daughter. Her response however was to stick her tongue out at me. A cat sticking it's tongue out at you is usually a very amusing sight, but I'll admit at the time, I was not amused!

Again I heard Jerin's voice doing its best to calm me down, this time however because I was about ready to blast a hole in the poor defenseless tree. “Calm yourself Elryn, we found her right? That's what matters.”

“Are you out of your mind Jerin?” I snapped at him, I didn't really mean to, but I did. “You realize how worried she had me?” In fact, I was pretty sure he did not actually, nor was it really that I was that worried. I did have more faith in her than that, it was really more the fact of the matter, that with all that was going on right now, she'd just up and run off like that! Turning away from him again, I soundly kicked the tree. “Now get down here!” Violet responded with another fairly long tirade of cat speak, she actually managed to sound very angry and upset. She was the one who turned herself into a kitten, ran off, and now sat up in a tree, and she was yelling at me? What the hells did I do?

I don't think he quite intended to, but Jerin laughed. “N-no, it's just, she looked so cute there. Mewing up a storm, and waving her paws around like that. ...Wonder what's wrong with the one, it looks odd.” He added in an offhand sort of way, probably thinking out loud again. I noticed he tended to do that.

I stared at him for a moment, then turned my attention to Violet. I couldn't help it, I laughed too. He was right, it was positively adorable. That seemed to annoy her a lot, and so she jumped down at me. I was all ready to catch a little kitten, which while no lighter than her normal form, was still easier to catch. Violet, however, had different plans. Mid flight, she released whatever spell she used to feline herself in the first place, and plowed into me, normal size and all. Now that hurt.

She wrapped her arms around me tightly, which by no means helped me regain the breath she knocked out of me. I flailed for a moment trying to breathe before she let go, finally allowing me one good gasp of breath. “Gods Violet-”

“You left me!” She shouted accusingly before I could get much in edgewise. “You and Jerin went off to have fun, and weren't coming back, and...and...you left me! ...You didn't even say goodbye...” Violet added a bit meekly at the end, her eyes tearing up.

“What do you mean? I didn't want to wake you, so I told Arymil where we were going and that we'd be back shortly.” All I could do was hold her close to me, not that it was hard with her sitting on my chest. My, that was a familiar scene. “I'd never leave you Violet. Never.”

“But she only said you left. I...I looked, but that was all.” I think I knew exactly what she meant by looked, and that worried me just a bit. How could Arymil have forgotten such an important message?

“Never you mind that now, I came back, didn't I? Do I sound like I'm lying?” She seemed to think that over a moment, but didn't find anything to contradict me. I knew she wouldn't. “See? ...Now, how about you show me your paw, um, hand I mean.” Violet looked just a bit skittish at that. “Now young lady. If you hurt it climbing all over that tree, I'll find out sooner or later. Which one did you say it was Jerin?”

He floundered with that a moment. I rather think he'd have preferred to stay out of the matter altogether, but I wasn't going to let him off that easily. I was more concerned that I had found her than anything, so I was not paying attention to any of the smaller details. If there was something wrong, I wanted to know about it immediately. “Um, I think, the left.”

Violet actually looked quiet annoyed by that answer, but in the end she relented and showed me her hand. There, about the middle of her hand, was a rather nasty looking cut. It wasn't nearly as bad as it looked, but that wasn't the point. “Violet,” I said in that low, motherly, now you're in for it voice. “you musn't hide these things from me, what if it got infected?” She lowered her head and looked away from me while I tended to the wound. Magic wasn't really necessary, and the fast healing it did tended to leave scars easier then natural healing did. Besides maybe it'd teach her not to do something so silly if it hurt for a time. “There, all done, it'll be good as new in a few days.” Violet kept her head turned away from me, but still embraced me tightly.

Jerin started at the two of us just a bit wide eyed as I stood up holding her. “...What?” I asked him.

“Oh, uh, it's nothing, it's just, well,” he floundered. “Is she...purring?”

“I think my stress has gotten to you, she's not-” I'd have liked to continue that train of thought, but again the world seemed to have it out to prove me a liar. I didn't even notice it at first, it was rather soft, but it was definitely there. “Violet,” I said in that tone again, receiving a guilty look from her. “When you changed yourself, how did you cast the spell?”

“Just like you taught me.” She said very proudly, waving a little hand around all magic like to emphasize her point.

I'd have smacked my forehead were my only hand not busy holding her up. “What did I tell you about experimenting like that? You'd better hope that wears off. Promise me you'll never try something like this again.” She just looked up at me helplessly, I don't think she quite understood the problem there. I gave her, and Jerin since he was nearby, and clearly curious about it, a nice lecture on transformation magics while we walked back to Arymil's home.

Aside from the pickiness I had told him about earlier, such magics were very peculiar when you actually botched them. I don't mean the single body part type botching, that was actually normal, and went away when the spell undid itself. I mean the real, screwed up the spell upon casting, sort of botching. The transformation usually took perfectly, but it sometimes left residual traces when it was undone. ...Violets newfound ability to purr rather cat like being one of them. Such things went away when the spells naturally ran it's course, but at times the damage is done by that point. Slowly the body goes and makes that change permanent. The purring would go away in time of course, but depending on what went wrong, it was entirely possible it would return as a normal part of her anatomy some time later as the body adjusted itself for it. And because it would be a single change, I would be helpless to even undo it and return her to normal should the mess up prove permanent. I suppose when compared to what could have went wrong, patches of sick looking fur randomly about her flesh, any number of debilitating skeletal changes, and so on, it was a benign enough change compared to the many disfiguring possibilities, but still…

I'll admit my talk really didn't do much to discourage Violet from trying again. She very much liked the thought of being able to purr. I scolded her at considerable length when she brought up the concept of maybe trying again, and keeping a tail this time. Jerin's laughter as Violet proposed her plan to me really didn't help matters. It was a very professionally phrased plan for one her age, and under normal circumstances I'd have been proud. In the end, however, I was fairly certain I had put a stop to her idea though. She was more than a little disappointed, so I was content it worked. I am sure however, she still hoped the purring would stick. Most of my motherly instincts hoped it wouldn't, which went back to that 'perfect little jewel' concept most mothers like to keep about their children. However, the non motherly, and even a good amount of my motherly parts, also admitted it would be positively adorable too. ...Clearly that wasn't an argument I was meant to win one way or the other.

When we finally arrived back at the house, Arymil practically grabbed Violet from me and smothered her in kisses. “Oh wonderful, wonderful! You found her, thank you, thank you so much.” She said to the two of us even as she took Violet into the bedroom. Not exactly the encounter I expected, but Violet didn't seem to mind the extra attention, and as long as Arymil was happy. Something bothered me though, and that was the overly worried expression her husband had on his face as he left the room too.

We made plans to leave the next morning, so Jerin again stayed the evening there. Arymil hovered near the door of our bedroom all night as far as I could tell, which I'll admit was just a bit unnerving. For whatever reason, Violet insisted on sleeping next to me. Not that I was going to argue that either, I had thought for a time I had lost her, so the closer I could keep her to me the better I'd feel. “If it hasn't worn off yet, no purring,” I warned her before she dozed off. “It may be cute, but it's still a bit nerve rattling.” She gave a mock meow instead, kissed me, and finally went to sleep some time later. All in all though, the rest of the night was peaceful. Perhaps better still, I got my first real nights rest in over a week now. No nightmarish visions, no strange voices telling me I was built wrong, no more of that damnable 'little M'len', just quiet.

* * *

Jerin already had the wagon pretty much ready by time I finally woke up. Okay, so it was perhaps a bit too peaceful a nights rest. I didn't really intend to oversleep so much. On a good note, Arymil had already made breakfast, so I had a little something to munch on before heading out to see what they were up to. If nothing else I've learned that gross tasting medicine aside, eating a little something right off the bat seemed to help settle my stomach a little too. Not quite as well, but anything was better than nothing.

After I was done checking up on his progress and making sure everything was all set to go, I made my way back into the house. Violet and Arymil were waiting in the living room by now, wonder where they were before then? “Good morning Mommy!”

“Afternoon I think...” I said with a yawn. “You shouldn't have let me sleep so late.”

“Oh it's no trouble dear, you've been through a lot, you needed it.”

“Heh, maybe you're right. I guess we'll be leaving soon, since Jerin has everything set to go. Thank you for everything Arymil.” I said with genuine sincerity in my voice as I walked over, gently hugged the elderly woman, and reclaimed my daughter. “Come along now Violet, we've got a long trip ahead of us.”

Arymil had a peculiar sort of smile as she stood up, and gently kissed Violet on the cheek. “Take care, my love,” she said in a voice filled with longing.

Violet suddenly looked very confused, but didn't otherwise say anything. “Thank you again for your ohospitality Arymil, I wish I had something more to give you.”

She just smiled and ran a hand through Violet's hair. “That's okay dear. The chance to see her again is really all the payment I need. I hope you two find your way home safely.” The elderly woman then quietly escorted us to the door, and went back indoors, humming lightly to herself.

I bumped into her husband on the way to Jerin's wagon. As expected, he glared at me, although his eyes softened at the sight of Violet. I took a deep breath and approached him. He set down the tools he was working with and eyed me curiously as I approached, probably wondering what evil I had in mind.

My apology I firmly believe completely threw him off track, his reaction was quite surprised. “I'm sorry,” I started off. “I was unaware of what happened here when I spoke with you yesterday. I actually am aware of what it feels like, my parents were claimed by the one that took your children,” Violet looked up at me as I said that, and out of pure reflex I nestled my cheek against her own. “Any way, again, I'm sorry. We'll be leaving now, so I'll be out of your hair.”

Violet had since squirmed free from my grasp and tugged on his shirt. The elderly man knelt in front of her, where she proceeded to lift herself up on her toes and whisper something to him. She then hugged him, and ran back over to me. I think for the first time since I had met him, I actually saw him smile. “Violet, what did you say to him?” I asked her as we walked away. He had opted not to say anything more, instead he just dropped what he was doing and headed off towards the house.

“Nothing,” she said with such innocence, that had I not seen it, I'd have probably believed her. Then, as though the whole thing never happened, she reached out her arms to me, a childs universal gesture for 'pick me up'. I sighed and resigned myself to doing just that, although she did help just a bit. I was still getting the hang of it, it's much harder to pick someone up when you've only got one arm to work with. Despite my urgings as we walked, she never did tell me what she said. I could have probably made her, had I really needed to, but I suppose it wasn't that important in the end.

“Nothing else to take this time?” I asked Jerin as I set Violet down in the wagon, and hopped in myself.

He jumped, but I expected it this time, I had just snuck up on him. I managed to keep a straight face, although Violet giggled. “Oh, no, that was everything last time. Although we will need to stop there again, have a lot to take to the market in Alato.”

“Is that all you do for a living then?”

“Um, well, I guess. Just move things from the farms and the few outlying towns. It's not particularly interesting, and of course I'm not the only one, but I get to meet a lot of people and see a lot of places I probably wouldn't otherwise. So I guess it's worthwhile enough.” That last part wasn't very convincing though, I did believe he liked to travel, that was almost immediately apparently. He hardly seemed rich, so it couldn't be the best money in the world. He clearly didn't hate what he did either, so in the end I figured it was safe to conclude it was the traveling he enjoyed above all else.

Quietly I curled myself up on one of two small blankets he had, something he must have gotten from Arymil when he knew the two of us would be coming along. Violet of course, had different ideas. “What?” I asked her in a tired voice, looking up at her with one eye half open.

“You can't sleep now mommy,” she said even as she shook me.

I just groaned a bit, something along the lines of, “Just a little longer.”

She responded with another, “No mommy, we need to do your lesson now.” even as she continued to gently shake me.

Finally I relented and sat up. Not because I wanted to mind you, but because with the rocking of the wagon, and her swaying me back and forth the way she was... Well, lets just say my stomach was on the verge of a violent protest. “Okay, okay, I'm up.”

“Now then,” she said in that serious tone of hers again, and promptly began one of her lessons again.

***

Neither mother nor daughter saw what he did next on his way to the house. Very casually, he plucked two small spheres out of the air as they floated by, and walked inside. His wife was busily working away in the kitchen, preparing snacks for Elryn and her daughter, who it seemed she was unaware, were not coming back. Arymil always loved company, especially that of children, she cared for them as though they were her own...and at the heart of the matter, that was the problem. Because in her mind, they were. She was never able to cope with the fact that her son and daughter were never coming home again...

Quietly he embraced his wife, keeping the little spheres out of sight. She was going through one of her episodes at the time, and scarcely even seemed to notice him. It was these moods that always pained him the most to see, and yet he had never done anything about it. He couldn't, not after...

He took a deep breath and calmed himself for what he was about to do. It went against every fiber of his being now, and yet, he had to. If nothing else, he wanted back the woman he married. Damned girl. All these years, and what finally does it? A child...the most mature one in all of it, was a little girl. All this time he refused to believe it, it was the mages that did this, the mages that took their children, the mages that drove Arymil to the brink of insanity. And yet, with the few silly little words of a child, it all just sort of came crashing in on him. It was, in the end, him who had caused her so much pain. It may have been a mage who took them, but he had been the one who refused time and time again, as she hinted so many times about how she wished for the sound of children to fill the house again. They were a real desire, not simply the musings of a woman gone mad with grief, yet he had ignored them as such…his own wife, of all people. Gently he kissed his wife and went about the required incantations, while she obliviously prepared her snacks.

“Oh, aren't those cute,” she said in a dreamy sort of voice as he handed the spheres to her, smiling to himself as their glow brightened just as they should. He had been afraid that in her state, they wouldn’t accept the bonding. She very casually went back to her preparations as he took them from her, and left the house to finish things.

Arymil had just about worried herself to tears as she paced around the front door of their home. Why weren't they back yet, and why had her husband not been around all day? It wasn’t like him to be out for so long without a word from him. She had opened her door and was just about to step inside, intent on collapsing on a chair in tears, when she heard something. Laughter, what was more, the laughter of a child...no, children. Her husband watched the absolutely glowing smile across her face as the two children, a boy and a girl, embraced their mother.