This is basicly the first real story I've ever written, its nearly 6 years old now and unfortunetly as yet unfinished. It originally started out as a bio for a character I was roleplaying. Gradually my imagination got the best of me and it turned into something much bigger. I should have included this originally... Just fair warning to anyone planning on reading these 2 parts. The story is unfinished, and has unfortunetly come to an end where it is for an unforeseeable amount of time.
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Her mother lay in a crumpled heap in the middle of the
room. Her father, weapon drawn, charged the mage. Midway, he suddenly
stopped in his tracks. With a wave of his hand the mage lifted him into the
air....with a flick of his wrist, and a sickening crack, his neck was snapped,
and he fell lifeless to the ground. Her parents slain, the child lay huddled
a corner. the figure walked up to the child and picked her up. "Yes little
one, you will do nicely."
Screaming, she awoke from her troubled sleep in a cold
sweat. The door to her room opened, and her master stood staring at her.
"Ah, I see you are awake, good." He tossed her a piece
of parchment, and a handful of coins. "I am in need of more spell components.
Fetch me some by tonight or nightmares will be the least of your worries."
"But the nearest place I can get these is a days walk."
She protested.
"Well then, don't walk!" He grinned at her and left the
room.
Without hesitation, she left the house and rapidly made
her way to the city of New Eldor. Under normal circumstances, she'd have
taken her time, her master wasn't expecting her back for at least two days,
though these weren't normal circumstances. Upon reaching New Eldor about
half a day later, she immediately made her way to the South Ward. She knocked
on the door of a relatively bland looking house, after about five minutes
the door opened and a short man peered out. "What do you....oh, it's you.
Almost wasn't expecting to see you again, quickly, come in." The little man
opened the door more, and she made her way in.
"Well?" She said with an impatient tone. "You DO have
it, don't you?"
"Of course, I never go back on a deal." Somehow she doubted
that. He went to a small chest and started to rummage through it. "Ah, here
it is." The little man removed a small silver box, opened it, and presented
to her a small glowing stone. "I believe you'll find this very worth what
you paid for it.
"I'd better." She stated coldly as she took the stone,
and handed him the other half of its price. "So, this little thing will amplify
my power then? How is it used?"
"Simple, just keep it on you and it'll work, nothing more
to it then that. Now, you've got what you wanted,
leave."
She glared at him, but she was in too much of a hurry
to bother with him. Without another word, she left, and proceeded with the
task her master gave her.
On her way back, her mind was racing. After so long she
finally had the last component needed to avenge her parents death and free
herself from her masters rule. It had taken her almost five years to acquire
all the components she needed for her plan, the last of which being a small
energy stone, cause her powers weren't strong enough for what she needed
to do, she needed some means of amplifying it. It didn't take her much effort
to hide the components of her revenge from him, as far as he was concerned,
her will was broken, on several occasions he has left her with the chance
to kill him, it wasn't too hard to realize he was testing her loyalty, knowing
the time would eventually come, she acted completely loyal....he was a fool,
extremely powerful, but a fool all the same. As she approached the door,
she knew very well what awaited within. It would be the same as it was every
time she returned later then he commanded. As she opened the door, the wizard
wretched her inside, grabbed the bag with his components in, and flung her
effortlessly to the floor. For the next hour, the wizard tortured her, not
physically though, his attacks were purely mental, though to her they may
as well have been physical. It was the kind of attack that is spoke of only
in the darkest of legends, the kind that most people would lose consciousness
just listening to...and she endured it every time she angered him. After
the attack, he threw her into her room, and went off to his study. By sheer
will alone she remained conscious, the pain from the attack still lingered,
but despite how weak she felt it was only in her mind and she couldn't afford
to lose anymore time, she wanted to make sure he'd never get a chance to
even lay eyes on her again. She staggered to her feet and got to work.
She removed the glowing stone from her boot, incredibly
uncomfortable hiding spot for it, but after so long in waiting, it just didn't
matter anymore. Immediately going to work, she carved various symbols around
the room, designed to keep any noise from escaping it. Moving her bed out
of the way, she lifted a loose floor board and removed a piece of white chalk,
several candles, and a book she "borrowed" from her master. Flipping to the
appropriate page, she drew on the floor an exact replica of the ward that
was in the book, being very careful not to make even the slightest mistake,
and placing a lit candle at the appropriate places on the symbol. Sifting
through the pages she found another one, and drew this one around the place
she'd be standing.
Book held in front of her she kneeled in front of the
circle and began to recite the incantation. The candles suddenly flared up
with an unnatural brightness and heat, yet they didn't melt. The air within
the ward began to waver as the heat intensified, suddenly a pillar of flame
erupted from the center, when it cleared a demon stood towering above her.
She sat there stunned, the demon on the other hand promptly began to closely
examine the ward around him, and looked at the one around her, after a few
minutes it stood up and addressed her in a deep voice, which seemed to echo
off the walls. "You're thorough, I'll give you that."
"So, Erzivia K'Tal, what is it you wish of me?" The demon
stated with a mocking bow.
"Forget the pleasantries. My parents, I wish to know why
they were killed, and I know very well you can do it." She demanded.
For what seemed hours the demon stood there, obviously
concentrating on something, then suddenly he spoke. "Well now, this is interesting.
Your master, the one who has raised and trained you, he was the one that
ended their lives...but of course, you already know that, don't you. I have
the information you desire, just open your mind to me."
She knew very well the danger involved in opening her
mind to such a powerful being, but at this point she didn't care. The truth
about her parents death would be revealed to her, she no longer cared for
her own safety.
His mind touched hers and it was all suddenly clear. Her
parents were working with an organization known as the Order. They had been
working with, since several years before her birth, a human by the name of
Artithis, a necromancer of considerable power and evil. The Order learned
of this and offered them sanctuary within their tower until he was apprehended....along
with a sizable amount of money. Knowing the risks involved in this, they
naturally turned down the offer, their life, and that of their daughter was
by far, more important then any amount of money. Needless to say, the Order
was quite displeased with this, their "offer" suddenly turned into an ultimatum,
they had a choice, give up his location, or spend the rest of their life
imprisoned for assisting him.....they no longer had a choice, if they turned
him in, the Order could protect them, if not, they'd spend the rest of their
life in a cell somewhere only the gods know what would become of their daughter.
They made a fatal flaw right then and there though, they didn't wait till
they were within the safety of the Order tower, they told the messenger his
location. The necromancer made sure to keep tabs on ALL his contacts, the
moment they betrayed him, he knew, before the messenger and her parents could
teleport back to the tower he was upon them. The door was blasted from its
hinges, and before they could react the messenger was dead, impaled by the
splintered door. The mage didn't say a word, his expression was all they
needed. Her parents knew they didn't stand a chance, but they had to try
to defend their child. As her mother went for her weapon, a lightning bolt
launched her into the air, while another one slammed her lifeless body onto
the floor. Her father, weapon drawn, charged the mage. Midway, he suddenly
stopped in his tracks, with a wave of his hand the mage lifted him into the
air....with a flick of his wrist..... As she had begun to pull her mind from
his grasp, the image faded, but before she could fully pull away, she saw
the image of the image of her master reaching for a scared child, the last
thing she heard before the link was fully severed was the phrase "yes little
one, you'll do nicely."
She forced his mind from her own. "Enough!"
"I have underestimated your will, few who have willingly
submitted have wretched their mind from my grasp before."
She collapsed in the circle. "So that is why.... The Order
is responsible for their death. I'll see they suffer for this." Then something
occurred to her, a little tidbit she forgot from her nightmares. "When he
found me, he said I'd do nicely....what was I used for?"
"You got what you wanted, I held me end of the dea...."
She yelled at him, cutting off his words.
"I don't care about the damn deal! He used me for something,
now what did he use me for!"
"You will find out in due time, but not from me." She
screamed in protest at him, but it was obvious, he had no intention of telling
here. His work done, he stepped out of the now powerless ward. The demon
promptly begins to examine the ward around her. "Yes, quite thorough. You
can't stay in there forever, you'll eventually have to leave, and when you
do, your mine."
An grin crosses her face. "I never intended to give myself
to you..." The demon glared at her, enraged by her words. "Don't worry, you'll
get payment. My power is still weak, I wouldn't make much of a meal to something
like you...."
"Not weak, untrained..."He smiled widely at her. "But
how do you know I intended on killing you."
A look of horror fell crossed her face. "My master! He
is quite po..."
"Yes, he is considerably powerful isn't he... He'll have
to do for now..." The demon left the room, and within seconds the sounds
of a battle echo through the house. After a few minutes, all sound ceased,
and the demon once again entered the room, licking the necromancers blood
from his claws, and looked her over. "Well, at least his power had not been
over exaggerated. It also appears I was right about you..." He waved his
hand and the ward around her ignited and vanished.
"H..h..how did you...."
"I said you were thorough, you said so yourself, you're
not very strong."
"But the stone..." She looked at the now dark stone in
her hand. "It should have..." She clenched her fist around it and it broke
as if it were nothing more then dirt. "That wretched little worm!" Her attention
suddenly snapped back to the demon. "You could have taken me anytime, why..."
"I've a reason for keeping you alive, you're stronger
then you could imagine, just untrained. But remember this little one, my
mind touched your mind, I've seen into your soul, it is as black as your
heart. Your desire for vengeance has destroyed whatever compassion you once
held..."
She cocked her head oddly, not quite understanding what
he meant..
"Yours is not a form fitting of someone with such a blackened
soul." He mumbled something, and a bolt of energy slammed into her chest,
piercing not her body, but her very soul.
She collapsed to the ground, her hands clutched to her
chest, pain wracked her body. "W..w..what.....is...happening...to me..."
The demon just stood laughing. "Remember Erzivia, I have
spared your life cause it suits me at the moment, but know this, you've made
yourself a powerful enemy!" With that, he disappeared, leaving her to her
own devices.
The pain began to intensify as bone and muscle were torn
apart and rearranged. Despite the torture her master had put her through
for so many years, it was too much for her to handle, she succumbed to the
pain, and collapsed unconscious.
She awoke several hours later. "I..I'm still alive? But,
why didn't he kill me..." She stood groggily to her feet, but something didn't
quite feel right, walking over to a mirror she realized why. "By the gods....what
did that thing do to me?!" The figure that stared back at her from the mirror
nowhere near resembles her former self. Her face remained feline like, though
her eyes were an iridescent green, and her ears were a bit larger and actually
more closely resembled those of a bat then feline. Her hair was a dark blue
color, which trailed into a dark purple as it went down her back. Fur no
longer covered her body, instead the flesh was gray in color, tough, but
unnaturally smooth to the touch. Down her front were what resembled
scaly plates. Her tail now resembled that of a lizards, and was covered in
the same oddly smooth gray flesh as the rest of her, ending with what seemed
like a spade shaped feather, about six inches long, light blue at the base
and trailing off into a light purple. Not surprisingly, her legs didn't go
unchanged, they were a nice amount longer to begin with, her knee joint remained
the same, but instead of the bone going straight down to her foot, it bent
backwards and met up with a new joint, which was reverse of what her knee
was. Her feet were larger then originally, they still resembled her paws,
but were covered in scales, and the claws were considerably larger.
Most surprising of all thing of all was on her back, she now had quite a
large set of wings, akin to that which most dragons possess. A sharp spike
protruded from both knee joints, her elbows, and several running down her
back and about a quarter of the way down her tail, the largest one, about
four inches long, starting in between her wings, the remaining eight were
evenly spaced and got gradually smaller as they went.
"This.....this is going to take quite a bit of getting
used to." She folded her wings up, and made her way through the house. She
made her way into her, now dead, masters room. There signs of an obviously
gruesome battle between the demon and himself were quite evident, blood was
all over the room.....and needless to say, so was her master. The room
itself was surprisingly in good shape, given the battle that must have went
on. Sifting through his belongings, she took spell books, scrolls,
and whatever else would fit into her backpack. On the one wall hung one of
his robes, it was jet black in color and seemed to radiate magic, without
hesitation she put it on, and wrapped it around herself to better conceal
her wings. After taking what she could from his room, she left the house.
Looking back, hatred welled up in her at the thought of her slavery in there
for so long, suddenly the building ignited. "Finishing off the remainder
of my past I see..." She turned away from the burning house, looked herself
over again, and suddenly began to laugh. "Considering I just angered a being
of extraordinary power, I was expecting a form a bit more, grotesque." She
rose to her full 6'4" height, and stretched her wings to their complete fifteen
foot span. "But instead, he turned me into this! I'll be sure to thank him
when next we meet." Her laugh grew considerably louder and almost seemed
to echo through the forest...
The city of New Eldor was nearby, her master had sent
her there so many times she could have walked there in her sleep. She would
require a short stop in Eldor for provisions, and realizing that she'd defiantly
get noticed if she flew in (that and she didn't quite know how to use her
wings to their fullest) she decided to walk the distance. Besides, with the
modifications to her legs, it'd take some practice before she could walk
well enough to make it appear as though she were still a normal tabaxi....least
as normal as she could accomplish. The robe covered her feet fairly well
so they wouldn't be a problem, though her flesh would require some explaining,
but that shouldn't be too hard pull off. She folded her wings up again, (though
it was obvious, it'd take more doing to hide them) lowered herself to her
normal height, and once again rapped the robe around herself. Glancing at
the map she took she noted that there was a little mining town by the name
of Montparsa a ways up the nearby mountain north of Eldor....and if the rumors
she had heard in Eldor were correct, the mines below that town have been
overrun by orcs for quite some time. An evil grin crossed her face. "Now,
the fun..." The mines would be perfect for her training, the miners were
sure to make for good, harmless targets. The orcs on the other hand could
prove more of a threat, but one can only hunt the meek for so long before
wanting better prey.
It had been almost a day since she started out towards
New Eldor. Needless to say, she was taking her good old time. A majority
of the time she spent testing out the physical limitations of her new form.
Quite to her delight, she found herself to be more agile then she had ever
been, not to mention faster, and the changes to her legs allowed for a considerable
increase in jumping ability....though her attempts at flying proved less
fruitful, and more often then not, she ended with her laying face down in
the dirt. For obvious reasons she avoided the main roads to New Eldor, at
least until she finally learned how to fully conceal herself. It had taken
a few hours before she could walk without making it obvious that there was
something not quite normal about her legs, though it took effort and just
didn't feel right, so it was something only done when need be. It took a
bit longer before she figured out the proper way to conceal her wings, cause
no matter what she tried, they were just to big to fully hide, instead she
positioned them so the wing tips would appear to be jutting out of her shoulders,
which could hopefully be explained away as just an elaborate suit of armor.
The ears and flesh could be easy, a simple explanation such as mutation would
take care of that.
After two days travel, she heard the sounds of an argument
off in the distance, covered herself again, and out of curiosity went to
see what the noise was all about. Near the bottom of the hill, there was
a small, oddly composed band of adventurers, a human and three orcs...she
was surprised they lasted this long without killing one another. Apparently
they were fighting over the contents of a bag, her best guess, it was gold.
Her curiosity, one of the few things which remained since her change, got
the best of her and she started down the hill for a better look, not making
much attempt to hide, they were too busy arguing to care about her. By time
she reached the bottom the argument erupted into a fight to the death, the
human versus the orcs, all of which appeared to be quite well trained. As
he fended off continual assault from the orc, she realized the human was
quite a bit better though. The view from the ground just wasn't good enough
so she gradually made her way to a tree and perched herself among its lower
branches, close enough to see the looks in their eyes. By the time she got
herself situated though, he had already managed to kill one and gravely wound
the another. The wounded orc decided not to push his luck and fled, picking
up the bag of gold as he went. The orc backed off, and made a few gestures
with his hand, a blinding flash of light went off in front of the humans
eyes giving the orc the advantage he so needed. With a powerful swing of
its axe, the orc knocked the warrior against the tree she was perched in,
and flung the sword from his hands, as the orc rose the axe above its head,
she bound from the tree, landed behind the orc catching it completely off
guard. Before it could react she grabbed the sides of its head, and twisted
sharply, breaking its neck. The warriors eyesight gradually returned to him
and what stood in front of him was not an orc, but a very beautiful, robed
female. He looked her over, her ears were almost bat like and the face, while
it looked tabaxi, was not covered in fur but instead gray and unusually smooth
flesh, the same which covered her arms, and judging by the shoulder spikes
she was wearing some very interesting armor. Despite his efforts, he couldn't
quite decipher of what race, she resembled nothing he had ever seen. He looked
at his fallen foes, then, in amazement, at her, and bowed.
"I owe you my life."
"Yes, I imagine you do, but I'll take your help and some
information instead."
He looked at her, a confused look on his face, not quite
sure what to say, .
"You don't think I saved your life for nothing now, do
you? You owe me, and I'm one to collect my debts. Now, where is it
you are headed?"
"New Eldor, I've business to attend to there."
"Ahh, good, then you won't be going out of your way. I
require your assistance getting in, and some information."
"Getting in? Just walk in, there should be no problem,
worst the guards would do is see what's under that robe of yours, there's
too much it could be hiding."
"But, I cannot allow."
He contemplated her words, even more confused by her then
when he first saw her, then he looked her over again. "What exactly are you
anyways? I mean, your face makes me think you're tabaxi, but the lack of
fur and the ears...not to mention I've never seen anyone with such an, interesting,
eye color. Course, then there's your armor..." He reached out to touch one
of her concealed wing tips and she quickly pulled it away.
"That IS armor under that robe, isn't it?"
She glared at him. "Yes...you ask far too many questions.
I want your help, not half a dozen questions. Lets just get to Eldor
and get this over with."
He was silent for a few seconds. "Well, you saved my life,
at least tell me your name, I'm Imasa."
"Guess I owe you at least that much, Erzivia. Now, we've
wasted enough time with idle chat." With that she started to walk away.
"Hold on." He shouted to her. "I need to get..." "It was
already taken." She replied. Looking about, he realized she was right. His
fleeing 'companion' had stolen his money. He grumbled and followed her.
Being an honorable man, he had no choice but to repay her in whatever manner
she so desired. As they made their way to the city, he watched her very closely,
paying attention to every step, every movement she made. Despite her insistence
that her looks were the result of mutation, he didn't begin to believe that
she was tabaxi, her appearance made that very clear to him, but he had no
idea what race she was and that bugged him, and his continual watching annoyed
her.
After a days travel, they finally arrived at New Eldor.
They made their way to the Dragon Gate, a smaller, less watched gate mostly
used by mercenary groups, and those that didn't want to draw too much attention
to themselves. Upon finally getting in, he led her into a small alley, where
they could talk without being overheard. He looked at her quite sternly.
"I asked this when we met, and I ask again, just what are you?
"I've already told you, I am tab..." "No you aren't."
He replied calmly. "I have watched you since we first met. Other then
the face and claws, nothing about you leads me to believe you are a tabaxi.
I'll admit, you've done a very good job at concealing yourself. Your walk
is almost perfect, but your shoulder 'armor' occasionally shifts about in
ways armor just shouldn't. Yes, you did save my life and for that I am grateful,
but you've hidden everything but your name from me since we've met."
She lowered her head. "This place is to public, I'll tell
you later, I've business to attend to." Saying no more, she made her way
towards the southern ward. He followed hastily behind. She located the same
bland gray house she had visited almost a week ago, casually knocked on the
door and waited for a response. As before, five minutes later the door opened
and the same little man peered out, without hesitation she shoved the door
open, knocking the man to the floor. "Wait here." She told Imasa, as she
proceeded in, and closed and locked the door behind her.
The little man lay sprawled out on the floor, and demanded
to know who she was and to explain her attack.
"You have a very short memory." She bowed mockingly. "I'm
Erzivia, remember me, you sold me that useless little rock!"
He tried backing away, now fearing for his life. "I...I
didn't know. It came from a very reliable source, there should have been
no problem with it, I had nothing to do with it." He started begging. "Please,
I beg of you, spare me."
She grinned widely at him. "Don't worry yourself, I couldn't
kill you if I wanted to, the Forbidding makes sure of that. Besides, I should
actually thank you." She removed her robe, unfolded her wings, (though there
wasn't enough room to fully extend them) and towered above the little man,
his eyes bulged when he saw her, and he was now visibly shaking. She wandered
over to a chest he had against the wall, dragging the little man along with
her. "But I won't. Now, let us see what you've got for compensation." She
casually sat in front of it, and started looking through its contents.
"You've got some very nice stuff in here, it should do
nicely for payment."
He protested, though the fear in his voice didn't make
it sound very convincing. "B..b..but that’s all I've got, I've got clients
who want those things, they'll skin me alive when they find I don't have
what they want."
She pulled out a small gray box, and casually opened it.
"Oooh, what may these little things be?" She plucked out a small metal ball,
about an inch in diameter, only one of about two dozen.
Horror filled the mans eyes and she plucked a ball from
the box. "NO! Don't touch those, you could get us both killed!" He screamed
at her, obviously more afraid of the ball then of her.
"My, my, what an interesting reaction." She used one of
her claws and pressed a small button on the sphere. About twenty seconds
later the ball suddenly grew warm and with a gasp of surprise she dropped
it and jumped back. The little man screamed as the ball began to shake, six
small legs, about a quarter of an inch long, protruded from around the middle
of the sphere. It casually made its way towards the little man, and with
great speed lept at him and latched onto his foot, digging its legs into
the flesh. It gave out a low hum, and small needle was thrust into his foot,
immediately after the spheres legs withdrew and it rolled back onto the floor.
He grabbed his foot, letting out a shrill screech as the flesh began to turn
gray and start to harden. Erzivia stood at the far end of the room, apparently
quite amused by all this. "Effective little things aren't they, wonder what
kind of poison they use." Despite his obvious distress, she quickly retrieved
the sphere before he had a chance to, and collected eleven more of the things.
The little man, his foot now completely stone by now, was completely speechless,
his fear so great he couldn't even whimper, she was quite surprised his heart
didn't just up and stop. "I quite like these little things. Don't worry,
I'll keep my end of the bargain, I won't kill you.....these will." She quickly
activated each sphere, and rolled them in front of him, she only took the
time to casually rap the robe around her as she bolted from the room. Despite
how much she would have enjoyed watching him suffer, she couldn't take the
risk that one of them would go for her. She emerged from the house and slammed
the door behind her, a look of shear pleasure on her face
Imasa gave her a fearful look as he heard someone screaming
from within. "By the gods, what’s going on in there?!"
She looked at him, smiled, and laughed. "I'm making a
statue..."
A horrified look of confusion crossed his face, if it
weren't for the fact she saved his life he'd have fled right then and there.
A few people looked at them oddly as they passed by, the screaming was quite
loud, obviously holding back a smile, she told them in a calm voice. "He's
ill, been seeing things lately. Best to stay away from him until he's over
it." About a minute after the screaming subsided, she took a look inside,
on the ground around a statue of the little man lay twelve metallic sphere,
she motioned for Imasa to join her inside. Reluctantly, he followed. She
casually walked over and collected the spheres, then went back to rummaging
through the chest. While she was doing that Imasa took the time to look around.
The house was about as bland on the inside as it was outside, there were
only the basic essentials, a large chest along one wall, and a statue of
a man in the most grotesque pose he had ever seen...unfortunately, he realized
all to soon it wasn't a normal statue, it was the owner of this building
and he appears to have suffered horribly during his last few minutes of life,
Erzivia on the other hand seemed to be quite enjoying it, and seemed to giggle
each time she glanced at it. "What...are you.... You killed this man, and
seem to have taken great pleasure in doing so!"
"I didn't kill him." She replied calmly, not even bothering
to look at him. She held her hand out and in her palm were several small
metallic sphere. "These did." She then put it back in the box and continued
rummaging through the chest, and tossed little trinkets into her backpack.
"She's so calm about it." He thought to himself. "No compassion
whatsoever, no emotion at all, just a perverse pleasure from his tortured
death." Her robe was only resting on her shoulders now, he reached forward
and pulled it off of her. "Are you happy now, you've seen what I look like"
She stated calmly. He stood there, horrified at what he saw. He was right,
she wasn't tabaxi...she wasn't even of this realm, she was a demoness straight
from the depths of the underworld itself. He reached for the sword on his
back, and with one swift movement drew it from its sheath and swung it in
a downward arc, aiming to take her head off. Hearing the sword begin
to unsheathe she quickly rolled to the side as the sword sliced through part
of her right wing and clanged loudly against the chest. She bound backwards
and stood against the wall on the opposite side of the room as him. A trickle
of blood dripped from the large gash in her wing, Imasa wheeled about ready
to lunge once again at her again. Despite that he was quite some distance
from her she thrust her hand towards him. With a startled gasp he stood up
straight, his sword dropped from his grasp and he stared wide eyed at her.
The hatred welled up in her as she began to close her outstretched hand,
his face drained of color and he felt as if his very life essence was being
constricted in her hand. He looked into her eyes, but they were no longer
green in color, they had become black, completely devoid of all color and
feeling. She closed her hand completely, and wretched it towards her, his
body lurched and fell to
the floor twitching. "Well, so much for my guide. So hard to find good, reliable,
help these days." She stated coldly, and shoved his body out of the way as
she put on her robe and finished loading several items into a nice bag of
holding she found in the little mans chest, completely oblivious to the fact
that the large gash in her wing had healed. Though in the back of her mind
she wondered where the power to do what she did came from, she wasn't wearing
her masters robe at the time so that couldn't account for it...
It had been a little over a week since the 'incident'
with the trader and Imasa. She had been laying low since that time for while.
The trader, she assumed, no one but his clients would really care about,
but it seems Imasa was another matter altogether. While it appeared that
no one she heard speak of him knew for sure who he was, he had apparently
been a relatively important person 'cause the city guards were quite actively
looking for the one that killed him. Most of her traveling through the city,
mainly the South Ward, was done by night, and thanks to her heightened hearing
and ability to see quite well in the dark, the guards were easy to avoid,
the thieves on the other hand weren't. Though this was a mixed blessing.
While breaking the fingers, or other bones, of those who tried to steal from
her occasionally attracted some unwanted attention, it was also a great way
of getting information, and even occasionally money, out of someone. A threat
of death, or just threatening to snap all their fingers was usually more
then enough to get what she wanted out of someone, though quite to her delight
this wasn't always the case. On more then one occasions it had been necessary
(or just plain fun) to break a finger or four to get the information she
desired. Not surprisingly, the people who she usually 'interrogated' seemed
to be quite knowledgeable about the city. This worked out even better for
her, cause all things considered, meaningless wandering during the day was
by far, not a good idea. While the guards may not be stopping everyone that
looks out of place, they were still watching everyone who left the city very
closely, and those patrolling the city were still watching for someone who
matched their description. Quite unfortunately, the description they had
was as accurate as one could ever want, a necromancer was employed so they
could speak with Imasa and better learn who ended his life. It had turned
from a hunt for a simple fugitive to a demon hunt now, and she was pretty
positive it wouldn't be long before word spread that a demon was now wandering
the streets of New Eldor and every demon hunter in Anyrk would come for her
head.
Making use of some of the knowledge she had acquired from
one of those wretched little thieves, she made her way to the Traders Ward.
There was to be a good armorer there where she could get a suit of armor
made to fit, and not worry about being revealed, albeit, it'd be anything
but cheap, but at this point, price didn't much matter. The streets were
Bustling with activity, so while she was out in the open, she felt pretty
sure that she blended in good enough. The outside of the shop wasn't very
spectacular. Like the rest of the buildings it was relatively bland, gray,
wooden door, and a sign indicating it's an armorer’s shop. The inside however
was decorated with more types of armor then she had thought existed. They
ranged from your basic leather armor, to elaborately decorated plate mail
looking as though it belonged to a noble of some sort or another. The heat
from the forge in the back room was almost unbearable though, and unfortunately,
the robe she was wearing only made it worse. Watching her intently from behind
the counter was a dwarf. Judging by his build, he was either a warrior, or
the owner of the shop....though it wouldn't surprise her if he were both
at some point.
"I require a suit of armor made." She stated, still looking
about the shop.
The dwarf looked her over. "Hmm, you appear to already
have some, or is that only shoulder armor?"
"Well, its not actually armor, that's why I came here.
I need a suit made, but, I also need secrecy. I don't want anyone to know
I was here."
"Hmm, interesting....if that's not armor under that robe...."
His voice trails off while he looks her over again. "Well, I can't give you
a proper price until I take your measurements, and see just why it is you
want me to stay quiet so bad. Now, please remove your robe so I can begin."
She walked over to the door and locked it. "There's no
one watching us." He stated. "Prove it." She replied as she made sure the
windows were fully covered. Reluctantly she removed her robe, and stood,
wings partially unfolded, towering over the dwarf. "Now, you know why I don't
want anyone to know I'm here."
The dwarf stared at her wide eyed. "So you're the one
the guards have been looking for... Not the wretched demon I was expecting.
Yes, this is definitely going to cost you. I mean, doing business with a
criminal...a demoness none the less." He smiled widely, knowing he was going
to get a very nice sum of money from this. His greed completely overrode
whatever fear he may have normally had.
"Yes, I know its going to cost a lot, just get on with
it already." She scowled.
"Ok, ok, no reason to get shovey, you should learn to
be more patient."
"I was tabaxi, I don't know what patience is." The dwarf
simply glanced at her, mumbled something, and proceeded with the measuring.
After he completed some basic measurements he walked into the back room,
emerging a few minutes. "Well, I'm assuming you'd like something light, and
flexible so you could at least still fly in it. The wings are a problem though,
designing armor to fit you won't be too hard, but getting it to fit around
those wings, your back spikes, and still be easy to get on and off isn't
going to be that simple a task.
"Considering other orders I have, It'll take quite a while
to finish, cost you about 6000 gold, and I'll need the money up front."
"6000! Up front!? How do I know you simply won't take
the money and turn me in?" She stated with an angry tone to her voice.
"I don't stay alive and in business by reporting my clients.
As long as I get my money, they'll get what they want, and as long as its
not used on me, I could care less what they do with it afterwards."
Grumbling, she withdrew a handful of coins and a few gems
from her belt pouch. Sifting through what she was holding, she dropped three
of the gems onto the counter and the rest into her pouch. "Here, these should
cover it. If you don't trust me, get them appraised, examined, uncursed,
whatever you desire, but they should cover the price nicely."
The dwarf scooped them into a small leather pouch, making
certain not to touch them, or even look too closely at them. "It'll take
a few more days before I'll be able to get these checked. But at first glance,
I'd say they should do nicely. Now..." He tossed her her robe. "Come back
in three days, I'll finish up the necessary measurements, and assuming these
are what they appear to be, will get to work on your armor."
Her next stop was some weapons training. There was supposedly
a good weapon master around here who accepted students of any race...she
wondered if that included her kind. After almost an hour of looking, and
guard dodging she found what she believed to be the place. As she walked
in, someone grabbed her arm and proceeded to throw her across the room. She
lay on the far end of the room, robe lying open, dazed by the unexpected
attack.
"Tsk tsk tsk, you should always be careful when walking
into somewhere you've never been. I should never have been able to do that....at
least without so much ease." Her attacker laughed heartily. "By the gods
I love doing that!"
Her senses had partially returned by the time he helped
her to her feet, noticing the robe had come open she promptly closed it,
and growled at her attacker, claws bared.
"Don't bother with the robe, I saw what you look like
under that thing, your obvious not any race I've ever seen.....you actually
resemble the demon the guards warned me about earlier. Hmmm, this should
be interesting, never had a demoness as a student before...." She prepared
to say something, but was cut off by his words. "Don't worry, you’re here
to train under me, are you not?" She nodded. "Well then, you pay for the
training....plus a little extra, and fight me with everything you've got,
and no one will know you've been here."
She shook off what remained of her daze and for the first
time took a good look around, momentarily ignoring her attacker. The room
itself was quite large, a weapons rack stood along the right wall, with just
about any weapon someone could ever think of and then some. It had a high
ceiling, and the walls and floor showed signs of considerable wear...quite
a nice amount of it being weapon damage. It became quite apparent upon seeing
the damage that he didn't train with fake weapons. She then looked upon her
attacker. He was a large, burly, and extremely strong looking minotaur, almost
seven feet tall. It wasn't at all surprising that he managed to throw her
with so much ease. Surprisingly enough he wore nothing but simple clothing,
no armor. While she was looking over him, it was clear that he was looking
her over, sizing her up, seeing just what kind of opponent she'd be.
The minotaur laughed. "May I suggest, looking around the
room before you're thrown across it next time?"
She rubbed her bruised back. "That would be advisable,
wouldn't it. But do that again, and I'll not hesitate to hurt you considerably
next time either."
"Good, good, I wouldn't expect any less. Now, before the
training commences...."
"But how much is it? I've not even..." He cut her off.
"Yes you did, you just didn't know it."
"Huh?" She quickly checked her money pouch. "Why you son
of a...."
"You came here to train, right? I'm assuming you're willing
to pay any price, right? And I'm assuming you don't want to be discovered,
am I not correct? I took a weeks worth of money, nothing more, nothing less."
She glared at him and prepared to say something, but unfortunately,
he was right. "Ok...when do we start, and what are the rules?"
"The rules; they're quite simple. First off, fight with
all you've got; any less, and you don't belong here. Second; a shield is
allowed, but armor isn't permitted. The weapons are very real and very sharp.
The enchantments on them however keep them from inflicting mortal wounds,
but they'll still hurt like hell. Third; magic is permitted...to an extent,
I train warriors, not mages, but a good warrior should be well versed in
both to be truly successful. A well timed fireball, or even snowball can
give you that little opening you need. Lastly; the training sessions can,
and usually will span most of the day. Unless you have more important business,
you are expected to be here. Now, choose a weapon, remove your robe, and
we will begin."
She removed her robe, hung it on the wall, and stretched
out her wings. After checking through the weapons she picked up a large halberd
from the weapons rack. It had a wooden shaft, and a large, very nasty looking
head, relatively elaborate metalworking, large bladed edge on one side of
it, and three spikes lined the other. It was just a little taller then she
was. She twirled it a bit in her hands to test its weight and balance, and
decided right away that this is what she'd train with.
"Interesting choice." The minotaur commented. "Now, lets
begin." He charged at her, his axe raised over his head. She wheeled about
as she heard him charging across the room, she had next to no time to react
and instinctually raised her weapon in preparation to block his attack, but
instead of bringing his axe down upon her, he brought up his foot and kicked
her in the stomach. As she reeled back from the blow, he brought his other
knee up and connected squarely with her face. The blow snapped her head back
and almost knocked her off her feet. Before she could regain her senses he
hit her in the ribs with his axe and knocked her halfway across the room....a
blow which with any other weapon, would have cut her in two. Surprising enough
though, her grip remained on the weapon. Rage overtook her; she jumped to
her feet; brought her weapon to bear and charged the minotaur. She struck
at him countless times but he effortlessly blocked them, and after a few
blows, swatted her away with his axe. She stood to her feet again, growled
loudly, and started to raise her weapon again, but before she brought it
to bear, the minotaur made a few small gestures with his hand, and threw
a fireball at her. Her eyes widened as the flaming ball sped towards her,
and she quickly drew her wings around herself in an attempt to shield herself.
The ball slammed into her. The heat was ungodly, and the pain was even worse.
She collapsed to the ground writhing in agony. Her wings were charred and
burnt away in places; her front too was slightly burnt, but the wings luckily
took the brunt of the attack. The minotaur left out an audible gasp as she
hit the floor, and quickly rushed over to try to help. She hissed loudly
at him as he approached, and staggered to her feet. The smell of burnt flesh
hung heavily in the air. She didn't stay standing long though, she quickly
succumbed to the pain, her legs gave out, and once again she fell to the
floor. The minotaur placed his hand on her forehead and mumbled something,
the spell took effect quickly, what consciousness remained slipped from her
grasp, and everything went black...
She awoke some time later in a hard bed, and a blandly
decorated room. Hanging around her neck was a small, slightly glowing, uncomfortably
warm crystal. To her surprise, what pain she had earlier was gone, and even
more surprising still, her wings appeared to be just about fully healed.
The signs of immense damage were still evident but the wounds were almost
fully gone....and all things considered, she felt better now then she had
in ages. The door to the room opened and the minotaur walked in and smiled
when he saw she was conscious once again. "Ahh, you're finally awake. You've
been out of it for almost a day now." As he approached the bed she hissed
loudly and lunged at him, catching him completely off guard and knocking
him to the floor, her claws bared and at his throat.
"One move, you inept bastard, and I tear your throat out!
I thought the object was to train, you nearly killed me out there!" He thought
about trying to get her off of himself, he knew that he could do it, but
one look at her now jet black eyes killed that idea on the spot. What courage
remained within him was shattered.
"My apologies. It wasn't supposed to do even a portion
of that damage, I never use full force in my spells, so as to avoid such
an incident." Her growls deepened as she slowly dug her claws into his neck,
not enough to kill, just enough to draw blood.
"Then explain to me just what the hell happened!" The
pain was incredible as her claws dug into his neck, breathing was becoming
increasingly difficult, and it felt as if his flesh was beginning to freeze.
"I don't know. Please believe me." He stated, trying in
vain to breath. She glanced at the amulet which hung around her neck, then
at her now fully healed wings, and let go of his throat, as she rose the
chain on the amulet shattered and it fell onto his chest.
"Given that you healed my wounds, I believe you....to
an extent." He backed away from her, gasping for breath, and finally
managing to tear his eyes from hers, which were no longer black, but instead
a dark green. She stormed from the room, obviously still incredibly angry
at him, as the door slammed shut the doorknob shattered. He clutched the
amulet in his hand, letting its power heal the damage she had done. Quite
surprised by what happened to his door, he picked up one of the pieces of
the shattered doorknob but quickly withdrew his hand as he touched it.
"She...she froze the thing solid. So she's..... It's no
wonder my fireball did so much damage."
The temperature change from the bedroom to the training
room was quite noticeable, and the warmth felt good. Erzivia was on the far
end of the room flicking her weapon about. "You handle a weapon good for
someone who's apparently had no formal training, but you hold you hands too
close together, and your stance is all wrong for that kind of weapon." She
wheeled about to face him, her weapon ready. "No need for that, I've no intention
of attacking you at the moment. But, I can probably tell you why my fireball
did so much damage."
She leaned against her weapon, staring intently at him.
"I'm listening."
"Its simple, from your form I assumed you were a demon.
Well, most demons seems to have a resistance to fire. You on the other hand,
seem to have an extreme weakness to it. That fireball didn't have much power
but it wasn't the power that mattered, even a weak fireball is extremely
hot; it was simply too much for your body to tolerate."
She lowered her head and mumbled some stuff to herself.
"A form more fitting of my soul....so cold at heart.... how interesting....."
"...you do realize though, that in our training I will
still use fire against you."
."You almost killed me you fool! And you want to try it
again?! I spared you the first time because you had no idea what you were
doing, I won't do that again" She snapped at him.
"You get angry too easily. Unless controlled, anger isn't
good for fighting....anyways, let me elaborate on what I was saying. A weakness
can be overcome to an extent. you can begin to build up a tolerance to the
heat, but it won't happen by avoiding it. An enemy will gladly use your weakness
against you, and considering what a weak fireball did to you; a strong one
you wouldn't have recover from."
She sighed deeply. "Unfortunately....you make sense."
She readied her weapon. "Well then, lets continue."
"I thought you'd never ask....but first, we have to do
something about the way you use that thing, can't train properly is you don't
know how to effectively use your weapon."
The training went well into the next day. She may not
be able to take on a master, but at least she could defend herself by this
point. Around mid-day, with some directions from her trainer, she made her
way back to the armorer, making good use of back alleys and the like. The
dwarves eyes lit up as she entered the shop, and proceeded once again to
make sure the door was locked, and the shades were drawn. "Good, good, you
return. Those gems you gave me were of superb quality, they'll more then
make up for the price of the armor...ell, I may even toss in a little extra!"
He said with a very happy tone to his voice as he walked over to her. "Now,
take off your robe and I'll finish up the measurements....though it'll take
a tad longer this time, more detail to worry about. So, other then flexibility
and strength, what else would you like?"
"A generous dwarf?"
"Oh I'm not being that generous....one of those would
have paid for five suits of armor" He mumbled softly, his smile seemed to
widen.
"Hmm?"
"Oh, nothing, just thinking out loud."
"How well does your armor usually hold up to heat and
extreme cold?"
"Normally, well enough for your average warrior."
"Well, I'll need considerably better then that then..."
"Unfold your wings a moment, will make it easier to measure
around them." He interrupted her.
"As I was saying, it should also be able to withstand
rapid changes from one to the other if need be." She stated, unfolding her
wings. "But, it also has to stay cool, I don't like the heat."
"So that's why you're sweating. This heat must be killing
you.... Anyways, that'll be a tad harder to accomplish, and the materials
aren't too easy to come by.... Ok, you can fold em again. And forging it
to withstand that kind of punishment will take longer then usual."
"But you CAN do it, can you not?"
"I wouldn't have told you what it'd take if I couldn't."
He put down his rule and scribbled a few things in a small notebook. "Now,
what exactly is it you want, full suit, vest, what?"
"Full suit, as much as I may not like it, it'd be foolish
to train without it...." She glanced at one of her wings. "Say, would
it be possible to make armor for my wings that would still allow flight,
and be able to withstand what the rest can?"
He scratched at his beard. "Hmm, I don't really know,
but possible or not, it'd definitely be an interesting challenge indeed.
I believe it could be done, due to the weight it'd require a bit more effort
to actually fly, but will at least strengthen your wings. It'd also have
to be plated, chain would probably move around too much to allow correct
flight, and it’s a pretty safe bet crashing isn't fun."
"No...not in the slightest." She mumbled.
The dwarf laughed. "Sounds like you've had experience.
Well, you definitely have the funds to cover an attempt. Worst that happens,
you won't be able to fly, but you'll have a very nice set of wing armor.....course,
needless to say, I'll have to take even more measurements, and its going
to take quite some time to finish. Is there anything else?"
She sat down, unfolded her wings, and let the dwarf get
to work. "Hmm, guess they were worth more then I thought....I'll have to
get the rest appraised before I make such a stupid mistake again. Either
way, while you're in a giving mood, a weapon." She described the weapon she
had trained with the past few days.
"Oh, that thing. So you decided to train under him did
you."
She stared at him blankly. "You know him."
"Kinda, he's the only person to ever ask for such finely
crafted weapons, then request they don't inflict damage. Its hard to forget
such an unusual request. Don't get me wrong now, he's a fantastic trainer,
though he doesn't get many students cause he's a tad 'rough' with them.....judging
by your bruises, you've already discovered this. Enough talk, better get
started on your wings or we'll be here all night."
The session drug on well into the evening, he took measurements
of her wings in just about every position they would go, and she asked him
dozens of questions about the surrounding area and just about anything else
she could think of. "Well, I've got everything from you I need, so, you are
free to go."
"Finally...." She mumbled. "So, when will everything be
ready?" "The armor and the weapon, come back at the end of the month, they
should be done by then. The wing plating, that will take considerably longer,
few more months at least."
"I don't dare risk staying in the city much more then
a month....."
"Well then, come back later, I'll still be here, and hopefully
things will have calmed down some."
"One last things before I go. I need a means into the
Mines under Montparsa."
"Well that's not going to be easy. The place was invaded
by orcs a while ago, and they've sealed off the entrance. You'll more then
likely need to teleport in."
"I know, but needless to say I can't go wandering the
Wizards Ward in the middle of the day. Do you know someone who would help?"
"Hmm, there's Arthn, Klora, and a nice number more who
would help you, and are trustworthy...for a
price of course."
"Which one is closest? Less distance I have to travel
the better."
"Etlaca." The dwarf scribbled some directions on a piece
of paper and handed it to her "You can find her
just about any time of day, I swear, she never sleeps. She lives a few buildings
in from the border. She's not
the most powerful of mages, but she can get you there. As for back...."
"Getting back will be my problem, I only care about getting
there at the present moment." She took the paper, put on her robe, and left.
Getting back to the training hall wasn't that difficult,
the guards weren't any harder to avoid now as they usually were. Surprisingly
the door to the training hall was unlocked, when she entered she noticed
the minotaur on the far side of the room, sitting on the floor in a relatively
unusual position, eyes closed and a blank look on his face. "Hmm...meditating
it looks, doesn't this guy ever sleep?" She mumbled to herself. He opened
his eyes and stood to his feet.
"So, you've finally decided to return. I would like to
try something out on you....to your benefit if it works."
"Why do I get the odd feeling this is going to hurt."
"I don't like fighting with someone who can't fully use
what they have to their advantage, it annoys me. You seem to be able to lower
the temperature around yourself, that could prove a nice defense from fire....or
even offensive use, albeit, the damage will still probably be more then your
average person; but it’s the best you could hope for given what you are."
He decided not to mention that she also froze and shattered his doorknob,
afraid she'd knowingly use it on him in a fight.
"I've never actually noticed that...."
"I'm not surprised, you were enraged at the time, people
tend not to pay much attention to stuff when they're that angry." He replied,
unconsciously rubbing at his neck. "Try concentrating on cooling yourself,
and the area around you."
After almost four hours of trying, she finally managed
to make some progress. It wasn't much, but the change in the room had started
to become noticeable. During this time her trainer would occasionally come
out of his meditation and wander around the room, this time he made a comment
about the temperature. "Congratulations, you've just successfully cooled
off the entire room.....now, if only that was what we were trying for. You
need to focus more, cool the area around YOU, not the whole room." She let
out a sigh and tried again, this time focusing more on herself. He could
feel a slight breeze as the warm air around her was pushed away, and the
air around her cooled even more. "Hmm, not bad, sure took you long enough."
"Hey, this is the first time I've tried this!" She snapped at him. "Maybe,
but come on, four hours for something you did with so much ease earlier....and
you did it so much better earlier too. You're trying to hard, you should
be able to do this with virtually no effort at all. Now, to see just how
well you've managed to do it." He made a quick gesture with his hand and
a small fireball shot out at her, this one considerably smaller then the
first one he hit her with. She quickly jumped to the side, the cold dispersed
and the fireball just barely missed her left arm. "No, no, no! You have to
maintain the cold around you, you don't let it disperse at the slightest
sign of trouble!" He started gesturing with his hands and proceeded to throw
fireball after fireball at her, each of them no larger then the first. Her
eyes widened as the volley careened towards her, she let out an audible gasp
as she quickly drew her wings around her and shielded her face with her arms.
The air around her cooled suddenly. He could see a clear sheen covering the
surrounding area as the water that condensed on it froze. As each fireball
struck the invisible wall of cold around her there was a loud hissing sound
as they burst into steam. "Good, very good, now try this!" He unleashed the
strongest fireball he could manage, it hissed loudly as it smashed through
the cold air around her and slammed into her, she was flung helplessly against
the wall, and for a moment was surrounded with magical flame, but the barrier
of cold still remained and the fire was extinguished before it could do any
more harm. The damage this time was considerably worse then when they first
met though, her wings were charred and a good portion of the flesh was gone,
her arms were blackened and horribly burned, as was the rest of her front
and legs. The pain was overwhelming, and this time she willingly let consciousness
slip from her grasp.
She awoke sometime later, the pain gone, two people hovering
over her, and in the same uncomfortably hard bed she awoke in the first time.
Her trainer, and another robed figure. "I should kill you for that." She
stated weakly.
"Not even awake five minutes and already she's threatening
my life. I told you before I'd do this, you can't build a tolerance to fire
if you aren't subjected to it. Besides, you seem to be grasping your powers
a bit better....though they still only seem to take full effect when you're
either defending yourself, or enraged. Tis a problem we'll have to fix."
"If you weren't right..." She winced as she tried moving.
"..And I could move, it'd be you who'd be defending himself." She glared
at the robed figure. "Who the heck is that?"
"He saved your life. I informed him in advance what I'd
do when you returned. Don't worry, he can be trusted. He waited in the back
room till it happened. I figured after what happened with the weak ball I
flung at you the day we met you'd require his healing abilities this time."
She glanced at the uncomfortably warm crystal laying on
her chest. "So, who is he? And what the heck is this crystal? There was one
like it on the pendant you gave me the first time."
The figure looked at him, back at her, nodded, then left
the building. "Nelfig, best, and most trustworthy life mage I know. He doesn't
talk much though, never has. Only really talks when its absolutely necessary,
and to cast his spells. A priest could have probably done better, but I wasn't
sure what effect a priest would have on you, so I decided against it. As
for the crystal, its Silmarillium; believe that type is known as Lifestone,
it heals amazingly well, and the larger the crystal, the more and faster
it'll heal. Nelfig did what he could for you, the crystal will repair the
damage he couldn't."
"Definitely a handy little thing, isn't it. Though I believe
I'd like to take a break from the fire for a bit....I don't much like having
the flesh burned from me."
"I can live with that....for a bit. You made some relatively
good progress, that was the most powerful fireball I could manage, and you
lived through it, your cold barrier kept you alive. Though you really need
to learn how to voluntarily do that.. handy ability.. but its not good to
have an ability you can't fully control. Now, get some sleep, let the stone
finish doing its job, I'll see you later." With that he left the room, and
luckily she didn't have much trouble falling asleep.
Within a day she was healed enough to train once again,
though because the damage was still relatively evident, she kept on a pendant
so it could finish the job. Her training continued on relatively uninterrupted
the rest of the month. By the end of that time she had become quite well
versed in the use of her weapon, and could control her ability considerably
better...though still not quite to the extent she seemed to when used in
desperation. She had become a formidable opponent in hand to hand combat,
though she was still unable to defeat her trainer. On the last day they said
their goodbyes.
"You surprise me. Tis a difficult weapon to learn, and
you've learned to handle it better in such a short time then most manage
to. You've learned to use your speed and agility to make up for your relative
lack of physical strength very nicely, though I'm disappointed that you never
managed to beat me."
"Don't worry...I'll return after I've gotten more training
and gladly wipe the floor with you." "The gods know you did it to me plenty
of times." She mumbled under her breath.
"I hope you do, nothing could satisfy a trainer more then
being bested by one of his students."
"You know...all this time, and you never told me your
name."
"Same goes for you, though names are only a formality
really, but if you must know, I am known as Seroth." He replied, with a slight
bow.
"Hmm, guess I never did tell you mine, did I... Anyways,
I am Erzivia."
"Anyway, go, git, I don't like long goodbyes. Just be
careful, apparently a few demon hunters of some repute have been wandering
the city looking for you. Last thing I'd want is for you to be killed before
you managed to beat me." He handed her her robe and casually started pushing
her towards the door, without another word, she put it on and left.
| Date | Name | Comment | | | 4 Oct 2002 | Stephan P. Calloway | Loading...Yes yes yes, now off to part 2/2! ( ** first comment dance ** ) | |
| 12 Oct 2002 | Debra Lynn Turpin | Loading...I like this. The only critique is that I wish you had described Erzivia pre-change. That would have been helpful to know the difference. You've kept her in character well, ie - lack of compassion and all that. Nicely done. Brian D. Saul replies: "Whoops! When I first wrote it I took it for granted that everyone playing the game knew what she originally was (because at the time, they did). That hadn't occured to me when I first posted it here. In short her origianl form was that of a tall (bout 5') pitch black furred Tabaxi. Now as for what a Tabaxi is, they're basicly a race of humanoid felines." | |
| 16 Oct 2002 | Frances Monro | Loading...Comment on the first part: I've read about a quarter of this chapter so far. Erzivia's character is interesting and I enjoyed the confrontation with the demon. I'm rather intrigued to find out more about the necromancer. About this point I began to loose my emotional connection with the story. The transformation of the innocent little girl abused through no fault of her own to the burned out evil vengeance seeker in strange form and not giving a damn was too quick and I think it threw me off. I'll return and read some more later. Brian D. Saul replies: "Thats another thing I took for granted beside her form....age. The thing is she wasn't an innocent little child by this point. The story takes place years after she was taken from her parents, she was a rather young child, 4-5 I'd say when she was taken. She's about 18-20, give or take, by the time the events of this story take place. What innocence she had was shattered a long time ago. The story comes to an end before the reader ever finds out anything more about her former master unfortunetly. But he didn't want just a slave when he took her...he wanted to break her will, destroy her innocence, turn her into someone burning with rage, hatred, vengeance. He didn't count on a girl with as strong a will as she has though.... She's cold, callous, but not completely heartless...the memories she clings to is what has saved her from completely becoming what he wanted to turn her into. What you see of her now is what she has been for years. Had she the power herself, she'd have taken much joy in killing her master with her own claws. The demon she summoned was the only other means available to her though, an event she planned for months." | |
| 18 Oct 2002 | Frances Monro | Loading...Comment on the second half: Good! Obviously D&D derived, it reminds me of the computer game Moria, for some reason. Brian D. Saul replies: "Moria...hmm, the name sounds vaguely familiar but I can't put a face to it. I'll have to look it up, you've got me curious. Anyways, glad ye like the 2nd half better. " | |
| 22 Oct 2002 | Lindy 'Shanra' Kuepers | Loading...I liked the plot in this. How often do we have a compassionless person as a protagonist instead of an antagonist. I agree that Erizvia is a very interesting character and has an air of mystery around her that attracts, captures yet in a way also repels. I agree that it would be very helpful to know her looks prechange. It rather confused me and you lost me for a while when she turne dout to be feline. I honestly had expected her to be human. However, some technical notes I particularly did not enjoy reading through. Numbers, about every number is in digit form, I was taught that numbers unless very, very big are always written out in full, not with digits. I guess it could just be what I'm used to, but they were the reason I read those parts more stumblingly. Also, although I am a HUGE fan of typing 'anyways' when chatting and writing explanations and such, it is, afaik, not correct English. Now it was only in spoken sentences, but it's a bit like writing a story set in say the prehistoric and have prehistoric peole speak modern slang. It doesn't fit the context. I do not deny still that it is better then my writing, I just think that the little in it, like the numbers, ensure that this tale does not live up to it's full potential and I do think it has a lot of that. Brian D. Saul replies: "Hm, I should leave a note at the top of the story to hopefuly avoid the confusion about what she is. On the numbers and grammar, I fully agree. The numbers I've made sure to write out in Elryn's story, but its much newer. That was still a mistake I made a lot in my older stories unfortunetly. In my next update I'll go through and work on fixing those. Thanks for the heads up, I'd have never thought about it otherwise. I'll also look back over the spoken anyways, see what I can do about fixing those as well.
On a side note though, perhaps you're too hard on yourself. What I've read of your work is very good, the way you portray some things I rather wish I could do as effectively. Thanks for your kind words though, I'm glad you like it. " | |
| 7 Feb 2003 | Alice Muffin Girl Smith | Loading...Hmm... I must admit, this was a fine read. However... *besides the massive beatings dealt to me by malicious typos, mind you, in particular the Army Of Missing Apostrophes* Negative: You have wayyyy too many commas in here… Your sentences are each five normal sentences long… it’s, ah, really quite a scary phenomenon. Positive: Your dialogue is simply wonderful… very believable, and natural. ^_^ Negative: The story inbetween dialogue did not precisely live up to the full potential that I sensed here… AFTER you finish with your other story *is in love with your other tale sooo much*, it might be a good idea to come back and flesh that out some… Positive: Your descriptions of her after her change are marvelous! Negative: SHE WAS A CAT PERSON BEFORE HER CHANGE??? WOAH! (It might be nice if you stated that before hand…) Umm… brain stop work now, so that seem all me think now of. To be. Yesss... ....... PS: Check your e-mail.... I’ll be sending over a complete report on the typos I found in a moment... yesss.... *figures you will understand, upon reading through it, why she was not so dramatic in her typo-cursing in this comment as she usually is* Brian D. Saul replies: "Ahh yes, wasn't sure if this one would get read given it's age and all...compared to Elryn it's apparent it's age shows through very nicely. The comma was one of those fun punctuation points I was obsessed with back when I wrote this (about 4-5 years ago, give or take)...that obsession as Elryn shows has luckily decreased over time. Apostrophes as well I am horrible with...I noticed even in the latest re-write of Elryn I was missing a LOT of them. I'm gradually getting better, but as this shows...I was much worse. ^^
Dialogue...I love dialogue, can you tell?  But yes, compared to Elryn again, the age of this one shows through. I may eventually one day go back over and revive it, but will have to see.
In all fairness I had a picture I was using to base her description off of too. ^^ And whoops, as I said above the game she was a part of everyone knew what she originally looked like...that kinda slipped my mind when I posted it here.
As for the e-mail....Wow, thanks!  And of course, thanks for dropping by and giving this a look. Just bear with it a bit since it is old. =)" | |
| 24 Jun 2003 | Lloyd Branden 'God' Johnson | Loading...The first part of this introduction to a character, as you stated, is quite addicting to the read. I'm afraid with all the gigantic gaps from other people's posts, I couldn't read your comments, but nonetheless, the work is definitely filled with voice, my favorite style of writing. On to part two, keep it up!  | |
| 10 Mar 2004 | Clarion Hess | Loading...I'm sure I liked it. I kinda forgot what I was going to say. You see, I read the first part, then the second part, then commented on the second part and decided I needed to leave a comment here, too. Needless to say, I forgot everything that I was going to say. So... I liked it. PS Write more!! Cliffhangers that make inquisitive people wonder what happens next are bad!!!!!!!  *See, baaaaaad* Write more!!!  Brian D. Saul replies: "Ahh, clifhangers gooood...they make people want to read on, and reading on is gooood...yes...very good... And I might, I'm still thinking about that one.. ^^" | |
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