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Brian D. Saul

"Erzivia: Part 1/2" by Brian D. Saul

SF&F Picture 10 out of 13 by Brian D. Saul
 
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This is basicly the first real story I've ever written, its nearly 6 years old now and unfortunetly as yet unfinished. It originally started out as a bio for a character I was roleplaying. Gradually my imagination got the best of me and it turned into something much bigger.
I should have included this originally... Just fair warning to anyone planning on reading these 2 parts. The story is unfinished, and has unfortunetly come to an end where it is for an unforeseeable amount of time.
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    Her mother lay in a crumpled heap in the middle of the room. Her father, weapon drawn, charged the mage.  Midway, he suddenly stopped in his tracks. With a wave of his hand the mage lifted him into the air....with a flick of his wrist, and a sickening crack, his neck was snapped, and he fell lifeless to the ground. Her parents slain, the child lay huddled a corner. the figure walked up to the child and picked her up. "Yes little one, you will do nicely."

    Screaming, she awoke from her troubled sleep in a cold sweat. The door to her room opened, and her master stood staring at her.

    "Ah, I see you are awake, good." He tossed her a piece of parchment, and a handful of coins. "I am in need of more spell components. Fetch me some by tonight or nightmares will be the least of your worries."
    "But the nearest place I can get these is a days walk." She protested.
    "Well then, don't walk!" He grinned at her and left the room.

    Without hesitation, she left the house and rapidly made her way to the city of New Eldor. Under normal circumstances, she'd have taken her time, her master wasn't expecting her back for at least two days, though these weren't normal circumstances. Upon reaching New Eldor about half a day later, she immediately made her way to the South Ward. She knocked on the door of a relatively bland looking house, after about five minutes the door opened and a short man peered out. "What do you....oh, it's you. Almost wasn't expecting to see you again, quickly, come in." The little man opened the door more, and she made her way in.
    "Well?" She said with an impatient tone. "You DO have it, don't you?"
    "Of course, I never go back on a deal." Somehow she doubted that. He went to a small chest and started to rummage through it. "Ah, here it is." The little man removed a small silver box, opened it, and presented to her a small glowing stone. "I believe you'll find this very worth what you paid for it.
    "I'd better." She stated coldly as she took the stone, and handed him the other half of its price. "So, this little thing will amplify my power then? How is it used?"
    "Simple, just keep it on you and it'll work, nothing more to it then that. Now, you've got what you wanted,
leave."
    She glared at him, but she was in too much of a hurry to bother with him. Without another word, she left, and proceeded with the task her master gave her.

    On her way back, her mind was racing. After so long she finally had the last component needed to avenge her parents death and free herself from her masters rule. It had taken her almost five years to acquire all the components she needed for her plan, the last of which being a small energy stone, cause her powers weren't strong enough for what she needed to do, she needed some means of amplifying it. It didn't take her much effort to hide the components of her revenge from him, as far as he was concerned, her will was broken, on several occasions he has left her with the chance to kill him, it wasn't too hard to realize he was testing her loyalty, knowing the time would eventually come, she acted completely loyal....he was a fool, extremely powerful, but a fool all the same. As she approached the door, she knew very well what awaited within. It would be the same as it was every time she returned later then he commanded. As she opened the door, the wizard wretched her inside, grabbed the bag with his components in, and flung her effortlessly to the floor. For the next hour, the wizard tortured her, not physically though, his attacks were purely mental, though to her they may as well have been physical. It was the kind of attack that is spoke of only in the darkest of legends, the kind that most people would lose consciousness just listening to...and she endured it every time she angered him. After the attack, he threw her into her room, and went off to his study. By sheer will alone she remained conscious, the pain from the attack still lingered, but despite how weak she felt it was only in her mind and she couldn't afford to lose anymore time, she wanted to make sure he'd never get a chance to even lay eyes on her again. She staggered to her feet and got to work.

    She removed the glowing stone from her boot, incredibly uncomfortable hiding spot for it, but after so long in waiting, it just didn't matter anymore. Immediately going to work, she carved various symbols around the room, designed to keep any noise from escaping it. Moving her bed out of the way, she lifted a loose floor board and removed a piece of white chalk, several candles, and a book she "borrowed" from her master. Flipping to the appropriate page, she drew on the floor an exact replica of the ward that was in the book, being very careful not to make even the slightest mistake, and placing a lit candle at the appropriate places on the symbol. Sifting through the pages she found another one, and drew this one around the place she'd be standing.

    Book held in front of her she kneeled in front of the circle and began to recite the incantation. The candles suddenly flared up with an unnatural brightness and heat, yet they didn't melt. The air within the ward began to waver as the heat intensified, suddenly a pillar of flame erupted from the center, when it cleared a demon stood towering above her. She sat there stunned, the demon on the other hand promptly began to closely examine the ward around him, and looked at the one around her, after a few minutes it stood up and addressed her in a deep voice, which seemed to echo off the walls. "You're thorough, I'll give you that."    

    "So, Erzivia K'Tal, what is it you wish of me?" The demon stated with a mocking bow.
    "Forget the pleasantries. My parents, I wish to know why they were killed, and I know very well you can do it." She demanded.
    For what seemed hours the demon stood there, obviously concentrating on something, then suddenly he spoke. "Well now, this is interesting. Your master, the one who has raised and trained you, he was the one that ended their lives...but of course, you already know that, don't you. I have the information you desire, just open your mind to me."
    She knew very well the danger involved in opening her mind to such a powerful being, but at this point she didn't care. The truth about her parents death would be revealed to her, she no longer cared for her own safety.

    His mind touched hers and it was all suddenly clear. Her parents were working with an organization known as the Order. They had been working with, since several years before her birth, a human by the name of Artithis, a necromancer of considerable power and evil. The Order learned of this and offered them sanctuary within their tower until he was apprehended....along with a sizable amount of money. Knowing the risks involved in this, they naturally turned down the offer, their life, and that of their daughter was by far, more important then any amount of money. Needless to say, the Order was quite displeased with this, their "offer" suddenly turned into an ultimatum, they had a choice, give up his location, or spend the rest of their life imprisoned for assisting him.....they no longer had a choice, if they turned him in, the Order could protect them, if not, they'd spend the rest of their life in a cell somewhere only the gods know what would become of their daughter. They made a fatal flaw right then and there though, they didn't wait till they were within the safety of the Order tower, they told the messenger his location. The necromancer made sure to keep tabs on ALL his contacts, the moment they betrayed him, he knew, before the messenger and her parents could teleport back to the tower he was upon them. The door was blasted from its hinges, and before they could react the messenger was dead, impaled by the splintered door. The mage didn't say a word, his expression was all they needed. Her parents knew they didn't stand a chance, but they had to try to defend their child. As her mother went for her weapon, a lightning bolt launched her into the air, while another one slammed her lifeless body onto the floor. Her father, weapon drawn, charged the mage. Midway, he suddenly stopped in his tracks, with a wave of his hand the mage lifted him into the air....with a flick of his wrist..... As she had begun to pull her mind from his grasp, the image faded, but before she could fully pull away, she saw the image of the image of her master reaching for a scared child, the last thing she heard before the link was fully severed was the phrase "yes little one, you'll do nicely."

    She forced his mind from her own. "Enough!"
    "I have underestimated your will, few who have willingly submitted have wretched their mind from my grasp before."
    She collapsed in the circle. "So that is why.... The Order is responsible for their death. I'll see they suffer for this." Then something occurred to her, a little tidbit she forgot from her nightmares. "When he found me, he said I'd do nicely....what was I used for?"
    "You got what you wanted, I held me end of the dea...." She yelled at him, cutting off his words.
    "I don't care about the damn deal! He used me for something, now what did he use me for!"
    "You will find out in due time, but not from me." She screamed in protest at him, but it was obvious, he had no intention of telling here. His work done, he stepped out of the now powerless ward. The demon promptly begins to examine the ward around her. "Yes, quite thorough. You can't stay in there forever, you'll eventually have to leave, and when you do, your mine."
    An grin crosses her face. "I never intended to give myself to you..." The demon glared at her, enraged by her words. "Don't worry, you'll get payment. My power is still weak, I wouldn't make much of a meal to something like you...."
    "Not weak, untrained..."He smiled widely at her. "But how do you know I intended on killing you."
    A look of horror fell crossed her face. "My master! He is quite po..."
    "Yes, he is considerably powerful isn't he... He'll have to do for now..." The demon left the room, and within seconds the sounds of a battle echo through the house. After a few minutes, all sound ceased, and the demon once again entered the room, licking the necromancers blood from his claws, and looked her over. "Well, at least his power had not been over exaggerated. It also appears I was right about you..." He waved his hand and the ward around her ignited and vanished.
    "H..h..how did you...."
    "I said you were thorough, you said so yourself, you're not very strong."
    "But the stone..." She looked at the now dark stone in her hand. "It should have..." She clenched her fist around it and it broke as if it were nothing more then dirt. "That wretched little worm!" Her attention suddenly snapped back to the demon. "You could have taken me anytime, why..."
    "I've a reason for keeping you alive, you're stronger then you could imagine, just untrained. But remember this little one, my mind touched your mind, I've seen into your soul, it is as black as your heart. Your desire for vengeance has destroyed whatever compassion you once held..."
    She cocked her head oddly, not quite understanding what he meant..
    "Yours is not a form fitting of someone with such a blackened soul." He mumbled something, and a bolt of energy slammed into her chest, piercing not her body, but her very soul.
    She collapsed to the ground, her hands clutched to her chest, pain wracked her body. "W..w..what.....is...happening...to me..."
    The demon just stood laughing. "Remember Erzivia, I have spared your life cause it suits me at the moment, but know this, you've made yourself a powerful enemy!" With that, he disappeared, leaving her to her own devices.
    The pain began to intensify as bone and muscle were torn apart and rearranged. Despite the torture her master had put her through for so many years, it was too much for her to handle, she succumbed to the pain, and collapsed unconscious.

    She awoke several hours later. "I..I'm still alive? But, why didn't he kill me..." She stood groggily to her feet, but something didn't quite feel right, walking over to a mirror she realized why. "By the gods....what did that thing do to me?!" The figure that stared back at her from the mirror nowhere near resembles her former self. Her face remained feline like, though her eyes were an iridescent green, and her ears were a bit larger and actually more closely resembled those of a bat then feline. Her hair was a dark blue color, which trailed into a dark purple as it went down her back. Fur no longer covered her body, instead the flesh was gray in color, tough, but unnaturally smooth to the touch.  Down her front were what resembled scaly plates. Her tail now resembled that of a lizards, and was covered in the same oddly smooth gray flesh as the rest of her, ending with what seemed like a spade shaped feather, about six inches long, light blue at the base and trailing off into a light purple. Not surprisingly, her legs didn't go unchanged, they were a nice amount longer to begin with, her knee joint remained the same, but instead of the bone going straight down to her foot, it bent backwards and met up with a new joint, which was reverse of what her knee was. Her feet were larger then originally, they still resembled her paws, but were covered in scales, and the claws were considerably larger.  Most surprising of all thing of all was on her back, she now had quite a large set of wings, akin to that which most dragons possess. A sharp spike protruded from both knee joints, her elbows, and several running down her back and about a quarter of the way down her tail, the largest one, about four inches long, starting in between her wings, the remaining eight were evenly spaced and got gradually smaller as they went.

    "This.....this is going to take quite a bit of getting used to." She folded her wings up, and made her way through the house. She made her way into her, now dead, masters room. There signs of an obviously gruesome battle between the demon and himself were quite evident, blood was all over the room.....and needless to say, so was her master.  The room itself was surprisingly in good shape, given the battle that must have went on.  Sifting through his belongings, she took spell books, scrolls, and whatever else would fit into her backpack. On the one wall hung one of his robes, it was jet black in color and seemed to radiate magic, without hesitation she put it on, and wrapped it around herself to better conceal her wings. After taking what she could from his room, she left the house. Looking back, hatred welled up in her at the thought of her slavery in there for so long, suddenly the building ignited. "Finishing off the remainder of my past I see..." She turned away from the burning house, looked herself over again, and suddenly began to laugh. "Considering I just angered a being of extraordinary power, I was expecting a form a bit more, grotesque." She rose to her full 6'4" height, and stretched her wings to their complete fifteen foot span. "But instead, he turned me into this! I'll be sure to thank him when next we meet." Her laugh grew considerably louder and almost seemed to echo through the forest...

    The city of New Eldor was nearby, her master had sent her there so many times she could have walked there in her sleep. She would require a short stop in Eldor for provisions, and realizing that she'd defiantly get noticed if she flew in (that and she didn't quite know how to use her wings to their fullest) she decided to walk the distance. Besides, with the modifications to her legs, it'd take some practice before she could walk well enough to make it appear as though she were still a normal tabaxi....least as normal as she could accomplish. The robe covered her feet fairly well so they wouldn't be a problem, though her flesh would require some explaining, but that shouldn't be too hard pull off. She folded her wings up again, (though it was obvious, it'd take more doing to hide them) lowered herself to her normal height, and once again rapped the robe around herself. Glancing at the map she took she noted that there was a little mining town by the name of Montparsa a ways up the nearby mountain north of Eldor....and if the rumors she had heard in Eldor were correct, the mines below that town have been overrun by orcs for quite some time. An evil grin crossed her face. "Now, the fun..." The mines would be perfect for her training, the miners were sure to make for good, harmless targets. The orcs on the other hand could prove more of a threat, but one can only hunt the meek for so long before wanting better prey.

    It had been almost a day since she started out towards New Eldor. Needless to say, she was taking her good old time. A majority of the time she spent testing out the physical limitations of her new form. Quite to her delight, she found herself to be more agile then she had ever been, not to mention faster, and the changes to her legs allowed for a considerable increase in jumping ability....though her attempts at flying proved less fruitful, and more often then not, she ended with her laying face down in the dirt. For obvious reasons she avoided the main roads to New Eldor, at least until she finally learned how to fully conceal herself. It had taken a few hours before she could walk without making it obvious that there was something not quite normal about her legs, though it took effort and just didn't feel right, so it was something only done when need be. It took a bit longer before she figured out the proper way to conceal her wings, cause no matter what she tried, they were just to big to fully hide, instead she positioned them so the wing tips would appear to be jutting out of her shoulders, which could hopefully be explained away as just an elaborate suit of armor. The ears and flesh could be easy, a simple explanation such as mutation would take care of that.

    After two days travel, she heard the sounds of an argument off in the distance, covered herself again, and out of curiosity went to see what the noise was all about. Near the bottom of the hill, there was a small, oddly composed band of adventurers, a human and three orcs...she was surprised they lasted this long without killing one another. Apparently they were fighting over the contents of a bag, her best guess, it was gold. Her curiosity, one of the few things which remained since her change, got the best of her and she started down the hill for a better look, not making much attempt to hide, they were too busy arguing to care about her. By time she reached the bottom the argument erupted into a fight to the death, the human versus the orcs, all of which appeared to be quite well trained. As he fended off continual assault from the orc, she realized the human was quite a bit better though. The view from the ground just wasn't good enough so she gradually made her way to a tree and perched herself among its lower branches, close enough to see the looks in their eyes. By the time she got herself situated though, he had already managed to kill one and gravely wound the another. The wounded orc decided not to push his luck and fled, picking up the bag of gold as he went. The orc backed off, and made a few gestures with his hand, a blinding flash of light went off in front of the humans eyes giving the orc the advantage he so needed. With a powerful swing of its axe, the orc knocked the warrior against the tree she was perched in, and flung the sword from his hands, as the orc rose the axe above its head, she bound from the tree, landed behind the orc catching it completely off guard. Before it could react she grabbed the sides of its head, and twisted sharply, breaking its neck. The warriors eyesight gradually returned to him and what stood in front of him was not an orc, but a very beautiful, robed female. He looked her over, her ears were almost bat like and the face, while it looked tabaxi, was not covered in fur but instead gray and unusually smooth flesh, the same which covered her arms, and judging by the shoulder spikes she was wearing some very interesting armor. Despite his efforts, he couldn't quite decipher of what race, she resembled nothing he had ever seen. He looked at his fallen foes, then, in amazement, at her, and bowed.
    "I owe you my life."
    "Yes, I imagine you do, but I'll take your help and some information instead."
    He looked at her, a confused look on his face, not quite sure what to say, .
    "You don't think I saved your life for nothing now, do you? You owe me, and I'm one to collect my debts.  Now, where is it you are headed?"
    "New Eldor, I've business to attend to there."
    "Ahh, good, then you won't be going out of your way. I require your assistance getting in, and some information."
    "Getting in? Just walk in, there should be no problem, worst the guards would do is see what's under that robe of yours, there's too much it could be hiding."
    "But, I cannot allow."
    He contemplated her words, even more confused by her then when he first saw her, then he looked her over again. "What exactly are you anyways? I mean, your face makes me think you're tabaxi, but the lack of fur and the ears...not to mention I've never seen anyone with such an, interesting, eye color. Course, then there's your armor..." He reached out to touch one of her concealed wing tips and she quickly pulled it away.
    "That IS armor under that robe, isn't it?"
    She glared at him. "Yes...you ask far too many questions. I want your help, not half a dozen questions.  Lets just get to Eldor and get this over with."
    He was silent for a few seconds. "Well, you saved my life, at least tell me your name, I'm Imasa."
    "Guess I owe you at least that much, Erzivia. Now, we've wasted enough time with idle chat." With that she started to walk away.
    "Hold on." He shouted to her. "I need to get..." "It was already taken." She replied. Looking about, he realized she was right. His fleeing 'companion' had stolen his money. He grumbled and followed her.  Being an honorable man, he had no choice but to repay her in whatever manner she so desired. As they made their way to the city, he watched her very closely, paying attention to every step, every movement she made. Despite her insistence that her looks were the result of mutation, he didn't begin to believe that she was tabaxi, her appearance made that very clear to him, but he had no idea what race she was and that bugged him, and his continual watching annoyed her.

    After a days travel, they finally arrived at New Eldor. They made their way to the Dragon Gate, a smaller, less watched gate mostly used by mercenary groups, and those that didn't want to draw too much attention to themselves. Upon finally getting in, he led her into a small alley, where they could talk without being overheard. He looked at her quite sternly. "I asked this when we met, and I ask again, just what are you?
    "I've already told you, I am tab..." "No you aren't." He replied calmly. "I have watched you since we first met.  Other then the face and claws, nothing about you leads me to believe you are a tabaxi. I'll admit, you've done a very good job at concealing yourself. Your walk is almost perfect, but your shoulder 'armor' occasionally shifts about in ways armor just shouldn't. Yes, you did save my life and for that I am grateful, but you've hidden everything but your name from me since we've met."
    She lowered her head. "This place is to public, I'll tell you later, I've business to attend to." Saying no more, she made her way towards the southern ward. He followed hastily behind. She located the same bland gray house she had visited almost a week ago, casually knocked on the door and waited for a response. As before, five minutes later the door opened and the same little man peered out, without hesitation she shoved the door open, knocking the man to the floor. "Wait here." She told Imasa, as she proceeded in, and closed and locked the door behind her.

    The little man lay sprawled out on the floor, and demanded to know who she was and to explain her attack.
    "You have a very short memory." She bowed mockingly. "I'm Erzivia, remember me, you sold me that useless little rock!"
    He tried backing away, now fearing for his life. "I...I didn't know. It came from a very reliable source, there should have been no problem with it, I had nothing to do with it." He started begging. "Please, I beg of you, spare me."
    She grinned widely at him. "Don't worry yourself, I couldn't kill you if I wanted to, the Forbidding makes sure of that. Besides, I should actually thank you." She removed her robe, unfolded her wings, (though there wasn't enough room to fully extend them) and towered above the little man, his eyes bulged when he saw her, and he was now visibly shaking. She wandered over to a chest he had against the wall, dragging the little man along with her. "But I won't. Now, let us see what you've got for compensation." She casually sat in front of it, and started looking through its contents.
    "You've got some very nice stuff in here, it should do nicely for payment."
    He protested, though the fear in his voice didn't make it sound very convincing. "B..b..but that’s all I've got, I've got clients who want those things, they'll skin me alive when they find I don't have what they want."
    She pulled out a small gray box, and casually opened it. "Oooh, what may these little things be?" She plucked out a small metal ball, about an inch in diameter, only one of about two dozen.
    Horror filled the mans eyes and she plucked a ball from the box. "NO! Don't touch those, you could get us both killed!" He screamed at her, obviously more afraid of the ball then of her.
    "My, my, what an interesting reaction." She used one of her claws and pressed a small button on the sphere.  About twenty seconds later the ball suddenly grew warm and with a gasp of surprise she dropped it and jumped back. The little man screamed as the ball began to shake, six small legs, about a quarter of an inch long, protruded from around the middle of the sphere. It casually made its way towards the little man, and with great speed lept at him and latched onto his foot, digging its legs into the flesh. It gave out a low hum, and small needle was thrust into his foot, immediately after the spheres legs withdrew and it rolled back onto the floor. He grabbed his foot, letting out a shrill screech as the flesh began to turn gray and start to harden. Erzivia stood at the far end of the room, apparently quite amused by all this. "Effective little things aren't they, wonder what kind of poison they use." Despite his obvious distress, she quickly retrieved the sphere before he had a chance to, and collected eleven more of the things. The little man, his foot now completely stone by now, was completely speechless, his fear so great he couldn't even whimper, she was quite surprised his heart didn't just up and stop. "I quite like these little things. Don't worry, I'll keep my end of the bargain, I won't kill you.....these will." She quickly activated each sphere, and rolled them in front of him, she only took the time to casually rap the robe around her as she bolted from the room. Despite how much she would have enjoyed watching him suffer, she couldn't take the risk that one of them would go for her. She emerged from the house and slammed the door behind her, a look of shear pleasure on her face
    Imasa gave her a fearful look as he heard someone screaming from within. "By the gods, what’s going on in there?!"
    She looked at him, smiled, and laughed. "I'm making a statue..."
    A horrified look of confusion crossed his face, if it weren't for the fact she saved his life he'd have fled right then and there. A few people looked at them oddly as they passed by, the screaming was quite loud, obviously holding back a smile, she told them in a calm voice. "He's ill, been seeing things lately. Best to stay away from him until he's over it." About a minute after the screaming subsided, she took a look inside, on the ground around a statue of the little man lay twelve metallic sphere, she motioned for Imasa to join her inside. Reluctantly, he followed. She casually walked over and collected the spheres, then went back to rummaging through the chest. While she was doing that Imasa took the time to look around. The house was about as bland on the inside as it was outside, there were only the basic essentials, a large chest along one wall, and a statue of a man in the most grotesque pose he had ever seen...unfortunately, he realized all to soon it wasn't a normal statue, it was the owner of this building and he appears to have suffered horribly during his last few minutes of life, Erzivia on the other hand seemed to be quite enjoying it, and seemed to giggle each time she glanced at it. "What...are you.... You killed this man, and seem to have taken great pleasure in doing so!"
    "I didn't kill him." She replied calmly, not even bothering to look at him. She held her hand out and in her palm were several small metallic sphere. "These did." She then put it back in the box and continued rummaging through the chest, and tossed little trinkets into her backpack.
    "She's so calm about it." He thought to himself. "No compassion whatsoever, no emotion at all, just a perverse pleasure from his tortured death." Her robe was only resting on her shoulders now, he reached forward and pulled it off of her. "Are you happy now, you've seen what I look like" She stated calmly. He stood there, horrified at what he saw. He was right, she wasn't tabaxi...she wasn't even of this realm, she was a demoness straight from the depths of the underworld itself. He reached for the sword on his back, and with one swift movement drew it from its sheath and swung it in a downward arc, aiming to take her head off.  Hearing the sword begin to unsheathe she quickly rolled to the side as the sword sliced through part of her right wing and clanged loudly against the chest. She bound backwards and stood against the wall on the opposite side of the room as him. A trickle of blood dripped from the large gash in her wing, Imasa wheeled about ready to lunge once again at her again. Despite that he was quite some distance from her she thrust her hand towards him. With a startled gasp he stood up straight, his sword dropped from his grasp and he stared wide eyed at her. The hatred welled up in her as she began to close her outstretched hand, his face drained of color and he felt as if his very life essence was being constricted in her hand. He looked into her eyes, but they were no longer green in color, they had become black, completely devoid of all color and feeling. She closed her hand completely, and wretched it towards her, his body lurched and fell to
the floor twitching. "Well, so much for my guide. So hard to find good, reliable, help these days." She stated coldly, and shoved his body out of the way as she put on her robe and finished loading several items into a nice bag of holding she found in the little mans chest, completely oblivious to the fact that the large gash in her wing had healed. Though in the back of her mind she wondered where the power to do what she did came from, she wasn't wearing her masters robe at the time so that couldn't account for it...

    It had been a little over a week since the 'incident' with the trader and Imasa. She had been laying low since that time for while. The trader, she assumed, no one but his clients would really care about, but it seems Imasa was another matter altogether. While it appeared that no one she heard speak of him knew for sure who he was, he had apparently been a relatively important person 'cause the city guards were quite actively looking for the one that killed him. Most of her traveling through the city, mainly the South Ward, was done by night, and thanks to her heightened hearing and ability to see quite well in the dark, the guards were easy to avoid, the thieves on the other hand weren't. Though this was a mixed blessing. While breaking the fingers, or other bones, of those who tried to steal from her occasionally attracted some unwanted attention, it was also a great way of getting information, and even occasionally money, out of someone. A threat of death, or just threatening to snap all their fingers was usually more then enough to get what she wanted out of someone, though quite to her delight this wasn't always the case. On more then one occasions it had been necessary (or just plain fun) to break a finger or four to get the information she desired. Not surprisingly, the people who she usually 'interrogated' seemed to be quite knowledgeable about the city. This worked out even better for her, cause all things considered, meaningless wandering during the day was by far, not a good idea. While the guards may not be stopping everyone that looks out of place, they were still watching everyone who left the city very closely, and those patrolling the city were still watching for someone who matched their description. Quite unfortunately, the description they had was as accurate as one could ever want, a necromancer was employed so they could speak with Imasa and better learn who ended his life. It had turned from a hunt for a simple fugitive to a demon hunt now, and she was pretty positive it wouldn't be long before word spread that a demon was now wandering the streets of New Eldor and every demon hunter in Anyrk would come for her head.

    Making use of some of the knowledge she had acquired from one of those wretched little thieves, she made her way to the Traders Ward. There was to be a good armorer there where she could get a suit of armor made to fit, and not worry about being revealed, albeit, it'd be anything but cheap, but at this point, price didn't much matter. The streets were Bustling with activity, so while she was out in the open, she felt pretty sure that she blended in good enough. The outside of the shop wasn't very spectacular. Like the rest of the buildings it was relatively bland, gray, wooden door, and a sign indicating it's an armorer’s shop. The inside however was decorated with more types of armor then she had thought existed. They ranged from your basic leather armor, to elaborately decorated plate mail looking as though it belonged to a noble of some sort or another. The heat from the forge in the back room was almost unbearable though, and unfortunately, the robe she was wearing only made it worse. Watching her intently from behind the counter was a dwarf. Judging by his build, he was either a warrior, or the owner of the shop....though it wouldn't surprise her if he were both at some point.
    "I require a suit of armor made." She stated, still looking about the shop.
    The dwarf looked her over. "Hmm, you appear to already have some, or is that only shoulder armor?"
    "Well, its not actually armor, that's why I came here. I need a suit made, but, I also need secrecy. I don't want anyone to know I was here."
    "Hmm, interesting....if that's not armor under that robe...." His voice trails off while he looks her over again. "Well, I can't give you a proper price until I take your measurements, and see just why it is you want me to stay quiet so bad. Now, please remove your robe so I can begin."
    She walked over to the door and locked it. "There's no one watching us." He stated. "Prove it." She replied as she made sure the windows were fully covered. Reluctantly she removed her robe, and stood, wings partially unfolded, towering over the dwarf. "Now, you know why I don't want anyone to know I'm here."
    The dwarf stared at her wide eyed. "So you're the one the guards have been looking for... Not the wretched demon I was expecting. Yes, this is definitely going to cost you. I mean, doing business with a criminal...a demoness none the less." He smiled widely, knowing he was going to get a very nice sum of money from this. His greed completely overrode whatever fear he may have normally had.
    "Yes, I know its going to cost a lot, just get on with it already." She scowled.
    "Ok, ok, no reason to get shovey, you should learn to be more patient."
    "I was tabaxi, I don't know what patience is." The dwarf simply glanced at her, mumbled something, and proceeded with the measuring. After he completed some basic measurements he walked into the back room, emerging a few minutes. "Well, I'm assuming you'd like something light, and flexible so you could at least still fly in it. The wings are a problem though, designing armor to fit you won't be too hard, but getting it to fit around those wings, your back spikes, and still be easy to get on and off isn't going to be that simple a task.
    "Considering other orders I have, It'll take quite a while to finish, cost you about 6000 gold, and I'll need the money up front."
    "6000! Up front!? How do I know you simply won't take the money and turn me in?" She stated with an angry tone to her voice.
    "I don't stay alive and in business by reporting my clients. As long as I get my money, they'll get what they want, and as long as its not used on me, I could care less what they do with it afterwards."
    Grumbling, she withdrew a handful of coins and a few gems from her belt pouch. Sifting through what she was holding, she dropped three of the gems onto the counter and the rest into her pouch. "Here, these should cover it. If you don't trust me, get them appraised, examined, uncursed, whatever you desire, but they should cover the price nicely."
    The dwarf scooped them into a small leather pouch, making certain not to touch them, or even look too closely at them. "It'll take a few more days before I'll be able to get these checked. But at first glance, I'd say they should do nicely. Now..." He tossed her her robe. "Come back in three days, I'll finish up the necessary measurements, and assuming these are what they appear to be, will get to work on your armor."

    Her next stop was some weapons training. There was supposedly a good weapon master around here who accepted students of any race...she wondered if that included her kind. After almost an hour of looking, and guard  dodging she found what she believed to be the place. As she walked in, someone grabbed her arm and proceeded to throw her across the room. She lay on the far end of the room, robe lying open, dazed by the unexpected attack.
    "Tsk tsk tsk, you should always be careful when walking into somewhere you've never been. I should never have been able to do that....at least without so much ease." Her attacker laughed heartily. "By the gods I love doing that!"
    Her senses had partially returned by the time he helped her to her feet, noticing the robe had come open she promptly closed it, and growled at her attacker, claws bared.
    "Don't bother with the robe, I saw what you look like under that thing, your obvious not any race I've ever seen.....you actually resemble the demon the guards warned me about earlier. Hmmm, this should be interesting, never had a demoness as a student before...." She prepared to say something, but was cut off by his words. "Don't worry, you’re here to train under me, are you not?" She nodded. "Well then, you pay for the training....plus a little extra, and fight me with everything you've got, and no one will know you've been here."
    She shook off what remained of her daze and for the first time took a good look around, momentarily ignoring her attacker. The room itself was quite large, a weapons rack stood along the right wall, with just about any weapon someone could ever think of and then some. It had a high ceiling, and the walls and floor showed signs of considerable wear...quite a nice amount of it being weapon damage. It became quite apparent upon seeing the damage that he didn't train with fake weapons. She then looked upon her attacker. He was a large, burly, and extremely strong looking minotaur, almost seven feet tall. It wasn't at all surprising that he managed to throw her with so much ease. Surprisingly enough he wore nothing but simple clothing, no armor. While she was looking over him, it was clear that he was looking her over, sizing her up, seeing just what kind of opponent she'd be.
    The minotaur laughed. "May I suggest, looking around the room before you're thrown across it next time?"
    She rubbed her bruised back. "That would be advisable, wouldn't it. But do that again, and I'll not hesitate to hurt you considerably next time either."
    "Good, good, I wouldn't expect any less. Now, before the training commences...."
    "But how much is it? I've not even..." He cut her off. "Yes you did, you just didn't know it."
    "Huh?" She quickly checked her money pouch. "Why you son of a...."
    "You came here to train, right? I'm assuming you're willing to pay any price, right? And I'm assuming you don't want to be discovered, am I not correct? I took a weeks worth of money, nothing more, nothing less."
    She glared at him and prepared to say something, but unfortunately, he was right. "Ok...when do we start, and what are the rules?"
    "The rules; they're quite simple. First off, fight with all you've got; any less, and you don't belong here. Second; a shield is allowed, but armor isn't permitted. The weapons are very real and very sharp. The enchantments on them however keep them from inflicting mortal wounds, but they'll still hurt like hell. Third; magic is permitted...to an extent, I train warriors, not mages, but a good warrior should be well versed in both to be truly successful. A well timed fireball, or even snowball can give you that little opening you need. Lastly; the training sessions can, and usually will span most of the day. Unless you have more important business, you are expected to be here. Now, choose a weapon, remove your robe, and we will begin."
    She removed her robe, hung it on the wall, and stretched out her wings. After checking through the weapons she picked up a large halberd from the weapons rack. It had a wooden shaft, and a large, very nasty looking head, relatively elaborate metalworking, large bladed edge on one side of it, and three spikes lined the other. It was just a little taller then she was. She twirled it a bit in her hands to test its weight and balance, and decided right away that this is what she'd train with.
    "Interesting choice." The minotaur commented. "Now, lets begin." He charged at her, his axe raised over his head. She wheeled about as she heard him charging across the room, she had next to no time to react and instinctually raised her weapon in preparation to block his attack, but instead of bringing his axe down upon her, he brought up his foot and kicked her in the stomach. As she reeled back from the blow, he brought his other knee up and connected squarely with her face. The blow snapped her head back and almost knocked her off her feet. Before she could regain her senses he hit her in the ribs with his axe and knocked her halfway across the room....a blow which with any other weapon, would have cut her in two. Surprising enough though, her grip remained on the weapon. Rage overtook her; she jumped to her feet; brought her weapon to bear and charged the minotaur. She struck at him countless times but he effortlessly blocked them, and after a few blows, swatted her away with his axe. She stood to her feet again, growled loudly, and started to raise her weapon again, but before she brought it to bear, the minotaur made a few small gestures with his hand, and threw a fireball at her. Her eyes widened as the flaming ball sped towards her, and she quickly drew her wings around herself in an attempt to shield herself. The ball slammed into her. The heat was ungodly, and the pain was even worse. She collapsed to the ground writhing in agony. Her wings were charred and burnt away in places; her front too was slightly burnt, but the wings luckily took the brunt of the attack. The minotaur left out an audible gasp as she hit the floor, and quickly rushed over to try to help. She hissed loudly at him as he approached, and staggered to her feet. The smell of burnt flesh hung heavily in the air. She didn't stay standing long though, she quickly succumbed to the pain, her legs gave out, and once again she fell to the floor. The minotaur placed his hand on her forehead and mumbled something, the spell took effect quickly, what consciousness remained slipped from her grasp, and everything went black...

    She awoke some time later in a hard bed, and a blandly decorated room. Hanging around her neck was a small, slightly glowing, uncomfortably warm crystal. To her surprise, what pain she had earlier was gone, and even more surprising still, her wings appeared to be just about fully healed. The signs of immense damage were still evident but the wounds were almost fully gone....and all things considered, she felt better now then she had in ages. The door to the room opened and the minotaur walked in and smiled when he saw she was conscious once again. "Ahh, you're finally awake. You've been out of it for almost a day now." As he approached the bed she hissed loudly and lunged at him, catching him completely off guard and knocking him to the floor, her claws bared and at his throat.
    "One move, you inept bastard, and I tear your throat out! I thought the object was to train, you nearly killed me out there!" He thought about trying to get her off of himself, he knew that he could do it, but one look at her now jet black eyes killed that idea on the spot. What courage remained within him was shattered.
    "My apologies. It wasn't supposed to do even a portion of that damage, I never use full force in my spells, so as to avoid such an incident." Her growls deepened as she slowly dug her claws into his neck, not enough to kill, just enough to draw blood.
    "Then explain to me just what the hell happened!" The pain was incredible as her claws dug into his neck, breathing was becoming increasingly difficult, and it felt as if his flesh was beginning to freeze.
    "I don't know. Please believe me." He stated, trying in vain to breath. She glanced at the amulet which hung around her neck, then at her now fully healed wings, and let go of his throat, as she rose the chain on the amulet shattered and it fell onto his chest.
    "Given that you healed my wounds, I believe you....to an extent."  He backed away from her, gasping for breath, and finally managing to tear his eyes from hers, which were no longer black, but instead a dark green. She stormed from the room, obviously still incredibly angry at him, as the door slammed shut the doorknob shattered. He clutched the amulet in his hand, letting its power heal the damage she had done. Quite surprised by what happened to his door, he picked up one of the pieces of the shattered doorknob but quickly withdrew his hand as he touched it.
    "She...she froze the thing solid. So she's..... It's no wonder my fireball did so much damage."

    The temperature change from the bedroom to the training room was quite noticeable, and the warmth felt good. Erzivia was on the far end of the room flicking her weapon about. "You handle a weapon good for someone who's apparently had no formal training, but you hold you hands too close together, and your stance is all wrong for that kind of weapon." She wheeled about to face him, her weapon ready. "No need for that, I've no intention of attacking you at the moment. But, I can probably tell you why my fireball did so much damage."
    She leaned against her weapon, staring intently at him. "I'm listening."
    "Its simple, from your form I assumed you were a demon. Well, most demons seems to have a resistance to fire. You on the other hand, seem to have an extreme weakness to it. That fireball didn't have much power but it wasn't the power that mattered, even a weak fireball is extremely hot; it was simply too much for your body to tolerate."
    She lowered her head and mumbled some stuff to herself. "A form more fitting of my soul....so cold at heart.... how interesting....."
    "...you do realize though, that in our training I will still use fire against you."
    ."You almost killed me you fool! And you want to try it again?! I spared you the first time because you had no idea what you were doing, I won't do that again" She snapped at him.
    "You get angry too easily. Unless controlled, anger isn't good for fighting....anyways, let me elaborate on what I was saying. A weakness can be overcome to an extent. you can begin to build up a tolerance to the heat, but it won't happen by avoiding it. An enemy will gladly use your weakness against you, and considering what a weak fireball did to you; a strong one you wouldn't have recover from."
    She sighed deeply. "Unfortunately....you make sense." She readied her weapon. "Well then, lets continue."
    "I thought you'd never ask....but first, we have to do something about the way you use that thing, can't train properly is you don't know how to effectively use your weapon."

    The training went well into the next day. She may not be able to take on a master, but at least she could defend herself by this point. Around mid-day, with some directions from her trainer, she made her way back to the armorer, making good use of back alleys and the like. The dwarves eyes lit up as she entered the shop, and proceeded once again to make sure the door was locked, and the shades were drawn. "Good, good, you return. Those gems you gave me were of superb quality, they'll more then make up for the price of the armor...ell, I may even toss in a little extra!" He said with a very happy tone to his voice as he walked over to her. "Now, take off your robe and I'll finish up the measurements....though it'll take a tad longer this time, more detail to worry about. So, other then flexibility and strength, what else would you like?"
    "A generous dwarf?"
    "Oh I'm not being that generous....one of those would have paid for five suits of armor" He mumbled softly, his smile seemed to widen.
    "Hmm?"
    "Oh, nothing, just thinking out loud."
    "How well does your armor usually hold up to heat and extreme cold?"
    "Normally, well enough for your average warrior."
    "Well, I'll need considerably better then that then..."
    "Unfold your wings a moment, will make it easier to measure around them." He interrupted her.
    "As I was saying, it should also be able to withstand rapid changes from one to the other if need be." She stated, unfolding her wings. "But, it also has to stay cool, I don't like the heat."
    "So that's why you're sweating. This heat must be killing you.... Anyways, that'll be a tad harder to accomplish, and the materials aren't too easy to come by.... Ok, you can fold em again. And forging it to withstand that kind of punishment will take longer then usual."
    "But you CAN do it, can you not?"
    "I wouldn't have told you what it'd take if I couldn't." He put down his rule and scribbled a few things in a small notebook. "Now, what exactly is it you want, full suit, vest, what?"
    "Full suit, as much as I may not like it, it'd be foolish to train without it...." She glanced at one of her wings.  "Say, would it be possible to make armor for my wings that would still allow flight, and be able to withstand what the rest can?"
    He scratched at his beard. "Hmm, I don't really know, but possible or not, it'd definitely be an interesting challenge indeed. I believe it could be done, due to the weight it'd require a bit more effort to actually fly, but will at least strengthen your wings. It'd also have to be plated, chain would probably move around too much to allow correct flight, and it’s a pretty safe bet crashing isn't fun."
    "No...not in the slightest." She mumbled.
    The dwarf laughed. "Sounds like you've had experience. Well, you definitely have the funds to cover an attempt. Worst that happens, you won't be able to fly, but you'll have a very nice set of wing armor.....course, needless to say, I'll have to take even more measurements, and its going to take quite some time to finish. Is there anything else?"
    She sat down, unfolded her wings, and let the dwarf get to work. "Hmm, guess they were worth more then I thought....I'll have to get the rest appraised before I make such a stupid mistake again. Either way, while you're in a giving mood, a weapon." She described the weapon she had trained with the past few days.
    "Oh, that thing. So you decided to train under him did you."
    She stared at him blankly. "You know him."
    "Kinda, he's the only person to ever ask for such finely crafted weapons, then request they don't inflict damage. Its hard to forget such an unusual request. Don't get me wrong now, he's a fantastic trainer, though he doesn't get many students cause he's a tad 'rough' with them.....judging by your bruises, you've already discovered this. Enough talk, better get started on your wings or we'll be here all night."
    The session drug on well into the evening, he took measurements of her wings in just about every position they would go, and she asked him dozens of questions about the surrounding area and just about anything else she could think of. "Well, I've got everything from you I need, so, you are free to go."
    "Finally...." She mumbled. "So, when will everything be ready?" "The armor and the weapon, come back at the end of the month, they should be done by then. The wing plating, that will take considerably longer, few more months at least."
    "I don't dare risk staying in the city much more then a month....."
    "Well then, come back later, I'll still be here, and hopefully things will have calmed down some."
    "One last things before I go. I need a means into the Mines under Montparsa."
    "Well that's not going to be easy. The place was invaded by orcs a while ago, and they've sealed off the entrance. You'll more then likely need to teleport in."
    "I know, but needless to say I can't go wandering the Wizards Ward in the middle of the day. Do you know someone who would help?"
    "Hmm, there's Arthn, Klora, and a nice number more who would help you, and are trustworthy...for a
price of course."
    "Which one is closest? Less distance I have to travel the better."
    "Etlaca." The dwarf scribbled some directions on a piece of paper and handed it to her "You can find her
just about any time of day, I swear, she never sleeps. She lives a few buildings in from the border. She's not
the most powerful of mages, but she can get you there. As for back...."
    "Getting back will be my problem, I only care about getting there at the present moment." She took the paper, put on her robe, and left.

    Getting back to the training hall wasn't that difficult, the guards weren't any harder to avoid now as they usually were. Surprisingly the door to the training hall was unlocked, when she entered she noticed the minotaur on the far side of the room, sitting on the floor in a relatively unusual position, eyes closed and a blank look on his face. "Hmm...meditating it looks, doesn't this guy ever sleep?" She mumbled to herself. He opened his eyes and stood to his feet.

    "So, you've finally decided to return. I would like to try something out on you....to your benefit if it works."
    "Why do I get the odd feeling this is going to hurt."
    "I don't like fighting with someone who can't fully use what they have to their advantage, it annoys me. You seem to be able to lower the temperature around yourself, that could prove a nice defense from fire....or even offensive use, albeit, the damage will still probably be more then your average person; but it’s the best you could hope for given what you are." He decided not to mention that she also froze and shattered his doorknob, afraid she'd knowingly use it on him in a fight.
    "I've never actually noticed that...."
    "I'm not surprised, you were enraged at the time, people tend not to pay much attention to stuff when they're that angry." He replied, unconsciously rubbing at his neck. "Try concentrating on cooling yourself, and the area around you."
    After almost four hours of trying, she finally managed to make some progress. It wasn't much, but the change in the room had started to become noticeable. During this time her trainer would occasionally come out of his meditation and wander around the room, this time he made a comment about the temperature. "Congratulations, you've just successfully cooled off the entire room.....now, if only that was what we were trying for. You need to focus more, cool the area around YOU, not the whole room." She let out a sigh and tried again, this time focusing more on herself. He could feel a slight breeze as the warm air around her was pushed away, and the air around her cooled even more. "Hmm, not bad, sure took you long enough." "Hey, this is the first time I've tried this!" She snapped at him. "Maybe, but come on, four hours for something you did with so much ease earlier....and you did it so much better earlier too. You're trying to hard, you should be able to do this with virtually no effort at all. Now, to see just how well you've managed to do it." He made a quick gesture with his hand and a small fireball shot out at her, this one considerably smaller then the first one he hit her with. She quickly jumped to the side, the cold dispersed and the fireball just barely missed her left arm. "No, no, no! You have to maintain the cold around you, you don't let it disperse at the slightest sign of trouble!" He started gesturing with his hands and proceeded to throw fireball after fireball at her, each of them no larger then the first. Her eyes widened as the volley careened towards her, she let out an audible gasp as she quickly drew her wings around her and shielded her face with her arms. The air around her cooled suddenly. He could see a clear sheen covering the surrounding area as the water that condensed on it froze. As each fireball struck the invisible wall of cold around her there was a loud hissing sound as they burst into steam. "Good, very good, now try this!" He unleashed the strongest fireball he could manage, it hissed loudly as it smashed through the cold air around her and slammed into her, she was flung helplessly against the wall, and for a moment was surrounded with magical flame, but the barrier of cold still remained and the fire was extinguished before it could do any more harm. The damage this time was considerably worse then when they first met though, her wings were charred and a good portion of the flesh was gone, her arms were blackened and horribly burned, as was the rest of her front and legs. The pain was overwhelming, and this time she willingly let consciousness slip from her grasp.

    She awoke sometime later, the pain gone, two people hovering over her, and in the same uncomfortably hard bed she awoke in the first time. Her trainer, and another robed figure. "I should kill you for that." She stated weakly.
    "Not even awake five minutes and already she's threatening my life. I told you before I'd do this, you can't build a tolerance to fire if you aren't subjected to it. Besides, you seem to be grasping your powers a bit better....though they still only seem to take full effect when you're either defending yourself, or enraged. Tis a problem we'll have to fix."
    "If you weren't right..." She winced as she tried moving. "..And I could move, it'd be you who'd be defending himself." She glared at the robed figure. "Who the heck is that?"
    "He saved your life. I informed him in advance what I'd do when you returned. Don't worry, he can be trusted. He waited in the back room till it happened. I figured after what happened with the weak ball I flung at you the day we met you'd require his healing abilities this time."
    She glanced at the uncomfortably warm crystal laying on her chest. "So, who is he? And what the heck is this crystal? There was one like it on the pendant you gave me the first time."
    The figure looked at him, back at her, nodded, then left the building. "Nelfig, best, and most trustworthy life mage I know. He doesn't talk much though, never has. Only really talks when its absolutely necessary, and to cast his spells. A priest could have probably done better, but I wasn't sure what effect a priest would have on you, so I decided against it. As for the crystal, its Silmarillium; believe that type is known as Lifestone, it heals amazingly well, and the larger the crystal, the more and faster it'll heal. Nelfig did what he could for you, the crystal will repair the damage he couldn't."
    "Definitely a handy little thing, isn't it. Though I believe I'd like to take a break from the fire for a bit....I don't much like having the flesh burned from me."
    "I can live with that....for a bit. You made some relatively good progress, that was the most powerful fireball I could manage, and you lived through it, your cold barrier kept you alive. Though you really need to learn how to voluntarily do that.. handy ability.. but its not good to have an ability you can't fully control. Now, get some sleep, let the stone finish doing its job, I'll see you later." With that he left the room, and luckily she didn't have much trouble falling asleep.
    Within a day she was healed enough to train once again, though because the damage was still relatively evident, she kept on a pendant so it could finish the job. Her training continued on relatively uninterrupted the rest of the month. By the end of that time she had become quite well versed in the use of her weapon, and could control her ability considerably better...though still not quite to the extent she seemed to when used in desperation. She had become a formidable opponent in hand to hand combat, though she was still unable to defeat her trainer. On the last day they said their goodbyes.
    "You surprise me. Tis a difficult weapon to learn, and you've learned to handle it better in such a short time then most manage to. You've learned to use your speed and agility to make up for your relative lack of physical strength very nicely, though I'm disappointed that you never managed to beat me."
    "Don't worry...I'll return after I've gotten more training and gladly wipe the floor with you." "The gods know you did it to me plenty of times." She mumbled under her breath.
    "I hope you do, nothing could satisfy a trainer more then being bested by one of his students."
    "You know...all this time, and you never told me your name."
    "Same goes for you, though names are only a formality really, but if you must know, I am known as Seroth." He replied, with a slight bow.
    "Hmm, guess I never did tell you mine, did I... Anyways, I am Erzivia."
    "Anyway, go, git, I don't like long goodbyes. Just be careful, apparently a few demon hunters of some repute have been wandering the city looking for you. Last thing I'd want is for you to be killed before you managed to beat me." He handed her her robe and casually started pushing her towards the door, without another word, she put it on and left.
←- Elryn: Chapter 9 | Erzivia: Part 2/2 -→

DateNameComment 
4 Oct 200245 Stephan P. Calloway
Yes yes yes, now off to part 2/2!
( ** first comment dance ** )
12 Oct 2002:-) Debra Lynn Turpin
I like this. The only critique is that I wish you had described Erzivia pre-change. That would have been helpful to know the difference. You've kept her in character well, ie - lack of compassion and all that. Nicely done.

:-) Brian D. Saul replies: "Whoops! When I first wrote it I took it for granted that everyone playing the game knew what she originally was (because at the time, they did). That hadn't occured to me when I first posted it here.
In short her origianl form was that of a tall (bout 5') pitch black furred Tabaxi. Now as for what a Tabaxi is, they're basicly a race of humanoid felines."
16 Oct 2002:-) Frances Monro
Comment on the first part: I've read about a quarter of this chapter so far. Erzivia's character is interesting and I enjoyed the confrontation with the demon. I'm rather intrigued to find out more about the necromancer. About this point I began to loose my emotional connection with the story. The transformation of the innocent little girl abused through no fault of her own to the burned out evil vengeance seeker in strange form and not giving a damn was too quick and I think it threw me off. I'll return and read some more later.

:-) Brian D. Saul replies: "Thats another thing I took for granted beside her form....age. The thing is she wasn't an innocent little child by this point. The story takes place years after she was taken from her parents, she was a rather young child, 4-5 I'd say when she was taken. She's about 18-20, give or take, by the time the events of this story take place. What innocence she had was shattered a long time ago.
The story comes to an end before the reader ever finds out anything more about her former master unfortunetly. But he didn't want just a slave when he took her...he wanted to break her will, destroy her innocence, turn her into someone burning with rage, hatred, vengeance. He didn't count on a girl with as strong a will as she has though.... She's cold, callous, but not completely heartless...the memories she clings to is what has saved her from completely becoming what he wanted to turn her into.
What you see of her now is what she has been for years. Had she the power herself, she'd have taken much joy in killing her master with her own claws. The demon she summoned was the only other means available to her though, an event she planned for months."
18 Oct 2002:-) Frances Monro
Comment on the second half: Good! Obviously D&D derived, it reminds me of the computer game Moria, for some reason.

:-) Brian D. Saul replies: "Moria...hmm, the name sounds vaguely familiar but I can't put a face to it. I'll have to look it up, you've got me curious.
Anyways, glad ye like the 2nd half better. 2"
22 Oct 200245 Lindy 'Shanra' Kuepers
I liked the plot in this. How often do we have a compassionless person as a protagonist instead of an antagonist. I agree that Erizvia is a very interesting character and has an air of mystery around her that attracts, captures yet in a way also repels.

I agree that it would be very helpful to know her looks prechange. It rather confused me and you lost me for a while when she turne dout to be feline. I honestly had expected her to be human.

However, some technical notes I particularly did not enjoy reading through. Numbers, about every number is in digit form, I was taught that numbers unless very, very big are always written out in full, not with digits. I guess it could just be what I'm used to, but they were the reason I read those parts more stumblingly. Also, although I am a HUGE fan of typing 'anyways' when chatting and writing explanations and such, it is, afaik, not correct English. Now it was only in spoken sentences, but it's a bit like writing a story set in say the prehistoric and have prehistoric peole speak modern slang. It doesn't fit the context.

I do not deny still that it is better then my writing, I just think that the little in it, like the numbers, ensure that this tale does not live up to it's full potential and I do think it has a lot of that.

:-) Brian D. Saul replies: "Hm, I should leave a note at the top of the story to hopefuly avoid the confusion about what she is.
On the numbers and grammar, I fully agree. The numbers I've made sure to write out in Elryn's story, but its much newer. That was still a mistake I made a lot in my older stories unfortunetly. In my next update I'll go through and work on fixing those. Thanks for the heads up, I'd have never thought about it otherwise.
I'll also look back over the spoken anyways, see what I can do about fixing those as well.

On a side note though, perhaps you're too hard on yourself. What I've read of your work is very good, the way you portray some things I rather wish I could do as effectively.
Thanks for your kind words though, I'm glad you like it. 2"
7 Feb 2003:-) Alice Muffin Girl Smith
Hmm... I must admit, this was a fine read. However...

*besides the massive beatings dealt to me by malicious typos, mind you, in particular the Army Of Missing Apostrophes*

Negative:
You have wayyyy too many commas in here… Your sentences are each five normal sentences long… it’s, ah, really quite a scary phenomenon.

Positive:
Your dialogue is simply wonderful… very believable, and natural. ^_^

Negative:
The story inbetween dialogue did not precisely live up to the full potential that I sensed here… AFTER you finish with your other story *is in love with your other tale sooo much*, it might be a good idea to come back and flesh that out some…

Positive:
Your descriptions of her after her change are marvelous!

Negative:
SHE WAS A CAT PERSON BEFORE HER CHANGE??? WOAH! (It might be nice if you stated that before hand…)

Umm… brain stop work now, so that seem all me think now of. To be.

Yesss...

.......

PS: Check your e-mail.... I’ll be sending over a complete report on the typos I found in a moment... yesss.... *figures you will understand, upon reading through it, why she was not so dramatic in her typo-cursing in this comment as she usually is*

:-) Brian D. Saul replies: "Ahh yes, wasn't sure if this one would get read given it's age and all...compared to Elryn it's apparent it's age shows through very nicely.
The comma was one of those fun punctuation points I was obsessed with back when I wrote this (about 4-5 years ago, give or take)...that obsession as Elryn shows has luckily decreased over time. Apostrophes as well I am horrible with...I noticed even in the latest re-write of Elryn I was missing a LOT of them. I'm gradually getting better, but as this shows...I was much worse. ^^

Dialogue...I love dialogue, can you tell? 2
But yes, compared to Elryn again, the age of this one shows through. I may eventually one day go back over and revive it, but will have to see.

In all fairness I had a picture I was using to base her description off of too. ^^
And whoops, as I said above the game she was a part of everyone knew what she originally looked like...that kinda slipped my mind when I posted it here.

As for the e-mail....Wow, thanks! 1
And of course, thanks for dropping by and giving this a look. Just bear with it a bit since it is old. =)"
24 Jun 2003:-) Lloyd Branden 'God' Johnson
The first part of this introduction to a character, as you stated, is quite addicting to the read. I'm afraid with all the gigantic gaps from other people's posts, I couldn't read your comments, but nonetheless, the work is definitely filled with voice, my favorite style of writing. On to part two, keep it up! 2
10 Mar 2004:-) Clarion Hess
I'm sure I liked it. I kinda forgot what I was going to say. You see, I read the first part, then the second part, then commented on the second part and decided I needed to leave a comment here, too. Needless to say, I forgot everything that I was going to say. So... I liked it. 2

PS Write more!! Cliffhangers that make inquisitive people wonder what happens next are bad!!!!!!! 8 *See, baaaaaad*
Write more!!! 2

11 Brian D. Saul replies: "Ahh, clifhangers gooood...they make people want to read on, and reading on is gooood...yes...very good...
And I might, I'm still thinking about that one.. ^^"
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About 'Erzivia: Part 1/2':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Brian D. Saul
 • Copyright: ©Brian D. Saul. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Demoness, Magic, Evil, Cold, Revenge, City
 • Categories: Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc.
 • Views: 147


More by 'Brian D. Saul':
Elryn: Chapter 1
The Smallest of Gifts
Elryn: Chapter 4
Elryn: Chapter 9
Elryn: Chapter 8
Smallest of Gifts - Prologue
Elryn: Chapter 5
Elryn: Chapter 2

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