"The Smallest of Gifts" by Brian D. Saul

Rin stared over the edge of the cliff into the airy void surrounding the continental plate.  In one brilliant flash of light, he had committed an atrocity so vile his whole world came crashing down around him.  As he stared down into the teal cloud-filled void his thoughts reeled at what he had just done; this was the only option anymore.  How could he face himself, his friends, family, anyone, knowing what he had done?

He told himself over and over again it was an accident, he knew not what he was doing, he had no idea even how he had done it.  Impossible, he told himself, yet it happened and it was he that had caused it.

The frightened young man stared into the void at the various plates that floated within view below him, he wondered which one he was going to land on.  Would it hurt?  His stomach twisted at the thoughts, what if he didn't hit anything at all, what if he just missed everything and fell eternally through the void?  No, no there were too many plates between here and there, that simply could not be possible.  Yet what if it was?  He turned his back and stared at the forest that loomed in front of him, shuffling his feet backwards slightly.  It wouldn't be as bad if he was unable to see it, right?

The ever-blowing wind whipped through the trees that bordered the edge of the plate, almost threatening to prematurely knock him off the edge before he was ready.  Ready?  One could never be ready for what he was about to do, it just had to be done, ready or not.  Rin took a deep breath, looked up into the airy void, and began to slowly tilt himself backwards.

Something small in the sky caught his attention, a distant Skybus most likely.  He noted with some detachment that the direction it was moving was all wrong, and it was moving too fast to be as far away as he thought.  He stumbled a bit and quickly pitched himself forward to the ground in an attempt to stop his backward movement.  What he saw in the sky was not the Skybus he had hoped it was, it was a body.  The horrified young man watched as it descended rapidly, his stomach lurching violently as it came crashing down into the forest.  Even amidst the terrible sound of snapping tree limbs, he could make out the sickening thud as the body hit solid ground somewhere within the forest.

Rin had quickly found he had lost his nerve, such a thing was easy to do until one sees the end result.  Despite it all, the thought of crashing into another plate at that speed was suddenly very unappealing to him.

A morbid curiosity got the best of him, however, and he found himself walking towards where the form had fallen.  Why?  Maybe something inside him simply wanted to see the end result of what he had nearly done.  It took him only a few minutes to find the spot, it was fairly easy to locate.  Several limbs snapped from the nearby trees lay about the area, and the little shards of wood littering the ground told scores about how much force the body had hit with in order to splinter the branches so severely.  How fast did something have to hit in order to snap a three foot wide branch from the trunk of a tree of hundreds of feet tall?  He shuddered at the thought and continued his grim search of the area.

A few tatters of clothing still hung on one or two of the branches, and among the debris he also noticed a small blue crystalmesh pouch.  He gave it a quick examination before moving on and noted a bit absently that it looked like some of the finest woven crystal he had ever seen.  What he did not find, however, was a body, or even anything resembling remains, not even a trace of blood.  Rin was physically ill as he thought that just maybe, the fall through the trees had not left enough to be found.  That thud could very well have been one of these large branches, and blood could very easily be spattered out of sight among the tree tops.  Or so he tried to reassure himself.

Quietly he sat down among the debris, not sure what to do with himself.  The scene around him was a horrific reminder of just what he had nearly done.  It was perhaps for that reason he did not pay his surroundings the attention he would have under normal circumstances, as well as why someones suicide had not fully effected him as it should have.  His previous plan, he admitted, was rash.  Yet he couldn't return home, not after...  Rin jumped at the sound of a snapping twig behind him and quickly pushed on a nearby fallen branch to help himself stand, stabbing a nice sized hole in his hand before remembering how jagged they were.  Instead he decided to remain seated, pressing his other hand over the hole in the middle of his left palm and muttered under his breath.

Curiously Rin turned around to see what had made the sound, fully expecting to only see a Crawler or some other wild life.  Instead he discovered it was a good thing he was already sitting down for he would have likely lost his ability to stand right then.  Standing a few feet in front of him was a young girl, no more than six or seven.  She was covered in dirt and had little bits of twigs sticking out of her long brown hair here and there, and the clothing she wore was tattered and torn. He could not help but notice it was the same blue cloth as that which now blew in the breeze off those few splintered branches nearby.  Within her hand she also held that small blue crystalmesh pouch.  She simply stood and stared at him, her deep green eyes peering into him.

Rin's mind screamed the impossibility of it all at him, it had to have been hundreds of miles to the nearest plate above them, there was no way she could have survived.

The terrified young man's thoughts quickly diverted from his own misery, fear took their place now, and he backed away from her, ignoring the pain in his hand as he skittered backwards.  The little girl remained where she stood, her gaze concentrated on him, and her expression blank, unreadable.  He started as he bumped into a tree behind him, and quickly pulled himself into a standing position against it.  Her eyes still stared into him and he found himself unable to pull his gaze away, they looked dead of virtually all emotion, save one.  There was, a look of terrible longing to them.  This only came after he had several minutes to calm himself to a slightly less hysterical state, and actually gave himself time to look at the girl.  During that time she remained where she stood and only stared at him.

Rin did not know exactly why, but he knelt down and spoke to her.  Perhaps it was because even despite it all, she was still a child.  “Are you lost?”  He asked her, the gentleness to his voice surprised even him.  The girl shook her head slowly, the first real movement she had made since he had first seen her.  “What about your parents?”  She failed to respond to that, so he rephrased it.  “Your mommy and daddy?”  Her head tilted slightly to the side as though she were having trouble grasping what he was asking her.  His eyes glanced skyward through the broken canopy of the trees that towered above him, he shuddered at the thoughts that again filled his mind.  “What are you doing out here then?”

This time rather to his surprise, for by this point he was not expecting one, the girl answered.  “Looking.”  Her tone was quiet, although it carried with it a strange melodic quality that made even the short word she spoke eerily beautiful to listen to.

The now curious young man questioned her further, his fear had abated slightly, as she seemingly posed no threat.  “Looking for what?”  His fear, however, returned in force as she little girls only reply was to walk towards him. A spirit, she had to have been, it was the only explanation.  He had seen all the scientific texts about what happened to uncrystallized essence, but to actually see one, talk to one, to be approached by one, terrified him.  Every ounce of his being told him to run but he found himself completely unable to.

The girl stopped in front of him and looked deep into his eyes, a strange smile appeared across her lips, she then did something he truly did not expect.  She hugged him.

Rin froze, more out of confusion now than fear, a fear which now seemed to vanish completely.  There was warmth to her touch, and he could feel the faint flutter of her heart beating.  The compassionate young man's emotions got the better of him, and he returned her hug.  Rin was completely unaware just why he had done such a strange thing, only that something about it felt right.  He held her out in front him and spoke as he picked a few twigs out of her hair. “What's your name?”  

She looked at him with that confused expression again.

“You know,”  No he was not sure she actually did, “your name, your designation, what people call you...?”

The girl looked at him a moment, a thoughtful expression on her face before she finally answered in that same melodic tone.  “Alaen.”

Rin smiled slightly and straightened out her shirt a little, it was terribly torn and beyond repair, he was not entirely sure why he even bothered to do it.  “Where did you come from?”

Alaen, as she had called herself, looked upwards and slowly began to point.  Rin quickly grabbed her hand and lowered it.  No, he was not quite ready to handle that yet, things were confusing enough as they were.  With the sleeve of his shirt he wiped some of the dirt off her face, she really was a pretty little thing underneath all that crud.

“Can we go home?”  The bluntness of her question startled him, she asked it as plainly as a child would ask their own parent.  The helpless young man stood and looked around, unsure what to do.  Home?  There was no way he could return home after what he had done.  How could he, and if anyone ever found out, then...  He shivered at the thought, justice the type which now filled his mind was so rarely ever carried out.  What he had done was even rarer still on their otherwise peaceful little plate, and worthy of the worse the local Magistrates could mete out.

Despite his own misery, there was still a young girl at his feet that needed someone.  His conscience simply would not allow him just leave her out here, maybe he could find a friend to care for her until a proper home was found.

The confused young man found himself walking back to the small city of Tyrn, his newest companion in tow.  Alaen had not spoken a word since her question to go home, she just walked alongside him, that little pouch now secured to her belt, her eyes surveying the landscape of the new plate she had come to.  Subconsciously, Rin avoided thinking the phrase landed on.

The buildings, wind vanes actually, of the small city of Tryn were spread out as with all but the largest of cities.  They had to be or the proximity would render the winglike shields useless as the fierce wind caused by the plates movement through the airy void would swirl back and tear them apart.  The wind, Rin noted in an offhand manner, seemed particularly strong today, that could only mean they were approaching a storm..  Even with the particularly strong winds people swarmed the wide streets of the small city, almost as though some panic had overcome them.  They looked around nervously as they went about their business and the local Protectorates were doing their best to keep people calm.

The guilty young man kept his pace as he continued towards the small house his parents had left him when they moved offplate.  “I can't believe someone would do such a thing.” Rin overheard someone say as he walked.  ”Horrible, simply horrific!  How can the Prates expect us to sleep with some monster walking our streets?”  So that's what he was to be called now, a monster, how fitting.

Alaen continued her little walk, seemingly oblivious to the import of what was going on around her, her tiny eyes instead scanned the area, the people, with an intense curiosity visible on that otherwise emotionless face of hers.  He could not help but think, even as a child, her presence was somewhat unsettling  If she were in fact a spirit it would explain why no one else had said anything to him about her, she had probably chosen only him to show herself too.  The warmth of her touch, the flutter of her heartbeat, all of it was most likely his minds attempt to rationalize the situation.  Why had her essence not crystallized as it should have?  Maybe it was because of how...

The startled young man jumped at the voice that rang out from the street behind him, nearly causing him to stumbled over Alaen as she crossed in front of him.  “Rin K'nir!  Stop right there!”  His limbs froze, had they found out?  “Where on Aaryx have you been?!”  The voice trailed off slightly as Alaen stepped out from in front of him and off to his side to look at this new voice.  “....And who in the Cosmos is this cute little thing?”  The voice, quite feminine, softened as she spoke that last phrase.  Rin naturally turned to see who it was, although he already knew, once his fear subsided he recognized Ril's voice immediately.

Rin held a hand to his chest and exhaled deeply, still breathing a bit heavily from the shock.  “Are you purposely trying to scare the essence out of me, Ril?”  It was not exactly her doing, Rin had been paranoid since he first entered the city, and he suddenly seemed worse now that he knew someone else could see Alaen.  He was just getting used to the idea he was simply dealing with her spirit, and now that someone else noticed her, that meant she had to be alive.  Real flesh and blood.

“She's so dirty, and her clothing...  Who is she?”  Ril's gray eyes looked up at him, a strange sympathy present in them for this unknown girl.  “And you look like you've just seen a ghost Rin, what's wrong?”  She then gasped and clutched his left hand, much to his dismay as it still hurt considerably.  “Void!  And your hand, by the sky Rin what did you do to it?”  Ril demanded as she poked at the hole in Rin's palm.

Rin winced and pulled his hand away, ignoring that line of questioning altogether.  As dear a friend as Ril was he was unable to speak to her, not yet.  “I-I should get out of this wind, Alaen's had a rough day as you can see.  I'll tell you more a few past next cycle Ril.”  Rin took hold of Alaen's hand and resumed his trek through town, doing his best to ignore the bits of conversations he heard from people along the way but nothing could shut out the grieving, worried voices around him.

“Killed in their own home...”

“Both Mother and children, and in such a way...”

“I can't imagine what Jyn's going through...”

The curious young woman, Ril she was called, a friend of Rin's for years now, trailed after him quickly.  The two were very close yet she remained completely unaware of what was on his mind, or why he seemed so nervous around everyone.  It was unlike him to hide things from her.  Then there was that little girl, Alaen he had called her, what a curious name.  Their continental plate, like all others, was huge, but still she had never heard a name quite like it before.  Which brought up the question of where she was from.  One does not just find a little girl wandering the plate, yet given her age it seemed unlikely she could have traveled here from a different one.

Rin ushered Alaen into the door of his home as it silently slid open and quickly entered himself.  As it slid closed again he peaked out only long enough to issue one last statement to Ril as she herself tried to make her way in.  “Please Ril, I just need to be alone for a while.”  The apprehensive young man paused a moment and looked away, his eyes were distant, and she could see he was hurt inside, badly.  She faltered and took a step back, Ril had never seen anything quite like it in her dear friend before, it had her more than a little worried he might do something rash.  “I-I'll talk to you later Ril, try to get inside before we reach the storm.”  The door was allowed to close after that statement and she saw it's outline dissolve into the wall.  He had never sealed his door on her before.  She punched in the passcode Rin had given it to her in case of emergencies, since this was most assuredly an emergency.  The panel buzzed lightly as the code failed.  Not only had Rin sealed the door on her, but he disabled the lock too!

Rin could hear the light knocking on the wall and Ril trying desperately to get his attention as he climbed the ladder down into his house.  He went down first with Alaen following behind him, just in case she lost her grip.  It hurt not telling Ril, but he simply could not bring himself to, not yet.

Rin sat himself on a chair as Alaen explored the room, and despite knowing what would be on, he flicked on the small viewing screen.  “-at's on everyone's mind this cycle is the murder of a local family.  Til-Jyn and her two children, Wen and Xyn.”  Came the expected report.  “This horrific act marks the first murder the citizens of  Aaryx have witnessed in over two hundred years.  As -”  He picked up a small object nearby and drew his hand back intent on pitching it at the screen, until he noticed Alaen looking at him as though all the world somehow revolved around him.  Rin took a deep breath, put down the projectile, and shut off the broadcast.  He picked himself off the chair and walked over to the strange little girl, something about her seemed to have a calming effect on him.  “You're really here, aren't you.”

She stared questionably at him.

“Not some essence which didn't crystallize, not some figment of my imagination.  You're really here.”  The words sounded strange to him.  Admitting that which he thought, which he hoped was an impossibility, or merely something simple he could explain like a spirit, was real.  “We should get you cleaned up, and into some clean clothing.”  Rin lightly rubbed some of the dirt off her nose.  “I'm curious just how pretty a face lies beneath all this dirt.”

The strange little girl looked at him and a small smile crossed her lips.  Gently she reached out and wiped something from under Rin's eye and looked at it.  Alaen examined the small tear on the tip of her finger with sincere curiosity.  “Water?”

Rin shook his head lightly and held the small girl, a few more of those curious little tears liberating themselves from his eyes.  The two of them proceeded into the bathroom after that, Alaen never did receive her answer.  Now Rin had of course never been around a child so personally, much less one in such dire need of cleaning.  In the end he was extremely glad that despite her utter confusion over most everything else, she was aware how to bathe herself.  After he showed her the soap, hair cleanser, and how to operate the bath of course.

While there he had, with considerable discomfort, done what he could to clean out the wound in his palm.  It was much deeper than he thought, clearly the simple medic pad he applied to it would not suffice.  He lifted his eyes to look at himself in the mirror, and was quick to snap them shut and duck out of the bathroom.  Rin had expected that when she at least knew how to bathe herself that she would be more modest about it and wait for him to leave until she got undressed.  That was one lesson he was going to have to teach her quickly.

The little girl walked back out some time later practically sparkling.  Her hair had a curious sort of sheen to it and her skin was unusually light in color.  He didn't want to think pale, because it was not, it was merely light.  Pale in his mind looked much more sickly, and her skin was clearly very healthy.  That is, what he could see of it of course, for she was dressed in a badly fitting long shirt of Rin's, and a baggy pair of pants that had been too small on him.  Ril was much more her size, maybe, once he could face his friend again, she could help him find her some fitting clothing.

“Have you even seen a storm Alaen?”  It was probably a silly question, who had not?  Her inquisitive look, however, spoke differently.  “Here I'll show you, it's really very beautiful.”  Rin ran his hand over a small panel on one of the walls, and traced a few patterns on the gray screen that flickered into existence above it.  The wall shimmered and a scene from outside appeared, it was all these underground houses had for any sort of window.

The sky was dark as the thick clouds swirled around the area outside, it was the closest thing to darkness their world ever got, and many people found it disturbing to watch.  Rin was among them, but the stunning displays that could be seen during them all but melted that fear.  Alaen stared with overwhelming curiosity at the display.  A bright flash filled it and a bolt of searing blue energy struck the ground not far away and arced off in several different directions.

Rin heard a scream and quickly found Alaen huddled tightly against him.  He was quick to close the display window after that and knelt down beside her.  Fear?  It surprised him perhaps more than it should have, but it was one of the few true emotions he had seen this mysterious little girl display.  “Shh..shh..calm down Alaen.  It's gone now.”  She only huddled tighter against him.

Rin quietly gathered the frightened little form into his arms and made his way into the bedroom.  He sat down with her still in his lap and just held her, every worry he had melted away when he was with her.

In an instant he caused the most terrible atrocity their otherwise peaceful little plate had seen in centuries.  In but a moment he was ready to pitch himself into the void and simply end it all, and in a few seconds that all changed.  Rin could not undo what he had already done, he was unsure if he could even tell Ril about it.  He had done something that should have been impossible, and it cost three people their lives, his mind tore itself apart with the import of his action.  Yet the one who had not long ago desired nothing but to end his existence, suddenly found himself with something to bother living for.

The fatherly young man cradled the girl in his arms for some time before it finally seemed she had dozed off.  He knew nothing about the child that now slept in his arms.  She was a complete enigma to him, in some respects she still frightened him deeply.  Yet, she felt like she was his own.  Rin ran his hand through her hair and tears rolled down his cheek, they were an odd mixture of both an unexplainable happiness, and a profound sadness all balled into one feeling.  Having cried himself out some time later he joined the odd little girl in her slumber.

His intent originally had been to save her from being alone, unknowingly, it was this little girl who filled his emotional void.  It was her that prevented him from simply disappearing as he had so strongly desired to.  In reality it was she who in the end had saved him.