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Blair N. Woynarski

"Struggle" by Blair N. Woynarski

SciFi/Fantasy text 4 out of 6 by Blair N. Woynarski.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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Two immortal brothers fight over a woman.
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←- The Sacrifice | The Flagellants -→

Two brothers, much blessed, have fallen

To curse on their body and soul.

Each prayed and studied for

A reward coveted

By everyone who sees the light of day.

Eternal life, through disease and war,

To outlive the stars that give you light.

Each one received and each one held.

For centuries, the brothers lived

Through the crowing of a million roosters.

While despair surrounded those plagued by death,

Their own life shone: an angel in the wood.

But that day happened,

When they fell in love

With a mortal girl:

Each the same one.

They courted, made love,

Spent ecstatic years, until the wedding bells rang.

Then one brother discovered the other,

Who had been sharing the bed with his love.

The game was over, and the wedding hall burned;

Their bride fled to the streets.

Of no concern, for they duelled the night,

Blaming one another for the adulteress nymph.

Their swords clashed and pierced the flesh,

To no avail,

For immortality survives a wound.

And for years that passed, the locked in battle,

Trying to overcome each other.

Their love passed away, and the town fell to collapse,

Till all that remained was them.

Without hint of a stop, they fence through the age,

And uncounted extinguished candles.

You could find them still today,

Fighting as fresh as before.

The curse of immortality speeds to light,

As hatred takes hold of one's head.

←- The Sacrifice | The Flagellants -→

DateNameComment 
31 Jan 2005:-) Katie Collishaw
Hmm!! very interesting!! mua hahaha I love it!! I would timidly suggest that perhaps you could make this a rhyming poem? I personally think that making a poem rhyme gives it character, and gives it a rhythm!! But, this was a lovely poem. I love the nymph.. and the fighting.. hmm very interesting!!

:-) Blair N. Woynarski replies: "I would have to disagree with that. Poems always have character. Rhyming only works in certain situations. This was a narrative poem, and trying to make it rhyme would only have served to be a hindrance."
10 May 2005:-) Dominique giladi
I really like your story.

I would have to agree with the first comment. Poetry is only different to prose in that it has a deliberate musical quality, it is not only art for the mind, but also for the ear.
To my ears, rhyming couplets sound way better then freeverse. And also in narrative verse, if you think the rhyming will be a hindrance, I believe prose is a better option then freeverse.

You might want to read some of my narrative rhyming poetry.

Oh and why do you hate alliterative poetry?

:-) Blair N. Woynarski replies: "Once again, I disagree. Poetry is quite pervasive, and it isn't restricted to verse that has a musical quality. I enjoy writing free verse; that's what I opted to use for this and I stand by my decision. If I were to write it in prose, it would lose the same narrative quality. As you've said, you are lyrical in your poetry, but I am more visual. I reserve prose for my short stories, because I feel that prose poetry loses its emphasis and stance when it becomes a simple mass of text. I didn't want to restrict my narrative by having to rhyme at the end of every line, and that's the long and short of it.For alliteration, I simply find it awkward and somewhat repulsive, both to the eye and ear."
22 May 2005:-) Lisac3
Okay, I have to add my two cents to the rhyming poetry debate. I agree with what the above people have said except that I don't think rhyming is necessary. Rhythm, yes, but not always rhyme. I read this story out loud, and there were places where my tongue wanted to keep rolling on, but I had to pause, go back, and reread it, realizing I had just missed a full stop.

But that's just my take. =)

:-) Blair N. Woynarski replies: "As I've just said, I'm more visual than lyrical, so rhythm isn't my main concern when penning verse. Also, I feel that poetry should be largely left open to interpretation by the reader, and rhythm could be included in that. In my experience, there is more than one way to read a poem."
14 Jun 2005:-) Jess Hyslop
Great! And I am totally with you on this one about the rhyming - a lot of my poems don't rhyme. I read somewhere that 'poetry is concentrated language' which I think is so true, and I think in poems that almost every word should be necessary and right, and sometimes that means no rhyme! Rhyme is good when it's needed, for example to mirror the flowing of a stream or something like that; that is, when there's a reason for it. I admire people who can make all their poems rhyme, but I think that in some poems it makes it sound cliched. In this instance, I didn't feel that the fact it didn't rhyme detracted from it at all.

Sorry for the rant! O_o
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'Struggle':
 • Created by: :-) Blair N. Woynarski
 • Copyright: ©Blair N. Woynarski. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Brothers, Centuries, Duel, Immortality, Love, Wedding
 • Categories: Fights, Duels, Battles, Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc.
 • Views: 829

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The Flagellants
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The Sacrifice

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