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Charles Davis

"Steel Dreams Chapter 1" by Charles Davis

SF&F Picture 7 out of 33 by Charles Davis
 
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Here's a story I started writing about two years ago. I wrote the prolouge and the first two chapters and then stopped writing it. I recently found it and decided it to start writting it again. I apologize for the first two chapters, my writting skills were not up to par then, but I think that chapter 3 on is pretty good.
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STEEL DREAMS
By Charles Davis

Prologue

Be warned oh those of land and sea
....why....
For He hath sent the Beast
....who are you....
For He knows the time approaches
................
For those aware know this
.................
Destar de Destar tet huj rew
.......?.......
For He knows the time is short
Chapter 1

He opened up his eyes and looked at the sky. It was blue and the clouds formed a painting of wonder with their constant turning and churning. He shut his eyes again. After a matter of time they opened. He looked around at the sky without moving his head. He could see the sky and the top of a rock cliff off to his right. He heard a constant splashing going on beside him. He laid there for a time listening to the soothing sound. From where he laid he could tell it was about midday. After lying there for about five minutes he decided to take the courage and sit up.

He was on a small beach. To his left the sand gradually turned into grass and led into a forest. To his left was the ocean. Straight ahead of him about thirty-five feet away, the beach slanted and rose into a rock cliff. The cliff spiraled around in a tight horseshoe curve and went back the other way for about seventeen feet, creating a small cove with which seawater splashed in and out. He looked behind him. The beach went on for a hundred feet before turning into a grassy cliff on the edge an unforgiving ocean.

He looked down at his feet. He was wearing leather boots. The legs of his brown pants were tucked into the top of his boots, and the laces of the boots were rapped up the bottom of his shin and tied. He had on a tucked in white shirt with a small opening at the top with leather laces through it, which exposed the top part of his chest. Over his shirt he had on a black leather vest. The vest had many intricately decorated purple, blue, and green lines through out it. He had a pair of black leather gloves on his hands. Over the ends of his gloves and the sleeves of his shirt he had on black leather armlets. The armlets had a decorative picture of a sailing ship on them. Off the side of his belt hung a rapier. The handle of it was made of silver with gold and pearl plating on parts of it. Up the blade of the sword a design of a vine with leaves growing out of the stem was engraved.

He ran his hand through his brown hair and looked back up at the sky. He thought as hard as he could. Dasegad. That was the only thing that came to him. His name was Dasegad. He continued to think. Nothing else came to him. All he knew was his name was Dasegad, and the words from the voice.

He stood up and looked around. He didn't know where he was. He didn't know who he was. All he knew was his name.

←- Steel Dreams Chapter 4-5 | Steel Dreams Chapters 10-11 -→

DateNameComment 
19 Mar 200245 Heidi Schaus
Awesome... -hops off to read more-

:-) Charles Davis replies: "Thanks!"
26 Mar 2002:-) Milla Lindqvist
"the words from the voice"...I get what you're referring to, but you might want to explain it a little more than that. What did the voice sound like? How did it make Dasegad feel?

The descriptions were nice, very detailed, I could definitely envision the setting and the character, though your sentence structure was sometimes a little awkward.

:-) Charles Davis replies: "Thank you (another shaft face!) Yeah, as I said I wrote this two years ago and I wasn't as good as I am now. But I've been working on it and I think I'm improving."
2 Jan 200345 Pip
Wow, thats really pretty. I like the scenery in it. Kinda short for a chapter. Heehee. 10 Just kidding. I like it.

:-) Charles Davis replies: "Thanks!"
20 Mar 200445 Elf
Hi Charles,
I finally got around to reading this. I'm quite impressed. I look forward to reading more.

2 Charles Davis replies: "i'm looking forward to writting more"
6 Oct 200645 Le conspiritor
hey, it was a good start and gave a good impression of a deserted beach/island/cove. just a few nitpicks...

From where he laid he could tell it was about midday - it should be lay

To his left the sand gradually turned into grass and led into a forest. To his left was the ocean. Straight ahead of him about thirty-five feet away –you put ‘left’ twice, i think the first one should be in front of him

laces of the boots were rapped up the bottom of his shin –it should be ‘wrapped’

Up the blade of the sword a design of a vine with leaves growing out of the stem was engraved- maybe instead of ‘was engraved’, it could be ‘on which was engraved…’ but that’s just me

anyway, nice start and im off to read more (hopefully soon)
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About 'Steel Dreams Chapter 1':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Charles Davis
 • Copyright: ©Charles Davis. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Steel dreams, Charles davis, Destar
 • Categories: Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc.
 • Views: 156


More by 'Charles Davis':
Steel Dreams Chapter 14-15
Steel Dreams-Chapter 42
Knatchulik
The Bellboy Part 1
The Castle
Steel Dreams-Chapter 44
Rain
Destroyer
Steel Dreams Chapter 38-41

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