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Charlie J. Mizer

"Alphinia Chapter One" by Charlie J. Mizer

SciFi/Fantasy text 1 out of 8 by Charlie J. Mizer.      ←Previous - Next→
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This is the first chapter in the first book of my three book series called, the Eternity series. The story follows a boy who finds out that he is destined for far greater things than just becoming a space fighter piliot. The first chapter recalls some of his earlier memorys on the planet which he thought was his true home, but grave circumstances force him to quickly leave his home and family, with a magical creature that he has trouble believing exists. This is also a revised chapter, meaning I have changed a little of the beggining of it. P.S. I havent completly edited this stuff yet, i'm still only halfway through the chapter, so excuse the typo's.
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←- The Beginning--Chapter 2 | Alphinia Chapter Two -→
Derkin sat alone on a hill, staring up at a small bird perched on a branch of one of the many trees in front of him. Slowly closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and laid back on the soft green turf. “This place is so serene”, he thought to himself. Whenever his life had gotten too complicated, or even a little to fast paced and hectic, he would come here. There was just something about this quiet little spot that would help clear his mind so that he could solve all ofthe problems that life threw his way. Today was unfortunately one of those days. As he sat back up, he looked to his side at the little stream that had developed from the concrete tunnel that popped up out the side of a small hill, only a few feet from where he was sitting. It had rained a couple days ago, but the water was still coming out as though the tunnel was purposefully releasing it’s water supply so that Derkin could enjoy the view longer. Derkin smiled. This was his quiet spot, his one and only place where he could be alone. In the years since he had found this little piece of heaven, he had only brought two other people here, his best friend Porter, and his girlfriend Jenna. Derkin shook his head. Jenna was very upset today. Not from anything he had done directly. No, she was upset because tonight at six ‘o clock, he was leaving to begin his training to become a space corps pilot. She was annoyed that she wouldn’t be able to see him for six whole months, but he had planned a surprise for her. They had been together since they were children, and she had always liked him just as he had always liked her. Eventually their like turned into love, and they began dating. It was kind of weird. Out of all the guys he knew, all of them had been with several women, all except for Porter who had never dated, but for some reason, he just couldn’t imagine being with anyone else but her. So he had decided that today, before he left, he would surprise her by asking her to marry him. He loved her more than anything, and he wanted her to know exactly how devoted to her he was. His parents on the other hand were bound to be furious. One of the reasons being that he had not yet told them he had joined the military, and would be leaving today. The other reason was that they were both very high ranking anti-war activists, who did everything in their powers to interfere with any military operations that they could. They both vehemently despised the military and all that it stood for. They believed in peace and diplomacy, and that war was never an option. Of course their voices were very seldom heard, that is up until a year ago, when the Raltilian Empire started a minor skirmish, which of course quickly turned into a full scale war. It was then that people began listening to their theories about the military and the current government. His parents actually believed that the government and the military of both sides started this war so that each could gain a certain financial prosperity. Derkin sighed inwardly at the thought of what they might say to him, but he was sure that they would understand eventually. They both knew quite well the love that he had developed for flying when he was a child. It was when they had taken him on his first visit to the air museum. There he saw the Axcron X1 star fighter, and watched a 3-D holo movie on it’s creation and flight maneuvers. From that point on he was hooked, all he ever wanted to do was fly a space fighter ship. One day, while he was at the multiplex shopping with some friends, he saw an ad on one of the public view screens, which touted that if you were a person who loved to fly, then the space corps were the place for you. The ad offered excitement and challenge, and it also claimed that joining would be a rewarding career. Derkin didn’t personally care about the rewarding career, he was more interested in the flying part. He had decided right then and there that the space corps were the path he would take after school. The only flying experience he had ever had, was when his parents had taken him to go see his uncle Maylon, who by some quirk of fate was not only his only living relative, but also happened to live on the same planet as he did. As sad as he was that they would not be traveling through space, he was still excited that they would be flying. The whole trip there and back he just stared out the window, amazed how small things looked, and wishing that the pilot would do a flip or a nose dive. Of course that never happened, but Derkin had enjoyed his one and only flight experience, and had always wanted more. Derkin stared into the tunnel off to his side. Over the last couple days he tried to think of ways he could smooth out the news of his departure to his parents, but no good answer came to him. apparently honesty and straight forwardness would just have to do the trick. Thelight chirping of a bird brought him out of his train of thought. He looked up at the tree to see the small blue and red colored bird take flight, and leave the small branch of the tree and take to the sky. “Well, I suppose that would be my cue to leave then”, he said aloud to himself. He took one last look around at his favorite spot, and actually thought about how he had found this place. It was an event he hadn’t thought about in a long, long time….. Porter was a boy, who at age eleven, had physically matured at about the same rate as that of an eight year old. He was gawky, geeky, slim and short for his age. Most of the other kids in Derkin’s class made fun of him, teasing him about his scrawny appearance, and calling him all sorts of names, but not Derkin. He kind of felt sorry for Porter, at least at first that is, until he really got to know him. Porter it seemed, reveled in the fact that all the other kids were, as he put it, “Far too inept to see my overall potential.” Which in Porter language meant that they were all just too stupid, for him to care what they thought. He was smart and he knew it. Too smart sometimes, according to Derkin. He just didn’t know when to not act like he was smarter then a person twice his size. His parents weren’t much help either. You see, Porter was smart enough to go to college. A professor had tested him once and said that Porter was at an advanced college junior level, but his parents would not let him advance. They believed that Porter had the rest of his life to go to school, and prepare to become an adult. They wanted him to grow up like a normal kid, with kids his age. His father had told him on several occasions, “Youth is wasted on the young son, you should appreciate that your mother and I care enough about you to let you be a regular kid now, because if you missed this time in your life, well, then you would regret it later.” Of course Porter never saw the logic in that statement, it was because he was so gifted and not being advanced that his childhood was so miserable in the first place. But with him being the kid, and they being the parents, he of course had little choice in the matter. Sometimes to help lighten his spirits he would tell himself that he was stranded on an island full of ignorant fools, and at the present time there was no logical way to alleviate his current disposition. Derkin of course thought Porter was a pretty funny kid, and enjoyed being Porters only friend. Besides, when your behind on your homework, it helps to have a genius for a friend. One day after school Porter came running to Derkin, the fear of death in his eyes. “Derkin, there you are, I’ve been looking all over for you.” “Why what’s up Port?” Porter took a moment to catch his breath. “You know that really fat and ugly smelly kid, Reg Hooper?” Derkin winced at the thought of smelling that kid. “Yeah, I know who he is, why do you ask.” “Well to make a long story short, I was walking past him in the hallway earlier today after lunch, and as I was passing him I started to smell him, and I sorta did my face the same way you did when I mentioned his name.” “So” “So, he saw me. He pulled me over to him, and I swear I was gonna die from the smell, and he asked why I had made a face at him. I told him that I wasn’t making any faces, my face always looks like that. I even chuckled a little to lighten the mood. Unfortunately he didn’t find it very funny and was going to beat me to a pulp right then and there, but a teacher walked by, so he let me go, but not without informing me that he would be meeting me after school to properly finish beating the humor out of me.” “I suppose that you could see that as being a problem. So what is it exactly that you want me to do for you.” Porter visibly eased and began smiling. “All I need is for you to walk home with me the back way, you know, just in case he shows up and I need a little help.” Derkin wasn’t worried about Reg showing up, and Porter knew it. One time, a few years back, almost the same thing happened to him, but when Reg tried to threaten Derkin, Reg got more than he had bargained for. Normally Derkin didn’t like to fight, but setting that bully straight had actually made him feel good. “Alright I’ll walk with you, just give me a minute to tell Jenna where were going so she doesn’t worry about why I’m not here to walk her home.” A few minutes later they had set off for the main part of town. From there the “back way” consisted of going through an alley, and then cutting across a field to the main road which led to their houses. Unfortunately for them, on this particular day, their path just happened to cross that of one of the local high school gang’s, the Dakota boys. Derkin had had a run in with one of these guys before, when their leader Clayton Tuckner had decided that he was gonna steal some little kids lunch money from one of his friends. Derkin saw what was going on and alerted the principal at his school about what he saw, and then five minutes later, the school police were hauling Clayton off. Clayton had sworn that he'd get Derkin back for rattin him out, but nothing ever happened after that. At least not until now that is. Right away Porter knew that they were in for it, "Maybe if we run now, we can make it back to the main part of town before they catch us, then we'll be in open public and they wont be able to do anything to us", Porter suggested. Derkin knew that Porter’s plan would never work, mainly because these boys were twice their size and could easily run them down in a matter seconds. "No", Derkin told his visibly shaking friend, " if we stand our ground and ignore them, then we might just make it through alive". "What are you, Stupid?" Porter asked. "They'll beat the crap out of us without even giving it a thought, we gotta run." "No", Derkin said again, "if we run, they'll think were afraid of them, plus it'll probably just piss them off even more". "Think were afraid! Hell, I got news for ya Derk, I am afraid. You know, I really don’t enjoy getting beat up if you haven’t already noticed, and if for some reason I did feel the need to get pulverized, I would have stayed at school and let that other kid kick my butt all by himself, instead of letting a whole group of high school kids do it." Derkin knew that there was no way he was going to convince Porter of standing his ground against a bunch of oversized bullies, so what was he gonna do? He was positive that running would only get him and Porter into a world of trouble with these guys. Just then Clayton called over to them "Hey Derk twerp, is that you? Hey why don’t you and your friend come over here for a second, I got somthin I’d like to talk to you about". "Now were in for it", Porter said, "I knew we should have run when we had the chance". Derkin was beginning to agree with his fearsome friend, when all of a sudden he had an idea. "They really only want me", Derkin told Porter, "You just slowly start walking the other way, and as soon as your outta sight, run for your life and don’t look back". "No way! I cant just leave you here all by yourself, you'll get killed". Porter replied. "No I wont", Derkin told his friend, although he wasn’t too sure about that himself, "This way makes more sense, it's better if only one of us gets hurt, and since your not as good of a fighter as I am, the only sensible choice is me, that’s the only way that makes any sense, I’ve got a better chance at surviving than you do, so go! and if I don’t call you at home within an hour, then you go get some help, and come looking for me OK". Porter had a sad and fearful look upon his face as he stood there looking at his best friend. For a moment, he had thought of arguing with him, but the features on Derkin’s face were as rigid as stone. Derkin just didn’t look like he was gonna change his mind. So without another a word, Porter turned around and walked away. At that same moment, a couple of guys from Clayton’s gang moved out to follow him, but Clayton waved them off saying, "Don’t worry about the pip-squeak boys, we’ve got what we want right here". It was right then that Derkin had decided that he had just done the most absolute dumbest thing in his entire life. “OK so what to do?” He thought to himself. “ Maybe if I walk past these jerks real fast, and don’t look at them, and just keep moving I’ll be OK.” So forward he went, head down and feet moving. “Just keep your mouth shut and you’ll be OK,” he quietly mumbled to himself. Unfortunately for him, Clayton had other plans. As he walked past Clayton he received a little shove from the gangs leader. “Hey Derk twerp, where the hell do you think your going? You and I got some unfinished business we need to attend to.” Derkin was tempted to say something to this idiot, but common sense kept his mouth shut and his feet moving. “Hey Dirk, I was Talking to you, you little half-wit, what are you some kind of sissy?” That did it. “Oh big words coming from a so called bad boy, who’s so bad he can only pick on poor helpless kids half his size, because anyone bigger would probably give him the beating of his life.” Derkin replied. “What did you just say you little pip squeak”. OOPS, Derkin thought to himself, now that was dumb! Clayton walked over to Derkin with what Derkin believed to be the same look a mad man would have right before he was ready to kill, his fist’s clenched and teeth showing. “ Oh now you’re really gonna pay for it kid.” Clayton said. What happened next surprised even Derkin. Clayton pulled his arm back and delivered a swing, Derkin dodged the blow by ducking below it and rose with his fist aimed at Clayton’s face, landing a decent uppercut right to his chin. Which in turn sent Clayton right off his feet, and directly onto his rear. There he sat on the ground holding his face as Derkin looked on at him quite bewildered. Seeing what had just happened to their leader, all the other members of Clayton’s gang rushed over to help him. Seeing his avenue of escape, Derkin slowly backed off, turned around and ran. Now he wasn’t sure where he was gonna go, but he was pretty sure that if he had stuck around till Clayton had gotten up, he would be getting pulverized by more than just one person. As Derkin had expected, it wasn’t long after he had started running that he heard herd Clayton yelling at his guys to, “Find that little runt and start beating him till I get there”, which caused Derkin to run even faster.Then in what seemed like only a few seconds, he began to hear the footsteps of his pursuers coming from behind him, followed by a call of, “ I found him, I found him!” It was then that the reality of his situation finally began to sink in, Derkin was terrified. He knew that he could never outrun these guys, and it wouldn’t be too long before they caught up to him. He had to think of something quickly or he was doomed for. He looked about as he ran, but didn’t see anywhere to hide. He was in the outskirts of the forest now, but still no ideas were coming to mind. He could hide in a tree, but the trees at the edge of the forest were small and really didn’t offer much for concealment. He’d stick out like a sore thumb for sure! Derkin looked back as he ran and saw the boys from the gang right on his tail. As he was looking back to see where he was going, he glanced something in the corner of his eyes, he looked back over and saw what looked like a five or six foot hole coming right out of the ground! Immediately he pointed himself in the direction of the hole and ran with all his might. He wasn’t sure whether or not the hole stopped right where it began, but it seemed to be the only option he had at this point. As he crossed into the tunnel, one of the gang members grabbed a hold of Derkin’s left shoulder, and began slowing Derkin down. Fortunately for Derkin there was some water on the floor of this tunnel, and the kid grabbing him slipped and fell face forward, almost knocking Derkin down with him. Derkin took this as the opportunity of a lifetime and put in his last bit of energy to run into the tunnel as far away from his pursuers as possible. It wasn’t long after the incident with his stumbling pursuer, that he almost ran smack into a divider. “Oh great just what I need!” He thought to himself. Pausing for only a brief second, he decided to go down the left passage hoping that it wouldn’t lead him the wrong way. Of course any way other than Clayton’s had to be the right way. Then to his surprise, once again, not fifty or sixty paces from the last divider, there was another split in the path, only this time there were three directions to choose from instead of two. “Well”, he said aloud, “I wouldn’t want to go in a circle.” And with that he proceeded into the right tunnel passage. After about eight or nine of these separations, he realized that he no longer heard Clayton’s boys following him. With exhausted relief he began slowing down, but only slightly. He tried listening for his pursuers, but his hard breathing was making it hard for him to hear anything other than himself, so he decided to take a chance and stop altogether, hoping that nobody was behind him. After about a minute or so of catching his breath, he calmed himself and quietly listened. After a couple of seconds he swore he could faintly heard Clayton yelling something at him. The good news was that he was too far away to actually make out what he was saying, plus it didn’t seem like he was being followed anymore. So, being much more relaxed, and feeling much better now about his current situation, Derkin began walking forward to where he was hoping would be the end of the tunnel. As he was walking, he realized something that hadn’t dawned on him earlier. It was almost pitch black in here, he could barely even see his own hand in front of his face. “Well, it’s certainly nowhere near as bad as facing those jerks on the other side of the tunnel”, he said aloud to himself. About twenty minutes or so passed by and still no exit. With nothing better to do, Derkin began thinking as he walked alone in this strange dark tunnel. Mostly his thoughts were on Porter. He hoped that he had gotten away safely, and was already home telling his parents about what had happened. Derkin didn’t really expect Porter to wait an hour to tell someone, in fact if he knew porter, he’d be screaming help as soon as he had gotten out where there were a lot of people. Maybe they’d catch Clayton’s gang and get some info on where they had seen him last. Not that it would do any good, seeing as even Derkin was clue-less as to his own whereabouts’. That brought up an entirely different chain of thoughts to his mind. Where exactly was he? Of course the more important question was why didn’t Clayton’s guy’s just keep chasing him? What had stopped them from going to far into the tunnel? Did they know of some rabid dog that lived in here? Were they scared of the dark? Maybe they thought that the tunnel would collapse on them and they were all claustrophobic, “ha-ha”, Derkin laughed aloud, and then in a flash of memory that sent a horrifying chill up his spine, he remembered all of a sudden the reason why they had stopped chasing him. This was considered to be a haunted tunnel. The rumors had all stemmed from that huge accident back when he was seven. Six years before, the three surrounding towns and his, had gotten together to work out a solution to the major flooding that happened every rain season. They had come up with a major sewer system that would divert all the flood water out to the sea, fifty miles away. They were in their second year of construction, the most critical point of the whole project. They were at the point where the four systems would join together and then head out to the sea. This step was critical because if any town had messed up their calculations in the construction and direction of their particular tunnel, then the adjoining sewers would not meet up correctly, and then the already high cost of the four year project would increase. As luck would have it, not even one of the tunnels was where it was supposed to be. The project had almost come to a halt just then, but a couple of engineers had devised an inexpensive way to repair the problem and continue the project almost on schedule. So all four crews got to work on the new design. After only one month, two weeks ahead of schedule, the four crews had finished the fix it project, and were all ready to begin the fifty mile trek to the sea. The day before the crews were to begin the final phase, a group of construction workers from all four towns, invited some family members to see the work that they had done. What had happened next was a complete horror, the entire joining section collapsed. Nobody knew for sure exactly why it happened, mostly because each town blamed the other towns, so no actual fact finding mission was set forth, but regardless of who was to blame, all of the people in the tunnel that day died from the cave in. it was such a mess that it took two and a half weeks just to dig out the first of the bodies. Even after they had located the people in the rubble, most of them had to be identified by their dental records, there were a few that couldn’t be identified at all. It was a real mess. Not long after the accident, rumors of people hearing ghosts throughout the tunnels began spreading about. Ever since then nobody ever went into these tunnels. That is until now. Derkin couldn’t believe what he had just done. He instantly went from walking slowly, into a much quicker pace, almost sprinting. Derkin began to get a little frightened, he knew that these tunnels stretched for miles in any direction. He had to get out of this place as soon as possible. He knew that he couldn’t go back the way he came for two reasons. First there was Clayton and his boys, second, he couldn’t even remember which way he came. He knew that eventually he would end up at the meeting junction, but that access could be blocked off. In fact the closest exit could miles away from where he was, it could take days to get out. What if he had to sleep in here? Already he thought he was hearing strange noises, noises that he couldn’t place because he couldn’t see. Suddenly Derkin realized that he was no longer sprinting, he was running full speed. His heart was racing and his mind was begging to panic at the thought that he might never actually get out of this death trap. Seconds went by, then minutes, it dawned upon him that he hadn’t come upon any cross sections for a while now. Was that good or bad? Then his eye caught what he thought what might be light, so he slowed down and began walking while he looked, to make sure that his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him. “This isn’t any good” he said to himself. He just couldn’t quite make out anything for sure, so he stood perfectly still and stared. “Yes, yes” he said, as he resumed his walking. He tried to orient himself on the light, but as soon as he thought that he had it he bumped into a wall and fell on his rear. “Shoot” he yelled, “ I hope I didn’t lose it”. Derkin got up and realized that he had walked into a partition in the tunnel system. He sat there for what seemed like an eternity trying to decide which direction the light was coming from before he finally got it. So he pointed himself to where he thought that light was and ran as fast as he could. After a couple of minutes he was relieved to see that he had made the right choice after all. Once he was sure that he knew where the light was he slowed down out of caution, just in case he had inadvertently turned around and was coming out the same way he came in. he certainly wouldn’t want to come running out of the tunnel and right into Clayton’s grasp. As he approached the exit, he saw what looked like a forest, not the one he had entered but a much greener area with more trees, and what looked like a little stream. Satisfied that he was coming out somewhere other than his starting point, he began running again, not because he was afraid of the dark, or for fear of the tunnels caving in on him, he just didn’t want to be in these haunted tunnels any longer than he had to be. As he exited the tunnel a sudden wash of familiarity ran through his body, almost like a warm feeling, as if he were snuggled up in his blankets in the morning. For some reason it seemed as if he had been here when he was younger, but that was impossible. His parents never let him play in the forest when he was younger, even now they wouldn’t be to keen on him going into the forest alone. “It might be dangerous”, they would say to him, Derkin thought. Although that was in itself laughable because this place was much safer than the other side of the tunnel where Clayton was. Derkin looked around at his surroundings and was surprised. He had lived on the outskirts of town his whole life, right next to the forest, and he had never seen any part of it that even came close to the beauty of this spot. There was a small creek flowing through two small hills, green grass that almost looked like it had been cut to keep the height at just the right level. Trees that climbed so high up into the sky that no matter how hard he looked he couldn’t see the tops of them. The sun shone through the trees giving some warmth and cool shade at the same time. This place was perfect in all but one detail. Oddly enough, no matter how hard and quietly he would listen, he couldn’t hear any animals. No birds chirping, no frogs croaking, not even any insects buzzing. Nothing, except the sound of water flowing down stream. Strange indeed. Well as nice as this place was he needed to get home, and soon because he probably only had three hours of sunlight left, and after that he be in a whole different kind of trouble. Without any light he’d be even more lost than he already was. So he began walking towards the direction of the sunset, he figured that if it always set in his back yard, then that direction would eventually lead him to his house. At least that’s what he was hoping for. As he was walking, he noticed that the further he got from the tunnel, the more the forest began looking like the one next to his house, as a matter of fact it was starting to look really familiar. After about fifteen minutes he noticed a road off to his left. When he reached the road he saw a little service station on the side of the road. It wasn’t until then that he realized exactly where he was at. Everyday his mom took him to school, they passed this station on the road. He was only about a mile from his house! Derkin almost had to laugh at the extreme amount of good fortune he was receiving today. Twenty minutes later he was home. After talking with his parents he found out that porter hadn’t even waited an hour to go and tell someone about Derkin’s situation. In fact as soon as he had gotten out of that alley, he started yelling and screaming like a mad man until people came running up to him to find out what the problem was. Apparently it wasn’t long after he told people that the police got involved and had tracked down Clayton and his band of thugs, and arrested them on suspicion of assault. “Well they deserve everything they get”, Derkin told his parents. Of course in the back of his mind, he did wonder what would happen the next time he had the misfortune of running into Clayton. Derkin looked down at his watch and realized that it was already four o clock. He only had about two hours left to get home and tell his parents the bad news. Derkin got up, took a good look around, closed his eyes and took in a deep breath, exhaled, and said goodbye to the Forrest. He pointed himself towards the road he had found all those years ago and began walking towards home. To say good-bye to his mother and father, to ask Jenna to marry him, and then hop the next cruiser outta town and start boot camp. As he was walking he began to hear a sort of rustling noise off to his left, and a little behind him. He stopped to look to see what it was, but when he turned, the noise stopped, and there was nothing there. He looked all around and made sure that it wasn’t a bear or anything dangerous, but all he found were some deer prints scattered here and there. “No big deal,” he thought to himself, “ I can handle a deer”. So he began walking home again. As he was thinking about how to tell his parents about his enlistment, he began hearing the rustling noise again, but this time instead of stopping he just kept on walking, and trying to orient on the noise, so that when he spun around, he could orient on whatever it was that was behind him. After about a minute he pictured in his head where the animal might be and he quickly spun around, and for a second he thought he saw a goat, but then his senses came to him and he realized that there weren’t any goats where he lived. Well whatever it was it was gone now, and Derkin didn’t have the time to play any games with the animals in the Forrest. So this time he turned and began jogging away. But just as soon as he began his trotting, he caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of his eye, but when he turned to look at it, it was gone. He wondered what it was, but he really didn’t have to time to figure it out. Just when he was about to give up even trying to figure it out, he heard a voice call his name. “Derkin”. Derkin froze in his tracks, and began looking around frantically to see who could be there. Who said that, he called out while carefully looking for any movement from his immediate surroundings. Still, even with his best observation he couldn’t locate exactly with his ears or his eyes, where the voice that began speaking to him was. “Sir, I do beg your pardon, but a situation has unfortunately arisen that has caused me to come and see you five years before I had originally planned. I sincerely do regret the necessity of having to disrupt this world that you have grown so accustomed to, but I fear that your life may be in danger.” “Who and where the hell are you, and what do you mean that my life may be in danger”, Derkin blurted out as he was still trying to locate the person talking to him. “Sir, I assure you that I am a friend, and as to my whereabouts, well I am directly in front of you. Unfortunately I must for a brief time keep myself invisible from your sight, for my appearance may come as a shock to you. I know that this is going to seem a bit confusing, but you are not of this world, you were not born here, and an unfortunate situation has occurred that requires that you be sent home immediately”. Derkin stood motionless for a few seconds as he worked this out in his mind. “OK”, he thought to himself, “I’m talking to some kind of person who can throw his voice, that must be it because there is no way a person can be invisible. And as for the lunatics claim that he wasn’t, what was it he said? Of this planet? Well he had news for him”. Now aloud so the stranger could hear him. “Look Mr. Magician, or what ever you are, I think your little voice throwing trick is cool and all, but I don’t have the time for any more crazy stories or any more of your neat little magic tricks. I do have somewhere to go now, so thanks for the show”. And at that he turned to leave. As he was doing so he suddenly felt something grab his arm to stop him. “Hey!”, he said as he turned and saw nothing in front of him. “What the heck is going on?”, he said as fear started gripping his mind. “I see some proof is in order sir,I had of course sincerely hoped that you would be opened minded and logical enough to converse with me as I am in my present state. Of course in your defense, I don’t see what made me think that you would ever follow an invisible man into a tunnel, but as I had stated earlier, my appearance will come as a shock to you. Now please stand back sir and all will be reveled.” Derkin felt the grip on his arm release, and for a second he felt like bolting out of there as fast as he possibly could, but his intense curiosity just had to know what the hell was really going on. So as instructed, he took a step back, and no sooner than he had done so, a man appeared, or at least at first it appeared to be a man, at least on the top anyway. For a moment all he could do was stare at the thing in front of him.His mind then began racing to put together what the hell he was looking at. It was half animal, half human. Two hairy stubby legs with what actually looked like hooves. “Hooves?” He thought. “What the heck is this thing?”, he wondered as his mind caught a glimpse of a memory from his past. Then after what seemed like the longest ten seconds of his life, it came to him. He had seen this thing before, in a book Porter had read. He even remembered what Porter had called it. What ever this thing may have called itself, and what ever it had said, Derkin knew one thing for sure, he was  shocked to see what was in front of him, simply because it was impossible. It was impossible by every scientific law of nature he had ever known. Standing before Derkin, was a Satyr. 
←- The Beginning--Chapter 2 | Alphinia Chapter Two -→

16 Apr 2003:-) Frances Monro
Nice ending. Overall this is a well done story. 2 Consider writing and introductory scene where ferinstance: Derkin talks to Jenna about his plans and about his parents. This would set things up better than having him musing in his special spot, and it would introduce Jenna as a character. He could go off there afterwards to brood, and then continue on as you have.

:-) Charlie J. Mizer replies: "Thanks for the comment. I don't go into much detail about the parents or the girlfriend in this chapter beacuse the parents are not his real parents, which you soon find out, and the girlfriend is discussed a bit more later on in the book. The only point to this chapter is to give a small sense of where he thinks he's from, and to introduce one of the other main characters, (porter)."
16 Apr 2003:-) Frances Monro
The fight and the flight from the gang is well done.

:-) Charlie J. Mizer replies: "Thanks, I spent a little time on that part, to be honest I still have more to add, buit I'm glad you liked it."
16 Apr 2003:-) Frances Monro
*first comment dance!*

OK... Are only men allowed in the military? Are they at war or peace? I would think that Jenna would have other concerns then simply not seeing Derkin for six months. Will he be killed? There's an element of danger here. What are her plans for her own life? What does she think of the military?

Derkin's parents are high ranking peace activists who hate the military. Golden Rule: -Show, don't Tell.- You are telling us things about his parents here which should be shown. You should have a scene with him confronting his parents and them arguing with him, and that is the place to bring in their anti war sentiments and positions. Show these things to us in action and dialogue, don't tell them to us.
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'Alphinia Chapter One':
 • Created by: :-) Charlie J. Mizer
 • Copyright: ©Charlie J. Mizer. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Alphinia, Bad, Daankat, Derkin, Evil, Good, Jenna, Magic, Murder, Power, Saytr, Science
 • Categories: Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc.
 • Views: 458

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More by 'Charlie J. Mizer':
The Beginning--Chapter 2
Alphinia Chapter Four
Alphinia Chapter Five
The Beginning--Chapter 1
Alphinia Chapter Two

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