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Charlotte charlaphina

"to save a queen chapter 2" by Charlotte charlaphina

SciFi/Fantasy text 2 out of 4 by Charlotte charlaphina.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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a story about a young woman who quests to try and save a queen by hunting the myth of an elixer that heals all ailments, thus saving a kingdom from war.
second chapter please leave feedback :)


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←- To save a queen chapter 1 | To save a queen chapter 3 -→

 

Chapter 2
In only a matter of minutes the darkness had shrouded her vision, all around her was black yet for the time being she could still see shapes and shadows, but that was all. The cave was massive and silent even her breathing echoed in the gloom, the atmosphere was cold and damp and with every step she took the temperature got colder with the overwhelming smell of damp getting harsher. Her footsteps sounded like thunder every time the soles on her beige leather boots hit the floor. Her light brown top offered little protection for her fair skin from the cold because it had only one very wide shoulder strap.
As she continued to walk further into the cave she could make out objects shooting from the floor up towards the roof of the cave, the stories had told of odd rocks that defy gravity and shoot upwards. Scuttling noises could now be heard in the distance along with the telltale squeaks and shriek of rats only due to the shear size of the cave they were amplified and made the rats sound huge.
Suddenly a warm flow air forced her to turn towards a cave wall and unsheathe her sword. As her hair and skirt settled from the speedy twist she realised that the warmth was a part of the cave and not a giant’s breath. She placed her sword back into its sheathe and felt the wall in front of her the wall was relatively warm and course. The rough stone began to irritate her hands until she found a small hole at the bottom. The hole was big enough for her to fit through and so she squeezed through the gap holding her breath so that she would fit easier. It was a good job that she had a slim build else she wouldn’t have been able to get through, as she carried on squeezing through the gap her legs weren’t comforted by the feeling of hard ground but an empty space underneath them she moved her legs about trying to find the floor but to no avail. Unexpectedly the ground beneath her back crumbled and she fell. She didn’t fall far only a persons length but the shock was enough to force a scream from her lips. Her landing had also injured her lower back, it wasn’t a bad injury but it hurt her for a few seconds and for those few seconds she moaned in pain and cursed with a few choice words at her predicament. This part of the cave was more enclosed and the echoes of the last area were non-existent.
Her shouting quickly stopped when she heard the sound of a stone falling from somewhere in the cave. In her now alert state she looked around and could see nothing, she had fallen into a deep part of the cave and the light couldn’t reach this area, she was now blind with perfect vision.
Picking herself off the floor she grasped her sword with one hand but didn’t take it from its bearer and felt around with the other. Every step was now being well calculated with each foot feeling the floor before taking a step.
Another tumbling rock froze her movements, every nerve ending in her body was alert poised for the fight or flight reflexes, she stood straight, head held high partly because she had always been taught as a member of the royal family to hold her head high and partly so that she could hear as much as possible.
She began to hear footsteps in the dark. Her imagination began to take over and she began to feel visions of the giant or ogre creeping up behind her. As the footsteps got closer she grasped her sword tightly and her heart began to race, but she didn’t panic. The footsteps stopped.
The hairs on her neck began to stand on end and goose bumps covered her skin. She could feel something breathing down her neck; she could see it in her mind, the giant towering over her with teeth bared to kill. The breathing stopped and she felt something brush past her left side.
“ You hold your head like a royal.”
She knew now that whatever the creature was, it was male. His voice was so calm and filled with power. It was an overpowering, very masculine voice and he spoke properly, somewhat like the people with power in the golden city, people like the high guards and priests even the royals themselves. She could tell just from this one sentence that he wasn’t dumb at all but highly intelligent.
“ What do you know of the royals?” her voice also gave an impression of intellect only hers was much softer and gentler yet it still held the tone of empowerment.
Footsteps drew closer again, and like before seemingly stopped in the middle of the cave. Then what could only be described as a hand then gently touched her cheek, Freya sharply backed away from the contact. And grasped her sword even tighter, she was waiting for the right moment to pull it from its sheathe.
“So strange that one of your taste would dwell this far, no mater you wont be going much further… So fair of face, such a waste” Freya’s heart began to pound but she didn’t allow him to know that she feared him. She reached deep within herself to gather all the strength she could find.
“But I haven’t yet told you my reason for being here, are you not going to hear my cause?” She spoke strongly. He sniggered at the answer, which caused a new wave of fear to rush down her spine.
“I have grown tired of listening to people say the same thing” a hand the moved her hair to the side of her neck and she could feel him breathing down her neck again.
“But why will you not hear me out?” she began to twist her wrist moving the sheath of her sword as nerves began to set in, but she never faltered, staying almost perfectly still and holding her ground.
“I wont repeat myself! … So shall I take your heart or your neck for your death…” listening closely to his voice she could work out that he was now circling around her, like a lion before the kill and then he stopped right in front of her.
“You might want to hold still or this will really hurt.” He sneered. A gush of wind then followed giving the tell tail signs that he was about to hit her to the ground and in that split second where life or death is decided she managed to duck out of the way and as quickly as she moved, she withdrew her sword from its sheath and lunged it forward.
As her skirt calmed from the lighting fast reaction, the sound of metal piercing flesh rang though her ears, the swords sudden slowed movements in its strike permitted Freya to know that she had wounded the creature badly, she rapidly withdrew the sword and poised for another attack. However the sound of punctured flesh hadn’t been complimented by a scream or cries of pain, now almost panicking Freya stood from her crouched position and tried to calm her heavy breathing so that she could hear something, anything, a sign that the creature had left. But no sound came; she was being deafened by the uneasy stillness. She hadn’t killed him. If she had there would have been a thump as his body fell to the floor, but not but silence and black came to her. She was now in mortal danger.  
An abrupt and sharp pain then struck the left side to her face and the force of the impact sent her plunging towards the floor. Before she hit the ground she managed to bring her hands ahead of her falling body and cushion the pain that the cave floor would bring, but she brought her hand forward to late and hit the floor with immense velocity, hurting her hands and scraping the skin on her right cheek. She lay on the floor in shock, her face throbbing from the graze and the blow of what ever had hit her. Confused and disorientated she began to wonder what had happened and what had struck her to the floor.
“That hurt!” he bellowed. In an instant she realised that he had hit her across the face with tremendous strength. Her heart began to pound; she picked up her head and looked around frantically trying to hear whatever attack was coming next. Eventually she herd the sound of her sword whipping in the air, it was the sound of when a fine swordsman spun the blade in his hand just before the final strike. Sharply Freya rolled to the side just as the blade slammed into the cave ground. The sound was deafening and in the seconds were both Freya and the creature had to adjust to the ear-splitting echo Freya seized her opportunity and despite being unable to see she ran.
After falling many times she began to slow her pace; Freya believed that she had put enough space between her and her hunter. Finally she slowed enough to be able to take care in watching where she was stepping; she began to use her hands like a blind man would use a stick in front of them, feeling around for any obstacles whereas her feet were feeling the ground before taking a step.
←- To save a queen chapter 1 | To save a queen chapter 3 -→

DateNameComment 
27 Nov 2009:-) Rebekah Dawn VanSlooten
I love it! it’s already much more interesting!! The man was completely unexpected, and now the suspense is even stronger!! Good job! Hurry and write 12. I want to read more!

:-) Charlotte charlaphina replies: "haha thank you, i did want to make it a bit of a shock im glad it worked 2 and i’ve already got 15 chapters and still going but i thought id upload 2 at first to see if anyone liked it 2 thank you for the comment, i shall upload a couple more chapters soon XD"
27 Nov 2009:-) Alexis renee mistrot
Oooh that was an awesome battle! I wonder what the creature looks like! Tell me, tell me, tell me!! Well apparently he thinks she’s pretty so maybe its just a regular man? I wouldn’t have been brave enough to go into that cave, maybe if I had night vision though.... Hehe, what great story, I must read more!! 1

:-) Charlotte charlaphina replies: "i think you find out in like chapter 8 what he looks like, not sure of the chapter but its around those numbers lol and tbh im not even sure what he is and i created the character LOL i’ll upload more soon i just wanted to see if its any good first 2 thank you for the comment XD "
28 Nov 2009:-) Emma Carolina Wahrenberg
Wow, really good : D I still love your descriptions, and this chapter is much more interesting than the first one 1 Too bad my dad came in and interrupted me right when it started to get exciting D: Well, I cant wait to read the next part! 18

:-) Charlotte charlaphina replies: "thank you and chapter 3 is on its way when it gets moderated so maybe in a week?? thanks for the comment XD"
9 Dec 2009:-) Patricia M. DŽAngelo
You do a great job with plot movement and pacing in your story. One of the greatest things about Elfwood, is the willingness of others to offer pointers. I know my writing skills have improved with every helpful comment. I hope you don’t mind me offering a few thoughts.

If you aren’t going to indent on the paragraph, then it would be a good idea to leave an extra space between the paragraphs. It will be a lot easier on the reader’s eyes.

Watch for run on sentences. They can usually be broken down into a couple effective sentences. Also, sometimes fewer words are better.

Example: (Two sentences)

The hole was big enough for her to fit through and so she squeezed through the gap holding her breath so that she would fit easier.
It was a good job that she had a slim build else she wouldn’t have been able to get through, as she carried on squeezing through the gap her legs weren’t comforted by the feeling of hard ground but an empty space underneath them she moved her legs about trying to find the floor but to no avail.

(Turned into four sentences)
Hoping to wriggle through the small hole, she inhaled deeply to ease her passage. Luckily, she had a slim build. Managing to partly squeeze through the gap, her legs hung in the open air. Kicking and stretching, her toes searched for the feel of hard ground, but alas it was to no avail.

The more one writes, the easier word choice and sentence structure becomes for the writer. You have excellent story ideas. For me, that is the most important element a writer needs.

:-) Charlotte charlaphina replies: "thank you so much for the help 2 its much apreciated (spelling) and yes the moment i get enough free time i will sort out the paragraphs and sentences lol XD"
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'to save a queen chapter 2':
 • Created by: :-) Charlotte charlaphina
 • Copyright: ©Charlotte charlaphina. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Creature, Darkness, Fear
 • Categories: Demons, Imps, Devils, Beholders..., Royalty, Kings, Princes, Princesses, etc, European Traditions, Mythology, History-based, Parallel or Alternate Reality/Universe
 • Inspirations: JRR Tolkien
 • Submitted: 2009-11-20 06:45:52
 • Views: 282

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