| 14 Oct 2002 | Ian Tan | Loading...Hi Che, (how do you get that little line to appear above the 'e'?) First up, I enjoyed that short tale immensely! I'm always on the lookout for something 'different' and the 'once upon a time' fable format really suits the story! I must say, I've seen a similar story to yours up to the point of Moral #1, but the rest of your story is unique. If you're up for some comments, here are a couple of very minor points: You're missing a full stop in paragraph 2. No biggie - I do this often and scourge myself thoroughly when I find it in my writing! I feel that the word 'smoking' is used too often in paragraph 3. Perhaps "charred, smoking timbers" could simply be reduced to "charred timbers"? Just me being picky. This is the first story of yours that I have read, and it's inspired me to go read your other stories. Love your work! Frances Monro replies: "Hey Ian, thanks for the comment on the typos. I've fixed them both. There's some sloppy proofing on some of these stories that I need to get back to and fix up. Thanks." | |
| 19 Oct 2002 | Logan Pickup | Loading...Heh, I liked that. A bit like Wayne's World, only without the scooby doo ending. | |
| 21 Oct 2002 | Aimee ' Igorina ' Duncan | Loading...This is really quite a charming story! It has the feel of the old traditional folk tale about the fisherman and the flounder but the addition of the Sea King's daughter and the multiple endings give it quite a different and at time grimly humorous twist. It doesn't go into a lot of descriptive details or musings on the character's motives but that seems to suit the tone of the story just fine. It is storytelling for storytelling's sake. I'm a sucker for the happier endings (but come to think of it none of them were really truly happy). Yet I have to admit I had started wondering at about the second or third ending if the true ending was in sight. But everything wrapped itself up very neat and tidy before it could get tedious or ruin the momentum of the story, so overall I'm very pleased. | |
| 22 Oct 2002 | Leanne Fitzpatrick | Loading...Romantic, in a way. Not too soppy, and with some pretty decent endings. I bow down to your superiority. | |
| 26 Oct 2002 | James K. Bowers | Loading...What a nice surprise... It had never occurred to me that a story should have more than one ending... Perhaps I'll try it some time... Or, maybe I'll only think about trying it... Or, perhaps, I'll write the same story several times with a different beginning... Or... Perhaps... Anyway, GREAT idea... Seems I've heard versions of this tale elsewhere, but the multiple endings are a really nice touch; your execution isn't flawless, but is by well above the average... The mention of the illustration was what initially drew me to this piece, and now I look forward to other finely crafted tales... | |
| 15 Dec 2002 | William A. Clayton | Loading...I chose this as the first of your tales to read because it dealt with three subjects dear to my own heart: fishing, tears and the Sea. Now I could waste time writing a multitude of clever comments, leaving you to wonder which one is the true and sincere one, but instead:The illustration is lovely, a very nice touch. The tale itself, while well written and full of emotion, loses something, diluted by the almost endless pathways possible to follow. The fisherman is granted three wishes, yet, even when he is surely presented with incentive to make additional wishes, and either suffer further consequences for his folly, or bring matters to a more favorable conclusion does not use the other two. I think you could have done more with this than you have, with the talent you so obviously possess. This could have easily become a book. | |
| 6 May 2003 | Tina Cox | Loading...Interesting approach! I could almost SEE you sitting in a chair by the fire telling this story and it's many endings. Nice job! | |
| 3 May 2004 | Kali | Loading...<sniff> i've just got something in my eye <blows her nose> | |
| 1 Jun 2004 | Rebecca A. Morgan | Loading...In one of those many rewrites of the ending, the Sea kings daughter leaves and then later answers a question that he addresses to her before she returns... The sea king's daughter was already gone beneath the waves, how could she answer?
///Tell me, what do you tritely wish?/// Tritely? He didn't truely wish? Was he really that trite?
I loved that idea! *grin* The many possible endings that could ever happen based on his and her actions, and a moral for each one... That reminds me of those books where you can chose what you want the main character to do, except I don't have to go through the pain and suffering to read all of them... I hate those books. I loved this though. | |
| 28 Mar 2006 | Anonymous | Loading...Wow you people are seriously messed up man like c'monits a damn kids story and you guys seem to take it so seriously like c'mon grow up | |