Chapter 10
A large boom resonated through the training hall interrupting the knights as they went through their morning practice drills. Ana glanced around nervously as the others resumed their activities. The man Ana was practicing against failed to notice her distraction and continued their sparring, hitting her squarely in the chest with his blunted blades knocking her to the floor.
Arathyn walked over after observing this display. “Ana, what was that?” he asked rhetorically. “You should have been able to block that lunge with your eyes closed.”
“I... I wasn’t paying attention,” she admitted still glancing towards the direction from whence the explosive sound emanate.
“That was obvious,” Arathyn replied helping her to her feet. “What’s going on?”
“The sound, I guess it just startled me.”
“Well, pull it together, Ana. You’re technique’s been off all day. There are going to be louder sounds than that out on the battlefield. I expect more from you.”
Arathyn turned to address Falin who had entered the room, leaving Ana on the brink of tears.
Falin watched Arathyn as he crossed the large room advising his soldiers as he went.
“Falin, what are you doing here?” he said slowly turning his attention to the mage. Arathyn’s brow raised in amusement at Falin’s slapdash appearance. His hair, which was usually disheveled, stood completely on end. Soot blotted his face leaving black streaks on his cheeks, and speckled drips of various liquids stained the white shirt he wore. A fine mist of dust wafted into the room after him sparkling in the midday sun. Arathyn chuckled as Falin stood miserably before him rubbing his reddened eyes. “I take it that explosion we heard earlier was caused by you?” Falin nodded. “Are you any closer to removing the curse?”
“Of course, I’m closer,” Falin answered defensively waving his hand in a quick flash of movement to complete the spell that would right his appearance. “If nothing else, I now know what not to do.” He straightened his shirt collar.
“Did you come here to tell me of your setbacks?”
Falin glared. “No. I came to check on Ana,” Falin answered as he started towards her. Arathyn followed. “I wanted to make sure that the curse was not yet taking its toll on her.”
“Well, aside from the fact that she’s easily distracted, she seems fine,” he reported as they reached where Ana was practicing. “A little more training and she’ll be ready to take on Kălor himself,” Arathyn said encouragingly.
Ana could no longer hold back the tears threatening to spill over; she pushed past Falin and Arathyn excusing herself from the room as she went. Falin ran swiftly after her as she fled the practice room.
“Ana, Ana!” his call echoed in the hall. “Ana, please stop.” He grabbed her by her arm spinning her toward him. Tears streamed down her face. Her eyes glistened red. “What’s wrong?”
“I...can’t...do this,” she said between panted sobs.
“Do what?”
“I’ve tried so hard to be strong, to suppress what I’ve been feeling; but I can’t. I’m terrified, Falin. What if he comes here? If he tries again? I couldn’t stop him before and everything in there, all the training I’m doing, just reminds me of that. It’s pointless. He taunted me as though I were a child. I was powerless against him,” she cried, “I am powerless against him. All I could do was watch as my weapons disappeared from my side. I watched as that man pleaded with me for mercy with tears in his eyes; and I watch still. Horribly, each time I close my eyes I must watch it happen again; and I can’t escape it. I know he watches me as I watch these scenes flash before my closed eyes. And I hate this weakness, but I can no longer fight it. I am afraid. I’m so afraid he’ll use me against you. I’ve tried to be strong, to be the person you and Arathyn expect me to be, to live up to ideal the people of this kingdom expect me to be, but ...” Her words descended into trembling tears.
Falin pulled her tightly into his embrace cradling her head with his hand as she buried her face in his shoulder. She clung to him desperately as he led them to sit on a polished cedarn bench. He felt overwhelmed by her feelings of pain and by his growing rage.
“Shhh. He will not harm you again, Ana. I give you my word.” Falin lifted her head so he could gaze into her eyes. “I will protect you, despite the cost,” he stressed, allowing his words to penetrate her fear.
Ana’s tears had slowed, and she shook her head, comforted by his vow. She sniffled and wiped her face with her hand. Falin kept his arm around her as she rested her head on his dampened shoulder.
“What did I do, Falin?” she spoke softly. “What did I do to make him do this?”
At those words, Falin knew he would utterly destroy Kălor. There would be no last minute apologies followed by merciful forgiveness. He would make Kălor understand the true nature of suffering before sending his eternal spirit back to the hells from which it climbed. He smothered his wrath so that he could comfort Ana, all the while biding the time until he could fall upon Kălor ruthlessly.
“Gods, Ana, you didn’t cause this. You fought to save that man, despite the toll Kălor exacted on you. It was Kălor, not you, that took that man’s life.” He wiped a tear from her cheek. “Kălor is more beast than man. He is an infernal aberration not long for this world.”
“Then why do I feel such guilt as though I should have been able to stop it. Why can I still smell the taint of death on my hands? If I was a stronger person, perhaps that man would still be alive.”
“Don’t do this to yourself.” He paused unsure of what to say next. “You shouldn’t deny any of your feelings, but please don’t blame yourself. Do not allow this… this act to cause self doubt. Do not question yourself. You are strong and showing fear or pain will not change that. And I have no expectations of you, Ana. You have nothing to prove to me and to hell with the others.” He smiled at her hoping to elicit a smile in return; and with her usual grace, she obliged.
The door to the training room opened allowing the sounds of clanging swords and drills to escape into the hallway. Arathyn’s measured footfalls grew louder as he approached the bench. Falin slid his arm from around Ana and stood to greet the knight. Ana wiped her face.
“Is everything okay out here,” Arathyn asked looking past Falin to Ana.
Ana stood. “Everything’s fine, Arathyn.” She forced a smile.
Arathyn nodded not fully believing her. “Shouldn’t you to be returning to the training hall?”
“Actually, I’m not feeling quite myself; I’m retiring to my chambers,” Ana said starting down the hall.
Falin turned to leave when Arathyn stopped him. “What was going on out here?”
“She was upset about something; I thought she needed to talk,” Falin responded vaguely remembering to uphold Ana’s request for secrecy about their ordeal.
“Upset about what?” Arathyn pressed.
“Ask her, Arathyn. If she wants you to know, she’ll tell you.”
“I want you to tell me, Falin.”
“It’s not my place to speak her business.”
“Make it your place.”
“What’s going on with you, Arathyn? You act as though you no longer trust me.”
“You haven’t given me a reason to trust you lately,” he said in hushed tone. “Talk has been circulating since you and Ana returned; and the way you and she have been behaving, I wouldn’t be surprised if the rumors were true.”
“I don’t know what talk is circulating, but nothing happened between us, so you can stop glaring at me as though I were a thief.” Falin walked back towards his laboratory leaving Arathyn alone in the deserted hallway.
A knock on the door called Ana from her balcony.
“Ana,” Arathyn greeted when she opened the door. Ana nodded silently in reply. “Ana, what’s going on? I can sense there is something you and Falin are not telling me.”
The silence of the room echoed as Ana walked back over to the balcony. Dark clouds had begun to form, drifting imposing across the night sky. The moon and stars that had shone so brightly earlier were now being blanketed with velvety black darkness. In the distance, a low rumbling sounded silencing the chanting crickets. Arathyn followed Ana outside as the wind blew leaves onto the balcony.
“Why do the few fleeting moments we have together have to be spent like this, either in arguments or tense silence? And now, to compound it, I feel as though you’ve erected a barrier around you keeping everyone, save Falin, out.” She did not reply. Arathyn sighed and looked out over the dark garden below. “I’ve missed you, Ana,” he continued after a moment of contemplation. Ana chuckled humorlessly. “Do you doubt my sincerity?” he asked in disbelief.
“You’ve given me no reason to believe that you’ve even spared me a passing thought. You left that inn without even seeing me. How could I possibly believe that you even give a damn about me?”
Arathyn was taken aback by her ire, and Ana could see true pain echo in the deep blue of his eyes. “Ana, I remained at your side for as long as I could possibly spare. It was through Ullr’s mercy alone that I happened along when I did. My presence was commanded here, and I had pressing matters to attend to in the Midlands. If I hadn’t taken that back trail…” Arathyn’s brow furrowed in consternation. “The thought of you coming to harm at the hands of those – those monsters, is more than I can bear. I would never allow you to be harmed, Ana, not if I could stop it. You have to believe me. I left the inn only after I was sure you were safe and would recover. Only then did I travel here to complete my duty.”
“Yes, you had to answer the ever sounding call of our kingdom.”
“You said you understood my responsibilities.”
“I do, but it doesn’t mean that I will go silently in to the acquiescent role you have prepared for me. I, too, have responsibilities, which do not include ‘playing’ in the forest. I will not become your shadow,” she responded angrily.
Arathyn sighed defeatedly, returning to the room and sitting tiredly on the chair next to Ana’s bed. “What can I do, Ana, to assuage your anger; for in my focused attempt to fulfill my duty to our kingdom, I have hurt you. That was never my desire.” When he looked up to meet her gaze, his eyes reflected his tumultuous soul. “Command me as you will so that I may right the wrong I have done to you,” he asked earnestly.
“Why do you do that?” Ana asked in frustration. “Why do you make me feel as though I’m the one who’s wrong?”
“I don’t know what to say. Even in admitting my fault, I anger you. I don’t know how to make you happy, and I fear that I never will. It seems it will forever be a choice between you or our country. One of which will not receive my full attentions. It is a choice that I am loathed to make, and yet am forced to do over and over.”
“This would be so much easier if you weren’t always so self-sacrificing. If you were just neglectful and cared only of yourself, I could hate you and put you forever from my mind. But as little attention as I feel you spare for me, it is still a great deal more than you spare for yourself. And for that I pity you.”
“I do not want your pity, Ana. While I wish I could prove a more apt suitor for you, I do not for one moment regret or resent the responsibilities placed upon me by our country. I only wish I could fulfill both roles to the satisfaction of all involved.”
“Listen to yourself, Arathyn.” Ana moved to kneel before Arathyn, her hand graced his cheek with a soothing touch. “What will be left of you if you spread yourself to every cause that beckons? What do you reserve for yourself?”
“How can I reserve anything when there are so many in need? I could not have wrongs occurring if I have strength within me yet to right them. I have need of nothing for myself, my lady, so long as I maintain my honor and fulfill my duties to my kingdom and my family.”
“That is your father speaking for you, and it’s wrong. It’s not the natural way of things.”
“And what wouldn’t you give to protect nature?”
“Nothing. There is nothing I would not give, but I take succor from him as well. Silvanus heals my weary spirit when I feel I have no more to give. Can you say the same about war and strife?”
“It is not war that spurs me on. It is the promise of peace on the horizon, fighting the battles today to prevent them from occurring tomorrow. It is protecting all I hold dear in this world. The dream of my kinsmen, my countrymen, safe revives me. It is the thought of you safe that gives me succor, Ana. That is why I continue. If the cost of peace, of safety for you, for this kingdom, is my blood then let it be spilt so that others may live.”
“And yet you would sacrifice me to the powers that be.” Fear gripped her voice. “Allow me to succumb to Kălor’s spell?” she queried tearfully.
Arathyn dropped to his knees in front of Ana, taking her shaking hands within his. “I will not allow anything to happen to you, Ana. I will not allow you to be harmed,” he stressed to the kneeling figure before him.
Ana stared up at Arathyn momentarily before pulling away from him. “‘Sacrificing one to save many’. Isn’t that what you said?” She quoted his words back to him as she stood and walked back onto the balcony seeking the solace of the starless night sky.
Arathyn’s head bowed with regret at words too quickly spoken. “It sounds callous and calculated, but I do not intend to allow Kălor to win on any front. Falin will find a way to remove that curse. I have no doubt, especially now that I’ve angered him so.” Relief washed over Arathyn easing his frown as he thought of Falin’s tenacity when faced with a challenge.
“Yet you said his word was worth nothing, that I shouldn’t place my faith in him.”
“Perhaps those were words spoken out of jealousy, Ana. I had no right to disparage him so, but you were so willing to trust him instantly when you fight me at every turn.”
“I don’t...”
“You do. Things are always so strained between us now. It wasn’t always this way.”
“We view the world so differently, Arathyn. We want different things out of life, out of this relationship. Our hearts are moving in different directions yet, we‘re being forced together. We don‘t love each other, not in that way,” Ana answered honestly still starring out into the night sky.
“I don’t consider it quite the punishment that you do.” Arathyn stood and moved forward rubbing his hands up her arms. Ana shivered uncomfortably under his touch. “And is it Falin you love?” Arathyn drew away from her sensing her discomfort, his voice hardened to mask his dejection. Ana was silent. Her head lowered slightly, and she sighed. “Please turn around and talk to me,” Arathyn asked. “I need to know the truth, Ana.” Ana slowly turned towards Arathyn with her eyes still downcast. Arathyn walked closer to her and softly lifted her face to look at him. Her eyes were tear-filled and sorrow veiled her face. “Ana. My lady?” He spoke her name with soothing care making Ana feel even worse.
“I’m sorry, Arathyn,” she intoned. “I don’t mean to hurt you.”
“You love him.”
Ana lowered her head “No. I don‘t know. He is not why I say these things.”
“And does he love you?”
“I wouldn‘t dishonor you by discussing such things. This is about us, not him.”
“Yes, and we are to be promised to each other in just a few days. You did not seem so set against it when you last left Amaranthe.”
“I was a different person when last we spoke here, and even then, I was unsure. So much has happened since then.”
“What are you saying?”
“I’m not sure I’m still the person you knew.”
“What happened, Ana?” he questioned as he placed his hands on her arms with a firm but gentle grasp.
Anger flared in Ana‘s eyes. “Unhand me, Arathyn”
“Ana, I need to know what’s going on here.” She could feel heat rising off of her face as she turned from Arathyn pulling away from his grip. “Ana, please,” he implored.
“Arathyn, no. I can’t talk to you like this. Just leave, please.” She pointed to the door.
“Then I will hear it from Falin. He dares not deceive me.”
“No!” She ran to block the door. “I will tell you... if you must know, I will tell you.” Ana hands twisted nervously at the flowing hem of her nightgown sleeve. “Ka…,” her voice faltered. She took a deep breath and started again. “Kălor, a mage, had me kidnapped. At first it was to force Falin into helping him with some task, but then...,” she swallowed hard looking away from Arathyn. “Then...,” her voice warbled.
“Ana, what happened?” Arathyn at once felt her anguish; and for the moment, compassion crushed his anger. Ana, remembering her resolution to put this firmly behind her, found her strength of voice.
“He forced me to do awful things, Arathyn, to hurt innocent people; and I couldn’t stop him.” A tear escaped her green eyes, the last one she would shed over this she vowed to herself.
“What things, Ana?”
“Things I wish not to describe, things I cannot describe.”
Mercedes A Boggs / Text 3 of 18 / The Betrayal of Amaranthe: Chapter 10
