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C. L. Corbin

"Mermaid Story" by C. L. Corbin

SF&F Picture 6 out of 9 by C. L. Corbin
 
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A short little story I wrote a while ago...
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The sailor stood at the bow of his small boat, looking over the sea. Every time he went sailing, he did this- savoring the salty sent of the foam that crashed against the waves, the squeaky cry of the dolphins that swam alongside him.

He then saw that his boat was nearing a small cluster of rocks, each no longer than five feet wide, but still possibly dangerous if he ran into them. He started to turn the boat away but then noticed a figure on the largest of the rocks. He moved closer and saw a small woman. But—wait—she had fins instead of a tail!

The sailor watched the mermaid, entranced. He had never seen anything like her before. She sat on a rock only feet away from his boat, combing her hair with a delicate mother-of-pearl comb.

She was the most stunning thing he had every seen. She had creamy white skin that had a hint of blue in it, and her long blonde-green hair hung in ringlets down her back. She wore a tunic woven out of a beautiful shimmering material that matched the color of the scales on her tail. And oh, her tail! It was light blue, the color of the sea, and had two delicate lacy fins at its end. It shined in the light as she sat there, looking him over.

Neither said anything and neither moved- except for the mermaid’s arms, combing her hair. Suddenly, the mermaid started to sing.

Her voice was smooth, like honey, and her song had no words- it was just notes, up and down the scale, melding together into one long tune that made the sailor’s thoughts stop- all he could think, feel and hear was the song. He stared climbing down off the boat, unable to control what he was doing. He splashed into the water and swam over to the rock the mermaid was on.

The mermaid stared at the sailor, and then she set her comb down and slowly held out her hand in the sailor’s direction. Her hand was thin and finely shaped, with long fingers and a thin flap of webbing between each one. The sailor set his hand on top of hers. Her song then stopped, and she held onto him tightly.

Before the sailor knew what was happening, the mermaid had slid off the rock and underwater, taking him with her. She had a strong grip on his hand and wouldn’t let go. His eyes stung from the saltwater as he tried to free himself from her grip, but he found he couldn’t. All he could do was hope she would let go of him.

Suddenly, the mermaid stopped looking so beautiful. In fact, she looked frightening. Her long hair was now wild, her eyes had narrowed into determined slits as she swam steadily downward, and her long tail was now beating the water with frightening strength and force. The sailor’s lungs were on fire. He knew he couldn’t survive much longer.

He tried to struggle, to get away while he could. He was a strong young man- he should be able to get his hand away from a little mermaid! But he couldn’t.

A few seconds later, the sailor blacked out. Still, the mermaid didn’t stop swimming. On and on she went, into the depths of the sea, until she was no more than a silver speck in a universe of blue, swimming on and on and on, her prize’s hand still held tight in hers.

←- IronHull | King For a Day -→

DateNameComment 
28 Jan 200845 Jelly tan
the stories is great but at the end sound like very creepy,anyway good job...
30 Jan 200845 Beth potter
I liked it a lot and like kate it did scare me a little. You should make a book or something longer because this was really really good.
30 Jan 200845 Victoria L.
Nice story, Short and interesting =)
18 Feb 2008:-) Mermaidmagic
woah.......do you know all of this from experiance? my favorite line is ’swimming on and on and on, her prize’s hand still held tight in hers. ’ HERE HAVE A COOKIE..... OH WAIT ITS A SUGAR COOKIE (snatches cookie back and shoves in mouth) HERE YOU CAN HAVE THE OATMEAL RAISEN COOKIE
18 Mar 200845 Surekha krishnan
kudos!!
it’s a wonderful story!
8 May 200845 Anonymus
Great story, but not to to be rude, but "But—wait—she had fins instead of a tail!" part, shouldnt that be fins instead of legs? besides that its great.
25 May 200845 Anonmous
it was absolutely fantastic i loved it if it was longer as a book i’d buy it and cover it and make sure nobody reads it except me I LOVED IT!!!1
25 May 200845 Anonmous (MIMI)
where did you get the ideas??? i need some cos im doin this writing competition and i need loads of ideas to write a novel!!!!
26 Oct 200845 Laurie
absolutely fantastic....... well done.......
2 Nov 200945 Sunflower
Good job! This would make a great prologue for a novel. If you did, I’d want to read it! The only thing is, like other people have said, the part where is said, "But—wait— she had fins instead of a tail!" It doesn’t really make sense. But, if that’s what you meant, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. The best writers write with attention to details, like commas and words and word phrases. This is because it is the little details that have the most overall impact. So if you meant tail, leave it. If not, change it. I was amazed at the way you drew me into the story and changed the sailor’s reaction to the mermaid. I also liked the way the last line revealed, in a very subtle way, that the mermaid is evil. Keep it up!
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About 'Mermaid Story':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) C. L. Corbin
 • Copyright: ©C. L. Corbin. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Mermaid, Story, Sailor, Boat, Sea, Blue
 • Categories: Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters
 • Views: 3141


More by 'C. L. Corbin':
Beauty and the Beast: Part 2: Beauty
Beauty and the Beast: Part 1: Nicholas
Fly
King For a Day
Ch. 1
Beauty and the Beast: Part 3: Beast
IronHull
Prologue

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