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Colton Hamshire

"Barroom Brawl" by Colton Hamshire

SF&F Picture 3 out of 9 by Colton Hamshire
 
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A barfight ensues after a half-elf endures some racial issues.
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Barroom Brawl

Velanor swallowed the last of his ale. He drank from his silver mug as always. It wasn’t that he distrusted what tankards the taverns he drank from provided; it was a matter of preference. He kept to himself, stayed quiet and reserved for the most part, but this time he found himself the center of unwanted attention.

Velanor assumed that this town, the small, weatherworn wooden buildings among the rocks and sand of Darka Desert, did not see many half-elves, or at least the three men that bothered him did not. And from the way they treated Velanor the half-elf assumed they welcomed trouble. If so, then it was their lucky day.

The three men appeared to be somewhere in their thirties and covered in filth. They reeked of sweat and the pungent odor of ale mixed with it. Their oily hair, yellow half-rotten teeth, and proneness to belch and cough like a dying animal caused Velanor’s stomach flip. Under normal circumstances, Velanor would have already been labeled as a pugilist, for his heart told him to start striking and never let up. But these weren’t normal circumstances.

Every patron’s attention was focused on Velanor and the three bullies at the bar, leaving the tavern unnaturally quiet. And the fact a rusty sword hung each lowlife’s belt caused Velanor to reconsider the brawl, but that soon changed.

The moment one tried to snatch Velanor’s silver mug and taint the object with his foulness caused the half-elf to forget the three to one odds and to give all the people in the bar a fight to remember.

Velanor, with his uncanny dexterity, jerked the mug away from the man’s hands, and managed to draw a dagger from his boot at the same time. In a flash, Velanor drove the dagger through the man’s hand, pinning him to the bar. The man screamed in pain, but the half-elf cut his cry short by driving the silver mug hard into his face. Sickening remains of rotten teeth and blood sprayed the bar. The man fell unconscious.

The place erupted into shouts of excited cries as the fight began. As Velanor expected, the people cheered for the locals.

The other two men didn’t have to time to react, or to say a word before the half-elf attacked. They both fumbled for their weapons frantically. Velanor rotated on the stool and drove his foot into the nearest one’s chest, sending the thuggish man falling backwards, and crashing into a table. The patrons at the table scattered just as the man smashed into it, spilling drinks and remains of food. The third man, sword in hand, swung the weapon wildly at Velanor, but the skilled half-elf maneuvered to safety and caught the man’s arm over his shoulder. Velanor threw all of this weight down upon the limb, snapping bone loudly, and rendering the man weaponless.

The man yowled agonizingly through gritted teeth, but fell silent before the half-elf’s mug then collapsed to the ground in a comatose heap. The second man gave an enraged growl and shot off of the table, sword in hand. He ran at the half-elf with his blade held outward like a spear. Velanor knew his skill and experience in battle far outweighed the three men’s, and so he waited calmly by the bar as his foe charged him. When the man got close enough and thrust for the kill, Velanor sidestepped and used his enemy’s own forward momentum and bashed the silver mug into his face, sending the lowlife almost flipping backwards before crashing to the floor, unmoving.

Velanor stood above all three of the brawlers, unscathed and victorious. The people in the tavern fell silent, all watching the half-elf with disbelief. Velanor turned around, freed his dagger from its fleshy prison, and then strapped his mug to his belt. He exited the tavern, determined to find a place where he could drink in peace.

←- A Gentlemen's Game | Last Goodbye -→

DateNameComment 
18 Mar 2009:-) Nick Wright
This is really well written. I give a clap of the hands for you. You have talent and inspiration, keep it up. I love the idea of the half elf, nice recreation of mythical creatures! Excellent job.

:-) Colton Hamshire replies: "Barroom Brawl is a bit newer than Final Flight, but I think half-elves have been around for quite some time, though they aren’t used as much save for the Terry Brooks novels."
19 Mar 2009:-) Mandy marie good
the story sounds like a good prologue for an adventure! you most certainly have a knack for drama. i hope to see more of your writings, it can be so hard to find a writer with true insight into their characters lives.

:-) Colton Hamshire replies: "I really appreciate what you said. Thanks. I am thanking out expanding on this scene."
30 Mar 2009:-) Joshua Price
A month ago you asked me to take a look at your work. After a rather busy 30 days, I finally get around to this. My should-be-legendary-procrastination should at least be blamed too, of course.

The scene is written out pretty well, but that’s all it is: a scene. I’m left with no opinion of whether I should like or dislike Velanor, for example. In fact, I barely know him. The scene needs serious fleshing out. Build up to the fight and maybe add more resolution, though you can get away with the current conclusion. I personally would start with Velanor entering the bar at the very latest instead starting with the fight. More likely I’d start with him somewhere in or entering the town, or maybe even in the wilderness around it so I could develop the character some and introduce him.

Don’t know if you’re the type who rewrites his fiction or focuses on the new. But, in either case, my suggestion should hopefully prove applicable. If your other works are also pretty short, expect a few more comments from me in the near future.
7 May 2009:-) Syn Nykols
i love the fight, but agree with amy, it does need some dialogue, very good though and exetremly well shown. lol keep it up

:-) Colton Hamshire replies: "Thanks for reading. I agree too, if I ever rewrote this scene I would add some dialogue, but the original purpose was just to practice some fights."
15 May 2009:-) Douglas Eckhart
Well, it was a barroom brawl. 1

For a high action scene, I think the verbs are a bit too passive and the sentences have too many clauses and adverbs, but the choreography was good and the scene was easy to visualize. I agree with the people that wanted a bit more background to the scene if you intended to expand it. ... There, that’s my snooty grammarian comment. 1

Anyway, you mention that you wrote this 2 years ago? Which is your most modern story?

:-) Colton Hamshire replies: "Yeah I wrote it two years ago. I wrote it in 2007, and I wrote it just to be a fight scene. That’s why there is not anymore to it than there is. My most modern story that I have posted is Tragedy’s Lesson and Second Dawning is the most recent but it has not been looked over by Elfwood’s moderators yet."
19 May 200945 Anon.
how do you post stories?
7 Jul 2009:-) Jessica Tattu Harrison
I love it, you’re very good at writing
and elves are awesome, I love the half elf concept!! =)

:-) Colton Hamshire replies: "Thank you!"
7 Jul 2009:-) Gwenivere Stephan
Well.. let me first say... ew, now he has face all over his mug 8
This is great! I really like it. I can practically see the action, and it’s pretty gory without being overly disgusting on purpose. Heh, who doesn’t love gore?
The only thing I noticed was that it took the guy thrown into the table a rather long time to get up and attack again (at least, it seemed to) but that is the only thing that didn’t seem natural to me. The action is great and realistic! Super fantastic job!

:-) Colton Hamshire replies: "Thanks for reading. I’ll have to look back over it and see how long it seems to take the man that hit the table to get back up."
22 Sep 2009:-) Alexander Damien Gonzalez
This was pretty fun to read. Not only because of the easyness with which I could see the whole fight unfolding, but also because just in this short piece I could see more of the character than just some half elf kicking some guy’s asses (which was in itself very entertaining and just plain cool). I loved the details about him being disgusted at the guys’ stench and how he doesn’t want to get any dirt on his mug. I quite liked this piece.

:-) Colton Hamshire replies: "Thanks again! I really like your comments on this piece because you give good details about what you like. lol a lot of people have told me they like the idea of a half-elf doing what Velanor did.
"
15 Nov 2009:-) Louisa Rawe
hey, sorry it took me so long to check out your stories, but now that i have... superbly done! i like this one the best so far because it really reminds me of D&D (Dungeons and Dragons), and it is very easy to picture in my mind. that doesnt always occur in other books that i have read. you dont hear much about half-elves, so it was neat reading about one fighting. you have a very creative talent for writing. so you deffinetly have to keep on writing! 2

:-) Colton Hamshire replies: "Acutally it’s funny you should say that about DND because this scene was based loosely off of a DND campaign I DMed once. I hope you get to check out my other writings as well."
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About 'Barroom Brawl':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Colton Hamshire
 • Copyright: ©Colton Hamshire. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Half-elf, Elf, Fight, Battle
 • Categories: Elf / Elves, Fights, Duels, Battles
 • Views: 1205


More by 'Colton Hamshire':
A Gentlemen's Game
Tragedy's Lesson
Lost in a Bottle
Second Dawning
Trail of Hope
Final Flight
Last Goodbye
The Cause of All Fear

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