"The Letters" by Crissy Gottberg

Oh how I miss you. Your soft words, how they once touched me. Yet now you are lost to me, at least for a time.

Do you remember? When we first spoke, when we first touched our hearts found one another and became one. Now we are far apart, our souls echoing our lose.

Yet I get ahead of myself my love, I always did. Forgive me. I am here, in this place, this Farnis, the home of the people who took me in. Somehow I lost the pursuit. Somehow Tarvain and Rasil were able to keep me safe. I am their princess, they would die for me. It was written in the stars that they would serve me till death, and so they shall.

Rasil, ever faithful warrior that he is, has taken it into his head to teach the Farnisians the value of weaponry and combat. These are a peaceful folk, however, I doubt his teaching will fall on anything less then deaf ears. It is a wonder they shelter me at all knowing that demon lords follow at my back. Who is to say what will happen to them if they are found out.

Such wonderful people. I am sorry you never had a chance to meet them. They are so graceful, each sporting a long flowing main of the softest silk. They adorn themselves in colors of the rainbow, bright, vibrant, flowing and graceful as they are. Such a wonderful people. Their voices... I have never heard the like before. You would be enchanted, my love, it is as if a chorus of angels rises every morning to great the sun, and then as it sets they sing it to sleep. It is amazing.

Aw yes, I was speaking of my faithful companions. Tarvain, the mage. You knew him well. I also know you never trusted him. Crafty man, he is, but loyal. You should trust my judgment even if you will not trust him. I would never fail you. You know this to be true.

My darling sweet Jardanin, how I miss you. Your words will have to sustain me. I do not understand but they have told me they can get my letters through, and yours to me. It is not for me to understand though, it is enough that your words will find me, keep me sane and hoping even until the last drop of my life has flowed from my veins. I will survive to see you again, your words will sustain me as once before they did.

I must get this letter off before the sun sets, just know that my heart is still with you, my joy is in you, my soul mate, my life, my Jardanin. I love you.

Your Arnias

My Arnias, my solace, my heart,

I miss you no less then you miss me. The couriers came with this letter, this scrap of paper that had touched your hands and I fairly fell upon it. He all but fell trying to hand it over to me. Alas, I must have seemed crazed to him but even this small touch of your hand, this single thread of your love, it is more then ever I deserved. I can smell the faint trace of your perfume on this letter, the smell of lilies in the valley. I always loved to breath that in every time I was near you, even before my love was known to you.

You speak of when first we met. Your eyes were like emeralds burning into my deepest heart, searing their way into my very soul. You held my gaze when no other maid would dare come near me, much less look at me. It was that strength, that temerity that first drew me to you. It will be what holds you now, by your strength you will survive.

Your two companions are an asset. You mistake my mistrust my dear. It is not that I do not trust the mage, I just do not trust him with you. You are a beautiful woman, and many men would have their way with you. However he is honorable in this way. He knows where you heart lies and I believe he will keep his place until I am dead. For this reason alone I plan on living quiet a long time.

My princess, your kingdom is suffering without you. The demon lords are ravaging the land. Yet you must be strong, you can not return until you have found the secret to their defeat. It would do no good for you our your people if you died in battle with them. Stay with the Farnisians, it is only wise.

I watched today, atop the highest rampart, hidden from any view, as three of the creatures burned down the church. The bishop was ranting in the streets for some time. Why they did not kill the old man I will never know, but he is alive and well. You may be thankful for that.

For that matter I do not know how I have missed their scrutiny. The creatures prowl every crevice of this castle and yet I know many more paths. I believe I showed you that. Even now I laugh over that misadventure. Yet I will always be thankful for that occasion.

Arnias, be strong as you have shown yourself to be over and over. This time it is most imperative. My love can only sustain you so much. I can not be there for you, I can not shelter you with my arms this time when I want so much to do so. I would have your lips on mine, I would touch the silken smoothness of your skin if but for a moment. Alas it is not to be, not until this vialness has been repelled from your land. I will hold you in what way I can, my angel. In these words, in my heart, I will touch you in this way when I have none other.

Sleep well my love, until next we speak.

Your Jardanin

My Love,

You say I am your solace? Aw, my love, I believe you are mine. In you I have found comfort so many times. This is no exception.

I am learning more ever day, and night. I fairly never rest any longer, always I must study. The words in this old book are sometimes hard to read, but still I try. Some of the spells are completely obliterated from time and wear, but I have little choice.

There are several in here that are affective against the demons, but none to keep them from coming back. None that I have found, yet. I will not give up. This is too important.

I am glad the bishop is all right. He was kind to me, if strict, and I would have no ill befall him. Watch over him as much as you are able, but allow nothing to harm you. I am seeing something in these pages, my love. I may need you to help me drive the demons from my kingdom. I can not explain more then that in these letters. Suffice it to say, when the time comes you will understand. We both will.

Oh you scamp, that you would recall the day you fell into my arms while roaming about the secret passages. My love, surly you are more careful now then you were then. It would not do for you to go falling from the ceiling into the arms of a demon lord now would it.

No I will not fret myself over that, I can not. I need you too much. You call yourself undeserving, is it always the way of men to think themselves undeserving of the women who love them? I will tell you my love, when ever I needed someone most you were there, even if just in words. Your touch, your voice, just your presence is more then ever I deserved. I will have no more talk like this. You deserve ever breath I breath, you deserve the love I have in this heart, and ever last kiss on my lips. You are my love, as always you have been, and ever you shall be. Say no more of who is undeserving or not.

Aw, but the nights are lonely. True, we have yet to share a bed. Yet the nights we spent before the fire, when you would read to me and then kiss me softly. Your lips are so sweet, soft. I remember them as I remember a fond dream. Your voice, how it touched my deepest desires. You would run your hands over my body, careful to touch only what was allowed, I am a princess, however much I did not want to be at times. I hungered so much for more, always more. I imagine some nights what it would be like to have you touch me elsewhere, to let your hands roam freely over my body. I should not think such thoughts. I find myself growing warm and there is nothing I can do about the burning in my stomach, the yearning in my very soul. I could cry, I want your touch that much.

Enough my love, I must rest before I am incoherent with want.

Your Arnias

My Arnias,

I would have touched you in so many ways. How I burned to do so those nights. It was so cold alone in my bed and I would have filled it with your presence, but I could not. Can not until we are wed, if that is to be.

You are a beauty my love. Always I have said that, but even more so now when I can not even have the pleasure of your warm lips on my own. I would caress your cheek and lower my hand to your waist to pull you closer to me. I want to so much. Each night I ache with wanting.

So beautiful. The curve of your breasts, the smooth silky texture of your skin, your hair, suck a deep shade of red and falling down to your firm round....

I forget myself, I should not speak to you in such ways. Besides the fact that I shall never be seen in public if I speak this way, not without notice at least.

The bishop is safe, as are most of your people. There are casualties, you must expect that.

There, I have distracted myself enough, now I will be able to leave this room without notice. Does this bring a smile to those beautiful lips of yours?

I believe all you held most dear are safe. Some fled at the same time you did. Others are in hiding. Some few are able to walk about town without the demons caring about them. Some civilians were caught in the middle. You must grieve for them later my love, now is the time for you to find the answer do our plight, there will be time enough to grieve when this is over. Be strong and ever vigilant against despair for it will try to take a hold of your heart and pull you inside of grief to be lost, as it has tried to do to me.

I admit freely that disappear visits me often. Without you here, or at least me there with you... I can not protect the one person I hold most dear to my heart. You are so far away and this stabs at me like a dagger through my very soul. Yet I cling to your love all the more, I have faith in you, always.

Alas, night comes and the courier grows restless. Return to me soon my love, more so your kingdom. We need you, I need you and always will. You are my anchor.

Your Jardanin

My Darling,

Hooves beat on the cobblestones outside my window and I jump to see if the courier has returned. I think they have a cloak of invisibility that helps them to wend their way around the demons. A useful tool.

My heart leaps to my throat ever time I hear those hoof beats. I run to the window with my hand clasped to my throat. Some days I am greeted with only disappointment as I know there can be no letter for me every day. Yet I have an affinity for you I think. When the letter is near I know, I need not run to the window any longer, I run to the door and down to the flowing blue green grass in this wonderful land and hold my hand out to the courier who is just coming up the path. I know, as I know there shall be sun in the morning, that he holds in his hand words from my love.

Was it always like this? I remember times when I would wait outside my rooms knowing you were coming though you had never announced yourself. Times when I would meet you in some strange place and find you sprawled in a passage or climbing a hedgerow. How did I always know where to find you?

This is not a mystery I care to solve, instead I just thank the gods that I have it. Grateful I will ever be for this gift.

My studies go well my love. I have found some interesting things in these old pages. Spells of healing and pain, spells of love and hate. I wish to destroy all the spells that would cause another pain or misfortune but I dare not. Sometimes even death has a purpose as our dear general would surely agree.

Yet there is more. In the back of the book, in a different handwriting, I found something else. A diary I think. It seems to be from a queen who reined 200 years ago. I can explain no more, you will have to wait till I reach you. Not yet, I must prepare myself first. I believe a fortnight will pass before I can set out. The journey home shall only take a seven day, unlike the journey here. I shall never forget that horrid journey, I shall have to tell you of it when we are all safe.

Yes despair tries to claim my wounded heart all too often, yet I only read your letters once more and am comforted. You are my anchor as well, my gift. How I ever found you only the gods know, but I am ever grateful that they saw fit to deliver you into my hands.

Enough for the moment, I must prepare.

And yes, it brought a smile to my lips my dear heart.

Your Arnias

Sweetheart,

Sweet as sherry from the table of the gods. Nectar that can never be found in any but the brightest flowers.

Be careful Arnias, the demons are restless. Just today they ransacked four homes on the west side, then went to the east and burned several others. They are restless and aim to destroy everything before long. <p> Do be careful my love, I could not bare to loose you. <p> <p> I will send this now and wish the courier the speed of the wind, I wish you to receive it before you leave. Remember love, my heart goes with you, my soul as well. We are one in spirit if not yet in body. <p>Your Jardanin <p> <p>Jardanin, <p> <p> I revived your letter just before taking my leave of the Farnisians. They are sad to see me go and bid me farewell with a melancholy song of parting. Some day I shall return here to visit them. Their peacefulness has a way of soothing even the most savage of beast. Our general has even rested while here. <p> <p> I have the key my love, I have it here in my heart, and once it is joined with yours we shall free our people from the plight it has had to endure for so long. We shall send those demons back to the very pits of abidos from whence they came. I shall not endure them in my land one more moon. <p> <p> The swiftest horse is to be sent with this letter, it will be the last for within a seven day I shall be in your arms once more. You are to meet me in the place where we shared our first stolen kiss. There is no safer place in all my kingdom. Bring with you the bishop and any knights that remain. I shall tell you all else then, when we are safely together. <p> <p> My love, endure this one last seven day for me. Live in my love for these last few nights, hold me near you and remember always that I hold you most dear to my very soul. <p>With all my love, <p>Your Arnias