Hey Cyn-- Great job on both stories! And don't worry about the HTML and stuff; it came out fine. Poor Rafael. I feel like I somehow know him. Update more! I must have more! @_@

Cynthia Lane Armstrong replies: "Rafael is Jax, just so you know..."

I tried to give as much input as I could; I hope it helps. ^..^

Congratulations on a very much over-earned mod's choice. You should've gotten one on your pictures by now, but oh, well. The poem is certainly deserving.

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May all your Christmas dreams come true!

I'd forgotten that you had a library up here now. Thanks for reminding me. I like your new story, it is very good and has the potential to be incredible. My comment I left on there was more about formatting and editing than actual content critique. I think the only thing you could add to it to improve the content would be to gives us some more insight into the main character's thoughts/emotions during the battle. Maybe you could even had some internal dialogue where she talks herself out of peering into the combatants minds. That's just a thought. A more general way to put this advice would be this: Flesh out the main character a little more. We don't really know anything about her by the end of the story, other than the fact that she is curious about the combatants and is going to try to help whoever is still living. That's the only thing I would suggest to improve the content. Utilize her connection with the surround forest to interact with the trees or whatever else as they get scorched, barely missed, crushed, or whatever else. It will help to heighten the emotion of the story and move up from good to outstanding. Okay, I'm done. Need to get ready for work now.

Cynthia Lane Armstrong replies: "Thanks, as always, for your in-depth critique. You've left me with some really good suggestions that I intend to implement. "

Ooh! Agree with above person (again). More detail about the battle is always good. Though, from personal opinion, I think it was pretty good, you hinted just enough to spark all kinds of associations with your descriptions. Same with the characters. Not much description of them, yet they are very distinct. Perhaps I jump to conclusions. I think you should describe the battle from Jax/Raphael's point of view, or the other dragon's, however. That first hand account would be much more interesting than a second-hand account via the trees, which I suppose would actually be a third hand account. I must say, though, that I would rather you get to a decent pause in the story for my sanity's sake before any major reworkings. Well, I dunno, I guess that really meditating on their motivations will make a much better continuation. But as you have all those beautiful drawings in your gallery, I would imagine you have a good sense of that anyway, which would be why the characters are so vibrant even without much description. You just need to tell the rest of the world. Well, happy writting. For happy writers make more story.