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Dabao ´The Monkey´ Jia

"Cycle of Balance - Chapter 3" by Dabao ´The Monkey´ Jia

SF&F Picture 3 out of 8 by Dabao ´The Monkey´ Jia
 
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Hurray! Chapter number 3! This chapter probably isn't good as the other ones mostly because I didn't spend as much time on it. Also, the reason it's this short is because I got lazy and decided to just end the chapter. Tell me if u like it! Also tell me how you like this title (I finally thought up one although I'm not sure if it's good). The Cycle of Balance. Doesn't quite make the most sense but meh.
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Chapter 3

        Twilight was already starting to dread ever deciding to take the test. And the fact that he was probably going to leave Lushwood behind forever didn’t help.
        “Dusk, d’you think it was a good idea joining? I mean, I want to do something about all this and this seems to be the only way to help the humans at the moment.”
        “Mreow,” Dusk rubbed his head against Twilight’s hand affectionately.
        “I feel bad about having that argument with Ma and Da yesterday. Dawn was awfully upset too about all this.”
        “Sniff.”
        “Hmm, maybe…”
        “Excuse me sa, but do you know where the applicants for the army are supposed to go?” The boy was maybe only eleven years old.
        “Hmm, I never thought about that, what d’you think Dusk?”
        Dusk deftly pointed his tail in the general direction of the town centre where there were small groups of people gathered. “Merrow.”
        “Hmm,” Twilight turned to the boy, “Dusk smells some new scents in the town centre, so lets try over there…say by the way, aren’t you too young to join the campaign against the daemons?”
        “Ya…” the boy looked down sadly, “my brother said the same thing, you know he wouldn’t let me join. Says it’s not for young kids like me, and that I haven’t seen enough yet. I wanna go though. They said you have to be twelve years old at least to join, how old are you?”
        “I’m twelve but then why do you want to know where the applicants are supposed to go if you’re not going to go?”
        “I wanna say bye to my brother one last time.”
        “Oh, ok then…” both were quiet for a while. “Say, you wanna take a ride on Dusk?”
        “Sure, that’d be great!” Patting the Frumple a few times on the head, the boy leaped onto his back, just behind Twilight, “lets go.”
        Starting off at a brisk trot, Dusk made his way towards the town centre eventually going in a quick run until stopping in front of the crowd stationed there. Lowering his front body, Dusk let the boy off his back. The boy waved goodbye to both of them, quickly disappearing in the crowd.
        Twilight took a while looking at the crowd around the area. There was quite a bit of people, at least much more than he expected. They were there by the hundreds. And they all ranged from the age of fourteen to thirty-five. Some seemed happy and excited, and others were agitated or scared, as if they were forced to come. He decided to listen, again, to the conversations at hand seeing as how his friends weren’t there.

        “Ma master’s gonna have to strengthen that’n stone wall aroun’ the town more’n usual now he does. Stone don’ last foreva y’know, even the hardest can crack wi’time. Used to be every 29 years we been needing a fixin’ to the wall, now the chief says tis’ gotta be 27 days now. Don’ know why, he says it HAS to be 27 days. Da stone already starting to crack, nothing serious mind you, but if you leave it too long, it could cause disaster. Sure got my brain in a knot with all the chief’s mysterious reasoning an’ his ancient lore but if’n ya can’t trust him, who can ya trust in a time like this? This wars gonna be one brutal battle if I know wars.”
        “Well, look on the bright side, us apprentices don’ have to do the nature exam thing. I hate nature exams, I don’t see any reason to learn them. With all the ‘Which season is the season of birth?’ an’ ‘Which season is the season of growth?’ I just don’t get it.”
        “Nah, it’s easy. Birth is spring because of all the animals that are born in the spring and growth is summer ‘cause of the nature’s creatures growing and learning, preparing for fall and winter.”
        “Hey brother, over there! I see him! That’s the guy who helped me get here.”
        Two people ran over to Twilight. He recognised one of them as the little kid who wanted to say goodbye to his brother before he went to the test area to join the human army. Twilight waved them over.
        The brother of the little kid was a burly man, about the age of 18, right in his teens. He wore dirt coloured sleeveless shirt with a matching dirt pants. He also bore ruffled brown hair. “So, you’re the nice boy who showed my little brother the way here. Thanks,” he reached out his hand in greeting to Twilight. Twilight accepted the greeting. “I’m John, this,” he pointed to his little brother, “is John-John.” He gave a warm smile. “You know, I think you’re the youngest one here.”
        “Really? By the way my name’s Twilight.”
        “Nice to meet ya. Oh ya, and if you ever get in a bit of a twist, just stick near me huh?”
        Twilight laughed. “Sure!”

        Suddenly, a dozen of important-looking humans in long blue robes, embroidered with mystical stars strode in to the middle of the town circle, seemingly appearing out of nowhere.
        “Gather ‘round civilians!” One of the overly pompous newcomers said, “We are the royal wizards of the king. Please gather in the centre of this town circle and we shall transport you immediately to the test site.”
        There was a murmur among the crowds.
        “Please gather in the centre of the town circle!” The wizard repeated.
        There was shuffle of feet as people warily went to the centre. The wizards proceeded to encircle the civilians, raising their arms to the sky, and began chanting words of power. Glowing, velvet lines traced each other below the people in ancient hieroglyph patterns.
        Twilight gave a start, gazing at the hieroglyphs. Dusk did not like this much either, precariously sniffing the symbols strewn across the dirt ground. A brief word flashed just below Twilight right before it happened. The word Ionist.
        Air flew in rapid streams across his face while shadows crawled and enshrouded the crowd, momentarily turning everything into a dark eclipse. Words penetrated the darkness.
        “An imbalance! We need more energy on the far north side!”
        “This kind of thing happened while I was teleporting some infantry reinforcements to the city of Raavren. I did not think of the daemon influence spreading this far!”
        “Shut the hell up and focus damnit!”
        “Ok, we have a hold.”

        Light flooded back into Twilight’s vision. Twilight realised it was sunset. Giving Dusk a pat on the head, Twilight took his first steps into this new territory.
        A rodent scurried by darting into a bush before leaping onto a damp tree looming nearby and clawing at it, brought itself upon the branch. Two beady eyes dug holes in Twilight as the rodent sized him up. Twilight didn’t like this place. Dead bushed littered the floor, the black trees were crippled with age and even the smallest animal seemed hungry enough to devour him.
        The others were just as bewildered as Twilight, rubbing their eyes repeatedly as if they thought that doing so would make the whole place disappear. Some were looking for the wizards that brought them here, probably looking for answers yet they were nowhere to be seen either.
        Twilight looked down and to his surprise, he saw himself wearing a belt, with a shining dagger sheathed to the right. He also found a set of arrows and a bow strapped to his back. Dusk didn't seem to have anything, however. Survive for 3 days. 3 days? How did he know that? But that did not matter at the moment. What mattered was to find a suitable shelter. He eventually decided to pair up with John. Scanning the crowds, he quickly found John, standing a good length above some others.
        “Hi John.”
        “Oh, hiya Twilight. Weird thing huh? Everything’s going at such a fast rate I feel like I was left behind. So what did’ya want?”
        “Wanna partner up?”
        John considered this for a moment. “Pfft! Why not me little friend? S’pose we’ll be needing as much help as we can get, but not too much people, mind you. That attracts unwanted attention.”
        “Like what?”
        “Hmm, dunno. But you never know eh?”
        “Ya I guess.” Twilight gave a chuckle and looked around again. “Better get going.”
        “Sure, lets go,” John replied with a sigh. He rotated around in a full circle, studying his surroundings. “Lets head south. First of all, you never know what might show up and I’d rather get as far away from the daemon borders as possible, whether or not what they say. Besides, the area looks pretty safe that way with all the trees. We might be able to find good shelter that way.”

        John started off southward, weaving through bushes and trees. The almost dead trees seemed to rise at their presence, moaning aloud of death and destruction. It almost intimidated Twilight and made him turn back. Almost.

←- Cycle of Balance - Chapter 2 | Cycle of Balance - Chapter 4 -→

DateNameComment 
4 Jul 2005:-) Julia Anna Rill
oh wow! i wanna read more! ;P
yes, really cool! and really really catching!
But some things i need to mention: one sentence i found a little strange. it is: " at least much more than he expected". i don't know for sure but at least much more seems wrong to me...
and then, again i am not really sure about this, you have the sentence: "for the wizards WE brought them here". what does we mean? i tried to read it several times but i didn't get a meaning into it. is it a typo? or do i just not now the real meaning of the word... 2
and the last thing i wanna say, is that you have in the end a paragraph where you use the phrase "that way" a little too often.
but other than this, i really like your story! i can't wait to get the rest to read. the title sounds good, by the way. but it is cruel to let the chapter end where it is getting serious... *sniff*

15 Dabao 'The Monkey' Jia replies: "Ya I guess the "we" part was a typo. I shall have to fix that. Thx for pointing out some of the other mistakes! And sry about the cruelty, but I just got too lazy. Anyway, it makes people want to read more, which is a good thing...for me. Thx for the comment!"
4 Jul 2005:-) Jessica Warner
*first comment Egyptian walk*
You didn't tell me you'd updated!!! Oh wait...I suppose you didn't have time yet. That's okay then, I'll forgive you. 12

This is good! Survive for three days eh? Very interesting...you've got some more great conversations here too. Sounds like it's about to get VERY interesting...is John an important new character? Look forward to hearing more about him.

As to the title, I suppose only someone who knows what the whole story's gonna be about could say, but it sounds good to me!

7 Dabao 'The Monkey' Jia replies: "ya, sry about not telling u but u know, I was on vacation and I didn't quite have the time, internet, computer etc. needed. I'm glad is sounds interesting. Um...John is probably going to act as temporary father to Twilight. And yes, the name would only really make sense to those who know what is going to happen or have already read the whole story (which I am not done)."
8 Jul 2005:-) Jess Hyslop
Again, this is good. I liked the transportation method - wizards! I also think you do an excellent job on describing Dusk and his movement.

Suggestion: Maybe you could actually give us the conversation/arguement with his mum and dad? I know it may not be that important but it would establish their characters more... I don't know, it's up to you.

Er, what happened to all the others who came through with them? I mean, I KNOW what happened - presumerably they all go off their separate ways to do their survival thing, but it seemed a little strange that people weren't talking to each other more and forming small groups instead of just pairs. It's not really a problem, I just think it would make it a bit more realistic if you made more of that.

2 Dabao 'The Monkey' Jia replies: "Suggestions noted. Thankee. But the mom and dad don't play a big role in the story, so I don't quite feel it's necessary to develop their characters more. And thanke again for thy comment!"
11 Jul 2005:-) Chelsea R. Doop
Hehe... *laughs nervously* nevermind that last sentence about the next chapter. I went to go read it and it turns out there wasn't one. Ha! Yea, yea jokes on me, folks! *glares at everyone*

:-) Dabao 'The Monkey' Jia replies: "*glares back* Anyway, I'm working on chapter 4 right now, so I'll contact u when it's up."
11 Jul 2005:-) Chelsea R. Doop
I enjoyed this chapter a lot! I thimk maybe you used their names a little to much though... You should use some pronouns... and that's all I can think of right now! Sorry I didn't comment on any of the last chapters. I kind of got sucked into the story. *blushes* I do that sometimes. ok so... You deserve more cookies! YOu get extra since I wasn't able to give them to you before.

*struggles with a large tray laden with cookies*
Phew! *wipes brow* Ok off to the next chapter!

2 Dabao 'The Monkey' Jia replies: "Alrighty then. Point taken. Oh, and thx for da cookies. I like cookies."
20 Jul 200545 Monsa Xi
I liked this chapter... You really need to continue this...
Have you noticed that when I am commenting, I resist the urge to ruffle a certain person's hair??? I know we still have the deal but does it count if the pet is virtual???

Anyways... CONTINUE!!!

I'll ve vaiting...

1 Dabao 'The Monkey' Jia replies: "Thank you! And about the deal, it did not specify in which occasions, and therefore, knowing all of your victims, we shall assume that no petting is allowed on ALL occasion and circumstances."
30 Jul 200545 Susan Rogers
Very nice. See? I DID read what I said I was going to ^_^. Only suggestion is to perhaps have more non-dialogue? It does work well with lots of conversation but if you lose your place with whose talking, its a bit of a hassle to find out what was going on. Mahvelous though.

13 Dabao 'The Monkey' Jia replies: "I know. Thx too! Chapter 4 doesn't have as much dialogue. Sadly, it is still in the ticket queue"
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About 'Cycle of Balance - Chapter 3':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Dabao ´The Monkey´ Jia
 • Copyright: ©Dabao ´The Monkey´ Jia. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Balance, Cycle, Twilight, Dusk, Dawn, Battle, Tsinoi, Stuff
 • Categories: Demons, Imps, Devils, Beholders..., Dragons, Drakes, Wyverns, etc, Elf / Elves, Fights, Duels, Battles, Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc., Mythical Creatures & Assorted Monsters, Orc, Goblins, Trolls, Trollocs..., Romance, Emotion, Love, Royalty, Kings, Princes, Princesses, etc, Urban Fantasy and/or Cyberpunk, Vampires, Zombies, Undeads, Dark, Gothic, Warrior, Fighter, Mercenary, Knights, Paladins, Wizards, Priests, Druids, Sorcerers..., Dwarf, Dwarves
 • Views: 151


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