"The Old Way (unedited)" by Agnessa ´graymalk´ Dreytser

            I sat at the window watching the light of the fires dying in the slight distance. The raiders had claimed the village a few days back, Priests they called themselves, on a mission of purification. Ha! They stormed the small town, killing all who opposed them. The old temples were the first to burn: ridding the land of the “Devil-dwellings,” or so they claimed—and with them the old priests and priestess’s. Nine had been buried so far, the first being my brother.

            Aiden had been almost done with his temple-blessing when the invaders first entered the village, fire arrows flying and swords swinging. The temple was their initial target and he refused to leave mid-ritual. A terrible scream was heard in the night, and then, silence. As the temple collapsed around him, he emerged from the flames sheltered by the Great Mother’s hand—I can still remember the anger in his eyes as he turned to face the strangers, tall, shirt burned from his body and burn scars running down his back and chest, fighting staff in his right had, goddess pendant hanging from a black cord in his left. But my brother was a priest, not a soldier, and I could do nothing as I watched him fall—the only victory that their leader fell as well, struck down by the blue-glowing fighting staff that now lay in a limp and dying hand.

            Lightening flared up in the sky, and then the rain came down stronger than it ever had before. Leaderless, the raiders fled killing yet more of up as they ran. As the fires died and the rains ceased we were finally able to emerge from our hiding places. Everywhere people falling at the bodies of their loved ones, just as I fell beside Aiden’s. I remember the tears I shed over my fallen brother, but they were just as useless as everyone else’s and he remained just as dead.

            We buried our dead that night, in the small clearing on the edge of the forest, each laying their own beneath the earth, as I (both my mother and father having died years before) laid my brother and his new wife—she had been a young priestess and had burned in the temple—side by side. But the “priests” had quickly found a new leader, and again the lands burned, and now, my brother was joined by seven others—all young priests and priestess’s of the old temples. We were stuck here, safe as long as we followed the new order, as long as we stayed on our farms and mills and made new waves, as long as we forgot who we were and the old ways we had believed in. the old religions were to be forgotten, buried along with our lost family.

            My hand clenched unconsciously around the goddess pendant until the silver dug into my skin, reminding me of its presence and pulling me out of the past and back to the moment. I looked down at the small silver charm, and smiled sadly. I’d held onto it since that day, keeping it hidden lest the priests should see and take it. It was all that I had left of Aiden, and I would not lose it. I bound the cord back around my neck, and carefully hid it beneath my shirt, checking and then double checking to be sure that it was hidden and would remain so, and then settled back against the attic window to watch the sun rise.

            It was a beautiful spring sunrise: warm orange-yellow glow slowly spreading over the quiet land. For that short moment in time, everything was perfect. And then the spell was broken, as the normal morning sounds of a broken farming village began the day. And I, too, had to begin my day, as today was to be no ordinary day. Silently I crept down the stairs, my black bag held tightly in my hand as I tip-toed past my brother’s empty room and just as silently slipped out of the back door. I pulled the strap of my bag over my head, settling the bag on my back and covered my shoulders with a deep forest green cloak. I had been preparing for this day since I buried my brother, hopefully that would be enough. I only had one chance; it had to be done today. Pulling the hood over my head I slowly climbed the hill and entered the forest. The sky was a cloudless beautiful blue, the sun clearly visible as it rose over the land in the east. I walked deeper into the forest not bothering to even check where I was going. The pull of the cave would lead me right to it. I knew it would, though I wasn’t sure how or why.

            After about a half an hour of walking I encountered the structure that I had been searching for: an almost perfect circle of cerulean crystal, close to ten paces tall and twenty paces wide, complete with a low opening facing towards the north. Looking around I checked for any possible pursuers before crawling inside. As I cleared the entrance I stood and looked in amazement at the mysterious, calming glow as the light of the sun pierced the seemingly thin walls. This was the cave that I had see in my dreams. I knew this was where I was supposed to be.

            Letting the strap of my bag slip from my shoulder I sat down in the center of what would pass as the “main hall” and laid my bag down beside me. Above me was a small opening, cut into the stone by means that no one would name, where the sun would be completely visible as it passed though its highest orbit at noon. I’m not certain how I knew any of this, but the knowledge was so “right” in my mind, that I could do nothing but to trust it. Perhaps Aiden was still with me, perhaps it was something else, I would not be one to question a helping hand lest it be pulled away.

            It was almost time! I would have to make haste to be sure that everything was set up correctly and in time to be ahead of the rising sun. opening my bag and pulling out my box of goodies—a silver container that had been in my family for years—I gingerly unwrapped the purple velvet cloth that covered the box and just as carefully placed it down on the ground, smoothing out the material, keeping the box perfectly in the center. Then I pulled off the cover and laid it down behind me. I had to hurry, but simultaneously, everything had to be precise. Four white candles were next, one for each of the four corners: north, west, south, and east. Followed by an incense holder and a sandalwood incense stick placed directly behind the north candle. Last, was a piece of parchment paper, folded an uncountable number of times, which I delicately removed from the box and slowly unfolded it, smoothing it out once careful crease at a time, and laid it down on my knees. There! Everything was finished. Now all that was left, was to wait.

            Lowering my hood, I put my hands on my lap and looked up at the sky: a quiet moment of preparatory meditation as the sun slowly crept into its noon-time orbit. The cave was rapidly growing dim, the moon almost covering the sun. just a few more seconds… perfect! It was dark. Now I could begin.

            Striking a match I watched the flame jump to life and then cautiously lit the north candle followed by the other three. in a counter-clock-wise direction, and finished with the incense, waving it in a circle around me before setting it back in its northern place. As the white scented flames rose towards the sky, I began to recite the old Celtic spell that I had found in the box one day, written on the parchment in a script that was so old and faded that I had to strain to be able to read it. I didn’t know what I was saying, I shouldn’t have even been able to read the scrawled lettering, but it felt right, so I continued.

            My words echoed in the emptiness of the cave, spreading and rising just as the scented smoke did, and then, there was nothing but the sound of my breathing. Suddenly all of the candles flared up and just as abruptly went out. The smoke from the incense raced towards the opening and the stick fell to the ground. I stared in awe, breath caught in my throat, as one by one the candles burst into new life: a low and beautiful sapphire flame. As the flames cast a dim light onto the walls of the cave I noticed that I was no longer alone: just a feeling at first, and then soft footsteps, as out of the darkness a small girl walked into the circle of light. She was wearing a black dress, just as I was, and had the same green cloak, the only difference being in the size. It took me a minute to realize that this was not simple a little girl; it was me!

            She walked up to me and sat down with her back facing the north, her face inches from my own. The girl lowered her hood and a cascade of dark hair tumbled down to her waist. My hand instinctively rose to my own hair, but it as only at my shoulder; I had forgotten that I had cut it but a few months prior. As I placed my hand back in my lap blushing slightly, she spoke.

            “You were not expecting me? You seem surprised.” I jumped at the sound of her voice, my voice. It was one and the same, but the body that held it was so different.

            “I’m… not sure,” I hesitated, and the girl tilted her head curiously. “I wasn’t expecting anyone. I was expecting a guide.”

            “You were expecting a guide and yet you were expecting no one? Strange.” She replied with all of the seriousness begetting the adult that she was not.

            “Yes! No. stop it!” I retorted. Frustrated and frightened, but trying to maintain my emotions lest they cause her to leave. “I was expecting someone but I didn’t think it was possible. You… me, we are one, are we not?”

            “Technically, yes. But here, on this day, you come for answers and where else would you get the best answers than from yourself?”

            “But, if I need answers how can I possibly answer them myself?” I asked, confusion clouding my tone. To my frustration she laughed.

            “Because, you already know the answers, you just don’t want to accept them. You hide from them.” As she sat before me, she spike in a soft voice. Yet behind those youthful eyes there was unimaginable wisdom. I wanted to listen; I wanted to run… I no longer knew what I wanted. She tilted her head slightly and smiled, she knew what I was thinking… she had to, didn’t she?

            “And you don’t?” I continued, trying to keep my voice from wavering, grom giving anything away.

            “You said it yourself, I do not exist. If one does not exist, one cannot hide from the truth.”

            “Touché! So you say that you know the answer, but I don’t know the question.”

            “Yes, you do. Otherwise you would not be here.”

            I gave a soft saddened laugh and nodded “I guess not.” I glanced down at my hands, unknowingly playing with the ring that was on my right hand. My hands itched to hold the charm at the neck, but I feared revealing it. “But then, I don’t know why I’m here…” I said without looking up.

As if reading my thoughts the child’s eyes darted to where the charm hung and then looked back up at me. “Tell me, are you happy? Will I be happy?” her quiet voice broke the exaggerated silence that had fallen upon us. I looked up somewhat dumbfounded by the question.

“Are you not happy now?”

“Now is a good time, but you are no longer here now. I, am always here, forever frozen in this time, but I wonder how my life would be later.”

“You mean how will life be when you grow up?” I asked, confused how she could not know. Perhaps she did know, but something still drew me to answer.

She nodded slightly, “Yes.”

The sudden change of subject, and the stirring emotions behind that childish voice moved me into honestly, “Life is hard. There is a lot of pain and emptiness. But there is still love and friendship.”

“Pain and emptiness, but also love and friendship?” she repeated with a slight tilting of her head, “You speak in tongues!”

“So do you.” I snapped quickly, and then bit my tongue. Had I offended her? Would she leave? But she only smiled and inclined her head in acceptance of the truth.

“You are right. But tell me, why pain? What happens?” her eyes once more darted to where Aiden’s pendant hung around my neck, and I reflexively reached up to cover it with my hand, making sure that iw was still hidden beneath my shirt. Her eyes met mine once more and she nodded slightly, and as if the movement had triggered something within me and I began to speak, retelling the story of how the raiders had come in as short a tale as I could muster. Proudly forced only twice to stop and regain my composure.

As I spoke she listened without interruption, her expression unchanging, though she absorbed every word as if she was reliving the attack herself. Finally, as my words fell silent she spoke “That is unfortunate, but that is not all is it?” Her tone spoke knowledge that I could never imagine, it also required me to answer. For the first time since I had taken the charm from the dead neck of my brother, I allowed for another being to see it. I pulled out the silver token, looking into it for a long time, the child’s eyes focusing on it as I answered,

“You lose your…my…our brother…” the image of Aiden’s death flashed across my eyes, causing my throat to tighten for an instant, before I managed to push it back down. “You don’t even get to say goodbye.” A single tear rolled down my cheek and before I could wipe it away I felt her small fingers brushing it aside. She looked at it studying it as if she had never seen one before. Then those calm immortal brown eyes refocused on me.

“That is sad,” the girl answered to my tale in a voice that was so calm it hurt to hear it, “But if that is what was fated, then it must be proper.”

“Proper?! Your brother gets murdered and that’s proper?! Your village burns and your religion is destroyed and you call it proper?” I could not be hearing this from her, from me! It was a struggle to remain where I was seated, but somehow I managed. “Wait! You can stop it, you can save the village. You could keep him alive!” Hope colored my voice, but was quickly dashed as she shook her head calmly.

“I can not.”

“You would not even save your own?” How could she be so calm? I just couldn’t understand how she could be so emotionally numb.

 “If it is fated, then it will happen. You can not change the past…”

“But you can learn from it…” I finished for her, any anger that had been, melted as understanding took its place.

“Exactly!” The bright smile that spread over her face was too much to bear and I dropped my gaze clouded by tears that I did not want her to see. I could not stand to look up into those innocent eyes.

“I know. But it’s hard.” My voice was soft, and I wasn’t sure that she had heard me, until I heard her soft and cheerful voice.

“Living and loving are hard.”

I nodded slightly, but said nothing as she gave me a moment to collect myself. She was smiling again as I looked up at her once more. “Now it’s your turn. Tell me, is there anything I am doing wrong? Should I be doing more? Or something different?”

“Wrong? Different?” she asked, raising a brow slightly in question.

“Don’t play games. You know what I want to know!” Frustration and anger grew again but once more melted as she nodded gravely.

“You have forgotten your true self. You have forgotten me. You live like everyone else, but you are not like everyone else! Follow your heart. Follow your destiny.”

“What must I do? Will you never give me a real answer?”

“You ask to know what you already do. You have the answers that you seek. All you must do is trust yourself.” Her hand reached out and small fingers brushed across the chilled surface of the silver charm. She tilted her head up then and looked up at me once more, “Trust in him. Trust in what he left you.” She smiled sweetly then and sat back on her heels, laying her hands back in her lap. “He always did, he still does.”

Confusion, hurt, and anger grew within me again, rising to a boiling point that threatened to take over my self control, “Why do you play games with me?” New tears slid down my cheeks, but I did not bother to brush them aside, and she no longer seemed to notice them

“You misunderstand my response. I play no games with you. If you open your mind, you will see just as I do. I am part of you and you have me hidden away.”

Her words rang painfully true and I nodded. “A child’s innocence is quickly crushed by the truth of a harsh and unforgiving reality.” I snapped at her, though I had not meant to. Couldn’t she see that a child’s place was rapidly lost in this world?

“You can change that reality, you can change the truth.” While my own emotions boiled to the surface, she remained calm and friendly, her air reminding me of what she really was.

“I don’t know how.” I protested, though my anger had once again left me, my strength quickly following.

“You do.”

“Tell me what I have to do!” I pleaded “Tell me what must be done!”

“You already know.” She said calmly, “you must…”

And suddenly the child was gone, and I was once again sitting in a cave, alone. The candles were still burning, but the flame was of a normal yellow tint. I looked up at the sky, the moon having moved on already, and the sun was bright, but the cave no longer glowed. The eclipse was over and my time was up. Whatever answers I could have received on this day, I had already gotten, but would they be any help?

Reluctantly, I picked up the incense holder and placed it back into the box. Then I snuffed each candle starting with that of the north and placed them into the box as well. Finally, I picked up the parchment paper that had the spell written on it, but it no longer held those words. Instead, it held a picture of my brother, standing tall on the steps of the First Temple, on the bottom were the words “Trust in him, he trusts in you” in rich silver calligraphy. I closed my eyes and wiped away a tear. I missed him greatly, but I knew the truth. It had been his destiny, and if nothing else, it had bought us the time we had needed to save the rest of us. He was where he belonged. I only hoped that he was happy. Perhaps I would see him again in our next lives. I placed the picture into the box with a small sad smile, covered and re-wrapped it in the velvet cloth, then replaced the box within the bag and stood.

The cave was once more as it had been. The only sign that anyone had been there was the small pile of burnt incense that lay on the ground close to where I had been sitting, and the slight lingering aroma of sandalwood already beginning to air out. I said goodbye to my spirit guide and began to walk out of the cave. I had learned much, but now I had so many new questions.

As I walked, I opened my mind. She had said that I could once again see the world, unbiased and clear, and I would. I walked further and further from both the cave and the village. Wild birds called in the trees above and the light from the sun became dimmer as the canopy grew thicker. I was no longer walking in a forest only a few leagues from my home, it was a jungle, on an untouched part of the world where nature and I were one. I had done it. I had become what I had been missing for so long. I had once again managed to step into the world of the child; of the unbiased imagination of a truly immortal being.

I went on, climbing over a few rocks and some fallen trees until I was no longer sure of where I was anymore. A soft drizzle began to pass through the leaves overhead, and I glanced around stepping out of my fantasy world to try and find a place of cover before the on-coming rain fell. But where was I? And how did I get here? And most importantly, how was I getting back? I walked on a little bit, and then doubled back. Great, the last thing I needed now, I was lost.

The rain began to pick up, and the clouds gathered in the sky, shrouding the sun, and leaving me to stumble around in a wet and chilling darkness. I stumbled over something unseen beneath my feet and almost tumbled down the small knoll, only grabbing onto the bent tree trunk keeping me from rolling down into the undistinguishable muck below. ‘Careful Zel, you don’t want to end up down there, trust me’ the voice echoed in my mind painfully happy, as I almost felt the brush of a warm hand on my shoulder. “Aiden?” I looked up once I had regained my balance, but of course, he was not there. The memory was a happy one however.

I remember  that trip, It had been while my father was still alive, I was only five on that day, my brother having just fulfilled his hunting rights, had taken me out exploring into these woods. We had spent multiple days in this wilderness, and I had performed my first ritual with him in the nearby caverns. Caverns… that was it! And I knew where I was now. I smiled warmly as I leaned against that tree, and closed my eyes, allowing myself a short jaunt through memory of happier times. ‘There’s enough room here for a village! We could even build a temple in the center.’ Aiden’s words, as if he stood right beside me, brought me out of my memories like a bucket of cold water dumped over a sleeping child. Enough room for a village. Build a temple! I remembered the day we had spoken about that, and I remembered the cavern.

Before I even realized it, my feet were already moving in the proper direction, towards the rock formation that I had not seen in over ten years. I didn’t remember the way there, but it seemed that my feet still remembered; or perhaps my brother was not as far as I had though? That brought another smile to my lips and a silent thanks to whomever it was that was guiding me.

The structure was an old weathered stone construction, brown stone that had been smoothed by long years of rain and wind. It had been formed by the original passing of the icebergs, or so they say, but Aiden had been right, it was large enough for an entire village, my village perhaps, and the center room could easily be transformed into a temple.

I placed my bag in a small ‘room’ towards the back, hiding it, in case someone were to see me re-entering the village so late after dark, as it was now growing dark and I still had a way to go before I got back. I dared not linger here much longer, now that I knew what had to be done, and with that I turned and ran back to my home. I had no eyes for the wonders of the forest at nightfall, except to avoid the roots and rocks and would otherwise have hindered my flight. I was sure that I would have plenty of time to explore this area later. If I could just convince those of use still faithful to the old ways to leave, we could start once again here, in the shelter of the natural world we could return to the old ways, and it was doubtful that the raiders would follow us. They were far too used to their luxuries to find a bunch of rocks and trees very interesting after all.

I made it back into the village, just as the last rays of the sun had fallen below the horizon. I didn’t bother going home; there would be no one there to greet me anyway. Instead, I headed for the gathering house—a barn once, now converted into a dinning and housing hall for those of us that would not convert to the new ways, just the people I needed to see. As I darted towards the door, I could see that the lanterns had already been lit and the hall was full. Dinner was already being served; this would be the perfect chance for me to present my idea. Hopefully, they would see me as something other than the child that I once was, and agree to follow me.

Calic greeted me with a warm smile and a quick embrace as I followed her into the building and the door was shut behind me. “I have wonderful news” I told her as soon as the door had been shut and instantly her smile faded and her experience grew serious.

“What is it child?” she asked with all the attentiveness that anyone could have asked for. “We haven’t had naught but bad news since them stran’ers came. Come child talk.”

I smiled, excitement growing within me, and quickly I explained to her both my idea, and the location and construct of the caves. As I spoke, her expression slowly changed from doubt to excitement and finally settled on a mixture of both with a little concern thrown in “You be not joking do you, child?” she asked quietly, as she and I both noticed the growing crowd of onlookers that we had acquired.

“No! Not at all!” I assured both her and those that had heard my words. Slowly I moved away from her and faced the others, the room having grown silent enough that I could address them all. “I found a new place for us.” I said into the silence, “A new sanctuary, one that the invaders will doubtfully follow us to. It’s neither new nor wonderful, a cavern actually.” As I spoke, I could see the doubt clouding many of their eyes, but no one spoke up, and most importantly no one turned away. “But it is large enough for all of us. And it has been blessed!” Those words stirred both nods of approval as well as exclamations of ‘by whom’, ‘how do you know’ and the loudest, ‘when can we leave?’

It was all I could do to keep from bouncing as more than I could ever have wanted had just fallen into place. Already people were moving to pack up their belongings, to herd their kids into small groups, and to pack up food into traveling packages. They knew as well as I did, that if we were to leave we were to do it tonight, before word could spread to The Strangers. As dried cakes of bread and cheese were forced into my hand I explained what we were to do, and where we were to go. “Aiden showed it to me, I know how to get us all there, and we can all manage to rebuild our community once we’re there, I know we can”

Soft cries of ‘aye’ and ‘Aiden still watches over us’ could be heard in the crowd as much faster than it should have been possible, all of the necessities were packed up, and the villagers gathered into groups. We were ready to go. “Now all we need is a leader, a priest to take over where Aiden left off.” I murmured as I watched the gathering villagers.

A strong hand came down on my shoulder as a light pack was passed to me. As I looked up, one of the hunters was looking down at me. He was the lead hunter if I was not mistaken, Ledro I believe his name was, and he was smiling faintly. “I believe that we have already found both, M’lady.” He nodded slightly as I took the pack from him, confusion clouding my eyes, until I stood up and saw that not only the hunters but all those who were not busy with children were looking at me, many nodding, more smiling, and all of them waiting for me to make a move. I swallowed hard, and instinctively gripped the silver pendant around my neck, revealed accidentally while I was running, I now let it hang over my shirt, and over my heart where it belonged.

Slowly I scanned the crowed. They were waiting for me to lead, to tell them what to do, and where to go, and to somehow save them from the raiders. How was I possibly going to manage all that alone? ‘But you’re not alone’ was the soft whisper as I felt the presence of Priest Aiden standing beside me. My mother and father gathered behind me and I knew then, that no, I was not alone. A warm smile slowly spread over my face as I hitched the bag over my shoulder and nodded

“Alright.” I called out into the group, and almost instantly silence descended upon the crowd. Every face turned towards me, even the children waited to see what would happen. “We head towards the Northeast. Parents and children in the center, the hunters will flank us. They’re the best people to lead, so I shall leave it to them to figure out formations.” As I turned towards the leader of the hunting party, Calic nodded with a small smirk of approval. I knew what I could not do and I did not pretend to. “I’ll stay towards the lead, as I believe I am the only one who knows of this place.” As I glanced around I received another nod from the crowd, and my security in my ability to do this slowly began to grow.

We moved out within an hour, the hunters on the outside as he gathered in four lines. Hunters on the outside, parents next and the children gathered in the middle: the older helping the younger, carrying the youngest. We carried only the essentials that we would need for a few days, we would return, the hunters and I, in future days to retrieve what we could from the Great Hall, what we could not we would manage without. As we walked Calic’s hand ‘accidentally’ slipped into my own, and I did not move away. It was a silent exchange: a smile from me, and a re-encouraging squeeze of his hand and then our attention was drawn back to the task at hand.

It took us hours to get to the new sanctuary, between the time we had taken to gather everyone, and the slow progress that we were making with such a large group. And it was to the awakening of the first rays of light that we caught our initial glimpse of our future home. It was nothing more than stone and sand that which we were approaching, but compared to the home that we had fled, it was nothing short of a palace. Soft cries of joy and triumph rang out through the crowd as we got closer to the structure, and the youngsters of the group ran heedlessly towards the caves. But we were safe now and no one stopped them.

The women of the group took in the children and set about arranging living quarters, while the men set about finding food and chopping down trees for fires. And the hunters surrounded the place, scouting to make sure it was safe, and bringing back the first kills of the new Sanctuary. And I said my thanks to whomever had brought us here, and then made my way to what would become one of our greatest temples. As I stood in the doorway and looked around the room, I felt someone walk up beside me and remove my bag from my shoulder. Calic gently placed the Priestess’s robes about my shoulders and nodded “You’ve saved us M’lady” he said softly and smiled as I turned to face him “And you shall lead us into a new future Zel, the old ways will not be forgotten.”

Smiling warmly, I nodded slightly, “No, it will not” I said quietly, and for the first time in three years, could watch him without having to avert my eyes or find an excuse. However, it was rather surprising when he leaned over and placed a soft and gentle kiss upon my cheek, then turned and left me alone. My hand, that oh so often darted to my brother’s necklace, now rose to cover my cheek. “Did he just?” I shook my head slightly and laughed as I let my hand fall and turned to watch the sun rise through the small opening in what would eventually become the main window of the Great Temple. We would be alright, and we would not forget who we were, or where we came from. I smiled and stood there alone, and yet I knew, that I would not be alone ever again. The smile that pulled at my list touched my eyes as it had not in years, and I turned to see what help I could be in the preparations of the new village.