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Douglas Eckhart

"An Ear For Song" by Douglas Eckhart

SF&F Picture 3 out of 7 by Douglas Eckhart
 
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The first of my '1 hour' writings. It took several hours to clean up.
This will make you sick of Cirric and his song. 'Shut up about the stupid song already!'
Anyway, it's got an elf in it. I'll be surprised if you can't guess the ending.

Let me know what you think! (Submitted: June 2, 2005)
(Revised Jan. 27, 2006: Fixed items indicated in comments)

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An Ear For Song

I was looking forward to Cirric's new song, as was everyone else. It must have been over a decade since his last presentation and people were still talking about it - "The ballad of Ellana and Mercic". Few things brought back such fond memories as Cirric's songs.

It was the crinkling sound of paper that interrupted my thoughts and brought me back to reality. I had hardly been paying attention to the food, despite having come here to try it. Human cuisine - so unpolished and rough. I didn't like it much, I decided. But what was this? A slip of paper - "Not your best day. Keep a clear head or you may meet with misfortune. A woman could be your downfall." I laughed as I read it. How odd, including a random form of divination to end their meal. And it's so vague it could mean anything. Surely no one believes in this, but still, it was such a surprise that I found it humorous. That was one of their better qualities, humor. Humans were overflowing with it, it seemed.

I almost lost myself again, musing about humans. "There'll be time enough for that," I chided myself. Now that the war was over, more of them would be showing up wanting to open shops and businesses. I sighed softly; I was getting distracted again. I had already stayed too long. If I didn't hurry I would miss the beginning of Cirric's song.

Since I was already late I had to find a shortcut to make it in time. "Through the carnivore woods", I decided. Not wasting another second, I leapt down from the walkway. No use going around to the ramp, it would only delay me further. The path was wide enough here, but it narrowed as it approached the carnivore forest. The carnivore trees were enough of an inconvenience that hardly anyone took that route even if it was shorter.

"I'll miss Cirric's song if I take the river path." I turned along a narrow footpath - the one that led through the middle of the forest. Since they were stationary, the carnivore trees weren't really very dangerous. They could cause a lot of damage, but only if you climbed on them or otherwise fell into one of their many mouths. Those were only at the V-like intersections of the branches, therefore easily avoided. I could remember when, as children we used to sneak food out of the house and have contests throwing food to the trees to see which items it would eat. "What would it think of human food?" I wondered, laughing at the thought.

Again, I had to force myself back to reality. My pace was slowing as I mused about the trees. "I've only made it through the third turn in the path. At this rate I'll definitely be late!" I forced myself to walk faster. The last cluster of trees was up ahead, and then it would be a straight shot to the amphitheater where Cirric would be performing.

Yet again, though, my thoughts drifted toward Cirric's ballads. I let my feet guide me; after all I'd been over this path countless time over the years. I'd have known the location of each tree, even with my eyes closed. "That's right", I remembered, "Last time I came to see Cirric perform, I'd been forced to take this path as well! Though it wasn't food that made me late last time it was...."

"A woman?"

This time it was a hint of color that brought me back from my thoughts. Something red and fluttery, silk glimpsed out of the corner of my eye. I turned and surely enough, there was a woman... not half a dozen paces away walking amidst the trees. Amidst the trees? The carnivore trees! I was about to call out a warning ... but at the last second I noticed the texture of her tanned brown skin ... a dryad? I laughed again at myself, of course a dryad was in no danger from trees. But, why was she here... where was she goin....

"AAAAIIIEEEEE!"

I heard my own voice crying out in agony as searing pain suddenly cut through the entire left side of my face! Wha....

My thoughts were interrupted and for the first time in my life, I could think of nothing. I was frozen, at least for an instant. I think it was my body acting on its own that pulled me back. I don't remember clearly.

For that instant there was nothing but pain burning along the side of my head, my left eye was watery, blurry.

I forced myself to focus, trying to clear my head.

Before me the branches glistened red. The branches of a carnivore tree. The 'V' between two branches was still swaying, dripping blood, my blood. I must have collided with it while my attention was distracted.

The tree was munching on something.

What was it?

Looking closer, I could see... the tip of... my... my ear?

I put a hand to the side of my head, gingerly; fearing to know the truth... there was nothing there... I pulled my fingers back, covered with blood. "Without my ear I'll never be able to hear Cirric's song properly!" was my last thought before everything went black.

Someone must have found me and taken me back to the village. Maybe it was the dryad that had saved me? My wounds had been bandaged and I was in my own bed, but the pain was still there. Worse than the pain in my head was the pain in my heart I had missed it... missed Cirric's song.

I looked down in despair and notice, on the bedside table was the slip of paper, "Not your best day. Keep a clear head or you may meet with misfortune. A woman could be your downfall."

←- The Trail of the Golden Mongoose | lost angel (poem) -→

DateNameComment 
19 Jul 2005:-) Becca Lusher
Okay, because you asked I have looked about for constructiveness - just remember you asked ^_^
Yup!Yup! I asked for it! ^.-
"I turned along 'a smallest' footpath - the one that *lead* through the middle of the forest." - Pet peeve this one - LED is the word you're looking for.
I know 'a smallest' has already been pointed out, I was just curious as to what you meant by that. Small isn't really a word I'd associate with a footpath.
I'll have to take your word on "Led" since the dictionary definition is a complete mess. Or else I'll just change it to "wound", since paths always wind through the woods, even straight paths! ^^ About a "small footpath", I suppose "narrow" might have been more exacting... but um... they can be big and small, right? I had envisioned a small dirt path about the width of one's foot.
"Since they were stationary, the carnivore trees weren't really very dangerous... throwing food to the trees to see which items it would eat."
- Just a style thing, but with things like this you run the risk of too much information just thrown out as a passing thing, but I like the little recollection at the end. In future (you don't have to change this, I mean in future stories) you might want to use something like the recollections to describe the way the trees act carnivorously. So it would be using the childhood memories of maybe getting caught in the trees or playing games to see who was bravest... something like that which would stop it just being info-dumping. If that makes sense...
I think what I'm on about is finding other ways to present things - it's the show not tell mentality. Not only does it draw your readers in more, but it stops everything from becoming monotonous and boring.
You caught me! The flashback was there before, but the infodump on the appearance of the carnivore trees was an 11th hour addition. I liked keeping them ambiguous, but *knew* that if I didn't specify, people would envision giant venus flytraps! I couldn't let that happen! ^^;
The forest - if it's safe enough for him to walk through without really thinking about it, why is it so rarely used? I know rumour and reputation would have a lot to do with it, but if they played in it as children, then surely they'd have grown up not being scared by it - and therefore used it when they got older. With caution anyway - I'm so pleased he walked into one. I had a feeling he would when he got that fortune cookie ^_^
Bah! You saw through my devious plot to misdirect everyone into worrying about the song! 12 As a reward, I shall tell you the hidden story of the carnivore trees (that was edited out). ^^ The idea is that they are a major annoyance, like poison-ivy mixed with briars and burrs all wrapped up in one plant. Any sane people would chop them all down or burn them all out of the woods. But I pictured elves as being these environmentalist or naturalist types that see the balance and purpose in all things. So, unlike humans who would get rid of menacing plants, they leave them. But, since they're immobile you an avoid them, like you would avoid patches of briars along a shortcut path. There are some paths like that in the woods near here. The unfortunate thing is, no matter how well you know the paths past the briars, somehow they always seem to sneak closer and catch your clothing or scratch you... so it makes the paths inconvenient for normal use, but not impassible. That's how I envisioned it. ^^
"My wounds had been bandaged and I was in my own bed, but the pain was still there. Worse than the pain in my head was the pain in my heart I had missed it... missed Cirric's song." Pain, pain, pain - you might want another word somewhere. I know it's first person perspective and technically you can get away with it. But don't fall into that trap, because else it just seems lazy ^_^

2 Douglas Eckhart replies: "I was hoping for a neat lyrical use of pain there, but I guess it became painful! ^_^ First person perspective really threw me for a loop, though! ^^"
2 Sep 2005:-) Katie Collishaw
OH, this was cute!! It was a little too short though.. I mean.. the dryad should have atleast tempted him along!! I do like how he was a rambler.. they get into all sorts of trouble.. maybe he could have talked a tree to death!! mua hahaha.. and poor thing, he must have really been looking forward to that song.. =( his ear is gone..

:-) Douglas Eckhart replies: "I'm glad you liked the story and you're right, it does need a bit more in there, either with the dryad or with the trees or with something!
In the first draft he leaves the village in disgrace after his ear is torn off. Then he goes on a long journey in the human lands, inspired by the food he had at the restaurant at the beginning! But, I'll leave that part to the reader's imagination! I have a rewrite of this planned that's ... a bit different! "
9 Sep 2005:-) Chase Daily Gordon
What no song !?!?! I read that whole thing and didn't get a song! Congrats! It was good. I'm afraid that little rambler sounds too much like me though. =D

:-) Douglas Eckhart replies: "Ack! I'm sorry there was no song! I have no aptitude for writing songs... or for reading them. I even skipped over the ones in Lord of the Rings. ^_^; I will try to write one and append it later, though. But, if you've read my poetry, you must know how little to expect from my songwriting! ^_^
Thank you very much for the comment! I'm glad to know that people are reading my work! I'll try to get stop by everyone else's pages, now that I'm back from sulking! ^_^"
1 Dec 200545 Syphette
I liked it, it showed you can write a good story with a relatively good plot!
CONTINUE!!!!!!!!!!!!

:-) Douglas Eckhart replies: "Thank you very much for this reply. I guess, seeing as how I'm replying months and months late it would sound hypocritical to say that I sincerely appreciated it. But I do value the time you spent reading my story and am deeply thankful for the comment. Now just to somehow get back into the writing thing... ^^"
3 Jan 2006:-) Laura de Lange
I thought since I had read your two ... poems (for lack of a better word), I should read you writing. It was a lovely story, very interesting and the fortune cookie ... yip. Easy to read, I really enjoyed it!

:-) Douglas Eckhart replies: "Thanks for the comment! ^^ I sort of bent the story to try to keep the fortune cookie in there. I hope it wasn't too aparent. I think the story suffered because I didn't want to compromise any of my ideas and tried to keep them all in there, even though I knew it hurt the wording.... I guess writers should always be prepared to throw away any element of a story that no longer fits. ^^;;
I'm sorry for the late reply, but I've been ... well, afk for lack of a better word. I'm glad people are still finding my writing. ^_^"
11 Apr 200645 L. Shanra Kuepers
First comment warning: Nits first, rest later.

And it's so vague it could mean anything. Surely no one believes in this, but still, it was such a surprise that I found it humorous. That was one of their better qualities, humor. Humans were overflowing with it, it seemed. hts-in-quotation-marks that make this less easy to read (and more confusing) than it should be, for reasons already noted above.

I would have loved to have a little bit more description of the elf's surroundings at the beginning just to get the scene set a little more. As it stands, you're not even handing out broad brush strokes until he comes to the forest. It's a bit of a pity, because it made it hard for me to get into it.

Still, those carnivore trees are a great touch. ^-^ You've carried the elf's voice really nicely. Bit of a spacey, loves to babble kind of chap. Absolutely endearing. ^-^ 'tis a great little piece. The fortune cookie was fun too. *skims through comments* Oooh, you edited things out? Why? Half the time people can put things in the story and a little more showing hardly ever hurts writing.

Lovely little piece. ^-^

:-) Douglas Eckhart replies: "Thank you for all the detailed comments! I will have to go through them all and see where I can fix the things that you suggested. I know that I'm not very good with commas and I always mean to look up the proper rules for them, but for some reason they never stick in my mind even when I do. ^_^
I'm sorry about the lack of detail on the elven village. I believe I did that on purpose, since I had recently read a lot of stories where people had spent so much time dwelling on descriptions of the surroundings that the story was lost. In this one I had hoped to let people envision an elf village in the trees since they're so common these days. I wonder if it worked... ^_^
Thank you again for commenting in such detail! That many changes may require me to post another update, but that's even better. I've had a total rewrite of the story in my mind for a long time. Maybe I should do that too! ^_^"
2 Aug 2006:-) Nina Roussakova
Ewwww.... ew. 2

As I went through the story, I thought... mmm.. nice start. My prediction: He'll meet a woman and something bad will happen. Maybe she's a thief of something.

His thoughts amused me. They seemed very life-like. 2 When he started walking through the carnivorous forest, I was thinking... uh-oh.... he's gonna get into trouble!

Seeing that dryad made me think OH NO!! OH NO!!! And then... ewwwwww.... ewwww...

Poor elf. He never got to hear Cirric.

:-) Douglas Eckhart replies: "Thanks for the comment! ^_^ It seems you had a much wider range of reactions than the elf in the story. Elves... they sure aren't big on emotion! At least I was saved the task of trying to write an elven ballad... my readers would have been the ones wishing their ears were torn off! That's how bad my skill at song lyrics is!"
27 Sep 2007:-) Heidi Hecht
Oh my gosh, it ate his ear?! Ouch-bummer of a way to miss Cirric's song. I was halfway expecting something more mundane when he got the warning, like, the woman was a witch who would turn him into a toad or something. Good writing here.

:-) Douglas Eckhart replies: "I didn't think about the toad thing at all! That might actually have been better, actually! 1 Now that I think about it, I don't have a witch story yet. I'll have to try to fix that.

I'm thinking of going through all the categories and trying to write about each one. I see the first one is 'Dragons'. I'm kind of stuck on that one... well, I actually think I'm just generally un-creative and uninspired. 8 Maybe a dragon and a witch!"
26 Mar 2008:-) Désirée Dippenaar
Haha, I like this! Really ironic, that he ends up losing his ear on the way to a concert - I like the idea, and the idea of carnivorous trees really is very good!!

"I could remember when[] as children we used to sneak food out of the house and have contests[,] throwing food to the trees to see which items [they] would eat." -> that’s one sentence I really liked. It not only builds up world and character background, but it’s also funny. ^^ Punctuation needs some fixing, though... but I’m not sure myself about that comma I added in.

"I looked down in despair and notice, on the bedside table was the slip of paper," --> Maybe this would be better as "I looked down in despair and notice[d] the slip of paper on the bedside table:"

World-building overall is really good here - especially the attitude to humans, and the short mentioning of a war... There could of course be more details to that, but I think that it’s pretty good as it is.

Great story! ^^ Liked it a lot~
23 Oct 2008:-) Aletheia vaune preston
I love the idea of a "carnivore" forest and trees with mouths! Very interesting and kind of gross too haha. Great writing though
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About 'An Ear For Song':
 • Status: OK
 • Created by: :-) Douglas Eckhart
 • Copyright: ©Douglas Eckhart. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Elf, Carnivore, Tree
 • Categories: Elf / Elves
 • Views: 293


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