I would like to dedicate this story to everyone at Steelsings, especially those who helped and encouraged me to write the original story; Lis, Blade, Maat for pointing out all my errors grammatical or otherwise, Raven, Evenstar, XshaynAX and everyone else who urged me to write more. I truly never would have done it without you. This is the Prologue (surprise surprise) of my story. The main characters are introduced and you see the beginnings of an inevitable culture clash. I revamped the original and tidied a few things up, but nothing very major. It flows better now. Comments would be lovely or if you want to tear my work into shreds, go right ahead, just do it constructively, please ;) Enjoy!
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They sighted the small group around midday. There were three of them, an old man, an young man and a heavily cloaked woman all mounted on powerful steeds. That was odd in it's self; the lady should have been riding a placid palfry, not a spirited grey mare. But things were even more amiss. Only two people, in this violent area, to guard the lady? The commander of the patrol wondered. Are they mad? Surely they must know the dangers of The Border? From the look of the small group it was obvious that they were from Niralem, the swords and shields that hung around the group were proof of that. The commander smiled grimly as his Second, joined him.
"Rob, what's to do? They're from Niralem or my names not Keith." He asked, running his hands nervously through his thin brown hair.
"Calm yourself man, there are only three of them; were they to prove hostile, it would be no trouble to subdue them." The Commander's smile curled cruelly.
"By the Gods Rob, what are you suggesting?" Keith asked, twining his hands together.
"Well, three travellers alone in the Border would be grateful of an escort, no?" Rob's eyes shone with greed. " Besides, the Governor would reward anyone handsomely should they provide a way for him to ease dealings with the Warlord."
"Rob, that may not be such a good idea. You’ve heard the same rumours as I." Keith knew it would be fruitless to argue with his commander, but he had to try.
"Elves have not been seen for over a hundred years-if they were ever more then wives tales." Rob's tone had changed, leaving no room for argument. "Tell the men to catch up with them." Keith sighed, then saluted his commander and left to relay his orders to the men.
The patrol drew even with the small group and hailed them. The woman pulled her horse up, then men following suite. After a brief conference, the old man advanced to where the patrol had stopped. He took off his helmet and tucked it under his arm.
"Greetings, how may we help you?" the old mans' voice was deep and rich. His face was unwrinkled but covered with a neatly trimmed grey beard streaked with pure white. His eye's were a shade of blue that put the cloudless sky to shame. The man was old, very old. He aura felt like those of the old books in the Governors library: full of wisdom and old as the hills they were standing on. Despite his age the man was agile enough, managing his horse with ease. He was fit and muscular; none of the men of the patrol doubted that he could use the slightly curved blade that hung from his hip.
"I think it is we that can help you," the patrol's commander replied. "Do you not know the terrors of this area?" the commander smiled slightly as he spoke, like one explaining to a child that one and one makes two.
"Well indeed, better then you I dare say," the man spat the words out, showing his obvious displeasure at Rob's tone.
"What do you mean by that, sir?" the commander answered, curtly this time.
"I have been through this valley, before you were a twinkle in your father's eye. I know the perils and they me."
Presently the younger man and the cloaked lady joined them. The old man bowed in his saddle to the lady, with out taking his eyes from Rob, and whispered something inaudible. The lady nodded.
"Pray, what are you doing here?" the lady asked, her voice, sweet yet harsh at the same time, issued from the shadowed depths of her hood.
Rob tried to look into the lady's eyes, but all he could see were pinpricks of light. He found couldn't look away, no matter how hard he tried.
"We are patrolling the area, miss. May I offer you an escort?" The younger man stirred at Rob's words.
""miss"? Do you not know who you are talking to? You address her as-" the lady stopped his out burst with a gentle hand on his elbow.
"It seems to me that we need to be introduced. This" the lady gestured to the old man " is Neiklot, my mentor and advisor to the Warlord, and this is Tobac, head of his Majesty's Own Guard," she finished with a gestured to the younger man. She paused, lifted a hand and pushed back her hood. Her green eyes flashed in the dying sunlight. She smiled, a guarded smile that failed to reach her green eyes.
"I am Mylarina, and I accept your offer of an escort."
| Date | Name | Comment | | | 5 Sep 2004 | Rachelle | Loading...Wow am I the first to comment? wee! * does jig* yay never been the first before  I like this one, I would like to read more for this one aswell, You seem to be a very talented writer. I wish I were as good as you oh well i'll keep trying  Goodjob! Delia 'Melarin' Seilly replies: "I have atually done loads of this story, I'm just revamping it before I put it up. I'm glad you like it though, I'll definately update soon!" | |
| 6 Sep 2004 | Kaushik 'Kazarelth' Narasimhan | Loading...By Varda and Yavanna 'tis a beautiful story Madame!!  Do u mind if i pointed out a couple of mistakes...? Well, actually it should be 'a' young man, not 'an' young man and it should be the old man's voice not mans'. Anyway, You ROCK This story shows your talent. I want to hear more. PLEASE PLEASE write more PLEASE...... Delia 'Melarin' Seilly replies: "As I said above I have written more, I am just revamping it before I put it up. I'll update as soon as I can." | |
| 6 Sep 2004 | Artemis Heart | Loading...I liked the way the story was told…the distant view used for the unknown party. It was such a superbly told snippet…the detail was excellent, particularly the description of the old man (Advisor Neiklot). The ending was sharp and the regal manner of Mylarina was very authentic. Keith’s reluctance and Taboc’s impulsive response to the way his mistress was addressed were also very realistic. There were a few technical errors, outlined below, but on the whole an enjoyable read.r>r> The patrol drew even with the small group and hailed them. The woman pulled her horse up, *then* men following *suite*...r>r> *He* aura felt like those of the old books in the *Governors* library: full of wisdom *and old* as the hills they were standing on. – I surround ‘and old’ with asterisks because I think there should be a comma or semicolon after wisdom. I’m not completely sure about this, but it sounds a little bit confusing.r>r> "I think it is *we* that can help you," the patrol's commander replied. – I’m not completely sure about this one, but it doesn’t sound right so I thought I’d include it.<br><br> …she finished with a *gestured* to the younger man. – When phrased this way it appears that she wants him to do something, i.e. dance a jig – very, very random example.<br><br> Suggestion: …she finished with a gesture in the younger man’s direction…r>r> I’m not sure if the HTML will work…but I live in hope…anyways…I really, really liked the story. Great job! Delia 'Melarin' Seilly replies: "Thanks for pointing out the errors, I'll make sure they get changed in the next draft. Thanks for the comment, I'm glad you like the story!" | |
| 7 Dec 2004 | Emmy Kuipers | Loading...Oh my, that lady surely intrigues  And the description of the old man was very eloquent indeed. The encounter could be the start of a great story; guess we'll just have to sit quiet and and wait until the author has it revamped, right? There were a few things that caught my eye; please do with them whatever you want: '..an young man..' - a '..odd in it's self..' - in itself '..as his Second, joined..' - perhaps you had wanted to insert his name, otherwise the comma is distracting '..my names not Keith.' - name's '..old mans' voice..' - man's (sorry about this accent thing, I've just been going over my own writing with it in mind 'His eye's..' - eyes Again, feel free to ignore all above remarks. Just get revamping  Delia 'Melarin' Seilly replies: "Thanks for the comment! I sure appreiate the help. By the way you may find my writings journal (where I post my writing as I write it for people to crit, comment on and just give general opinions) leave a comment there if you want to be added. I really do love to hear people thoughts on my work. " | |
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