SciFi & Fantasy Artwork by Lola Lillie Brinthal

tnx for the spelling error :d

I read your stories up on YouTube. Good stuff.
I have a few issues. One, is the usage of "alright" in chapter 1 and "all right" in chapter two. All right is the preferred usage but it has to be consistent.
Be aware of missing opening and closing quotes, i.e. "I don’t know, said Red Pup.
Always capitalize names, even though they’re wolves.
In chapter one near the end you used the word, Melancholy to describe what might have been a happier expression.
There seemed to be an overuse of the elipsis = . . . like Red Pup is pausing too much.
About 1:17 on Chapter Two, you have closing quotes as in: "Are you all right?"

I can’t find it, but also in Chapter Two near the end I think one of the wolves says something, "Go out, much?" This is an expression or cliche’ that has worn thin with critics over the last few years. British people hate it! Also, you never want to use slang or expressions when writing a story because the expression could be out-dated by the time you get this published. Other expressions can date and hold back a story. "Gee, Wally! That was swell! Jeepers, I wish I could do that!" <== 1950’s!

Now for the good. Actually I really liked the animation, that was cool.
The story was well-written and you started liking the characters almost immediately. The writing flows smoothly, and there were no, "huh?" moments. The sense of loss comes through in Chapter Two also, and I like the sort of ritual of mourning you introduced.

It’s interesting because wolves really do have a family outlook and they look out for each other and take turns caring for the young. It might be a good idea to study up on wolves just to get a better idea of what they’re like. This makes your story more believable, and it might trigger some ideas later on. I wrote a story concerning black holes and downloaded hundreds of pages on the subject so I could accurately write about what it was doing and how.

Keep writing, you have a good grasp of the basics. But even if you don’t want to write professionally, do continue to create!

Lola Lillie Brinthal replies: "I’ve been studying wolves since I was 6, and thanks soo much i think the first two chapters sucked. But the battle sence and the tiny explicite part in chapter three, thats coming out is wayyyy better! Hope you enjoy it "

One more thing. I thought the presentation of the second chapter was a little jarring; going from white on blue to black and white, and pulling out.

However, I liked the way you did the zoom out on the black and white text and it made reading the story a little more entertaining. BUt maybe do the entire chapter like that.
On the other hand, if you were experimenting or just wanted to see what would happen, then ignore my comment.

Lola Lillie Brinthal replies: "I didn’t have much expirience with this windows movie maker soo it kinda kicked my butt and ya I found that animation on a google site it was a free download jpg."

1) The first thing you need to do is upgrade your account to upload stories or art. I’m not sure how to do that since that is a feature installed after I joined.

2) Next, make sure your manuscript is saved as an HTML format. To do that, in Word, go to the FILE==> SAVE AS and then save as : (Example ) Wolfstory Chapter One. Save your files so they are easy to remember. I save what I want to upload on the desktop so I don’t have to hunt for it.

3) Next, log in and go to your Profile. Next, click on the Edit Your Profile button.

4) This will take you Elfwood’s Extranet. Look on the left side of your monitor and see the wood buttons. Click on the one that says, "Upload Here ==>"

5) At the top of the page you will see an agreement about Elfwood’s policies. Click on the "Read and Understood."

6) Next, at the left side of the page, you will see a list of options, click on the "Upload New Story."

7) A long window will come up with several fields to fill in. The first is small "Choose File" button. Do that.

8 ) Next, fill all the details. Title of story, what kind of story is it; fantasy, science-fiction, etc.

9) Fill in stuff like a short description of the story, or what made you write it, or what it meant to you, things like that.

10) Near the bottom of the page you will be asked about what copywrite you want. I would advise the last one where all copywrites belong to you and no one can use any of it without permission.

11) Next click on the Upload Button.

12) Finally, click on the Publish Changes button and this sends a ticket to the Moderators to be inspected.

13) Repeat these steps for second story or chapter. You need two stories or written pieces to get published.

I don’t know how long of a wait it will be. But plan on waiting a week. You will get an email from Elfwood that looks like: "Elfwood Moderation Ticket 45145236. And hopefuly the message will tell you, you’ve been published. The waiting is the hardest part.

Lola Lillie Brinthal replies: "Thank you soo much!!! Nice smiley by the way, I didn’t expect you to change it since your such a big star wars fan\ the show with the enterprize can’t remember the name"

I like them both. Star Wars, and Star trek. There’s also Star trek, the Next Generation, Voyager, and Deep Space Nine.
I change my smilies frequently. Guitars, I did an Enterprise once, ice cream sundaes and even cheese burgers.

I just posted 3 new stories if you’re interested!

Welcom to the Woods!