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Jessica D. McCollam

"Roses & Thorns" by Jessica D. McCollam

SciFi/Fantasy text 23 out of 23 by Jessica D. McCollam.      ←Previous - Next→
 
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This story seems to hate me, I couldn't get it to come out just right. I would love all suggestions even from those of you who hate it.
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←- Kidnapped | The Fallen -→

Rose



A faerie with red hair and eyes of dusk found her adventure in the small town of Utopia in late September. She is called Kira. She was taken in by the mayor and adopted as the town mascot. She wandered the streets of this small town for weeks, and never once did she see a person cry, frown, or scowl. Everyday where ever she went she could hear the soft humming of magick. Her thoughts were disturbed by the thornless roses and trees that still had leaves, even though it had been snowing for three weeks.

On the twenty-second day of her stay Kira went sledding with the children.

"Kira!" A blond boy yelled, "come push us."

"Coming." Kira's voice rant out like soft bells. She ran to the top of the hill and hopped onto the sled with three little boys. Kira fluttered her wings giving them speed and lifting them off the hill frequently. The little boys screamed as they flew down.

The sled hit a boulder and two giggling boys flipped to the powdery ground laughing so hard tears froze the ground to ice. The other boy slammed his head into the boulder and sat up with a smile. Even though the boulder has slashed his forehead, there was not blood or cut

Kira slid across the ground past a single rose and cut her hand. She slowly sat up and saw the small red circle. She crawled back to the rose and found two thorns still present. She could feel the innocence of an nature, and the humming of magick was gone.

"Kira, are you okay?" A young voice came from behind her.

"Yeah, but I'm going to stay out here for a while. Tell your father I'll be in later. Now go on home before you get cold."

"Okay."

Kira stared at the rose and knew one thing, the rose was the last hope in the beauty of illusions. It was the only thing that had kept it's true form. It had beauty and thorns of a rose. The faerie wrapped her blue wings around the rose. Kira knew the rose had to survive the winter or she'd fall under the spell too. Without her Utopia was doomed.

She kneeled there as the sun fell and only the stars watched her and the snow. The mayor skipped and fell beside her as the sky turned pink.

"Good morning, did you have a nice night. Of course you did, Fairies never did good indoors. I should have realized that sooner. Do you wish for some breakfast?"

"No." Kira didn't look up.

The mayor glanced down, "Oh what a beautiful flower," His hand slowly crept down to tear the rose out.

"NO!" Kira spun and hit the mayor with her wings. He went flying backwards and landed two hundred feet away with a laugh, "How fun.'

"Please just leave me alone for a while. I will come in when I want to. Until then I will be fine out here. I promise you." Kira's voice became a whisper.

"I have no doubt in your judgement. I will tell the children to leave you be for now. Good bye dear." The mayor skipped back to his house on the hill.

Kira resumed her vigil around the rose. Many nights and days came to pass. It soon became February. Kira's wings had frozen solid and the ice slowly drifted up her back. The children came everyday to ask her to play, but she just smiled and said, "Maybe tomorrow, maybe."

The sunset one night in late February. Kira looked up at the stars, remembering how as a child she had name every single one of them. There was Sun Blossom, Blue Orb, and Little White Dot. She began to cry and wish that she was back home, back in the warmth of her lands. A place where snow was just a fairy tale and her wings would never freeze.

She closed her eyes to these memories and felt herself slowly falling asleep. As sleep captured her mind, death captured her body. The ice had made its way up to her spine. Her body fell forward, crushing and killing the rose. The magick had free rein over the whole town then. Just two days before the temperatures began to warm up and sustain true life.

←- Kidnapped | The Fallen -→

DateNameComment 
22 Oct 1999:-) Karen Lynn Crumley
First of all...Dark print is always better. Secondly, the concept is pretty good...But, the story has no real "core" to it. Maybe if you came up with a background story for it...Or, better yet, let this be your background and write a story about what happens to the town afterward...
22 Oct 199945 Laura Price Rick Smith
Ah...I highlighted the story and could read it. A sad one but with the promise of spring.....maybe she did go home?
24 Oct 1999:-) Jason J. Romein
Cool! This is really eerie. I love stories that are eerie, though. I think it's really well written, and the plot is fairly good. Maybe you could make it longer, though. Maybe a bit about before the story. Oh, and one major thing; NO PINK LETTERS! It is very annoying. I think it's a great story!
3 Nov 199945 Ivo Niessen
Whoops, skipped the name field... The comment up there, it's mine...
3 Nov 199945 Anon.
I like the idea, except, it's almost as if there's no story line... I remember back in eighth grade English class, where we learned about the story line... How there was the introduction, then the rising of tension, then the climax, followed by a settling of things and then finally the conclusion... Except here, the rise to the climax and then the drop down could maybe be worked out a little better...
21 Jan 2000:-) Sara J. Grzovic
I happen to think the purple lettering was to help in the rose effect. is everyone else so poorly sighted that they can't stand to read a few paragraphs in color? I liked the story, though i think you should tell a little more about why she's here and hasn't gone home. like, was she lost? and the mayor seemed a little too giddy to me. You have the freedom to write in any color you like, though i'd refrain from really light colors, as they will blend with the background. I thought that the words being colored as a rose just brought the story closer to my imagination, like i could "see" the events better this way. Keep it up.
27 Feb 2000:-) Rowlands
The concept is wonderful! Even though you're unsatisfied with it, I thought it was one of the best stories. (I like atypical, sad stories.) My only advice is to perhaps make the moment she realizes the happiness of the town depends on the life of the rose a little clearer for the reader.
13 Sep 200045 Dragoness
Sorry, but the mayor sounds rather simple-minded. A full-grown adult SKIPPING? Maybe he should have a few more brains. And a wee bit more detail on the end, please?
30 Dec 200145 Jaimie Allesora
Very Good. Make the ending more clear
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'Roses & Thorns':
 • Created by: :-) Jessica D. McCollam
 • Copyright: ©Jessica D. McCollam. All rights reserved!

 • Keywords: Faeries, Rose
 • Categories: Faery, Fay, Faeries, Magic and Sorcery, Spells, etc.
 • Views: 386

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More by 'Jessica D. McCollam':
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First Hunt
Kidnapped
The Pack
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