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|[3 pages, 1527 words] A short story about love from the point of view of a vampire. It is more of an interior monologue with a little twist at the end.||
I looked at her beautiful face. She was so calm, at peace. She was an angel. Her wonderful, soft black hair, spread like an aura around the small face, so perfect, so sweet.
I held my breath as long as possible for the sweetest part was yet to come, her skin smelled so fresh and clean. She was the most beautiful creature I have ever seen.
I felt the need to bite her right then and there or at least rape her on the white, virgin sheets. I held back furious at myself. I visited her every night and every night I felt the same urge to kill, to desecrate, to destroy the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.
I slowly drifted towards her mirror. The pale empty reflection showed nothing, no surprise there. All these years I missed my image most. I wondered what kind of twisted monster I had become. I knew very well from my first nights out on the street that people were petrified just by my image. How hideous can it be? I let my imagination play and turn me into a thousand different corpses. Then I turn and gaze at my little princes and all the pain and all the suffering are gone.
I slide towards the bed. I want her! I need her! Her beauty can restore what little is left of my humanity.
I need to control. There are two sides to me, I know that by now. Unfortunately both want her equally bad, only the reasons are different. No amount of beauty or purity can give me back my life or my death. I know I am damned as well as I know I shouldn't have come again. Kill her or move on, my dark side yells. The past weeks I spent almost all night just smelling, inspecting, feeling her room, her skin, her dreams. Wasted time!
By now I know her even better than I know myself. All the more a reason to kill her and make her one of us! United forever in true love. Never ending beauty! The proposition sounds tempting to my hungry brain. Yet I know it's just an illusion.
I had millennia to think about love. After all it's love that keeps me alive, love for life, love for blood. Sure it's the perverted kind of love but after all is there another kind?
I observed and I analysed. Over the years one question kept bothering me: Is love something we feel for another human being or is love something we feel for our image projected in that human?
“You see”, I repeat to myself and in a low whisper to my little princess. Maybe those strange dreams will help her someday. You see, as a vampire I have no image of myself. The mirror stands witness to the curse and blessing of the nosferatu. Therefore I am the perfect one to analyse the truth. I was on both sides.. I have been human and I loved. Oh how I loved. I can still recall images, still frames of fun and laughter. More than a thousand years and I still miss her. That can only be love.
However, the question is did I love her plump body and her simple laughter? Or did I rather loved her eyes which always seemed to look at me so full of hope. Did I love her for who she was or did I love her because she trusted me and looked up to her lover? Did she love me because of who I was or because I reminded her of her father and her pain when she was turned down as his heir.
Who saw what in whom? I know I wasn't sleeping with the daughter of a butcher or a woman that gave birth to five children. I was sleeping with a woman that trusted my judgement, I was I love with her faith in somebody I would have liked to be.
Since then I had many lovers, both human and vampire and other races too. They either died, often by the hand of my darker side, or we parted on our own ways as soon as the first nights were over. I had all the fun a creature can imagine and more. But inevitable after a while it became boring and I had to hunt for new pleasures.
I have corrupted virgins and turned nuns against God. I created more vampires than any other living nosferatu and killed more too. Yet, it was never the same. No mater what I did I never felt the warmth of a human hug again.
This one is different! You can feel it, you are not going to get bored with this one. Besides if you are you can always start again, there must be some more pleasures you could explore with this beautiful body. I knew I was lying to myself, there was no more. The human body was built for death, that is what gives it sense. As a vampire there was nothing left in the end but boredom. I also knew it would give me intense pleasure to rip her neck open but only for a few fleeting seconds. Then it would be boredom again and I would hate myself for such a waste.
This is my second point. Love, it is not only based on your image mirrored in the other's eyes, it is also based on death. Silly humans: “love will conquer death!” Ha ha. Love existed because of death. In their silly, egocentric way each mortal is horrified he will die alone and forgotten. The only reason they searched for a mate and bond themselves to each other is so that somebody will remember and miss them.
How absurd! The most beautiful feeling is motivated by nothing than self-centred concern. I smiled bitterly as the last words still hung in the air.
A small movement from the bed caught my attention. Was I too loud? The girl raised her head and our eyes meet for the first time. I saw a painting of her on one of the walls but it was nothing compared to the beauty of those huge green eyes. I stood mesmerized, lost in her gaze.
She slowly asked me if I believed in everything I just said. She must have thought me a dream or the room was so dark it hid my face. Yes, I believed.
“Will you please come here?” she asked getting out of bed. I felt a tiny ache in my heart as she raise in her light gown and the black hair fall down her neck, beautiful neck, so full of... Focus!
She approached me slowly.
“I figured since you haven't killed me the first night there was no point in alerting the guards. I could find out what you wanted on my own.” she said touching my cold cheek.
“So have you figured it out?” I asked curiously. She was so different from all the other girls I have ever seen, she was so... special... so...
Then she kissed me. Her warm lips pressed against my cold flesh, I felt her tongue as she carefully avoided my sharp teeth and I tasted her. For a second the dark side fell completely silent and there was nothing more. Then she drew back.
“I wondered who my midnight lover was. Always on time but always careful not to wake me up. Just as advice, never try to sneak past a woman.”
“You do realize what I am” I asked in disbelief.
“You are my lover” she answered boldly “and I want to be with you, forever.”
For a second I debated and my darker side screamed for blood, but it was not to be.
“No. You have ruined everything.”
The girl looked at me in mute puzzlement as I made my way towards the window. “But why? Wasn't that what you wanted? Did you not feel pleasure?”
I stopped for a brief second in the open window “Yes I did. Your kiss was the best one I had in decades. But you see I am not looking for pleasure, pleasure I can get easy. What I am looking for is the image in my mind. As long as you were asleep you were the innocent little virgin I could have, but I was resisting. As long as I did not kill you I felt contradiction, emotions, I was human again. You see, as I said, in love we are not looking for the perfect mate but for an illusion of ourselves. You, for the night lover to give purpose to your silly life. You do not want me, you want a fairy tale. Me, I search for my lost humanity. Now I cannot find it here any more.”
I jumped and felt the cold night air get caught in my leathery wings. Silly little girl, why did she have to wake up and break the spell? Why did she have to ruin everything? Silly little girl.
|Of devils and demons||
|The Last Battle||The Gipsy from Catalan|