"All for the hand of a Lady" by Averil ´Boar Warrior´ White

Very good! You are really good at rhyming! I like how you kept repeating the same line over and over again. very cool. I also like how it was sort of a twist at the end when the lady didn't like the knight. Good Poem!

Averil 'Boar Warrior' White replies: "Thanks!"

This is exquisite poetry--you've done a marvelous job. It reminds me of the Lady of Shallotte; one of my favourites.

Averil 'Boar Warrior' White replies: "Thanks! Yeah, I love Lady of Shallotte as well."

I like this one. You do a good job of using the meter and repetition to create a mood. I also like the way you portray the knight as both a despoiler and a tragic figure.

Averil 'Boar Warrior' White replies: "Thank you very much!"

It is? *frowns* It's still grammatically incorrect in modern English, but that's the style then. ^-^ *makes note of it* Haven't had (a lot of) mediaeval poetry yet.

Averil 'Boar Warrior' White replies: "Hehe! Yeah, I know. The problem with being a medieval re-enctor and a lover of medieval poems and texts....it kind of rubs off on my own writing. You'll probably be seeing a lot of medieval stuff from me."

Ooooooh.... I like this. Rhyming's a bit awkward in places (I'll get to those in a moment), but it flows really, really nicely. The repetition of the last line is extremely effective. Gives it a bit of a haunting, poetic, romantic feel. If that makes any sense.

The switch in the last two lines was a lovely, lovely touch. Really nice. Very lovely work! ^-^

And now I'll just leave you with a few things to mull over, since the poem does work like this.

And gave the dragon a fatal blow, <- Is repeating the same word 'rhyme'? I found it distracting. If 'fatal' rhymed with 'glancing' (or one of the two 'blow's was replaced) it'd be a less obtrusive stanza. You've got really lovely imagery here, and it's a real shame that at a few parts of the poem, you completely lost me.

On to the forests of Elithion,
Where he hunted down the Unicorn, <- If your rhyming scheme is end rhyme (which it is), again this is an obtrusive stanza, because unicorn has no end rhyme with the preceding lines. It's assonance. You have this in two more stanzas (the alone/home one isn't as obstrusive, though. If you can polish it -- wonderful. If not -- it didn't jolt me out of the poem, so it should be fine)

And took from it's head the golden horn, <- its, since you want the possessive. "It's" is solely for contractions.

Ridding beast in every country, <- You lost me on this. ^-^;'Ridding' seems to need a complement (since 'in' isn't one) and beast seems to be supposed to be plural. I'd doubt if this fits the overall style of the poem, to be honest. Overall you use the grammar extremely effectively to create a nice and archaic feeling narrative, but this is the only place where the sentence you write is grammatically unsound, even taking poetic freedom into account.

As said, those are just things you could mull over if you want, because it's a very lovely piece as it is. I'd like to stress that. You have a very clear, well-built rhyming scheme overall. You have a great story, and a lovely twist near the end. You set up your characters very nicely, and the repetition and metre effects are spot on. They're marvellous. ^-^ The repetition especially pulls the poem together wonderfully. ^-^ Not that it wouldn't work without that, mind, but it's just such a wonderful little touch that gives it a very distinct character.

Marvellous piece! ^-^

Averil 'Boar Warrior' White replies: "Thank you!Yes,I'm aware there are a few jarring rhymes in there - this was actually written stright off the top of my head - if I were to go over it again, I'd fix those few verses that annoyed me. Like the dragon one. Ah - the Elithion line...hehe...that was supposed to be EliTHORN! *thwaks head* See where typos get you? lol! But even then it would have had to have been 'orn' to rhyme in the first line... ah well. I'll hash that out one day.Its and It's...I ALWAYS get that wrong! Thanks for pointing it out! *hits head*Yeah, 'Ridding beast in every country' is more of an archaic way of phrasing it - in medieval poems (which is what I was trying to emulate here) you often hear of knights 'ridding beast throughout the land'.Thank you very much! I always appreciate constructive criticism!"

Yeah, this one does flow actually quite nicely and I don't get as much of the choppityness that cropped up in the other one. I also the rhymes to be a little easier, at least I didn't really have to stop anywhere to work it out so that is a good sign! I feel for that poor knight, though.. all that effort. I could write a really tragic story about the guy, and how he became a bitter, ruthless villain after being scorned. Kind of like Hitler and art school.

Anyhoo, nice work

Averil 'Boar Warrior' White replies: "Thank you very much!"

Oh, the poor knight! It’s terrible that he did all that for the lady and then was rejected. Very well written poem here.

awwww poor guy... he should realise if someone sets you conditions like slaying a dragon, its actually them rejecting you *shakes head* poor poor misleaded knight.
love the way you have the repition then turn it round at the end. ’tis effective.
noodle.