"Humpty Dumpty´s Tale" by Meg Rachor

            So, you should know by now that I was the fool who, in my ignorant weariness, sat on a wall. After all, you can’t sit on a high, narrow wall when you’re a mostly round object, now can you? Wrong. I did. I fell, too, but that is an entirely different story, and it wasn’t my fault- I can hear you laughing, you know, and it really isn’t polite. How can you doubt my words if you don’t know the truth of the matter?            I’ll tell you the truth, and if you want, you can laugh after you’ve heard it. Deal?

            It had been a long day, and I had spent it watching all the king’s horses and all the king’s men running in frantic circles to prepare for the grand festival that would be starting within days. Finally, exhausted, I spotted The Wall and clambered onto it, feeling glorious relief rushing through my shell. It had been a long, long day, after all. Or did I say that already?

            No matter. The instant I was on the wall, I was afforded a view very few people in the castle had, the other being poor Jack and Jill, who were fetching a pail of water on the hill outside the courtyard. However, because they got into an argument about who should carry the filled pail and ended up nursing numerous bruises after they tumbled down the hill, (thanks to Jill shoving Jack, who pulled her after him as he stumbled) they didn’t see what I ended up seeing. Only I ended up being in a high enough position to see what I saw- be patient, for heaven’s sake, I’m getting there as quickly as I can!

            I was minding my own business from my lofty height atop the wall when I noticed something very peculiar in the strangely empty courtyard below me- it was the princess, my king’s beloved daughter who was known throughout the land for her beauty and willingness to obey every rule she was given. On this particular day, however, she appeared to be disobeying every rule she’d ever been given! She was, to the most minimal extent of details (for I won’t delve that deeply into her personal life, no matter what she was doing) kissing one of her father’s knights!

            While in the process of looking away with as much speed as I could, I must have made some noise that notified her that I had observed the entire scene, for she turned and sent me such a venomous look when the knight was gone that I shudder to think of it even now. Then, she smiled so sweetly I almost thought I had imagined the glare, and walked out of the courtyard towards town.

            Having nothing better to do, and being relatively incapable of movement at that time, I sat exactly where I was, staring down at the stones below the wall with a mental amusement that I couldn’t get rid of. It was always funny when people developed personalities outside of the ones they were given, of course, as my princess had obviously done.

            Ah, rebellion.

            Needless to say, I was so lost in thought that I didn’t realize the beloved daughter of my king had come around on the other side of the courtyard wall with a ladder so she could ascend to my perch. I realized when I felt two small, determined hands firmly shoving me away from safety, however, that I was in serious trouble.

            I also realized it was a little too late, and splattered across the ground. I wasn’t exactly made sturdy, you know.

            After that, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men ran in frantic circles trying to put me, Humpty Dumpty, back together again, exactly as I had been before. They, of course, failed, and shoved me away into a closet, saying I had run off to avoid suspicion. They were failures, after all, and that didn’t look good when you wanted a record of impeccable service to keep your head firmly attached to your shoulders.

            So, I was locked in the closet for so many years that I completely lost count, and finally, finally, was let out by a plastic surgeon, who restructured me (and may I mention that I look extremely fine, now?) and let me loose on Las Vegas. A lot of debt later, I decided it was time for me to tell the true, and possibly get a large settlement from the descendants of that wicked princess…

            Why are you still laughing?